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"They were right about you!" Seungmin yelled.
The atmosphere had gotten dark, faint breathing being the only sound that came from the two boys standing in front of each other. Minho, with a tight expression, wiped his swollen lip, taking a good look at the blood before wiping it on his jeans. "Come on Seungmin, tell me all that you want to say," the older boy said in a soft voice.
"I can't believe I let you, of all people, fool me," Seungmin said, walking towards the couch. The very couch he had shared with Minho all those months of being with each other. The very couch that had seen all the invisible tears, all the cuddles and love the two boys had once shared with each other. Seungmin sat down, running a hand through his hair. "I thought that because you seemed to know what you were doing, that because you knew exactly what to tell me when I needed it… that you were different. That you changed . But what am I to you now, Minho? Huh? Am I just another statistic to you? Am I just another addition to your tally board? Tell me! "
"Seungmin, you're not, okay?" the older boy said, following Seungmin to the couch. He stood in front of him. "You're not just a statistic. I never ever wanted to hurt you."
"Then why am I hurt, Minho?" Seungmin asked. "Why is there a gut-wrenching pain in my stomach that hurts so bad?"
"I don't know!" Minho exclaimed. He didn't mean for it to come out too loud, but it was too late. Seungmin was looking at him with those eyes, those same eyes that held so much love for Minho.
No, those weren't the same eyes. Seungmin's eyes always seemed full of cynicism. Minho knew that Seungmin was hard to convince, hard to get. It was already a miracle Seungmin had gotten himself tangled in this mess. But this time, Seungmin was looking at him with genuinely pained eyes. He saw how he fought the tears, trying so hard for them to not fall.
"It's been like this ever since we've been seeing each other," Seungmin noted, looking away from Minho. "People are always trying to get you from me—new people, your exes. They keep trying and trying hard to get you back, so why don't you just go back to them? Go back to Chan , for fuck's sake."
Minho remained silent hearing Chan's name. He was his long-term boyfriend of seven years. Ex - boyfriend now. But recently, Chan had been trying to get in contact with Minho again during this… thing Minho had with Seungmin.
And Seungmin hated that Minho had so many other people who wanted to be there for him, to be there with him. It pained Seungmin, and he knew this was the most painful thing he had ever felt. But he didn't want to admit that.
And Seungmin knew he had no right.
It was part of the agreement.
"You were the one who said whatever this is shouldn't be taken so seriously…" Minho said. "And you said that I shouldn't expect so much out of it because this wasn't anything serious… Do you even know how much it's been starting to hurt? What does that say about you now, Minnie?"
"Don't call me that."
"Seungmin," Minho corrected. "What if I told you that I've started to actually fall in love with you, huh? What if I told you that before all this mess, before Chan started reaching out again, I've been wanting to tell you so bad but you always avoided the conversation. What If I told you that I have always loved you for who you are?"
"You never loved me—"
"Yes, I did!" Minho yelled, running a hand through his hair. "What the hell is making you think I didn't? Is that what your amazing friends keep telling you? Is it because you're all aware I've had a couple relationships before? Really, Seungmin? You, of all people? You knew about the people I've dated before. They did too, but they don't know the full story! And if you're hurt, does that mean you like me? Does it mean you're finally admitting that I'm important to you?"
"Just leave," Seungmin said, getting up from the couch. He then tried making his way around Minho but the latter grabbed his arm.
"I'm not leaving until you tell me all that's in that head of yours," he said, loosening his grip on Seungmin. He didn't want to hurt him. He never wanted to hurt Seungmin. "You think I'm not confused as to what this is?"
"This is nothing, Minho," Seungmin said, looking straight into the older's eyes. He then looked at the swollen lip, a bruise starting to form. Seungmin didn't mean to punch Minho, but the evidence of his anger was already on the latter's face. "This is nothing but you and me having a little fun. And now, it isn't fun anymore so you can just go back to entertaining the people of your past. You can't seem to get rid of them, anyway."
"God, Seungmin," Minho said, finally letting go. "The people from my past? Is that what you're so worked up about? Do you think I'm not aware of how persistent they are? I keep telling them to back away because I'm in love with someone. That person is you, Seungmin! It's been you for a long time. And I thought that maybe, once I tell you about how I feel, you'd call the deal off and try a serious relationship with me! You kept showing me actions and letting me hear words that point towards you liking me! But what do I get? Unsolicited anger for the things I can't control?"
"Stop—"
"It's not my fault that they keep trying to reach out, Seungmin!"
"Minho—"
"And look at you getting so angry about all this when you told me from the start that this shouldn't get any more serious! I tried so hard to keep myself from telling you that I want to be with you because I was afraid that you didn't like me that way…"
There was silence in the apartment once again. Minho had gotten tired of speaking, the bruise on his lip wasn't helping either. He watched as Seungmin wiped his cheek; a tear had fallen.
You are so fucking stupid , Minho thought. If Seungmin didn't feel anything for Minho, then why was he crying? Why was he hurting? Why was he pushing Minho away?
You're a fucking hypocrite, he thought again.
Then, Minho let out a small laugh. "You know what, I was wrong. I wasn't afraid, Seung. I wasn't afraid that maybe you'd call it off because that's part of being friends with benefits, right? We weren't supposed to be catching feelings for each other. That's bullshit, right? But it happened to me. And I wasn't afraid of these emotions because… fuck. Because you're you. You know who was afraid, though? It was you, all along."
Seungmin looked up at him with his red, tear-stained eyes.
"I figured you out a while back. All this, 'let's not get this serious' bullshit was your way of protecting yourself from pain. How could you point fingers at me this way? Is there really no room for me in your heart, Minnie?"
Seungmin ignored the nickname once again, too weak to deny anything that Minho was saying.
"I know I have a handful of people who want to be there for me. I'm fucking aware of that, but did you ever think about why I'm here with you? Did you ever think about why I've been choosing you?"
"I need you to get out," Seungmin said.
"That's because I'm not afraid of loving people, Seungmin," Minho continued, ignoring the younger boy's statement. "That's because I give my heart out to people who deserve it. I'm not like you. I don't deny my feelings, pushing people away despite the amount of comfort and care and love they give me. I don't shut people out just because there's a possibility of them leaving. I don't do that. Only you fucking do. And you think just because I've loved people before and that I've had past relationships, that I'm always the one causing them pain?"
"I said get out, Minho!" Seungmin yelled, the tears flowing down his face like there was no tomorrow. "I'm not hearing this from you."
"You don't know how many people you've hurt by denying your feelings for them, Seungmin," Minho said. "And us, the people who have tried to love you, don't ever mean harm. That's why we want to love you, Seungmin. But you just keep denying all these feelings. You're not just hurting us, you're hurting yourself; drowning in your fucking thoughts, denying those feelings like it's going to kill you. Guess what, Seungmin, if you don't allow anyone to love you, you will end up hating everyone even more than yourself… And you are just too beautiful for that."
Minho turned around, making his way towards the apartment door, the very door that made him enter a deal that he knew was a risk. But Minho always had his heart on his sleeve, so unafraid of anything. Seungmin was worth the risk.
But it seemed like Seungmin was the opposite of Minho.
Opposites were supposed to attract but even Seungmin didn't understand why Minho was right. Seungmin didn't understand why it felt like being punched in the gut when he saw Minho open his door, slipping out, and saying "I've loved you, Seungmin. Believe it or not, I really did," before closing the door once again, leaving Seungmin with his thoughts.
Minho was right with everything he had said, and Seungmin sobbed on the floor for hours after that, hoping, wishing that Minho would come back and comfort him. Minho was the best at doing it.
But he knew better. When Minho was done with someone, he was done .
And maybe, after all, Seungmin was right about something.
He was now another statistic to Minho's list of people he had ever tried to love.