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I don’t know how or why, but, somehow, people made up a conception long ago saying that every time you dream of someone, it means that person thinks of you often.
Right now, it’s taking everything for me not to use it as my blind hope— a hope that there’s at least a small possibility that the person I admire thinks about me… too. It’s really difficult because of the fact that I have dreamt of this person two times, in a row. Both dreams offered a new perspective when it comes to her and a new thing for me to go crazy about.
And… well... I am about to go crazy, but I’m still stuck in constant denial.
In those dreams, she was all I could ever think about. She was closer than what a friend could offer; and for all I know, she was never a supporting character. Whenever those dreams come to an end, and I wake up… There comes a wistful wish in the back of my mind. I think about a scenario where we do become closer like the way we were in these dreams. That she ends up being someone I could trust and rely on, even in real life.
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[SERIOUS]
To start, in the first dream, she was a neighbouring dorm mate. In a certain university’s dorm for girls, her room was next to mine.
This dream didn’t start off exactly nice. Though completely unnecessary, the role that my dream offered to me was a victim of Peeping Toms, being constantly spied on with a hidden camera inside my private bedroom. After a long series of cinematic cuts, the perpetration seemed to happen repeatedly because, while I chose to just throw away the phone, another one will reappear. It played like I ignored it for the first few times until I’ve finally had enough and told someone.
The ‘me’ in my dream chose to tell her best friend about it, who was placed in another building. But during that day, she was chatting with me in the hallway right outside my room. It appears like I finally told her everything, and I saw myself crying in that moment.
The tears slowly came to a halt when the door of the neighboring room opened and a familiar figure approached the two of us. It can’t be…
She looked exactly like she did in real life— Tall. Neatly cut bangs and hair. Black-rimmed glasses adorning her face. A brazen composure, her hands resting in her pockets. The ‘me’ in that dream seemed to be unfazed; while me, seeing this scene in the third person’s perspective, I would lie if I said I didn’t feel my heart skip a beat at that moment she walked out of the door.
Looking concerned, she walked closer towards us, asking us about the situation. When I tried to recall what happened, I started to cry again, with the two of them soothing me before continuing the conversation. As soon as I calmed down, I told her all about my experience. As I finished talking, there was silence.
When I heard nothing, I looked up. All I saw was a frown from her. Her bangs were blocking her eyes, her expression hard to read. She then held her hair up from her forehead, revealing eyes clouding up like storms, burrowing straight into mine. Her eyebrows furrowed, her lips pursed in a straight line.
She looked dead serious. I was lost then and there.
My best friend was fidgeting with her hands, almost desperately trying to read our expressions. On the other hand, I was there, confused with whatever the reason why this person, whom I liked, seemed to be so affected, or rather disturbed, by my situation.
A few seconds passed, when she finally spoke. “Ano room code mo?”
“…Huh?” I stared at her with widened eyes. “Aanhin mo naman?”
Pointing her thumb towards my door, she explained: “Kailangan ko password ng kwarto mo. Para I’ll check inside every now and then. Baka kasi may nakakapasok sa kwarto mo, or nilalagay nila ‘yung camera through the window sa may kama.”
“Eh?” I was found dumbstruck. Ano sinasabi nito? I scanned her face, trying to determine if she was joking or not. My confusion even grew when I saw that she still looked absolutely serious. This isn’t like her, at all. She doesn’t even hang out with me in real life. We’re complete strangers. Kaya bakit…?
“The moment I see a new phone, itatapon ko.”
“Ah...” I blinked twice, visibly shaken by this turn of events. “Seryoso ka nga.”
A call came from downstairs, announcing breakfast. The dream ended on a whim. To me, it didn’t last more than a normal Physics class. The moment I woke up, I could feel myself smiling.
I constantly wondered why I still can’t seem to forget that look on her face.
It was unreal.
Absolutely unreal.
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In those dreams, she’s someone I can’t take my eyes off.
It’s easy to admit that she’s unconventionally attractive in each one, as she is in real life also. The only difference between dream world and reality, though, is the distance between the two of us. In my dreams, I have the freedom to lay my eyes upon her as much as I want, unlike in real life, where there is the risk of being caught exists.
In those dreams, I have the freedom to hold my gaze towards her, closely… to see all the minute details of her expressions, and be starstruck by how handsomely alluring she looks.
I would give anything to prolong being lost in all of that bewitchment.
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[AFTERNOON]
In the second—and last—dream, I was sitting next to her.
We were centimeters apart, our shoulders almost touching. We sat on a rustic picnic table, autumn leaves dancing as they embellished the little but countless trickles of sunlight. The breeze was cool. There were the faces of everyone I knew from my class. The setting appeared to be a picnic by the school grounds.
And I was on the same table with her. It was strange; the atmosphere was entirely different from the first dream. It felt warm... and almost magical.
“Gusto mo kuha kita ng pagkain do’n?”
At the same time a voice rang in my ears, my eyes were opened. I can move. The first thing I saw was a burnt-red leaf falling down in front of me. I wanted to touch it. My attention was called back when it was picked up and thrown on the side by the person next to me.
I turned my head, just to see her staring intently at me, obviously waiting for my answer.
Caught in a trance, I blurted: “No, okay lang! Kukuha ako ng sarili ko.” It was just seconds later that I regretted my decline towards a small act of kindness.
In a swift move, I stood up, upset with myself. Bakit ba ako tumanggi?! But knowing myself (a clumsy idiot), it was a poor move. As I was about to place my legs outside of the table, I got out of balance, swaying errantly. I expected to fall, already foreseeing my face flat on the ground.
To my surprise, I didn’t.
“Huy, ingat,” she scolded.
I didn’t fall. She had caught my arm at the right moment.
I instantly shot a glance at her, to see what her expression was. It only ended up with my heart racing to seeing the same eyes from my previous dream.
“Thanks,” I mumbled. I felt even more jagged when our eyes met. Lord, kunin niyo na’ko, please! “Tulungan na kita.” She moved her hands onto my two wrists, helping me balance.
Her touch was making me burn up. I lowered my head. Instead, I switched my gaze to both her hands and mine. As she grasped my wrists in a tight yet gentle grip, I blushed.
I shifted uncomfortably, in an effort to hide my blushing face. Stop it, she’ll think you’re weird! Feeling everyone’s eyes on me, my embarrassment grew, leading to my body starting to shiver. She must have felt my discomfort, with her releasing her grip on me almost immediately after I trembled.
Patayin niyo na lang ako. The same thoughts replayed in my mind over and over again the whole time I walked away from the table, got to the food cart, picked all the available food, bought a drink. The strange thing was, I could not help myself from smiling. The vendor must have thought I was crazy.
The entire time I was walking back, I felt eyes on me. To my relief, they turned out to be my best friend’s. When I approached her table, she made a face I always found annoying.
She snickered, “Ang saya niya, o.” I gave her a glare at this, causing her face to be more annoying than the first time. “Shut up, please,” I grumbled. She put a piece of fishball on my plate for an apology offering, and I gladly accepted.
A breeze flew by as I continued walking back. I shivered a little at the cold.
When I finally returned and saw her looking my way, it seemed like the atmosphere turned a tad warmer.
I placed the food on the table before sitting down. I saw that she kept glancing at me but I didn’t know why. As soon as I sat down, I felt a light tap on my chest. My body froze.
“Ang cute ng uniform mo, ah.”
Confusion filled my head. She was smiling, probably stopping herself from laughing at how puzzled I looked. Giving in, she held out a finger to point out what she was referring to. Turns out, the area she touched was the part of my blouse that was missing a button.
I flushed bright red.
She couldn’t contain her laughter anymore at this. She commented, giggling, “Parang kailangan pa ng isang botones d’yan.”
The sound of her laugh easily made my awkwardness fade away. Being caught up in her laughter, I decided to join her in her glee. I hit her on the arm playfully, lightheartedly cursing her.
I could get used to this.
Followed by numerous small talks, light teases, and boisterous laughter, the afternoon went quite smoothly after that.
The morning that came after the dream was cold. As soon as I got out of bed, I checked my wardrobe, looking for something.
“Pfft…”
“Kulang nga ng isang botones ‘tong isang uniform.”