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Cold. Empty.
Kate opened her eyes up slowly as her arm reached for the other side of the bed where Anthony usually slept.
Nothing. He wasn’t there.
Keeping the blankets close to her body Kate got up, searching the room for her husband. He might have just gotten up to fetch some water from the pitcher they kept on a small table near the window. As her eyes got used to the dark, she saw the room was empty.
He wasn’t in their room. Then where was he?
Her dressing robe was thrown over a nearby chair and Kate reached for it, exchanging the heat of the blankets for the heat of the gown. She still wasn’t used to English winters. It was far too cold every day.
She needed her husband beside her for warmth. Comfort. She slept better with Anthony besides her. Not that she had slept badly before. But when Anthony was holding her, she felt comfortable, safe, loved. It didn’t matter that she was all alone in England. That her parents and her sister were still in Rome and would be for the foreseeable future. That she didn’t know if they would be in London in time for the baby’s birth.
As long as she had Anthony, she was content.
She knew he was having trouble sleeping. He tossed around at times and there had been days she had woken up and went to find him only to see him fast asleep in the small bed he kept in his dressing room. When asked he had said he hadn’t wanted to trouble her with his tossing and turning. Kate had told him it didn’t matter, she wanted him beside her.
But the stubborn man still got up some nights and left her alone. She hated that he was having problems, was suffering, and wasn’t confiding in her.
The first room Kate checked was the dressing room. Pulling back the curtain to let in the moonlight she saw that this room was also empty. So, he hadn’t just left to sleep here to let her rest undisturbed.
So where was he?
Bridgerton House had been her home for more than a couple of months, but it still felt foreign to her at times. They had arrived from Rome to complete chaos. Benedict on the verge of a complete breakdown, Lady Bridgerton shut away in her room, hardly eating despite both her children and the servants pressing her to do so.
She still couldn’t think of her mother-in-law by any name other than Lady Bridgerton. Never mind that she was also Lady Bridgerton now.
How weird that still sounded.
The news of Edmund’s death had taken a heavy toll on Anthony. They had received the letter on the eve of their leaving Rome to go on their honeymoon.
Edmund had never learned of Anthony’s marriage. The letters must have crossed in the post. And she knew that also weighed heavily in Anthony’s mind.
While he had been in Italy enjoying himself, his father had died. He hadn’t gotten the chance to say goodbye. Kate couldn’t even imagine the pain he must be in.
They had returned to London as soon as possible. And Kate had been thrust in the role of viscountess, a role she hadn’t expected to have to play so soon. They should have had years. They should have had so much more time as plain Mr and Mrs Bridgerton. To enjoy themselves.
To enjoy their youth.
It was not to be.
And they had been managing. Trudging along quite nicely. The girls trusted her now and came to her when they needed something. Violet could be persuaded to leave her room for meals and to spend time with the younger children. It took time to heal, but Kate believed they would be able to.
She just worried about Anthony.
He had tried to shut her off at first, it had brought around the first big fight of their marriage, but Kate had been adamant. Those vows had said for better or for worse and she wasn’t leaving him alone. Not when he needed her.
They had learned it all together. Kate had sat right beside him when he met with the solicitors, when he went over the ledgers. When he saw the debts his father had left, the mismanagement of some accounts. The protest of the solicitors, man incapable of seeing a woman as an intelligent, capable human being.
Anthony had quickly silenced them. And her presence at meetings had become the norm.
The study, the late viscount’s study, now Anthony’ study was the room where they spent most of those early days. It was still where Anthony spent most of his time while at home.
Kate knew in which room to look for him next.
The door to the study creaked slightly as Kate pushed it open and she could hear someone shuffling papers inside. Anthony was awake.
“Who is it? Kate?” His voice was slightly slurred, sleepy.
She pushed the door wide enough to enter and then shut it, softly.
“I woke up and you weren’t there.”
“Couldn’t sleep” He moved a pile of papers around. “Didn’t want to wake you. Decided to come here and make myself useful.”
“I told you to wake me when you were unable to sleep. I want to help you, Anthony. We are a team, remember?”
As she spoke, Kate walked around the desk, so she was standing next to Anthony, who reached out to her, his hands cupping the small bump of her belly, barely noticeable when she wore normal day gowns.
“I know that, but I wanted you to rest. You need rest. Because of the baby.”
“Wake me anyway next time. Promise?”
Anthony nodded, leaning forward, and placing his head against Kate’s belly. He had taken to doing that when he was stressed ever since she had told him about her pregnancy. Back in Aubrey Hall.
They had been in England for more than two months and had left London for the first time. After settling all of Edmund’s affairs, the solicitors had pressed Anthony on the need to journey to his country seat. Some affairs simply couldn’t be dealt with by post.
Kate had been awed by the beauty, elegance, and simplicity of Aubrey Hall. Even though it was big, it felt like her home.
It was her home now. The place where her children would grow up. Sooner rather than later if her suspicions were correct.
She had to tell Anthony. If she could find the time.
Anthony spent the first day at Aubrey Hall showing her around the state, introducing her to the household staff, the outdoors staff and taking her to some of his favourite places. He was happier than he had been since that letter had arrived.
It reminded her of their courtship. She wanted him to always be this happy, this carefree.
They had retired to the library at night, to go over some ledgers before bed. They had wanted to have a grasp on what they were dealing with, to know how much time they would have to spend in the country.
Neither Anthony nor Kate was comfortable leaving the children alone in London with Violet who was still emotionally unstable. Benedict and Colin had left for school, their nursery staff was capable enough, but the young Viscount and Viscountess still preferred to deal with problems themselves.
“This shouldn’t take more than a week,” Anthony said. “The steward is competent, the ledgers seem to be all in order. Maybe we will still have some time to go and visit the tenants. I want them to meet you.”
Kate nodded distracted. She had been thinking all day of when it would be the best time to tell Anthony and she had come to the realization that no time would ever be the perfect time, she might as well do it know.
“Anthony, love, I have something to tell you.”
“What’s wrong?”
Poor man. Usually everyone was always expecting him to solve some problem or another, his standard response was always asking if something was wrong.
“Nothing’s wrong. At least I think nothing is wrong. I actually think this is good news.”
Anthony looked up at her expectantly.
“I think and I am not certain, I don’t have anyone I could ask, I mean I could’ve asked your mother, but I still don’t feel very comfortable around her, so I thought maybe not… The things is I think I am with child.”
“What?”
“With child. Having a baby.” Kate looked at Anthony, who was looking surprised. And fear set in. Did he now want a baby? Was he unhappy about it? “Are you happy?”
“I am so so happy. I just wasn’t expecting it. How did this happen?”
“I trust I don’t have to tell you how it happened. You were there. And I am not certain. But I have missed my courses this last two months and Mary had told me that was one of the signs to expect.”
“We will have you checked by a midwife once we return to London. Or sooner if you wish.”
“London is fine. I feel fine. Great even.”
Anthony stood up from the chair and without waring picked Kate up and twirled her around the library.
“We’re having a baby!”
“We’re having a baby.”
And both laughed as they continued to twirl around. If someone would look inside the window of Aubrey Hall’s library, they would see the young master and mistress spinning around giggling like children.
“I like coming here because it makes me feel closer to him.”
Kate was pulled out of her reverie by Anthony’s voice.
“You mean your dad?”
“Yes. This was his office, I remember sitting here with him as a child, him explaining some of the things to me. Viscount lessons we used to call them. It made Mother laugh.”
There’s a pause there. Violet never laughed now.
“I think I can still feel him here. As if he is standing beside me. Helping around. I know it sounds foolish.”
“It doesn’t. Not at all.”
Anthony shrugged.
“This place reminds you of him. I am sure for your siblings there is some place in this house or back in Kent or some memory of your dad that they also cherish. It’s normal.”
“He won’t meet the baby.”
“No, he won’t. But the baby will know all about his grandfather.”
“Her grandfather. We are having a girl, Kate.”
“We are having a boy, a mother knows these things. And I was thinking we could name him Edmund. Only if you want to. I think it would be a nice idea.”
“It’s a perfect idea, Kate, thank you. But this one will be a girl.”
They never got back to their room that night. The footmen found them in the morning, asleep curled against each other in the small sofa that was kept in the corner of the study.