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Aang wants to say he's surprised when he finds Zuko's room deserted the following morning but he really isn't. He takes a few deep breaths to center himself and then begins his search of the temple.
It's not so much that he's trying not to think of the worst case scenario, but that he's already midway through drafting the absolutely pathetic explanation he's going to have to give the others and he's stalling for time.
Bound to happen , he thinks to himself as he walks a razor's edge between numbness and agony, half heartedly glancing into vacant rooms and empty courtyards. At least it could've been worse, Zuko could've stuck around long enough to hear their war plans or lack thereof, he could've made of with their supplies, he could've at least waited til breakfast -
Aang is so busy berating himself that he almost completely misses sight of the firebender, who’s sitting cross legged in the sunlight illuminating the small courtyard he'd apparently taken refuge in.
Oh…
He hadn't-
Aang feels the ridiculous urge to take off running when golden eyes blink open to stare at him. Instead he remains frozen in the doorway, pleading with his body to respond to his wishes.
The airbender's heart stutters and threatens to stop altogether at the gentle smile Zuko gifts him, before the older boy tilts his head in invitation.
“Come here,” he says.
Aang takes a single lurching step forward before he's even aware of it.
Zuko smile grows wider, the corners of his eyes crinkling up. "Come, I wanna show you something.”
There’s a part of Aang that wants to hesitate, that rebels against the idea of being alone like this again, but the overwhelming rest of him remembers how good it feels to have his trust in Zuko rewarded.
He sits across from him.
“Should’ve done this a long time ago.” Zuko murmurs quietly, and Aang’s not entirely sure that he had meant to say that outloud. Before he can question anything though, the older boy is reaching forward, carefully gauging Aang’s reaction as he gently takes his wrists in hand and turns his palms upwards. The airbender lets him, warring with the dual urge to yank them back but also to grab hold of Zuko's and never let go.
The firebender closes his eyes and starts to take deep steady breaths and, after a moment, Aang begins to copy him, instinctively clearing his mind of distractions and centering himself, as he’s done so many times before.
He doesn’t know how long they sit there, feeling the air around them slowly warm up in response to the rising sun climbing its way further up the sky. He only opens his eyes again when he hears Zuko's breathing pick up and his own breath stutters as he realizes what they've done.
In the space between his hands, which are still being cradled in Zuko's, there lies a small flame. Aang wonders, for a moment, if it's just the firebender's doing but no… if he focuses on it he can make the flame flicker and jump higher, and he's sure that's not something Zuko could replicate.
When he glances up at the older boy he finds golden eyes shining with pride, before he gently clasps Aang's hands closed, extinguishing the flame.
"Congratulations," Zuko says fondly. “You’re now officially a firebender.”
Aang wants to tear his own heart out of his chest. This was torture. This was the price of some terrible crime he must’ve committed in a past life, something truly awful, because otherwise he has no idea what he's done to deserve Zuko looking at him like that, like Aang was something to be revered. He needs it to stop, immediately, before he possibly dies from it.
Zuko must notice because he gives his hands a delicate squeeze before letting them go.
Aang considers making his escape now. He could, all he'd have to do is half mumble something about breakfast and maybe jump over the railing instead of taking the hallway back, just so Zuko can't follow him. Instead he holds himself still.
He has to know.
"Why?"
Zuko hums out a questioning note as he puts his arms behind him so he can lean back on them. Aang marvels at the action, wondering if he's ever seen Zuko look this open and peaceful. He doesn't think so.
It almost makes him regret his next words.
"Why'd you- Ba Sing Se. Why?"
Zuko's face falls as he straightens up.
"I'm sorry." He whispers. Aang tries to tamp down his frustration, with only moderate success.
"Yeah, I heard you the first seven times." He snaps, but seeing Zuko flinch he takes another deep breath and tries again,
"That wasn't my question." He sounds hollow even to his own ears.
Zuko nods. He's fidgeting with his fingers now, and he seems to be avoiding Aang's gaze for a moment before he forces himself to meet it.
"There's nothing I can say to justify what I did and I won't try. You deserve better than that from me."
Aang pruses his lips and sincerely hopes that the firebender doesn't think he's getting away with that.
But Zuko only hesitates for another half second before he finally admits:
"I was scared. I thought… I thought maybe no matter what had happened or how much you had changed me, I would always be the banished prince, that there was no way to escape from that fate and you… you have responsibilities higher than yourself."
He sounds calm but the way he's twisting and pulling at his fingers tells a different story. Aang wants to reach out and stop him but he's worried he might never get another chance to hear this from Zuko.
"If I left then," He says, "if I had followed after you sooner or later the time would come when you would have to give me up for the greater good… and you would. And I wouldn’t even blame you, but there’d be nowhere left for me to turn."
Aang can barely get the words out around the knot in his throat. "You don't have anywhere to turn to right now." He forces himself to point out.
But Zuko’s face splits into a brilliant smile and he rocks forward, closer to the airbender, ducking his head down like they’re conspiring together. “I’ll let you in on a little secret,” He whispers, and Aang holds his breath.
“I don’t need it. I don’t need to be anywhere else but right here, with you.”
He beams up at Aang, and instead of pulling back he pushes further still, so there’s little more than a breath between them.
“I can’t,” Aang chokes out immediately, reeling back like he’s been struck. He’s not ready for this, not yet, not now, not like this.
The firebender pulls back immediately, shaking his head.
“That’s alright. I’m not here for that, I’m just here for you, whatever you need. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you Aang.”
“You…” Aang can barely believe his own ears, and before he knows it he’s thrown his arms around Zuko’s neck and he’s holding on for dear life.
Loves him, loves him, loves him,
Spirits why does he have to love him.
Oh, but Zuko’s arms are strong and steady and perfect around him, and he can’t, he knows he can’t but…
“When this is over-”
“I know.” Zuko says. He sounds so sure of it as he rubs comforting circles between Aang’s shoulder blades. “I know.”
It’ll have to be enough.
For now.