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Donnie thought he'd seen his brother at his worst.
He hadn't, he really really hadn't.
After their fight with the shredder, after losing their gram-gram, Donnie really thought his blue counterpart was at his lowest. He joked less, argued less and his insomnia was more present. But after a while, he seemed to be doing better.
But now...now... Oh Pizza Supreme in the sky.
Donnie underestimated how low his brother could go.
If the Kraang's plan was to destroy Leo's mental state from the inside out, Donnie would say they succeded with flying colors.
He was so...different. Besides the obvious in that his shell was still cracked, had bandages around his shell, plastron and arms and that he still had a small limp from his broken leg. He acted so different than normal. He seemed so...out of it. Like his body was there, but not his mind. He took the leader role far more seriously than before, spent long amounts of time on the training room, almost barely made any puns or dumb jokes, had panic attacks almost daily, and was much too quiet for Donnie's liking.
Sure, he'd always been annoyed by Leo's comments on him regarding his intelligence and quote unquote 'bad boy image', but at the same time, he liked them (although he would never let Leo know) it felt normal, like home, like the types of comments that only a sibling would make just because they could.
Nowadays, he almost never hears his dumb-dumb brother making stupid jokes and being so full of himself that his head hurts. He only ever hears the leader. And Donnie doesn't like that. Not one bit.
Leo hasn't even told them what happened in the technodrome, or in the prison dimension. He has been very adamant on wearing his 'I'm totally fine and you should stop worrying about me' mask.
The last thing Donnie thought he'd hear from his brother, his twin, was him pleading, begging Casey to close the portal to the prison dimension, where he would be trapped and never see his family again.
Thank whoever above that they got him out of there. But something changed that day. Something in Donnie broke when that portal closed and that ship exploded. Something in him was missing.
Even after. After they got to their pretty banged up home, after Raph had to carry Leo to the medbay as gently as he could because he had passed out on the way back, after they started treating Leo's many broken bones and injuries, after weeks of being woken up by screams coming from the medbay because Leo kept having awful nightmares and panic attacks, after the physical therapy for Leo's leg that he was still going through, after all the arguing of wether or not Leo should be allowed to train (with Leo winning that battle, as usual), after everything, that something was still missing. His brother was still missing.
Leo had reaffirmed them multiple times that he was here, and that he was alive and that they had nothing to worry about because he was okay.
But Donnie knew, he knew, that his brother needed help. He just didn't know how to give it.
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The lair had been quiet for a while, that's something that was becoming very common in the Hamato household.
Donnie had been working on chips for his brothers. They weren't anything too complex, just small chips to put in their shells to check their vitals, wether or not they were injured somewhere and oxygen levels just...just in case.
He had finished them already and was thinking of whether or not put them on his brothers yet.
He hadn't gone out of his lab in a while, and was running out of his coffee and energy drink supply he had stored for himself.
"Well, might as well get out for a bit to grab some more caffeine and put these on those dumb-dumbs"
With a slight huff, Donnie got up from his chair, put his favorite purple hoodie on, and exited his lab, chips in hand.
Tha lair was dark. Donnie hadn't checked the time, but he didn't have to in order to figure out it was probably late and (most of) his brothers were asleep.
He started by going to Mikey's room, the youngest of the family sound asleep, Switch by his side with Animal Crossing booted up.
Donnie got inside slowly and quietly, trying his best to not wake up Mikey. Then, he carefully put the chip on him, grabbed the Switch and plugged the charger, reajusted Mikey's blankets, and tip-toed his way out.
He went to Raph's room next, not surprised to find him asleep inside a giant pile of teddy bears. He looked so...peaceful, and Donnie found himself smiling at the sight of his older brother, no longer bearing the responsibility of being leader. He quietly put the chip on his shell and left.
Two down, one to go.
Going to Leo's room this late was a gamble that you couldn't win, he was either asleep (probably having nightmares and crying) or he was awake, unable to sleep, staring at the ceiling, and genuinely confused as to 'why the hell are you up it's literally three in the morning go to bed'
But when Donnie opened the blue curtain, he saw Leo in the floor of his room next to his bed, blue hoodie on, phone by his side, breathing uneven, headphones on and a picture in hand that he was staring at with dead eyes.
The sight was, somehow, the exact thing Donnie was expecting and also the last thing he could've imagined.
Donnie made a slight knock on the wall to get Leo's attention. The slider seemed startled, at first, then looked up into Donnie's eyes, his expression confused and exhausted. He put the picture down, turned whatever he was listening to (probably some Vocaloid) off and took his headphones, gently placing them next to him.
"Hey"
"Hey"
"What'cha doing here?"
"Just checking on you"
"Oh, m'fine"
"You sure?"
"Yeah, don't worry 'bout me"
And there it was.
Donnie got inside the train car and walked up to Leo's frame on the floor, examining his figure for a bit before sitting down.
"Yeah, you know you saying 'don't worry about me' is starting to become something we cannot trust, right?"
Leo made a slight chuckle at that, putting a small (and maybe fake) smile on his face, he looked and sounded exhausted.
"Yeah, figured. Why are you actually here though?"
Ah, shit.
"I just told you"
"No, no. That isn't really why and we both know it"
Donnie wanted to protest, but instead he opened his hand with the chip and let Leo stare at it, before Leo started pulling his hoodie off and turned back to his brother.
"Put it on, then"
Donnie was slightly confused and slightly reliefed that Leo wasn't upset about the fact that he was planning on putting something on him without permission (even if it was important, in Donnie's opinion), and put the chip on his shell.
"What does your fancy little chip do, anyway?"
Leo said, with a more real smile on his face.
"Nothing much, just tells me your vitals and if you're injured"
"And...?"
Fuck.
"And what? That's it"
"Mhm, yeah, sure it is"
"I'm serious, that's it"
"You're an awful liar, you know that Don-Tron?
Don-Tron? He hasn't called me that in a while...
"Sigh, fine, there's...something else it does..."
"I knew it, what is it?"
...
"...Donnie?"
"It...tells me your...oxygen levels"
"Oh..."
They both sat quietly for a while, Leo putting his hoodie back on and staring at the floor. When Leo finally broke the silence.
"...Just mine, orrr...?"
"The other's too"
"Oh, okay"
The silence came back. Donnie wanted desperately for his brother to say something else, or to say what was going on with him, but he didn't.
The silence stretched on before Donnie decided that if he wanted his brother to open up, he was gonna have to ask himself.
"Nardo?"
"Yeah?"
"How are you really doing?"
"Just fine"
"...Leo...please..."
Donnie never begged his brothers like this (especially not Leo, since he'd always make a dumb joke about it), but right now, he needed to make sure his twin was okay.
Leo didn't answer for a while, biting his lip, looking like he was trying to come up with a good enough lie, before quietly sighing.
"Just...tired...mostly sore, really...and my bad leg hurts"
Oh.
"Do you...need help?"
"No, thanks. I was gonna go to the kitchen for water but uhhh...y'know, my leg gave out"
"I can ask S.H.E.L.L.D.O.N to get water for you, if you want"
"...that'd be nice, yeah"
With a quick few button presses on his wrist tech, Donnie sent S.H.E.L.L.D.O.N to pick up water (and pain meds, just in case) from the kitchen, before turning his attention back to his blue counterpart.
"Anything else?"
"No, thanks Don"
They both stayed silent, waiting for Donnie's tech robot to come with Leo's water, before the slider quietly said.
"...I had a bad dream"
Yeah, that sounds about right.
"Figured"
"How?"
"Well, you move and kick a lot when your having nightmares, so that explains the leg and that you're sore. You wanted water, probably because you where talking in you sleep. And I know you like to listen to music to calm down after a nightmare or panic attack"
"...Damn, the twinpathy betrayed me"
"What"
"What"
Just then, S.H.E.L.L.D.O.N came in with Leo's water and pain meds, gave them to Donnie and left.
Donnie handed out the glass and meds to Leo, which he quickly took from him and drank, bringing him immediate relief.
"...Anyway, what was it about?"
Leo stiffened, placing the glass, previously full of water, down next to him and stared at his hands on his lap, his head starting to go into his shell a bit. He was shaking slightly, but just enough so Donnie could tell.
Donnie wasn't really a physical person, but he could be when he wanted to, and right know was definitely one of those times. He gently placed his hand over Leo's shoulder, his brother raising his head to look at him
"Leo, talk to me, what happened?"
"...I...can't"
"Leo-"
"I don't like to think about it"
Oh...damn
"I know...but...wouldn't it be better to get it off your chest? I mean, I'm no 'Dr. Feelings' but I think it would help"
Leo let out an amuzed huff, before his expression darkened and he turned his vision away from Donnie and back to his lap.
"...it was about you"
Wait, what?
"What?"
"Yeah...it was about you"
"...anything in particular?"
Leo started fidgeting with the straps on his hoodie.
"...well...umm...it was...it was when you got inside the Kraang ship's control room...I- I started- I didn't..."
Leo trailed off, tears already forming in his eyes. Donnie gave his shoulder a slight squeeze, a grounding technique that he found out worked well with Leo specifically.
Leo let out a breath he probably didn't even know he was holding, before continuing.
"I couldn't stop you...from going in and you-...you didn't come back...then I woke up"
Holy shit, what?
Donnie couldn't find how to respond to that, but it didn't really matter since Leo kept going down his spiral, tears streaming down his face.
"And- and I know- I know it wasn't real but...I- I don't...I don't know, I...it still scared me and I...God, I fucking hate that it did. You're here, you're all here, I know you are, so- so...why is it still so scary? Why is everything so scary?! Why- why am I so goddamn afraid of going to sleep, or teleporting with my odachis, thinking I'll go back there?! Why do I still feel like this?!! Why do I still fucking think I don't deserve you guys, or to be happy, or to live?!!
Leo started wiping at his eyes, the motion ultimately useless as new tears formed, before he put his hand over his mouth, closed his eyes, and wispered: "I'm so fucking scared, Don, I- I don't know what to do anymore"
Donnie has just been listening to his twin spiral in his own head, but at that last bit, he gently pulled Leo's hands away from his mouth, and held them. The motion making Leo open his eyes to look at his twin. Donnie just stared at their hands, the last time he'd held Leo's hands like this...
-2 months ago-
Leo had just woken up since he had passed out on the ride home. Donnie was working on Leo's plastrom when the slider opened his eyes, Donnie freaking out over seeing his twin conscious for the first time in 3 days. He immediately alerted the others, who came rushing into the medbay not 2 minutes later.
Many tears were shed and many apologies were given in those 2 hours Leo was awake. But after Leo and Splinter had shared a moment, Donnie couldn't keep himself from not talking to his twin other than alerting him of what was happening.
He grabbed Leo's hands and dramatically scolded him (with tears in his eyes) over how much he'd scared him. To which Leo chuckled slightly, gave Donnie's hands a slight squeeze, and apologized. Leo promising Donnie that after he could get out the medbay, he'd give his twin the best hug ever.
To this day, he still hasn't fulfilled that promise.
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"Leo"
Donnie said after a while, squeezing Leo's hands slightly, and continued before the slider could say anything.
"I don't... I could never truly know what you saw in your dream, or in the prison dimension. And, for the first time, I have no idea how to fix this. But, there's something that I do know. And let me make it very clear that this is a fact, we're gonna find a way to fix this. Together. Because we're twins. I don't care how long it takes, or how many times we feel like giving up, I'm not stopping until I make sure that you feel well enough to make stupid dumb jokes and have your ego through the roof again. I want you to be happy, because you do deserve to have us here, and to be happy"
Donnie made a slight pause, took a deep breath, and...
"Leonardo, you deserve to live"
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Leo didn't respond for a solid minute, staring at his twin, shell shocked.
He grabbed Donnie's hands even tighter, before he started full on sobbing.
Donnie pulled his twin into his chest, putting one of his arms around Leo's back, and the other hand on his neck. He let his head rest on top of Leo's shoulder.
Leo burried his head in Donnie's neck, grasping Donnie's hoodie tightly. He was shaking hard, letting out soft sobs and whines. He was grabbing Donnie with all his might, like if he even slightly let go, his twin would dissapear.
Donnie was rubbing at Leo's back, making slight circles, and he started slightly patting his neck, as a way to remind Leo that he was here.
After about 10 minutes, Leo started calming down. His sobs were soft and less frequent. After a while, he mumbled: "Thank you, Donnie...for everything"
"No problem, Nardo"
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They eventually pulled away from the hug (not entirely, they just shifted slightly and Leo was resting on Donnie, with Donnie having his head on top of Leo's)
They grabbed Leo's computer and started watching a movie, both because they couldn't go to sleep and also because they were too tired to try an keep up a conversation. Eventually, Donnie asked S.H.E.L.L.D.O.N to bring them more water (since Leo was dehydrated again), and they silently watched the film, holding hands the whole time.
They would be okay eventually, they would be.
Maybe Donnie did know how to give help, after all...