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Seungmin sat back, leaning his head against the wall with a soft thud. The air in his room was chilled, a product of the malfunctioning air conditioning spitting out air colder than Seungmin and Hyeongjun could control, and Seungmin was beginning to feel goosebumps forming on the surface of his skin as the cold washed over him. Hyeongjun, on the other hand, was dozing peacefully on the bed below him, wrapped up in his blanket like a caterpillar with not one thought about Seungmn’s well-being on the top bunk.
It had to have been past midnight, maybe one or two in the morning, when Seungmin woke up for the fifth time that night. He’d groaned and tried to fall back to sleep, but to no avail. It was like the world was too loud for him to even attempt to shut his eyes. So, instead he sat up and stared at the ceiling, taking in the small cracks that ran across the top of his bunk bed and the spots of thinned out white paint in the corner of the room.
His thoughts flew across his mind, picking up strings of melodies and strange memories of when he was a child, and his ears were hypersensitive. He could hear the grind of rubber wheels on asphalt as cars drove past their dorm, the subtle clicking of the air conditioner as it slowly worked itself to its electronic demise, and the soft exhale of Hyeongjun’s breath below him, all coming together to create a strange melodic sound in the night air.
Seungmin rubbed his eyes with his palms, digging in just enough to shock some awareness into him. He blinked as soon as he let his hands fall back down to his sides, clearing up his vision just enough to see through the darkness. The posters on the wall were shadows of what they would be in the daylight, and Seungmin could clearly see the outline of himself in the full-length mirror he and Hyeongjun had hauled from what was previously Gunil and Seungmin’s room when they first moved into their room together.
Seungmin looked at the bottom bunk of the bed through the mirror, watching the lump of Hyeongjun’s blanket slowly rise and fall with his breaths. He looked quite comfortable, now that Seungmin could actually see him. Hyeongjun only ever slept on the rightmost side of his bed, so there was always a side of his bed that was left empty, perfect for a tired Jooyeon or Jiseok to slip into the space.
Seungmin sighed, loud in the quiet night. Hyeongjun was always like that. He was accommodating to them, even when he was asleep. Just that afternoon he’d lent out his cords for his amp to Jiseok, saying that he didn’t need them just yet, just for Seungmin to find him in an individual practice room five minutes later trying to practice with a small handheld speaker he’d brought from the dorm.
Hyeongjun held a finger up to his lips in that moment, forcing Seungmin to not say anything as he shut the door behind him, effectively trapping them in the small space together. He kept quiet until Seungmin had sat down in the plastic chair next to him, leaning his head on Hyeongjun’s shoulder for fear of his hair catching on the soundproofing on the wall.
“Don’t tell Jiseok, okay?” Hyeongjun asked, shrugging his shoulders to make sure Seungmin was listening. He was, in fact, listening, but not t o Hyeongjun’s words. Instead, Seungmin carefully grabbed Hyeongjun’s wrist and held it steady, feeling the pulse of Hyeongjun’s heart as he continued to speak to him. “He needs practice with the big amp more than I do. I’ll let him use my cords just this once.”
“You said that last time too.” Seungmin muttered, his fingers still feeling Hyeongjun’s heart rate as it sped up ever so slightly. He listened to Hyeongjun’s breath stutter before it normalized again, as if he was trying to hide something. “And the time before that.”
“It’s fine.” Hyeongjun muttered back, carefully readjusting his guitar so the neck didn’t stab into Seungmin’s chest. He plucked at a few strings, creating arpeggios with the broken notes while Seungmin readjusted his head so his hair didn’t poke his eyes. “Jiseok can use them, I don’t need them.”
Seungmin lifted his head then, not wanting to hear the rattling of Hyeongjun’s lungs or the rapid pulse of his heart any longer than he had to. Hyeongjun was always like that around Jiseok. Anytime Seungmin got to lay down on Hyeongjun’s shoulder, Hyeongjun’s heart would speed up at the mention of Jiseok, or his cheeks would flush that pretty shade of red at the mere sight of Jiseok putting away his equipment.
Seungmin hit his head on the wall again, gently tapping the drywall until his head cleared of its thoughts. So what if Hyeongjun liked Jiseok? What did that mean to him? It shouldn’t mean anything–nothing! He shouldn’t feel anything about it, but why did he feel the flames of jealousy licking at the base of his chest, threatening to spread through his body like an enraged wildfire? Why did his fists clench when he saw Jiseok and Hyeongjun side by side, shredding their guitars until their strings snapped and their fingers turned rough and calloused?
It didn’t make sense. He didn’t make sense. Why would–
“Seungmin?” Hyeongjun’s tired voice sounded out from the bottom bunk, catching Seungmin off guard. He jerked his head up, looking away from the ceiling to come face to face with Hyeongjun’s tired eyes in the mirror. “What are you doing awake?”
Seungmin blinked once, twice before he got his mouth to function in the way he wanted. “I couldn’t sleep.”
“Oh.” Hyeongjun responded, running a hand through the bird’s nest atop his head. Seungmin smiled a little at that, watching Hyeongjun blink the sleep out of his eyes as he tried to sit up on his bunk. “Do you wanna talk about it?”
Seungmin drew his lips into a line, rethinking his options over in his head while Hyeongjun continued to wake himself up. There were two main choices: tell Hyeongjun and suffer the consequences, or not tell Hyeongjun and suffer the consequences. Either way Seungmin would be suffering the consequences of his actions, so he opted for silence, letting it waver and shake through the air as Hyeongjun slowly blinked up at him.
“No? That’s okay.” Hyeongjun whispered, obviously smiling at Seungmin judging by the way his words narrowed and closed with the movement of his mouth. Seungmin moved to lean over the edge of his bunk, carefully peering down at Hyeongjun like a bat would to a cave explorer.
“Do you wanna come down here, Seungmin?” Hyeongjun blinked up at him, squinting his eyes to try and make sense of the off blobs in the darkness. “There’s space for you if you’d like.”
“I don’t know.” Seungmin groaned, lifting his head back up and staring into the mirror once more. Hyeongjun was still wrapped up in his blanket, but now there was one edge left open to his left, perfect for someone to just slip in and lie down. “I don’t want to bother you more than I have already. You woke up because of me, didn’t you?”
“I’m not sure. I was sleeping pretty well for a while there.” Hyeongjun shrugged, the blanket slipping off of his shoulders ever so slightly to reveal a sliver of his collarbone through the neck hole of his shirt. Seungmin had to respectfully look away. “I wouldn’t mind a cuddle buddy though. I like hugs.”
Seungmin paused, completely frozen over with the information that left Hyeongjun’s mouth. He already knew that Hyeongjun liked hugs, but the offer to be cuddle buddies usually never extended out to Seungmin’s edge of Hyeongjun’s social bubble. It was usually reserved for Jooyeon, who didn’t really care about Hyeongjun’s bubble, and Jiseok, who also just threw himself at Hyeongjun and hoped to be caught by something.
But to be offered a spot next to Hyeongjun by Hyeongjun himself? It was too good of an opportunity to pass up in Seungmin’s humble opinion. Still, he sighed loud and long, as if it were the hardest task in the world to navigate to Hyeongjun’s side, resulting in a resounding muffled giggle on Hyeongjun’s end.
Seungmin proceeded to clumsily climb down the ladder with the encouragement of Hyeongjun’s laughter. He banged his toe on the rungs twice and definitely accidentally kneed the sidebar on his third step down, but eventually he was standing safe on the cold wooden floor right by the edge of Hyeongjun’s bed with Hyeongjun staring at him with sleep coated eyes.
Seungmin could feel his heart rate speed up at the sight. It had to be wrong for Seungmin to see Hyeongjun like this: eyes half closed, balancing his head precariously on the edge of his palm while lazily watching Seungmin fidget with his fingers. He knew that Hyeongjun often shared his bed with Jooyeon and Jiseok, but he hadn’t realized how much of a challenge it would be for him specifically to keep his hands, feet, and feelings to himself.
“Gonna come in? It’s warm.” Hyeongjun raised the edge of his blanket, inviting Seungmin in. Seungmin held his arm close to his chest as he climbed into the empty space next to Hyeongjun, doing his best to manage his heart rate so Hyeongjun wouldn’t be able to tell how worried he actually was.
Despite Hyeongjun never laying on the left side of his bed, Seungmin found it rather comfortable, or maybe that was because of his proximity to Hyeongjun. They laid down over Hyeongjun’s single pillow, Seungmin facing toward the bottom of his bunk while Hyeongjun turned to his side, facing away from Seungmin like he was before Seungmin woke him up. The sudden barrier between them made Seungmin feel a little awkward, but he would just have to power through it. Being close to Hyeongjun was enough. It was, he swore it was.
“Seungmin?” Hyeongjun called, voice muffled by the blanket bunching up near his face. Seungmin had to force his head to remain still as Hyeongjun rolled over on his other side, his face close enough to Seungmin’s own to feel his breath ghosting Seungmin’s cheek. “Do you want a hug?”
Seungmin took a deep breath. He didn’t need a hug, being by Hyeongjun’s side was enough. He didn’t need to cling onto his crush hopelessly in the night, where no one would see them. He really didn’t need to wrap himself up in Hyeongjun’s strawberry scented shampoo, or feel how Hyeongjun’s lithe frame felt in his arms.
“Seungmin?”
Seungmin took another deep breath. In and out, in and out; over and over again. He was perfectly calm. He was! There was nothing wrong with having Hyeongjun’s face so close to his own, and there was nothing wrong with the way he imagined Hyeongjun’s arms wrapped around his torso, holding him still and keeping him warm.
“I’m hugging you anyway.” Hyeongjun declared, wrapping his arms around Seungmin’s back as best as he could while Seungmin raised his arm in shock. Oh shit, Hyeongjun was actually hugging him.
He couldn’t help the rush of warmth that zapped through his body, or the rapid beating of his uncontrollable heart. It wasn’t something he could control in the first place, but he liked to think that he did a good job of it. Just like how he did a good job managing how he felt when Jiseok and Jooyeon took up all of Hyeongjun’s time under the pretense of being the only members who had strings on their instruments. It was completely under control.
Hyeongjun, however, took the opportunity to sneak his head under Seungmin’s arm, nestling into the crevice between Seungmin’s neck and shoulder. He wrapped himself around Seungmin, tangling their legs together beneath his blanket and wrapping his hands around Seungmin’s torso in a way that trapped Seungmin’s arm.
Oh god. Seungmin was going to scream. He actually was going to scream because his world was crumbling down around him, and it was all because of one boy clinging to his body like a koala. He kept his body still, but turned his head ever so slightly to meet Hyeongjun’s eyes. Unlike before, his eyes were wide open and twinkling with something beyond the usual playfulness Seungmin saw with the other members.
“Is this okay?” Hyeongjun asked, snuggling in even closer, so much so that Seungmin could feel the edges of Hyeongjun’s lips brushing against his neck as he spoke. The feeling was far too intimate, and it was driving Seungmin insane. His mind was beginning to wander into dangerous territory, and Hyeongjun was not helping. “Am I too close, Seungminie?”
Seungmin shook his head carefully, making sure to not accidentally brush his hair into Hyeongjun's eyes with his reckless actions. He felt Hyeongjun laugh quietly against his neck, and felt his knees go weak at the light trace of his lips on his skin. Was Hyeongjun doing it on purpose? Surely not. Surely he couldn’t be torturing Seungmin like this of his own accord.
A sudden press of soft lips on his neck shocks Seungmin into complete silence. What? Wait, wait, wait, what just happened. His mind takes a few seconds to blue screen and reboot, but once it does his eyes immediately fly to meet Hyeongjun’s own, fluttering back and forth between his eyes and his soft looking lips. Hyeongjun was looking at him with a hint of hesitance, and his cheeks were a raging shade of deep red, but he didn’t look like he regretted his former actions. Rather, he looked proud of himself?
“Sorry.” Hyeongjun apologized after a few tense moments of silence. He began to pull away from Seungmin’s body, moving his head and taking away the body heat that Seungmin was thriving in. “I should have asked first before I did that. If you didn’t like it–”
“Shut up.” Seungmin whispered as affectionately as he could, taking Hyeongjun’s chin in his hand and turning his face back around so they were facing each other. He stared into Hyeongjun’s eyes, taking in every emotion that he could in the few seconds he had.
Hyeongjun’s eyes were swallowing him, showcasing every bit of nervousness that Hyeongjun was sitting on just moments before. Seungmin let his eyes drift down to Hyeongjun’s lips, watching Hyeongjun swallow down his nervousness as Seungmin met his eyes again.
“Let’s do this right, bun.” Seungmin teased, running his thumb along Hyeongjun’s bottom lip. He smiled a little when he heard Hyeongjun’s breath hitch. “Can I?”
Hyeongjun nodded slowly, and Seungmin lost all sense. He crashed his lips against Hyeongjun’s and immediately felt Hyeongjun melt into him, his body melding to the side of Seungmin’s and their legs tangling up in each other beneath the cover of Hyeongjun’s blanket. His hand reached up in Hyeongjun’s hair, tilting his head to deepen what started off as playfully shallow. He could feel the rush of Hyeongjun’s heartbeat linking up with his own, and savored every little breath that Hyeongjun let out between Seungmin’s pushes and pulls.
Hyeongjun’s teeth scraped against the edge of Seungmin’s bottom lip as he pulled away for a short breath, chasing Seungmin for more whether he realized or not. Seungmin smiled down at the boy held in his arms, playfully tugging at the hair at the base of Hyeongjun’s neck just to muffle the quiet sound that came out of Hyeongjun’s mouth afterward. Kissing Hyeongjun was only something that came directly out of one of Seungmin’s more deranged dreams, and he didn’t mind it one bit.
Eventually, they did have to pull away from each other. Seungmin pulled away first, relishing in the small string of saliva that still connected his lips to Hyeongjun’s. Hyeongjun looked just as messy as Seungmin expected him to be, with his hair splayed all over the side of the pillow and his lips swollen to match Seungmin’s own. He was panting quietly, doing his best to catch his breath before he spoke again, pulling Seungmin out of his thoughts.
“I like that.” Hyeongjun muttered, returning his head to Seungmin’s shoulder.
“I like you.” Seungmin countered, deciding that it was time to let it out. There was simply no way he was going to be normal around Hyeongjun after that. It wasn’t possible.
“Hm. I see.” Hyeongjun responded dryly, lifting his hand and pretending to look at his nails and cuticles. Seungmin gasped dramatically at the obvious brush off, but didn’t get to say anything as Hyeongjun continued to talk. “I guess you have to date me then. Only if you want, of course.”
“Are you serious?” Seungmin asked, shooting up from his space on the bed and knocking Hyeongjun off of him just so he could grab him by the shoulders and look him straight in the eye. “You’re not joking are you?”
“Be my boyfriend?” Hyeongjun asked in response, grabbing Seungmin’s face and squishing his cheeks as he nodded his head rather violently.
Seungmin was practically over the moon, dropping down back to Hyeongjun’s side and pulling him into a bone crushing hug. Hyeongjun laughed breathlessly at the sudden attack, but let Seungmin do as he pleased for a little while longer, taking the sudden shaking and shameless giggling in stride as Seungmin snuggled into his side.
They ended up falling asleep like that, arm in arm with each other, just like how Seungmin had always envisioned them. One day he’d talk about Jooyeon and Jiseok, and he was sure that the day would come soon. For the moment, though, he was okay with this. Holding Hyeongjun close was all he needed.