Work Text:
I’m thinking of you tonight, but that’s nothing new, is it? Most nights, when the chaos of the day has calmed and everyone’s asleep, is when you come to mind. That’s not to say I don’t think of you other times, because I do. In the break room at work when Cintel puts one sugar and a half spoonful of milk in his tea, my mind goes to you. When Albus writes from school and I’m reminded he was sorted into Slytherin, you are who I think of. When Eltanin first makes an appearance in the late evening sky, so do you.
But at night, alone and distraction free, that’s when I let down my safe guards. It’s when I don’t push back against the thoughts of you or the feelings that come with them. I let them wash over me as I imagine.
I imagine what life would have been like with you by my side. Where would we live? Would I still work in the ministry? Where would you work? Would our days begin the same as mine do with Ginny?
I imagine our kids, kids we had together. Certainly, I love the kids I have madly, but I wonder. Would they have green eyes or gray? Would you have given into the names Lily and James? Would I have even wanted those names? Maybe they’d have astronomical names.
I imagine our kids are grown and gone from the house. Would we travel? I think we would. It would be just the two of us again, free to enjoy each other and do anything we fancy. Where would we go? Would you prefer the beach or sightseeing? I’m certain you’re not a beach goer.
I imagine we’re old and our hair gray, the pace of our lives slowed. Would those years be the sweetest of all? I see you on the porch swing, eagerly awaiting the grandkids' arrival. You’d always act so overwhelmed with the house full of youth again, but I’d know it was secretly one of your favorite things ever. What would they call us? Grandfather? Grandad?
I imagine when our time came to leave this world, we’d leave together, unable to fathom being apart. What would it feel like to have lived our best lives, side by side? Would we still be together once we’ve moved on? If we’re meant to be, will we be together in the afterlife anyway?
Please know I’m not complaining about my life and how it is. Ginny is a good wife and my kids are incredible. My job’s enough. We’re happy, mostly. But what would it have been like to live a life more than just enough; a life with you? I can’t even begin to truly imagine.