Actions

Work Header

Rating:
Archive Warnings:
Category:
Fandoms:
Characters:
Additional Tags:
Language:
English
Series:
Part 2 of The Penguinstuck Multiverse
Stats:
Published:
2022-08-14
Completed:
2022-08-14
Words:
580
Chapters:
5/5
Comments:
5
Kudos:
8
Hits:
53

Ask Yarrdabaoth

Summary:

An eldritch puffle runs an advice column for puffle care in paradox space.

Chapter 1: Introduction

Chapter Text

Yarrdabaoth, a red puffle, stands extremely close to the front right side of the screen. He is in a black-carpeted default igloo location without an igloo. Behind him is a computer desk with the screen shut off. A Club Penguin style speech bubble behind him says: Why hello.

A new speech bubble says: Welcome to ASK YARRDABAOTH.

A new speech bubble says: Here is where I answer questions

A new speech bubble says: from puffle owners in paradox space

A new speech bubble says: about strange behaviors from their puffles.

A new speech bubble says: I will be speaking in translation. The speech bubble is coming from RS the penguin, who moves out from behind Yarrdabaoth and to the left towards the computer.

RS goes up to the computer with xis back turned towards us. His speech bubble says: with the help of my penguin assistant

RS's new speech bubble says: who I kidnapped from a doomed timeline.

RS switches angles to the right side of the computer. A new speech bubble above xim says: Now

RS rapidly types and bangs on the keyboard. He is drawn in the same crude sketch-like style as the famous Andrew Hussie recap typing gif from Homestuck.

Let's begin.

Chapter 2: QUESTION 1: MORE THAN I CAN CHEW

Chapter Text

Closeup of a worried shale imp from Homestuck.

Dear Yarrdabaoth,

My puffle is eating me out of house and home...

A blue puffle in John's wrecked house on the Land of Wind and Shade hops out of a hole in the wall and starts eating the corner and lower section of the neighboring wall.

...literally!

The imp cowers behind an oil-stained bed on the roof.

I've been hiding from it on the roof, but I know I can't hide forever.

The blue puffle approaches the imp.

What should I do when it inevitably finds me?

Closeup of the blue puffle staring directly forward.

What offering can I make to appease its terrible hunger?

Dear More Than I Can Chew,

When a puffle has entered into a state of Endless Hunger, the answer is quite simple, really.

The imp moves out from behind the bed, towards the right corner of the roof.

You must sacrifice yourself to the puffle.

The imp absconds by leaping off the roof, using an umbrella as a parachute.

The offering of an owner's living flesh is your puffle's only cure.

The puffle looks down and to the right, towards the direction where the imp jumped off.

The camera pans to the left to show a shale ogre standing mostly offscreen holding giant book.

The blue puffle looks up at the ogre.

The blue puffle winds up and lunges upward with its mouth open.

...another live substitute will do just fine.

Chapter 3: QUESTION 2: SHANKS FOR NOTHING

Chapter Text

Closeup of a troll from the mouth downwards, pressing his hand to his side. He is wearing a black shirt with a grey cancer symbol and sitting in front of a purple husktop while clutching a bleeding wound at his side.

DEAR YARRDABAOTH,

We zoom out to see the troll is Karkat Vantas, from the scene from Homestuck where he first meets Jack Noir in The Land of Pulse and Haze. However, instead of being a carapacian, this Jack Noir is a black puffle.

MY PUFFLE JUST STABBED ME.

Karkat's eyes turn completely white and his blood disappears.

AND NOW I'M DEAD.

A flickering red dream bubble in space. Inside is a memory of the Land of Pulse and Haze.

I'M WRITING THIS ALL AS A GHOST IN A DREAM BUBBLE. WHICH SOMEHOW HE'S FOUND HIS WAY INTO.

Puffle Jack Noir approaches the silhouette of Karkat with a knife telekinetically floating up in the air. Karkat's back is faced towards us, and he has his arm raised in an attempt to stop Jack from stabbing him.

HOW DO I PUFFLE-PROOF MY DREAM BUBBLE SO THIS ASSHOLE STOPS COMING BACK TO SKEWER MY ABDOMINAL SAUSAGES LIKE A DELUXE PACK OF OBLONG MEAT PRODUCTS AT A BACKLAWN BARBECUE?

Closeup of a bloody knife in the air pointing downwards.

Dear Shanks For Nothing,

Judging by the description of your injuries, I'm going to assume you've adopted a MOBSTER PUFFLE.

Future Alternia: a colorful, pastel desert wasteland covered with reddish pink rocks. A giant green and smaller pink moon are visible in the background.

In the wild, mobster puffles live in GANGS and are constantly engaged in wars with their RIVALS across time and space. The reason your mobster puffle refuses to stop attacking you is because he doesn't have that outlet for aggression.

Ghost Karkat walks west with an annoyed expression. Behind him, puffle Jack Noir follows.

Sure, you can puffle-proof your dream bubble by making a blood offering to a horrorterror or using password protection, but instead of those stopgap measures, I would recommend pursuing the long-term solution of finding your puffle some friends go on violent escapades with...

Karkat and puffle Jack Noir arrive at a different part of the desert, where a Dersite ship has landed. A completely black puffle that resembles Snowman stares back at them.

...or an enemy he can devote his attention to.

Karkat turns and walks away.

The choice is yours.

Puffle Snowman takes out a whip. Puffle Jack Noir takes out his knife.

Chapter 4: QUESTION 3: NOT IN KANSAS ANYMORE

Chapter Text

Closeup of Roxy in a scarf staring straight ahead with a serious expression.

dear yabbabrodoth

* yardraboath

* yarrbadoath

fuck

* DEAR YORRDABATHA

We zoom out to a medium shot of Roxy carrying her laser gun in the scene where she and GCat are in the lab. However, instead of being a cat, GCat in this scene is a completely white puffle with no eyes (henceforth known as GPuff).

k so here's my problem

Roxy stands crouched on the platform of a transmaterializer pointing her rifle at a bunch of black carapacians dressed in ragged, dark grey cloaks. One of the carapacians carries a giant grey crowbar. Roxy looks behind her and down at GPuff with a slight smile.

so a buncha carpacians got into my lab
and i asked god puffle 2 help me get away from them

GPuff sends out a flash of white light. A space in the shape of his silhouette contains part of the next destination: what appears to be a land covered in snow. Roxy looks down and to the right as GPuff's silhouette grows until it covers and changes the entire background. Pause. A red question mark rapidly flashes above Roxy's head before coming to a standstill. Roxy looks up, then slowly rises up from a crouch and turns to face left. Pause. She captchalogues her gun and continues looking upwards.

and he telreported me to this really weird place b4 disappearin himself

Aerial shot. Roxy stands in the middle of a 2006 version of Club Penguin's plaza. It has two buildings: a pet shop advertising puffles for sale and a pizza parlor. Between the two buildings are two round, snow-covered tables. In front of the pet shop window is a manhole, and to the left of the pet shop is a path leading westward. Roxy stands to the south and slightly east in the midst of a crowd of dummy blue (i.e. sapphire) 3D penguins, which she is the same height as.

the place he sent me to is like
this cartoony lookin snowy place with blue 3d penguins everywhere
and tbh it's pretty cute and all but
i was kinda in the middle of somethin pretty important back at home

The penguins simultaneously all turn to look at Roxy.

so uh

The penguins begin waddling towards Roxy like a swarm. When they get way too close to her, she pulls out her rifle and points it at them. The penguins stop, then immediately turn and flee through the west path, pet shop, manhole cover, and pizza parlor. In the end, four penguins remain: three sitting and hiding behind the tables, and one on the far west side looking at her.

mind givin me some advice on how to get outta here?
lol thx

The penguin looking at Roxy says: hey

Dear Not In Snakas Manyreo,

The penguin says: you're not actually gonna shoot us are you. Roxy says: lol no u guys were just getting too close

Try asking the locals for help.

The penguin says: oh

The penguin says: dang. A speech bubble with a surprised emoticon pops up over Roxy's head.

The penguin says: i was kinda looking forward to finding out. Roxy says: wtf

The penguin flashes black, then glows with a white light and dark blue aura. After the light and aura fade, we see that the penguin has transformed into Yuan from Penguinstuck in their Heir of Void god tier garb.

Knowing where you've landed...

Roxy says: huh?

...at least one of them should point you in the right direction.

Yuan says: don't worry

Yuan says: i'm a god so i wouldn't actually die. Roxy says: how's that suprosed to make me LESS WORREID

Yuan says: i'm sorry i'm bad at removing stress. Roxy says: ok but u kno what would actualy help me rn

Yuan says: what. Roxy says: if you could remvoe me from this place

Roxy says: remove

Yuan says: ok

Yuan waddles closer to Roxy. Roxy says: but not like

Yuan continues waddling closer. Roxy says: kill obvisouly

Yuan stops very close to the tip of Roxy's gun. Roxy says: obliviously

Yuan touches the tip of Roxy's gun. Roxy says: fuck. She starts glowing black. The black light grows until it covers the whole screen in darkness.

The darkness slowly lifts to reveal Roxy is standing in the void between two fenestrated planes where she meets Meenah for the first time (page 4640 in Homestuck).

Roxy stares forward with a confused expression as Meenah's silhouette grins menacingly behind her. There's a Club Penguin mail notification for one new message in the upper left corner. The mail icon glows with dark blue light.

A Club Penguin inbox screen with a dark blue aura pops up in the middle of the panel. The message is an embossed square dark purple card that looks exactly like Courtyard Droll's ''You're Welcome'' calling card from Homestuck. Instead of Courtyard Droll's face, the center of the calling card has god tier Yuan's face with a winking emoticon speech bubble over their head. In the background, Meenah creeps closer to Roxy.

Roxy looks unamused as Meenah chokes her with her trident. The panel slowly fades to black.

Chapter 5: QUESTION 4: SUFFERING FOR MY ART

Notes:

Font used on cream soda barrel edit is Orwurm Alternian by Jesseth. Shattered glass brush by Obsidian Dawn.

Chapter Text

Closeup of puffle Caliborn.

DEAR YARRDABAOTH.

I AM A PUFFLE. WRITING ON BEHALF OF MY OWNER. FOR ADVICE ON HOW TO CARE FOR MYSELF.

Full shot of puffle Caliborn in a tent igloo next to a box dimension portal in front of a potions table with cream soda barrels around it. One cream soda barrel is pouring pink cream soda into one of the potion bottles. Behind the potions table is a cauldron with glowing green liquid. Puffle Caliborn is facing left. The camera pans left to show him glaring at penguin Gamzee.

BECAUSE HE IS DOING A TERRIBLE JOB.

Long shot of penguin Gamzee's entire tent igloo, loosely modeled to resemble his respiteblock from Homestuck. The igloo is located on the beach at night. There are three puffle posters--green, blue, and yellow--along the left wall behind a computer desk. Next to the computer desk are bowling pins and cream soda barrels with Alternian labels on them. In the bottom left corner of the room is a reddish-pink monster lounge chair. To its right is a unicycle on a tightrope next to more scattered bowling pins. The right corner is filled with the furniture we saw in the previous page. Another cream soda barrel hangs above the potions table to its upper left.

YOU SEE. HE DOES NOT UNDERSTAND.

Penguin Gamzee opens up a puffle stat card with puffle Caliborn (called Calibuffle) on it, with an open sidebar with icons showing bubblegum, chocolate chip cookie, puffle Os, and a bathing pool. Calibuffle's stats (Energy, Health, and Rest) are all full. Below Calibuffle's stats are 4 circular buttons showing a red and white striped ball, three Zs, a chocolate chip cookie, and a red leash. Penguin Gamzee selects the ball icon, highlighting it dark blue and causing a yellow box to appear saying: Play With Pet

THE TOY I WANT TO USE. WHEN IT'S TIME FOR US TO PLAY.

Calibuffle hops to the right as a unicycle pops out to his left. He keeps his back turned to it as it falls over and pops away. Penguin Gamzee sends out a speech bubble with a sad emoticon. Calibuffle does a backflip and comes up with a red propeller cap on his head. He squeezes himself and pops the propeller cap off his head, sending it flying upwards into the sky until it vanishes. Penguin Gamzee sends out a speech bubble with an upset emoticon.

HE THINKS THAT JUST BECAUSE I'M A GREEN PUFFLE. I MUST BE A CLOWN AT HEART. WHO FINDS AMUSEMENT IN CHILDISH NONSENSE LIKE UNICYCLES AND PROPELLER CAPS.

Full shot of Calibuffle facing right.

BUT WHAT I HAVE.

Homosuck style closeup of Calibuffle. Bright green handwriting above Calibuffle's head says: CLOSE UP.

IS THE SOUL OF AN ARTIST.

From behind his back, Calibuffle takes out a wireless, black Wacom drawing tablet and pen with extremely rigid and jerky telekinetic motion.

WHAT I WISH TO PLAY WITH. IS THE BLANK CANVAS OF MY TABLET.

Calibuffle scribbles away on his tablet.

TO DRAW MASTERPIECES WITH MY COMPUTER PENCIL.

A shitty Caliborn-style drawing of a grey unicycle and red propeller cap. Black handwriting above says: HATE.

We zoom out a little to see that Calibuffle's shitty drawing is being framed in the viewing panel for the Penguin Art Gallery.

We zoom out even further to the Penguin Art Gallery in the Book Room, where Caliborn's art is being displayed. Several blue 3D penguins crowd around to look at his art. To the side, two penguins play mancala with a spectator, another penguin sits on the sofa reading a newspaper, and another browses the bookshelf.

FOR ALL THE CLUBBED PENGUINS TO SEE.

The scene becomes redrawn in Caliborn's art style, signifying that it is fake and all happening in his imagination.

AND YET HE FORBIDS ME.

A massive purple scribble, the color of Gamzee's skin, appears over the previous image.

FROM PURSUING THE JOYS OF CREATION.

The purple scribble grows larger.

BECAUSE HE'S A RACIST.

The purple scribble grows larger again. Bright green handwriting says: HELP.

HOW CAN I CONTINUE. TO NURTURE MY STUNTED POTENTIAL. UNDER SUCH DEPRAVED CONDITIONS.

Cut to black.

Dear Suffering,

A white, circular crack appears in the center of the image, like shattered glass.

Unfortunately, I'm afraid your owner isn't the main problem.

The cracks widen, forming the vague shape of an eye.

It's the racist society that made him possible. It's the depraved conditions of this world you must destroy.

The cracks widen again, spreading like a network across the entire screen.

Go beyond art to make history. Go beyond rage to unleash revolution. Find your comrades...

"THEY ARE ALREADY HERE" in flashing, Lord-English-style rainbow letters.

Series this work belongs to: