Work Text:
Spencer has always had some quirks, they've never tripped any triggers in his teammates though. They've never really noticed that he seems to shy away from anything that involves loud noises, bright lights, or certain textured things. They know that he's not a big fan of touching, but they've decided that that must just be the fact that he's a germaphobe. Spencer's okay with them not really understanding any of that. He's fine with them not knowing.
Spencer's autism has always been his biggest secret, he's been masking since before he was even diagnosed. That's his reality. He doesn't stim around the team, even when he's on the verge of burnout. Sometimes something slips through the gaps though. Things like ranting about random facts, or flapping his hands when he's excited. Most of the time however, this doesn't happen around too many people. The one time it did, he brushed it off by saying he hadn't been sleeping well lately.
Now that Spencer is in a relationship, it's a little more difficult to mask his autism all the time. Aaron loves to spend as much time together as possible, and this includes spending the night at each other's houses. Spencer manages though.
"Hey Spence! Wanna come over and watch a movie tonight? Might be good to relax after that case," Aaron suggests
Spencer nods, he knows he shouldn't, but he can't let Aaron down. The case was a tough one, it involved an unsub who was killing autistic kids. There was truly no rhyme or reason to the killing other than the fact that all the kids went to the same support group for people on the autism spectrum. This made it even more difficult for Spencer to mask. He was surrounded by a community who was used to people being open about their autism, hell they accepted autism as a normal thing not something that should be masked. It was kind of refreshing.
"Spencer? You alright?" Aaron asks
"Oh! Yeah, I'm alright," Spencer answers
Aaron nods and grabs Spencer's go bag. Spencer follows Aaron out the office door and to Aaron's car. Spencer gets into the passenger seat and sighs, resting his head against the cool window.
When they get to Aaron's house, Spencer drags his feet getting out of the car. He knows that Aaron is going to want to cuddle and hold Spencer, and while Spencer loves being close to Aaron he's not sure that he can handle the scruff on Aaron's chin rubbing against the top of his head. He'd try though, there was nothing to do but try. He walked through Aaron's front door and followed Aaron upstairs to the bedroom. Spencer takes his usual spot on the right side of the bed and waits for Aaron to start the movie.
Spencer tries not to think about how soft the blankets are, if he does that than he'll start to think about the fact that Aaron got these blankets just because Spencer said that they were the softest and best blankets in the store, and if he thinks about that he'll be overly happy and more likely to accidentally stim which will lead to way to many problems.
When Aaron sits down next to Spencer, the younger man is biting his nails and pulling on a strand of his hair. Aaron is used to this by now and pulls Spencer's hand into his own, adjusting to two of them so that Spencer is sitting almost in Aaron's lap. Spencer flinches when he feels the roughness of Aaron's stubble scratching against his hair.
"What's wrong Spencer?" Aaron asks
"What's wrong Spencer? Nothing. There is nothing wrong," Spencer responds
Aaron looks into Spencer's eyes and he can tell that there is something going on. He knew that Spencer was hiding something when he first started at the BAU. Spencer immediately went to talk to Strauss, and when he returned he seemed on edge and anxious. But as time went on, the team came to accept that Spencer was naturally anxious, he bounced his leg constantly and almost always had something in his hand. Aaron found this somewhat endearing but also very concerning. He had recently been doing a lot of research on symptoms of autism and sensory processing disorder. While he had never seen anything in Spencer's files about either he had a feeling that he may be undiagnosed. He was thinking of the best way to bring it up, and now seemed like a better time than ever. Aaron pauses the movie.
"Spencer. I've been thinking about some things lately and-" Spencer cuts him off
"Please don't break up with me. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to do that, so stupid," Spencer spews
"Wow now. I just wanted to ask if you'd ever been screened for autism or spoken to anyone about potentially having sensory processing disorder? I don't mean to pry obviously but you've shown some traits of both and I just want to make sure that you're alright," Aaron explains
"Oh. Well. That wasn't supposed to be in my files. Strauss said she took that out so that it wouldn't be information the rest of the team could access," Spencer says wide eyed
"What are you talking about? There isn't anything in your file, I just think that you should be screened," Aaron says shaking his head
"I already have been. I was screened when I was 12 and I've since been diagnosed with severe anxiety as well. The autism is kind of a buy one get way to many free kind of thing, so that means I get the sensory problems, anxiety, depression, so on and so forth as an add on," Spencer explains, "I could explain more but I'm assuming that you already know everything there is to know so I'm just going to stop now."
"Don't feel like you have to stop, every person has a different experience with being on the spectrum. But if you don't want to talk about it right now that is perfectly fine," Aaron states
"C-can I stim when I'm with you? I've always wanted to but I don't want to put you off or like scare you or anything. I mean I don't like freak out or anything I just flap my hands around and sometimes I repeat things. Other times I snap and other stuff. I pull my hair and bite my nails all the time. But like I feel really comfortable around you and I hate having to mask all the time around you because I'm always around you and I don't really have time to unmask anymore," Spencer says quickly
"Of course you can darling, I'm glad that you feel safe enough around me to want to unmask around me," Aaron says honestly
"Thank you," Spencer whispers
Things go on as normal, nothing really changes. Spencer did truly want to be able to unmask around Aaron but when you spend your whole life masking your true self it's hard to unmask that. Spencer does however tell Aaron when he's feeling overwhelmed or overstimulated, which is nice because then he has help removing himself from certain situations. The rest of the team still doesn't know, they may not know for a while, but just having one person who knows makes Spencer feel lighter.
Aaron is glad that he knows so much about autism and that Spencer is more than willing to explain things Aaron doesn't understand. Aaron loves being able to actually help Spencer, he loves being able to remind him that he doesn't have to be perfect.
Overall their relationship has strengthened since that night, and for that they are both grateful. They have a new level of trust for each other, and it shows in their everyday life.