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Stellarons.
World ending, catastrophe-causing balls of energy that brought about torment wherever they went. At first, Stelle didn’t know the extent of the damage. Not until they witnessed it themself, on Jarilo-VI. They witnessed how it took what was once a lush and beautiful world, and twisted it into a harsh, unrelenting wasteland. The horrors of how it could twist and manipulate people, using them as tools to further its destruction.
How horrifying the thought was.
Yet, one of these resided within Stelle. Sure, they have heard their body kept the Stellaron stable, but could flesh and bone truly hold back a force of such tremendous power? These were the thoughts that circled Stelle’s mind, time and time again. They were getting frequent, intrusive, stabbing through their chest with an icy cold chill. A chill fueled by pure dread, and a fear of what could become of them.
Well past the time to rest, they’ve been awake once again, staring at the reflection of the bathroom mirror. The person that stared back at them was a face familiar yet foreign. No memories to their own, they wondered if they’d rather not been given this fate. If they’d never been woken up, and if that ticking time bomb was never given the unwanted host it has. Would things be easier for them? For the Astral Express? For the future?
The Astral Express… Stelle began to believe they did not deserve the kindness and hospitality that was offered to them. They questioned why the Express would be willing to take in someone — something — like them. They harbored a Stellaron inside of their very own body. Inviting them aboard is like inviting in the Trojan horse while knowing full well the consequences.
Stelle’s pale fingers gripped the edges of the sink in front of them, their eyes unfocused, yet glued on the image of themself. What do they see themself as? A threat. If Stellarons can truly bring about such disaster, grief, catastrophe… Then Stelle must be no different. They don’t deserve the family they’ve gotten from the Express.
“They’re fools… they’re all fools…” Stelle muttered to nobody but herself.
If only they could erase themself from existence. Rid themself, as well as the Stellaron, and prevent the worst. They didn’t know where to target this feeling, this ache to escape their body. A part of their mind wished to run away from it all, while another part wished to punish themself for being a vessel of misfortune.
Their mind wasn’t sound, nor grounded. Static rang and fog clouded their brain, and their body seemed to move on its own. There was a pocket knife in their coat. Driven by adrenaline, they held it in their shaky hand, breathing heavily as their body hunched over the sink. Sweat dripped from their brow as they held the blade over their other arm.
They weren’t sure exactly why they were doing this. They knew this would not accomplish anything, and yet, here they were.
It wasn’t until several bloody marks were made that they regained their senses. They gasped, the realization of their action setting in, as beads of blood formed at the corners.
“S-Shit!”
They accidentally dropped the knife, making a noticeable clatter as it hit the floor. Their arm stung, bad. Stelle winced at the pain, taking a shaky breath. Their legs, shaky from the panic, gave out on them, as they fell to their knees beside the sink. Attempting to wrack their mind on what their next step was, their thoughts were interrupted. A jarring knock sounded from the door to the bathroom, as Stelle went pale.
“Are you alright in there? I heard something fall.”
Stelle’s mouth hung open, feeling like a deer in the headlights. They didn’t know what to do, not wanting to open the door, but not wanting to worry the one on the other side. From the deep voice, this person could only be Welt, who just happened to be passing by the hallway at the wrong time.
Stelle felt overwhelmed, and every thought in their mind wanted to hide away, becoming invisible, or disappear. They hoped that if they stayed quiet, Welt would become disinterested and leave.
Though… this did not happen, as Welt had far too sharp hearing for someone his age. He could hear Stelle’s ragged breathing from the other side of door.
“Stelle?… Are you okay? Can I come in?”
Welt was getting rather worried now. He knew it would be impolite to open the door against her will, but he couldn’t help but fear for the worst here. His first thought was that Stelle could be sick, which he would immediately jump to their aid if this were the case.
Stelle, on the other hand, opened their mouth to deny. This was quickly interrupted, as a sharp pain shot through the wounds on their arm, and they involuntarily let out a quiet cry of pain.
Welt’s eyes widened when he heard this, as it confirmed his suspicions that something was certainly wrong here. He gave a short warning before cracking the door open.
The sight that greeted him though, was not what Welt was expecting. Stelle, sitting against the wall hugging their knees to their chest, tears in their eyes and traces of blood over them. Stelle’s arm was angled to where Welt could not see the wounds himself yet, but nonetheless he carefully approached her.
He was slow in his movements, as if approaching a scared kitten. Kneeling down ever so carefully, a couple feet away from Stelle as to not crowd her. His voice was gentle, as gentle as he could make it as he spoke.
“Stelle… what happened?… Are you hurt?”
His eyes shone with concern, he’d never seen the trailblazer in such a state before. Welt’s mind worked hard to take in every detail and try to assess the situation. Though, it didn’t take long for him to spot the bloodied marks on Stelle’s arm, as well as the abandoned pocket knife across the floor from them.
“Oh dear… Stelle...”
Stelle was shaky, looking up from their knees with glossy eyes that shone with tears. They seemed… guilty, almost. Stelle simply murmured a bit, averting their gaze from Welt. They looked like a kicked puppy.
Welt’s eyes softened further, sighing gently. His gaze was not judging, nor criticizing. The only feelings that could be found in his expression was tender and pure concern for the other’s wellbeing. He spoke up again, voice just above a whisper.
“It’s okay.. I’m not upset at all. I just…” He sighed slightly, struggling to find the right words for the delicate situation. “…I’m here for you… okay? I don’t know what caused this- a-and you don’t have to tell me right now- but…”
It was rare for someone like him, but he almost felt a bit speechless. Though, he knew he had to do something, he couldn’t just leave them here like this. Not with those wounds, at the very least.
“Stelle, can I.. see your arm?”
Stelle hesitated, but nodded slowly. They held out their forearm for Welt to see, and Welt softly put his hand under it, holding it as lightly as a petal. It wasn’t a pretty sight for sure, and he felt his own heart ache at seeing the damage the young trailblazer was doing to themself.
“Do you mind if I patch these up?… I don’t want you to get an infection.”
Welt spoke tenderly, softly, making sure to choose his words in a way that would not startle or pressure the other. Stelle thought about it for a brief moment before nodding. Welt gave a gentle, sympathetic smile before opening the bathroom cabinet for a small first aid kit.
Every little touch was delicate as he cleaned and bandaged the wounds. The last thing Welt wanted was to cause any more pain to Stelle, or to frighten them in any way. As Welt worked, he reassured her with soft phrases such as “It’s okay…” and “I’m here… you’re okay…”. Welt made sure he carried himself with an aura of safety, security and comfort.
By the time he was done, Stelle had calmed down a considerable amount. All that was left was the exhaustion and leftover emotional toll of the whole ordeal, as well as the unanswered questions hanging in the air. Though… Welt would save those questions for another time. For now, he simply wanted to be there for Stelle, as someone she could lean on.
He sat down next to her against the wall, holding her hand in his. Welt brushed his thumb over her knuckles in a soothing motion, which seemed to be helping Stelle relax.
They sighed, closing their tired eyes. God were they exhausted… Welt noticed it too, as he carefully put an arm around Stelle’s back. She didn’t refuse, and Welt got the message, so he gently pulled her to his chest in a hug, resting his cheek against her head.
Stelle hugged back, burying their face in his soft scarf. They could explain everything later, but for now… they just wanted to stay like this. Safe and secure in Welt’s arms.