Chapter Text

Chapter 1

Something feels off, I´m not sure if I have this feeling at the bottom of my stomache because I decided against my better judgement to go to my class reunion or if it´s because I´m already too late. At this point I could actually stay home. I never looked forward to seeing my old classmates and I hate big crowds. So why did I decide to go again? Oh right, my therapist thought that it would be a good idea to further challenge my social anxiety and to see if I have really healed from all the wounds that the Ridge Heights Catholic Ladies College has left on me. I don´t even want to think about the possibility that I could revert to the pathetic, no pathetic is not the right word. To the little girl who had many insecurities and a lot of repressed trauma which resulted in her doing anything just to be accepted by her peers. I mean it did get better over the years, especially in the last two years of school.
I´m already too late, I can´t keep drifting off.
I take one last look in the mirror before I go outside to drive off. But before I can get into my car I spot dozens of pigeons in the air that seem to fly into my direction.
Great way to begin this evening, I can already feel the temperature rising in me and my heart beating faster. If I get an anxiety attack right now because of my stupid fear I will punch the first person I see.
My car makes a noise when I unlock it and I run as fast as I can in my heels. When I´m finally inside I start to calm down a little bit and am about to start my car.
There´s definitely something going on because normally pigeons don´t fly in a flock. It has to be a natural occurrence because I remember learning that animals have something similar to a sixth sense when it comes to those things.
I check my phone to make sure that there is nothing going on but it´s even more serious than I thought. On the weather app it says “SEVERE WHEATHER ALERT! EVACUATE TO HIGH GROUND” with a yellow triangle and a black exclamation mark besides it.
I´m going to arrive even later because I decide to go back into the appartment I rented to get all the stuff out that I still haven´t fully unpacked. There´s no telling if I will be back soon plus I didn´t pack too many things to begin with.
The school is on the highest ground so it´s now set that I´m going to the reunion, there´s no maybe I can take a detour and go anywhere else, this is now my only destination.
Eventhough everything is so chaotic right now I feel completely calm, maybe it´s the Kehlani playing or maybe it´s the fact that I´m not viewing this as a real threat, who knows. I can withstand natural disasters but pigeons? No, thank you.
The red and blue blazon of my old school finally appears and the nostalgia takes over. I didn´t even like Ridge Heights that much but it still has an effect on me. It wasn´t the worst school or anything but I like to belive that I didn´t thrive until after school.
Here goes nothing. My feet react faster than my brain and I step into the hall.

Most of my classmates have physically changed after school but I still recognize many faces. There are Teresa, Laura, Phoebe, Renee, Sandy, Genevieve and even Amelia. I don´t spot Megan, Tegan or Zoe anywhere but if the only things that changed are their looks than Tegan and Megan are probably by the fingering bench getting high. Zoe though, she´s probably not going to show up after what happened on The Match. Kind of sad I would have loved to see her again especially since even Sandy, Amelia and I showed up.
It´s like my eyes are betraying my brain when I notice that they are searching for someone. Nope, I´m not doing this today but when I spot her, I know that I´m doomed.
She´s even prettier now then back in school. Before she can catch me staring I go over to Laura.
I always liked her, most people didn´t notice her but she was nicer than most attendees at Ridge Heights. We catch up for a bit and she tells me about her job as an electrical engineer as a response I tell her a little bit about what is going on in my life. Before I can get into it I´m dragged away by Renee. I find myself in a circle with Renee, Sandy, Theresa and Amelia after I gave Laura an apologetic look.
“Oh my god, I love your dress, red is definitely your color. You look so pretty!” Renee exclaims
“You did clean up nice, it´s so different from your school self.” Sandy acknowledges while I give everyone a hug.
I hug Amelia tighter than the rest and her eyes after it tell me that she appreciates it.
“Weren´t you supposed to be back in Germany?” I make out from Teresa´s slurred words. Someone should probably stop her from drinking.
“Yes, but I came back to visit my mom and my brothers, so here I am.” I laugh nervously.
Sandy is about to show her dog´s Instagram or something when I excuse myself to get a drink. I couldn´t do this sober even if I tried to.
Few seconds later Teresa is behind me wanting to get another drink but thankfully Genevieve stops her.
“Ah...no. No! Hi, Emma. Glad that you could make it. I know that you RSVP´d but I still wasn´t sure if you would be able to come all the way from Germany.” She´s trying her best to keep Teresa from getting another drink and talking to me at the same time.
I take another shot before answering her “I wouldn´t miss this for anything.”
Amelia isn´t there anymore after I turn around and I´m pretty sure that I don´t want to go back to Renee and Sandy. Renee isn´t that bad but Sandy has turned into a bully apparently. The victim has become the agressor.
God must have heared my prayers because shorly after the duo splits up and I can follow Renee to Phoebe who has set aside her Laptop to be on her phone.
Renee opens up the conversation by saying “I can´t belive how well everyone´s doing, hey?”
“All of these rich girls were handed every social privilege on a silver platter, you know? While scholarship scabs like Emma and I had to go to great lenghts just to afford a ski trip, I for example had to sell my plasma.” Phoebe´s new sense of humor fits her but I´m pretty sure she has made a lot of new enemies tonight. Most rich white people don´t like being called out like that.
The look painted on Renee´s face is priceless. I don´t think that she would have got that Phoebe was joking about the Plasma if I didn´t chuckle at that part. Phoebe and I nod at each other and acknowledges the unspoken solidarity that has always been there.
One of the things I always liked about Renee is that she never threw micro-aggressions at me and even stood up for me when someone made a racist joke. Growing up black in the 90´s and early 2000´s was never easy but people like her and Phoebe, who was never ashamed of her cultural background, made it easier. That´s why it´s even funnier when she thinks that other people are accusing her of being classist or racist, because that just isn´t her.
I spaced out there for a second but I never realised that they didn´t know each other. I always thought that they did but Phoebe just pronounced Renee´s name wrong.
Apparently Renee is a doctor? Never thought that that would be her career path because she wasn´t that good in school but she´s good with people, so good for her. Plus if your parents have enough money they can pay their way into any school for you.
Teresa´s scream catches everyones attention. One look at the doorway explains to me why she screamed so loud.

Zoe actually came.
After Teresa hugs her I ask her if I can hug her and she says yes. Her hug feels a bit unsure and clumsy but I appreciate it so much. We´re at that stage f being drunk, huh?
Zoe was one of my closest friends in school and knowing that she was made fun of because of that stupid dove thing is just so unfair and cruel. Just like with Amelia I give her a tight hug and wouldn´t have let go if there wasn´t a big crowd forming around her.
Everyone wants to know about what happened on The Match although it´s pretty obvious that that´s the last thing she came here to talk about.
She does look disturbed and isn´t dressed up like everyone else. Not that there was an explicit dress code or anything but it´s a social thing I guess.
Oh, she didn´t know that this was supposed to be a reunion. I almost forgot about the evacuation thing. How can I be here partying when I don´t even know what is going on out there.
Also can everyone just let her speak.
“Guys, I think Zoe has something important to say.” I semi-scream but the people around me are too loud and breaking out in laughter.
Zoe finally explodes and tries to explain that the earth is cracking open and gushing everywhere.
I didn´t see that coming but I´m honestly more concerned about Zoe because people are looking at her like she´s crazy after they pushed her to her breaking point. Sandy even starts filming.
I was about to step in when I see that Amelia is already on her way, but she stops in her tracks when Saskia walks over to Zoe like a knight in shining armor and even puts Sandy in her place.
How is this fair? She didn´t only get hotter. No she´s not hot. I mean she is but that´s not the point. She didn´t only glow-up from the outside but also from the inside apparently. Can you even speak from a glow-up if she has always been pretty? It doesn´t matter. I´m not sure if she´s putting on an act or not and that scares the hell out of me.

Cunt score: 0
Reformed score: 1

As for now at least.
For the first time this evening she acknowledges my existence but even with all the alcohol in my system right now I´m not sober enough for this. I break off the eye-contact and go through the door through which I entered the hall.
At first I wanted to flee to the bathroom. No, I didn´t flee I simply exited a situation I didn´t feel comfortable in. So at first I wanted to go to the bathroom but Amelia followed Zoe into it and I have this feeling that they will need some time to talk about everything.
Fresh air hits my and I close my eyes for a second.
“Yo, Emma is that you?” a familiar voice finds a way to my ear.
“Tegan?” I walk over to the pavilion, where Tegan and Megan used to smoke weed at but to the end they took harder drugs there. My premonition was right. They still have the same habits.
“You want some?” Megan offers me to take a hit of her joint.
I normally don´t smoke and only have done it once before but after what Zoe just said this might be my last day on earth.
Speaking of the devil. The cutest devil in the form of Zoe appears.
She smiles at me and I smile back. Tegan and Megan tell some story about how the bench we´re sitting on is a memorial for Laura Cunningham.
Of course I know that she´s not dead but I don´t want to spoil their fun.
Tegan offers Zoe the joint too but she wants something stronger.
“Are you sure? It´s your decision but maybe today is not the day for this?” It´s clear that she´s trying to achieve a better emotional state but Zoe never did drugs before, except for weed of course. But who knows maybe she has changed. We haven´t really kept in touch the past few years.
She just nods says thanks and is on her way back. But then she suddenly turns around and asks if everything is good out here. When she gets an answer from the two she walks off again.
“Sorry guys, I really need to talk to Zoe but I´m sure that we wil catch up later.” I wave goodbye and they wave back.
As soon as I stand up the world is spinning. Whoa, I didn´t even feel the effects of the alcohol until now but this is not a good time, I need to focus on the mission.
“Zoe. Hey, can I talk to you for a second? The pigeons around my appartment were acting weird before I came here. I don´t know if they were flying around in circles, but animals are supposed to detect danger before humans, right? You said something about the earth cracking open and water being everywhere. I didn´t see that but I came here to the evacuation point, just like you.”
“I was probably just exaggerating and everything is going to be fine.” she puts her hands on my shoulders to reassure me but my gut feeling is telling me that it´s not going to be fine.
My mouth opens and I close it again because what are we supposed to do anyways? We went to the evacuation point and fulfilled our part by doing that.

In an blink of an eye we´re inside again and we´re standing infront of the group.
“Better?” Saskia asks Zoe, although I can´t shake the feeling that she´s glancing at me. No, stupid you´re right besides Zoe of course it would look like she´s looking at us both.
“Damn fucking yes, bitches!” How did the pills make Zoe this euphoric if she just took them? Lightweight? Lightweight.
Saskia grabs both our hands and leads us to the others to dance.
One fucking day and she has already managed to bring out the old me who almost burns up under her touch and wants to jump out of their own body because of how excited I get when I´m around her.
Amelia gives us a look when Saskia hugs us but I think it´s more directed towards Zoe. Saskia and Amelia had this weird competition going on back when we were in school; Who was Zoe´s bestie or something but if you asked me it was more about who Zoe loved more. I´m not sure if it was really about Zoe for Saskia or if it was about the power she would have over both of them though.
Soon the first people start puking. Not Teresa´s proudest moment. She´s hanging over the flower pot asking something along the lines of “How am I the first one puking if Emma has had more than me in a shorter amount of time?”
“That´s what living in Europe for a long time does to you.” I respond trying to contain my laughter.
The oly time I have puked was when I drank so much that I couldn´t taste the alcohol anymore all because of my daddy issues and stress lol.
Sandy isn´t even trying to be helpful while Genevieve is full on mom-mode trying to clean up after everyone.
At least Amelia and Zoe seem to have fun together.
My eyes search for Saskia again and why am I not surprised that she´s surrounded by a cult of women, just like in school. She always knew what type of power she had over people and loved it. One of the reasons I was so drawn to her in the first place. I never liked bullies but there was something about her, something that I couldn´t quite figure out and it intruiged me.
After all I did make figuring other people out my job, so of course I would be drawn to her. Not in a romantic way or anything but just like a detective is drawn to an enigma.
For some reason she excuses herself from the conversation. She´s walking over to me? Why would she walk over to me?!
“Are you going to stare at me all night?” she wants to know with a smile plastered on her face.
She has always had a pretty smile.
“Maybe.” I say back without really thinking about it.
A more genuine smile appears on her face “We haven´t even greeted each other properly because you always seem to vanish when you see me, but I won´t be mad about it because you just admitted that you like staring at me.”
She´s right and I do feel bad about it. During the hug I initiate I can´t keep my mouth shut and tease her back a little “Weren´t you supposed to be reformed or something? Seems pretty self-absorbed to me when someone assumes that people staring at them automatically means that they like it.”
She breaks away from the hug, looks into my eyes and hurls a question back at me “There´s nothing wrong with teasing an old friend, right?”
When were we ever friends? Aquaintances at best, but friends? Not so sure about that. She never outright bullied me or anything but people were saying things about me behind my back and I´m pretty sure that her friendgroup started it.
I didn´t even get the chance to answer because she leads me to the fotobooth where Sandy and Teresa are already putting on props. Zoe joins us shortly after. Left behind is a sad looking Amelia. I try to wave her over but she declines politely with a raised hand.
The fotobooth is the highlight of the evening. The pictures come out great, especially the one where Zoe and I pretend to kiss Saskia´s cheeks and she puts on a fake surprised face while Teresa and Sandy look at each other like they are in love.
“Do you hear that? That´s our song!” Zoe shouts out and jumps out of the fotobooth.
The speakers are blasting the beginning of That´s not my name by The Ting Tings. We promissed to always dance the dance that we made to this song when we hear it. A true curse to our generation. This song was evrywhere at the time it came out. At some point I couldn´t even listen to it anymore but it has been more then a decade now so I have recovered. I´m just happy that this was the song and not something else, imagine if it was dance monkey?
Not knowing how to dance as a black person was embarassing but at uni I learned that it was mostly my anxiety that held me back so I soon discovered that with the right amount of alcohol and white people everything was possible.
Even while dancing Saskia still holds her perfect posture and is mostly posing, if she isn´t a textbook perfectionist than I don´t know who is. Her not even being tipsy also adds to the point unless she´s driving, but I´m not even sure if we´re going to drive somewhere anytime soon.
Something else catches my attention, Zoe and Amelia are fighting. Oh my gosh, they really are like an old couple.
Amelia stomps off and after making sure that Zoe is taken care of I want to run after her but shortly after Amelia is already running back inside, getting on stage and stopping the music.
“We have a... a situation at the fingering bench.” she announces.

Okayyyyyy. When did this happen and why didn´t they go inside when they saw the water slowly rising. It surely must have taken more effort to climb on top of the pavilion and letting the water rise than going inside, right? At least it´s what makes most sense to me but Tegan and Megan are high as a kite right now so I can´t really expect rational thinking from them.
Nobody wants to say a word and I get it because what would be an approapriate response to everything we can see being covered in water as if God has sent a second fllood to punish us. If I wouldn´t have known better I would have probably thought that God said you created climate change so deal with it´s consequenzes.
Sandy is the first to break the silence “Oh my fucking God!”
After that everyone else freaks out and even the two on the pavilion realize that this is a serious situation.
Saskia is the first to help again and would have almost stepped into the water if Genevieve didn´t stop her. Or at least it seemed like that. I don´t think that she would have been stupid enough stepping into unexplored waters. You know what never mind maybe she and Zoe are that dumb.
Whatever that was in the water scared them enough to jump back on land.
“Ok, Tegan and Megan, listen to me. Hey, look at me for a second. We have to go back inside to find something that can help us get you two on our side but in the mean-” I´m interrupted.
“Please don´t just leave us here.” Megan cries out.
“We won´t, but in the meantime I want you two to look at each other and each touch four things and really feel what it feels like, say three things you have kept a secret from your families, make out two things you can smell and one thing you can taste. Can you do that for me?”
They both nod.
People look at me weirdly but it does help with my anxiety sometimes.
Back in the big hall it gets really loud and everyone is talking with no real idea of what to do. Saskia and Zoe stay quite and Genevieve tries to take the lead but it backfires when no one takes her serious. If Laura wouldn´t have had the balloon idea Tegan and Megan would have been stuck up there for ages.
Zoe has always been street smart but using net balls instead of balloons was genuise.
There´s still the issue with Megan not wanting to jump because of dugongs though.
“Did you know that humans are stronger than dugongs even if they don´t look like it? One slap on the nose and they will swim away.” Sometimes lying to a high person is the only way to keep them alive. Megan does manage to jump after I told her that but she doesn´t land on the net balls. Ok she´s now on top of them.
They are all so happy until Amira drops the bomb that Zoe knew what was going on. I mean duh she came in and warned everybody but people looked at her like she was crazy. It´s so weird to me that Amelia and everyone else are trying to say that she didn´t say anything, eventhough she did.
“Ok you need to cool off. Zoe did actually warn us but you guys wouldn´t take her seriously and she´s also right about the fact that we´re better off up here than down there. Also Sandy are we really going to take the word of a dude bro when it comes to women? Zoe is many things but she´s not an attention-craving fame whore. Let´s figure this out before we attack each other.” I tell everyone.
It could have ended there if Zoe didn´t start a whole nother thing and dragging the other women into it. You could have heared the clock ticking if there was one around, that´s how quite it got.
A mic-drop would have been fine by me but the disco ball had to drop right next to Zoe. All of a sudden everything begins to shake and the floor splits open.
I noticed the walls cracking during Zoe´s rant but I never would have thought that it would be this serious. People should be happy that I never became an architect.
Every human with self preservation skills runs out of the hall except for Amelia who still tries to save Zoe after she attacked her like that. I´m not even kidding I thought Zoe was going to fall into the ocean because of how close to the edge she was.
Although I´m impressed with Amelia´s arm strength, I mean come on now I would never be able to pull a whole human being back with just one arm, I couldn´t really spend much time thinking about it.
It´s about 4:00 a.m and everyone is on their phone trying to reach someone but we soon realize that we don´t have any phone signal and to make matters worse the power is out.
Most people are panicking, for a good reason. Sandy won´t stop crying so no one is able to sleep, except for Teresa who couldn´t take the stress anymore and went to sleep two hours ago. She´s smarter than the rest for sure because panicking won´t do us any good but sleep on the other hand would help us have a clear head tomorrow morning to discuss our plans.
Don´t get me wrong panicking in such a situation is completely normal but it just doesn´t affect me as much I guess and I don´t know if it should scare me or not.

Chapter Text

Chapter 2

We didn´t sleep all night.

After the panicking was over we didn´t really talk much to each other either, which was a good decision. The combination of stress, lack of sleep and hunger is never good.

To remove one of the factors out of the equation Amelia and I decide to make breackfast for everyone. Knowing that most people are hungover this is the best we can do. Plus cooking and baking has always helped me sooth my mind.

After all we need mind soothing techniques because how often can you say that you have seen a fricking seal in your old netball courts.

Megan was the first to see him and decided to named him seal the seal, after the british singer, which was such a Megan thing to do.

Luckily we find everything we need to make pancakes and as soon as the others smell the food they are on their way to the dining hall.

I offer Amelia to make the last pancake so that she can go sit with the others and eat but she refuses and says that she will be right there with us in a few. She´s acting a bit weird but after everything that has happened I understand that she wants a bit more time for herself in the kitchen.

When I arrive at the dining table I get a déja vu moment. It´s almost like back then just with a lot more crying coming from Sandy. She has been like this all night and it´s slightly getting on everyone´s nerves. I have to remind myself that everyone grieves on their own time when Genevieve tells Sandy what everyone was already thinking. Sandy is annoying as hell and no one can convince me otherwise but I´m trying to be empathetic here or else I might lose my mind.

Teresa arrives in the dining hall and is full on panicking because she was asleep when everyone else was screaming and crying. The change her arrival has brought is extremely noticeable. These emotions that resurface because of her aren´t wanted and they are dragging down the mood.

Zoe tries to calm her down by bringing her up to date about everything but receives backlash from the Zoe hatewagon. She doesn´t need to worry for long though, because that´s quickly overshadowed by another instance of Sandy showcasing how low her stress tolerance actually is. These petty acts would be okay if we were out there but in here everyone is already so tense, it might lead to a bigger issue. Her withholding a perfectly good pancake, that she doesn´t even want to eat, from Teresa, who is hungry and hasn´t eaten yet, is already pretty stupid but her licking it? It´s giving kindergarten.

It quickly escalates when Sandy calls Teresa her bestfriend and Teresa counters with the statement that Saskia was always her bestfriend, which of course makes everyone look at Saskia.

Somehow everything anyone talks about always leads back to her. Always has been that way and will continue to be so.

The bestfriend talk ends with the trinity, which consists of Zoe, Saskia and Amelia. There are clearly a lot of unresolved things going on between those three that need to be resolved. And don´t get me started on the whole Amelia ditching Zoe thing because it just doesn´t seem right to me. I wasn´t really involved in their friendship like that but from the outside it always seemed like Amelia would have never left Zoe´s side and on her last day at school you could see that there was a lot of pain behind her eyes, like she didn´t want to leave but had to.

Finally someone asks the most important question. Genevieve is right, what is our plan?

It´s obvious that she´s trying to take the lead but everyone is looking at Saskia for leadership when in my eyes she´s not even here with us. I constantly space out so I know that look.

Somehow she still manages to come up with an idea and her communism idea is by far better than Genevieve´s dictatorship.

The others agree and are quick to choose assignments for themselves. Phoebe is going to search for signal, Renee for first and second aid kits? Maybe I´m stupid, but I have never heared of second aid kits before. Amelia, Teresa, Saskia and I, as part of the old rowing team, are going to take a rowing boat out to see if there´s anything else out there.

Knowing how harsh Saskia used to be as our team captain, especially towards Amelia, we both are not particulary looking forward to it.

Zoe is trying to say what she´s going to do when everyone else just starts attacking her by saying stuff like “Find another bird to shit in your mouth.”, “Trip and fall into a sinkhole.” and “Or just fuck off and Die.” That last one being said by no other than Sandy.

“We have a lot to do right? Maybe we should stop with the death threats towards Zoe and make her usefull?” I propose.

“Yes, Zoe can wash up as penance. And I will do a stockpile of the food. But in the meantime, nobody eat anything or use any water. We don´t know how long we will be here for. An honor code. A sisterly agreement that no one eats until we all eat.” Genevieve suggests.

Everyone complies, not with a lot of enthusiasm, but they still comply.

As if Genevieve singing our school anthem is our cue to leave. we all stand up and give our plate to Zoe, some a lot more friendly than others.

“Mels, can I talk to you for a sec?” Zoe is eager for Amelia to say yes but Amelia is still hurt about what Zoe said during the night and hurls her own words back at her.

“Nah, I´m good. Sorry to disappoint you.”

Ouch that would have actually destroyed me if I was Zoe. All this build-up anger that was released all at once could have been released in a more healthy way, with the other person not being hurt, if they just communicated. At the same time I get it, it´s easier said than done.

Saskia gives Zoe a quick shoulder rub before she leaves. Maybe she has changed after all or maybe she likes Zoe more than I thought she did, who knows at this point.

“Hey, if you need help with the dishes or just want to talk, just say a word. It´s dumb how the others are treating you anyways.” I say.

“No, it´s okay but thank you.” she let´s out a sigh.

“Are you sure? I could let that other woman with the blonde hair row instead of me, sorry I kind of forgot her name to be honest.”

“It´s just a few dishes, I can handle it. Plus you were always in that boat with Mel, Saskia and Teresa so it would be easier to row the boat with you in it instead of her.” she cracks a smile.

I´m a bit hesitant to leave but she was right, although I haven´t rowed in years. I have been more focused on going to the gym, martial arts and archery in my free time so there wasn´t much time for rowing.

But on the water it all comes back naturally. With Saskia´s “Good, girls, good. Stay focused. Eyes forward.” it´s like we never left this place.

I think Amelia feels the same way because after another criticism she tells Saskia to go fuck herself and jumps off the boat. As she just starts swimming away from us I have to stop myself from laughing out loud.

It´s not funny that Amelia jumped out of the boat, because I completely understand how triggering this place can be, but Saskia´s reaction is so funny and knowing that Amelia probably always wanted to do this but never could bring herself to do this until now, makes this ten times funnier.

As Amelia is swimming away a silence settles in. Saskia has given up trying to call out Amelia´s name and she isn´t quiet sure what to do. It´s hardly noticeable, because she naturally has a resting bitch face, but everytime she feels insecure she puts on a stoic face.

“Keep going girls. Just a bit more exploring to do until we can row back.”

We row, row, row our boat but soon realize that there is nothing left but us.

During our pause on the sea? Ocean? What exactly are we on?

Teresa starts crying. I wouldn´t even have noticed because of how silent she was about it but Saskia is facing her and noticed.

“Sorry. Sorry.” she says it so quiet that you can barely hear it but she continues “I know it´s stupid, but I just can´t stop thinking about my next IVF appointment in two weeks.”

“Aw, I don´t think that´s stupid, T. I think it´s perfectly natural.” Saskia looks around a bit “I know it looks bad, but we don´t know what we don´t know. We just have to stay positive.”

“Yeah, but, Sas, we are so high up, and it is everywhere. What if everything is...” she starts crying again but this time I actually hear her and it´s heartbreaking.

Saskia doesn´t even hesitate to squeeze her arm and tells her “Yeah. Okay. Hey, hey, hey. It´s okay. Do you know what I learned from creating a startup?”

Teresa shakes her head not knowing where this story is going. I´m also a bit lost and can´t stop thinking of the fact that she sounds like a cashier who is talking to a little kid who has just lost their parent/-s at a store.

“How to fail.” she continues.

Now Teresa is even more distraught and I´m not sure what Saskia is trying to do but I trust her. She was always really emotionally intelligent. That´s how she managed to manipulate so many people into liking her, even when she was an asshole, and also the reason why every word from her hurt. It helped her to always find out someone´s insecurities and strenghts and that with ease.

“There was a period about three years ago, bank acounts were empty, investorss weren´t callling us back. So we sat down our staff and gave them an option. Either ride it out or go find another job. Teresa, no one left. Do you know why?” Teresa barely shrugs “Because it´s not a failure until someone says it´s over. In my experience, hope only dies when you decide to fail.”

Seeing Saskia like that is quiet impressive. That´s why I was always so fascinated by her and Teresa being a bit more hopefull again ties it all together for me.

“You´re gonna go home, Teresa.” she tells her with a softened voice.

“Isn´t that right?” she shouts at me.

Ok first of all rude and second of all I did deserve that cause I didn´t participate in the conversation at all, although I could have easily tried to comfort her.

“Yes, of course you´re going to make it home and if you need any help with your hormone shots I can help you with them. You could say that I have become quite the expert.”

Why did I say that last part? Maybe I should start using my ADHD medication again.

“How come? Did you also take them? Wait do you have kids? Sorry, I never asked.” Teresa inquires.

Now even Saskia has turned around to look at me.

“No, I don´t have any kids but my ex and I tried to have some. We didn´t work out in the end so I´m glad that we didn´t go through with it. But I can tell that you and Mitch are going to be great parents.” I don´t really look at them but I meant it when I said that Teresa and her husband are going to be great parents.

“Oh, I´m sorry that it didn´t work out.” she remarks.

“It´s ok, they were truly an amazing person and I sometimes regret not fighting harder for them but it´s better this way. That split-up gave us more time to work on ourselves and I´m proud of them and happy with how I turned out to be. Who knows maybe in near future with the right person by my side I will try again.” Not gonna lie I overshared a bit but it´s only because to this day I still regret my part in the break-up. She was great and we always wanted children together but I wouldn´t come out to my family so I don´t blame her for leaving me at all. Though the funny thing is that I did come out to them on the same day that she broke up with me on.

They both look at me. Saskia has something in her eyes that I can´t decipher but Teresa looks at me with pity and I don´t know which is worse.

“Sorry, I wasn´t trying to drag the mood. We can row back if you´re ready.”

They both nod and we row back.

It´s fascinating how Saskia looks good from every angle. I´m sitting right behind her trying to listen but can´t keep my eyes away from her swinging ponytail. I bet she could go bald and she would still look good. She definitely have the bonestructure for it. And her sunkissed skin is everything. Only Australians manage to look this good.

Don´t get me wrong Germany has good looking people but Australia is a bisexual dream for sure.

Not that I would ever even try to get with Saskia, because it´s not like that, but she is really pretty and also kind of my type. No, that´s a lie, she is full on my type, but she´s also very straight.

We enter the dining hall not sure how we´re supposed to present the bad news. They all go quiet when they see us.

Saskia sighs before she shakes her head. Everyone immediately knows what she means by that.

As soon as they realize that we are going to be stuck here for some time, hell breaks loose because Tegan and Megan didn´t manage to allocate the dorms, eventhough they had the whole day to do so. Amelia and Saskia are the only ones not hunting for a bed, so we´re left behind in the dining hall.

The first few years of my life I always had to share a room with either my mom or brother so I don´t really care if I have to sleep on a bunk bed or not. But I also think that Amelia and Saskia need some time to talk so I go to the yard to not intrude.

I´m not trying to eavesdrop but I can still hear them.

“Didn´t think I would see you again.” Saskia states.

True, because how did she manage to swim all the way back to Ridge Heights. I´ve been thinking this since yesterday. Amelia´s arm strength is insane.

“It´s been an eventfull day. I won´t bore you with the details, but in short... We´re already out of fresh food and water. There are dozens of us, and we might be here for months.” Amelia reports.

“Well it sounds like you´re all over it.” Saskia uses that voice she uses when she´s zoned out.

Amelia adds “But they are not afraid of me.”

She´s right the only way most of them work is through having an authority figure set some ground rules. We learned how to operate like this at R.H and it never really left us.

Saskia suddenly does something that I would have never thought she would do.

She apologizes.

“I know that I hurt you, Amelia. And... please know that I am sorry. But this authority that you all look to me with, it´s projected and... I never asked for any of it.”

I love how reflected she talks about this, she definitely went to therapy.

“Don´t overthink it. We need a bitch.” Amelia say with a deepened voice.

“I don´t do that shit anymore.”

I hear steps that suddenly stop.

“Thing is, Saskia, when you were captain, we never lost a race.”

The steps continue towards me and soon pass by me.

My hunger doesn´t really allow me to leave now so I join Saskia in the dining room. We´re too concentrated on eating to say anything to each other. Then again I just hate staring conversations and there isn´t much to talk about.

“Did you hear everything?” she asks me.

“Not on purpose but yes.”

Silence devours the room again.

“What do you think?”

“I´m happy that you have been doing some reflecting and realized that the whole authority thing is a projection. It´s also admirable that you don´t want to regress to the old you, even if other people beg you to.”

“But?”

“But Amelia has a point. Most of them have always needed an authority figure and you were one of those authorities once. I would even say the only authority they truly respected. The only way to have some order in this chaos is by having a tyranie. For the record I don´t support tyranies and to be honest monarchie sounds more like you. After all the only thing stopping you from becoming the princess that you´re meant to be is a tiara.” I joke.

“A princess, huh?”

“You can´t become a Queen unless married to a King, duh.”

“Sounds mysogonistic and homophobic if we´re being honest.”

“Also true. I take it back you´re a Queen already.”

“Why do I have to be te Queen, why won´t you be her?”

“I wasn´t even a princess to begin with, plus I lack the leadership skills that were bestowed upon you at birth.”

“They weren´t bestowed upon me. I worked hard for them and you could have them too if you tried. You might never know if you don´t. Also didn´t you just say today that you wished that you would have tried harder to fix the relationship with your ex-girlfriend?”

“Yeah that´s true too... Wait I never said anything about girlfriend.”

“I just assumed that it was a woman because you were being vague by using they/them pronouns, the expressions person and ex. Was I wrong?” She knew she wasn´t but tried to act clueless.

“I mean yeah you are right, but was it that obvious? Damn, I never could beat those allegations, huh?”

“There were rumours going around but speculating about people´s sexualities wasn´t that interesting to me.”

“Aren´t you going to ask if I had a crush on you?” That was somehow always the first question most straight woman that I have known for some time ask me when they find out about me not being straight. As much as I hate that question, I hate myself even more for bringing it up.

“No, I already have my answer.”

Is she serious right now? What does she mean by that? I would be lying if I said that I didn´t want to know but I´m also a coward and scared of the answer.

So we just continue eating in silence.

Saskia found a torch somewhere and we´re now walking back to the dorms.

The chaos exhibited is undescribable. It´s like we went back to our primitive state.

When walking by Sandy and Teresa´s dorm it´s like you can feel the bad mood. Sandy is being an energy vampire again and is talking down on Teresa who is trying to take her IVF hormone shots. As I assumed Mitch usually does her injections.

“Sandy! Why don´t we go look for your bag?” Saskia raises her voice slightly but then puts on a fake smile.

I look at her with knitted eyebrows but don´t say anything.

“Are you going to take me up on my offer?” I ask Teresa.

She hands me the syringe while Sandy leaves the room.

“It´s ok, you can do it every other time after this but I want to do it this once.” Saskia pleads.

Our hands touch a little bit longer than they have to when I give her the syringe and I pull my hand away as if I have just touched hot iron. Fortunately she doesn´t pay it any attention.

“Ready?” she asks before she pokes it into Teresa´s stomach.

The way her voice gets and how careful she is trying to be does something to me. Maybe the yellow light from the torch falling onto her bronze skin plays a part too.

This is not what I think it is, right?

“Hm-hm” fuck does it really take Teresa clearing her throat for me to stop looking at where Saskia was standing almost 30 seconds ago. That´s just embarassing.

“Sorry, I was somewhere else for a second.”

“Seemed like it. She has left the room, you know?”

She definitely knows.

“I will help you with the shot next time.”

“Don´t worry too much, it´s a given, after all you did it for your ex-gi...” she pauses “Sorry, I didn´t mean to-”

I interrupt her before she starts crying again “It´s alright, I thought I was slick with it but apparently you both knew.” I snicker.

“I´m sorry if this is offensive but it was quite obvious especially since you had that huge crush on Sas back then.”

“No, I didn´t.” I would have definitely remembered that.

“Ok, you didn´t but if you did have one, it wasn´t that noticeable. It was the way that everyone else kissed the floor she was walking on while you did everything to ignore her and got quiet everytime she was near and then started talking about really random stuff and became even more hyperactive than you usually were. I mean those would have been the signs if you did have a crush on her but you clearly didn´t.”

That sarcasm in the last sentence doesn´t sit right with me but I´m more concerned about it being surprisingly quiet now.

I poke my head out of the door to see what´s going on because either they are all dead or something shocking happened.

Saskia is strudding down the hallway like she owns the place. Next to her is Zoe holding a lamp like her little lackey and everywhere they go the women around them clear their path by parting like the red sea.

Oh.

The bitch is back.