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The first thought that crosses Dice’s mind in the morning, before he even opens his eyes, is that it’s quite warm for being the beginning of March. Then he remembers that he probably spent the night at Gentaro’s, and Gentaro cranks up the heating to the max more often than not, so it’s not a big deal.
But this is not Gentaro’s sofa. And certainly not his bathtub.
Nope, this time, and if it weren’t Dice this would be anything but surprising, he is lying in a rather comfortable bed.
Oh my god did I sleep in Gentaro’s bed-
No, that’s impossible. And in fact once he opens his eyes it is very much not Gentaro’s bedroom he is in. This is not any bedroom he has ever been in before.
Now, Dice is used to handling unexpected and unpredictable situations. It is not the first time he has ended up somewhere and not remembered actually getting there. He can wiggle out of this one just like every other time, cue metaphorical thumbs up.
The adrenaline spike has finally chased away his sleepiness, so he can finally move on to exhibit number two - or three, who knows, he’s not counting - : there is a person in bed with him.
Oh my god did I fall asleep with Gentaro-
No, back to exhibit one, or two, or whatever: this is not Gentaro's house, and not Gentaro’s bed.
Oh my g o d did Gentaro and I end up in a love hotel or something-
No. No, no, wait, let’s think about it. Or rather, just, look to the side. It actually takes a lot of mental strength to do so, because what if it’s Gentaro, but even worse, what if it isn’t.
It isn’t.
It’s decidedly worse: it’s Matenro’s own Izanami Hifumi, in a rather unsightly state of undress, and sparing a look at himself, Dice appears to be in a very similar situation.
How fucking much did I have to drink last night?!
Because damn it, the stuff Ramuda brought must have been real good if it made him end up in Shinjuku, naked in bed with one of their greatest rivals, who, if Dice’s eyes still work well enough, should be in a very committed relationship with his salaryman teammate.
Obviously, just as Dice is busy catastrophizing and imagining the five hundred and one ways he might get beaten to death by a distressed husband, Izanami Hifumi opens his eyes, blinking at him with a lovestruck expression he did not expect he would ever see in his lifetime.
“Good mor~ning~,” Hifumi leans up to plant a kiss on Dice’s cheek, and that might just be the weirdest thing he’s experienced so far. “Breakfast? Oh! Pancakes? Or more sleep, if you want. I’m always down for more sleep.”
“What,” is this domestic shit, Dice wants to ask, but he’s too busy clenching all his muscles in his best impression of an iceberg to be worrying about complex sentences.
“Whaaat?”
Oh lord, he should have known Izanami Hifumi would be loud even when he just wakes up.
The following couple of minutes are probably some of the strangest Dice has experienced, ever. Hifumi looks straight into his eyes, head tilted in confusion, and Dice can just stare back, unblinking, feeling like he’s breaking into a cold sweat. Until his eyes travel the slightest bit, he remembers that they’re naked, and his limbs start flailing dramatically until he’s sitting up, covers bunched up around his waist.
“Look, man, I don’t know how I got here but this is very weird and while breakfast does sound nice it is absolutely not going to happen and oh my god, why are we naked-“
Hifumi blinks at him again, an eyebrow raising in a more concerned expression.
“Do you have amnesia, Doppo-chin?” His tone is almost comically serious, and Dice would laugh at it, normally, but-
Wait.
Doppo-chin?
“I’m not Doppo.” Now it’s Dice’s turn to raise an eyebrow and question his counterpart’s sanity. “In what universe would I be Doppo? In what way am I even vaguely similar to Doppo?”
“Well,” Hifumi is staring at him like he’s grown a second head, “you certainly look like him. I would know.”
Dice keeps his eyes fixed on Hifumi’s perplexed expression for a few seconds, then decides to take a look at himself, because this situation is already fucking ridiculous, what’s a little more craziness on top of it. And shit, something’s definitely not right.
“No, what the fuck,” he blurts out, and somewhere in the back of his mind he realises he must look like an absolute moron to Hifumi, but it doesn’t quite register because these are not his hands. His skin looks different and feels different, and there’s the missing weight of the string of pearls in his hair falling on his shoulder and speaking of hair, where the fuck did his hair go?
“This isn’t my body.” He knows he sounds absurd, but damn it, it’s true. “What the fuck happened to me? This isn’t-“
“Doppo-chin,” Hifumi sounds genuinely worried now, and honestly Dice feels kind of bad, but he’s got a more pressing problem right now, thanks. “Can you slow down for a minute and try to explain what’s going through your head?”
“No! What the fuck, no, and I’m not Doppo!” Dice can only look pointedly in Hifumi’s eye, maybe trying to telepathically communicate that he’s not crazy, he doesn’t fucking know. “It’s Dice! Arisugawa Dice from Fling Posse! You know, blue hair, ripped jeans, not a yen in my pocket most of the time?”
It’s obvious that Hifumi’s trying not to laugh at him. Can’t blame the guy, Dice would laugh his ass off if this happened to anyone else. But it’s currently happening to him, so there’s absolutely nothing funny about it!
“I’m serious! Would salaryman guy Doppo talk like this? And oh my god this is so weird. This really isn’t my body.”
Hifumi’s teetering on the verge of exasperation now. Still can’t blame the guy.
“Doppo-chin, there’s nothing different about your body.”
“Yeah, there wouldn’t be, if I were Doppo!” Dice insists. “Not my hair,” he says as he pulls at a short strand until it sticks out from the top of his head, then squeezes his arms, “not my arms,” raises his hands, “not my hands,” sticks his legs out from under the covers, “not my legs,” and he has once again forgotten that he is completely naked, so something of Kannonzaka Doppo’s he really shouldn’t be acquainted with is currently in his line of sight.
“Well, fuck, congratulations,” he delivers, honestly quite impressed, before he raises his gaze and quickly gives his head a shake, “but still nothing of mine!”
“Okay,” Hifumi starts, rather carefully, “it’s probably good if I call Sensei about this, huh?”
Another round of expletives and firm denials of his identity as Doppo is about to leave Dice’s mouth, before he actually processes what he hears and reasons that yes, if anyone can get him out of this situation, it’s probably Jinguji Jakurai. He keeps his eyes away from Hifumi while he stands and quickly dresses himself, before he leaves Dice alone in the bedroom as he goes to probably retrieve his phone. Maybe it would be good if Dice wasn’t flashing someone else’s privates when he comes back - however he has no idea whose clothes are where, so he just resolves to sticking himself back under the covers.
“Good morning Sensei~ Doppo has officially lost it,” Hifumi says as he walks back into the room.
“I’M NOT DOPPO!”
“Exactly.”
Before Jakurai can reply, Dice scrambles over to grasp at the phone - his legs are tangled in the sheets because of his frantic need to cover himself, which ultimately forces him to hop across the room, dragging half the bedding with him and ending up unpleasantly exposed anyway. Holy fuck.
“Listen, Jinguji Jakurai-san,” he says as he tears the phone out of Hifumi’s hands - Dice thinks he sees him pout, but it’s irrelevant - “I have no idea how this is even possible, but I’m Dice, Arisugawa Dice, you know, from Fling Posse? I just woke up here this morning and it’s not my body and I would very much like to have it back.”
Hifumi takes his phone back, the pout leaving way to a furrow between his eyebrows.
“It sounds crazy to me as well, but honestly, Doppo-chin wouldn’t prank me like this. I love him to bits, but he’s not very funny.”
“Alright,” Jakurai says from the other end of the line, probably trying to make sense of the influx of chaos he just got bombarded with, “Walk me through it again, Hifumi-kun. Everything was normal yesterday evening, yes? Were you doing anything different from usual? Did you have any strange encounters?”
“No, well, we were, you know,” Hifumi stammers a little, and Dice notices the tips of his ears turning slightly pink. “We weren’t doing anything unusual, um, just dinner and, well… Aah, you know it, Sensei! But no strange encounters, just the two of us doing what we always do! I mean, not, well, always, but-“
“Oh my god, quit it, we get it!” Dice butts in with an eye-roll. Does Mr. Good Doctor know how to save me or not?!
“Try not to worry, for the moment,” Jakurai says in an infuriatingly calm tone - how could Dice not worry, when he’s in someone else’s body, a pushover salaryman no less! What if they don’t change back immediately and Dice has to pretend to be this guy and go to his office job?! - “I will contact Amemura-kun, see if something strange is happening on his end as well. And if that’s the case, we can all meet and try to figure out a solution.”
“Thanks, Sensei, we’ll be waiting for your call then,” Hifumi says, pensive again. Fair enough, he’s probably worried about his man. It seems to have finally driven its point home that it’s not Doppo in the room with him right now.
But it is Doppo’s body and it’s still fucking naked.
“Well,” Hifumi says to him once he’s ended the call, “let’s get you some clothes while we wait!”
Dice thinks that that one time he lost all his clothes in the casino has to have been less embarrassing than this.
Gentaro was not expecting to be so rudely awoken this morning. Truthfully, he was not expecting to be awoken at all: it is his day off, thus he set no alarms, and despite Dice having slept over he tends to hardly be up before noon. Gentaro had been looking forward to waking up naturally, calmly, unbothered, but alas, it is not his lucky day.
Now to figure out what could possibly have Dice wailing hysterically in the other room.
He takes his time dressing - whatever has Dice stressing so much was undoubtedly self-provoked, putting Gentaro in no hurry to help -, and once all the layers are in their proper place the noises have become quieter, though no less distressed.
“Dice?” he calls as he walks into the living room; on any other day he would have simply found Dice sprawled out on the sofa, using his coat as a blanket. Today, the aftermath of a perfectly ordinary Fling Posse get-together, Gentaro finds him on his knees, kow-towing in three different directions, and speaking so fast, in such a high pitched tone, that it’s quite impossible to understand a single word.
“Why, Daisu~ I know you are grateful to me for hosting you last night, but there is no need to prostrate yourself this way.”
It is now that Dice finally looks up at him, nothing short of absolute shock colouring his face at the sight - before turning away and hiding against the floor again.
“Oh whoever god is listening I am sorry I can see you have come to punish me for all my sins and my uselessness as a human being I humbly ask to be forgiven oh my god plEASE-“
“Oh my, Daisu, you certainly do not contribute much to society, but to call my presence a punishment to my face has to be the boldest I’ve seen you yet,” Gentaro can’t help responding, his gaze shifting away as a small frown settles on his lips. He is reluctant to admit it, but being called a divine punishment doesn’t quite sit well with him.
“I’m sorry,” Dice repeats as he straightens back up, still on his knees, “I am unbelievably sorry, but I have no idea how I ended up here, or why I look like this, because this is not how I am supposed to look, at all, and oh my god Hifumi is going to be so worried-“
“Hifumi?” Gentaro raises an eyebrow. That definitely is the strangest of the strange things he has just heard. “As in, Izanami Hifumi?”
“Well, yes,” Dice replies, blinking repeatedly in a way that should be familiar, but somehow absolutely isn’t. “Oh my god, I haven’t-“ he interrupts himself again, eyes widening as he looks around for a moment, and must realise kneeling down doesn’t make for an excellent position for conversation. He stands, clears his throat, but seems incapable of looking at Gentaro for more than a second. “I’m not Dice, I’m… it’s absurd, I’m sorry again, I wouldn’t believe myself either, but- I’m Kannonzaka Doppo, from Matenro.”
Gentaro blinks once, twice. A third time just in case.
“Daisu, just how much did you have to drink last night?”
“I’m not- I didn’t-“
Dice, or Kannonzaka Doppo, or whatever nightmare Gentaro happens to be living in, is interrupted by the house phone ringing. It can only be Ramuda on the other line, and Gentaro doesn’t know whether to be thankful or even more put off.
“Ohayou~ Gentarooo~ Is Dice acting weird this morning?~”
Gentaro can only blink in confusion, eyes still fixed on - supposedly - Dice who simply blinks back.
“Indeed, he is acting quite strange. How do you know that, Ramuda?”
“Oh~ I just got a call from the old man Jakurai asking me about it, he said something about one of his members claiming he’s someone else, no idea what he was going on about! I think he’s coming over though, please help me drag him to the retirement home when he gets here~”
The call cuts off before Gentaro can reply any further, but he has to admit he’s slightly relieved that Jinguji Jakurai is on the case. Dice - Doppo? - seems to have relaxed as well; Jinguji Jakurai’s name bleeding out from Ramuda’s nonsensical speech must have done the job.
Worst that can happen, Gentaro will receive a hit on the head and finally wake up from the strangest dream he’s had in a while.
“Yoohoo~ Gentarooo~ open the door~!”
“Amemura-kun, once again, please do not be so loud.”
“Bleh! We’ve been waiting a while~ I’m tired! I was supposed to be resting right now, but party pooper Jakurai had to drag me here! Boo!”
Gentaro opens the door to Ramuda sticking his tongue out, a thoroughly exasperated Jinguji Jakurai, Izanami Hifumi - who is irrelevant -, and Kannonzaka Doppo, who waves slightly at him in the way that Dice sometimes does, with a very Dice-like sheepish grin on his face.
Too bad they finished the wine last night. Gentaro feels like he needs it.
“Gentarooo~!” Ramuda gives him no time to process the situation before he’s latching onto Gentaro’s clothes and squeezing him. Thankfully it doesn’t last long - Gentaro doesn’t quite look or care, but it’s probably the doctor that drags Ramuda away from him.
“Yo, Gentaro,” Doppo- Dice- whatever- addresses him next as they walk inside, his grin disappearing astoundingly fast to be replaced by a very serious expression, “Did Kannonzaka do anything weird in my body?”
Before Gentaro can answer, he hears a panicked, whiny, “Hifumiii…” come from the living room, and sees Dice’s body launch itself at Izanami Hifumi’s neck.
He really doesn’t want to explain why the sight makes his blood boil, just a little bit. He doesn’t even want to explain it to himself.
But the way an eyebrow raises on Doppo’s face in a rather familiar manner - which looks completely out of place where it currently is - maybe convinces Gentaro a bit more that it is not National Let’s-Get-Gentaro-Back-For-His-Pranks Day. What ever-so-slightly redeems the situation is the way that Izanami Hifumi himself looks a little lost at the sight of “Dice” flinging himself at him.
“Yumeno-kun,” Jakurai calls calmly, gesturing to the couch, “if we may all sit?”
“I’m afraid that is impossible,” Gentaro can’t help replying, because he feels like he needs to reclaim a bit of his composure, “You see, that happens to be a man-eating sofa. If you sit on it, it will never let you go.”
Everyone around him falls deathly silent.
Well, so much for gathering himself.
“Of course, that was a lie,” he amends with a sigh. “Please make yourselves at home.”
Jakurai, as the wonderful human being he is, immediately goes to his teammates to settle them on the couch. Hifumi seems to have acclimated to the weirdness of the situation - the way Doppo is hyperventilating is unmistakable, despite the different appearance, and Hifumi seems to have no qualms about running a hand down his back to comfort him.
Gentaro cannot, for the life of him, get used to the sight.
Ramuda, who unlike Jakurai, is a horrible example of a person, completely ignores his posse in favour of annoying the good doctor by sitting right next to him on the loveseat. Which leaves Dice to take the last seat on the couch, because he is not enough of a gentleman to offer it to Gentaro, who resigns himself to drag a chair out from the kitchen table.
If he wasn’t offended before, he definitely is now.
“So,” Jakurai starts, his voice even in his best attempt to diffuse the tension, “Dice-kun, Doppo-kun, I have my suspicions about the cause of this predicament, in that it was probably an illegal Hypnosis Mic-“
“Scary illegal mic that will turn you into a frog after two days~” Ramuda interrupts him, fingers wiggling as he smirks what Dice usually would call his evil smirk. Jakurai merely clears his throat.
“Most often, these effects are temporary. I will try to investigate, but there’s a good possibility that you will both be back where you belong by tomorrow, so do not worry too much.”
“Easy for you to say,” Dice can’t help muttering under his breath.
“Hifumiii…” The whine, in Dice’s voice, sounds absolutely ludicrous, but Hifumi doesn’t seem to care. “Please take me home…”
“Doppo-kun,” Jakurai continues, “I don’t think it would be wise for you to leave Shibuya while in Dice-kun’s body. After all-“
“Wait,” Doppo’s eyes widen, a terrified expression which for once looks fitting enough on Dice’s face, “What about my job? I was ordered to work this afternoon, even though I was supposed to have a day off… but obviously a worthless person like me doesn’t deserve a day off… what even is the point…”
“Doppo-kun, what did we say about the negative talk?” Jakurai then turns towards Dice, “I’m afraid you’re going to have to fill in for him today, Dice-kun.”
“Haha! Daisu will get an office job!~”
“What? No way!” Dice stands from his seat, affronted. “I’m not going to lock myself up until midnight in a shitty office!”
“But… where do I go?” Doppo asks timidly, glancing at one face after another before settling on Dice- his own- damn it, it’s so weird. Dice turns sheepish at the question, a hand going to rub the back of his head.
“Well-“
“He can show you his favourite sidewalk~” Ramuda answers for him, and honestly, what did he have for breakfast today that made him so snarky?
“Oi, Ramuda-!”
“Aaah! Scary!”
“You don’t have a house, Daisucchi?” Hifumi blinks up at him in confusion. Well, Dice did not sign up for being judged today, on top of being redesigned. He can barely open his mouth to defend himself before Doppo has fallen on his knees in front of Gentaro.
Again.
“Can I please stay here?”
Now this is a familiar sight.
“Wow, Daisu~” Gentaro says with a grin, “He could play your part very well~”
Dice’s petulant look on Doppo’s face almost makes Jakurai crack up.
“I do not grovel like that-“
“You most definitely do.”
“Do not.”
“Everyone,” Jakurai intervenes again, and it’s truly a wonder this man hasn’t run out of patience. “Please calm down. I do agree it would be best if Doppo-kun could stay here, as long as Yumeno-kun doesn’t mind.”
“Uwaaah! This is getting boring!” Ramuda abruptly stands from the loveseat, stretching his arms above his head like a cat. “I have work to do, so I’ll be off~”
No one really pays him any attention. After a few minutes of Hifumi reassuring Doppo that you’ll be fine, Doppo-chin. We’ll see each other in the morning for sure, alright?, Jakurai stands in turn, gathering Hifumi and Dice to drive them back to Shinjuku.
Gentaro is not looking forward to being alone with a hyperventilating, panicking Doppo, but he’ll have to make do.
It is only when Jakurai is a few meters away from his car that he notices his keys are missing.
But it takes him only a look inside to realise that nothing at all is missing, but he has unexpected cargo.
Ramuda rolls the passenger window down, grin in place as his teeth hold his ever-present candy, the very car keys Jakurai feared having lost twirling around his finger.
“Where to next, Ja-ku-rai~?”
Jakurai can only sigh as he takes his place in the driver’s seat. It’s just a little detour to drop Ramuda off, it doesn’t bother him that much.
The menace’s feet on his windshield however, those make him feel murderous.
“Amemura-kun, I have no issue driving you home. You could have just asked instead of stealing my keys. But please, do move your feet.”
“Would you prefer them on the wheel?~”
Jakurai feels like he might be sighing his soul out, so he just gives up. He retrieves his keys and starts the car, and hopes they get to their destination sooner than later.
Dice is wearing a suit. It is not the first time he wears a suit, but it’s the first time the suit is this boring - oh, and, well, obviously, his body is still very much someone else’s. At least his height stayed pretty much the same - imagine how weird it would have been to suddenly see everything from, say, Ramuda’s point of view.
He almost shudders at the thought.
But today - and he cracks his knuckles to show he’s ready - Dice’s taking on an office job. He knows jackshit about the company, or the job, but hey, don’t knock it till you’ve tried it.
(How hard must he try to communicate that he is in denial about this whole affair?)
Honestly, he’s gone through so much wack-ass shit in his life that a day in an office shouldn’t be a big deal. And it wouldn’t be, if he weren’t currently trying to impersonate Kannonzaka Doppo, who is renown for being the idiot his colleagues pile work on in order to leave early.
And he says yes! Every time! Even if they don’t have a decent excuse!
Dice can only heave a sigh as he walks into the company building. Hifumi and Jakurai tried to give him some pointers as to how he should behave, but honestly, he doesn’t care if people think he’s acting weird. He just hopes he doesn’t get Doppo fired, because that would be a hassle to deal with when the entirety of Matenro comes for his head. Not that he couldn’t take them. He just doesn’t want to.
He’s never going to admit that Doppo is kinda scary when he gets truly mad.
Nuh-uh. You didn’t hear it from Dice.
But anyway, he’s sure this will be a lot less difficult than people make it out to be. Boring as all hell, sure, but nothing he can’t handle. He just needs to take his seat at his sad little cubicle in the sad grey office, in front of a very depressing stack of documents. What they contain? No idea.
He’s barely sat down for a minute before he almost chokes on his own spit, courtesy of a rather violent pat on the back whose perpetrator Dice is ready to glare at and, if necessary, fight.
“Yo, Kannonzaka.”
…Until he remembers his main goal, the most basic one - don’t get Doppo fired.
Another very sad pile of documents - small, but definitely fearsome if combined with the other one - is thrust in front of his face.
“Can you take care of these marketing statistics for me? I don’t really feel well today, yeah?”
Dice only bothers with mumbling a reluctant assent before he lets his eyes trail after the guy, and yep, he is in perfectly good health.
Think of the fact that you couldn’t properly sit down or stand up or walk or rotate your neck for three days after Kannonzaka went off on you with his Hypnosis Mic, take a deep breath; don’t get him fucking fired.
It takes him a minute to muster the strength to actually look at the documents, but when he does, he can’t help thinking that maybe he’s got a bit of luck on his side today. Because if there’s something Dice knows his shit about, it’s statistics.
Hours and hours in front of slot machines will do that for you, he supposes.
And maybe he will not have to deal with Doppo’s wrath once they’re back in their proper bodies, if the satisfied look on the guy Dice assumes is the boss is any indication.
Doppo has spent the entire day in a constant state of panic.
First, waking up in an unfamiliar place, when he is absolutely sure he fell asleep next to Hifumi last night, and he has no sleepwalking tendencies that he knows of.
The situation made him rethink that last statement and wonder if maybe he should call Sensei about this.
But he obviously had no access to his phone, because if he did sleepwalk - and apparently break into another person’s house and sleep on their sofa the rest of the night, holy shit - he must have left it at home. So imagine his surprise when he actually did pull a phone out of his coat pocket.
Except that it wasn’t his phone, and it wasn’t his coat. And he wasn’t wearing his pyjamas, and his hair felt too long.
He took a look at his reflection in the glass of a window and saw Arisugawa Dice from Fling Posse staring back at him, and decided to just start screaming. Maybe he’d wake up.
But no, the one who woke up was the second reason for his panic, Yumeno Gentaro. Doppo wouldn’t know how to talk to that guy on a good day.
And third, they shipped Dice off to the office to do work in his place because of obvious reasons, and Doppo could only pray he wouldn’t get fired.
He is trying not to make himself an absolute pain for Gentaro to deal with - when Gentaro asked if he cared for some lunch, he squeaked out a “no”, without thinking that refusing would actually be even more impolite than accepting, because Gentaro must be feeling like a horrible host for leaving him hungry, and he is certainly not going to ask for something to eat well past lunchtime; he feels incredibly rude for not starting a conversation, but Gentaro hasn’t made any efforts either, and has mostly been reading on the couch the entire day.
Maybe he should just leave.
Go for a walk, at least. What could be the harm in that?
He says so to Gentaro, not particularly eloquently, but he merely receives a hum in response, so it’s whatever, really.
He is not that familiar with Shibuya. He hasn’t had many chances to explore it - he hasn’t had any chances to explore anywhere, really. If he isn’t working, he’s most likely sleeping. But it’s not bad, here, and he’s a little grateful for the weird circumstance since it finally allows him to get some fresh air. Hifumi says he’s going to rot quicker if he doesn’t “touch grass” every now and then, and Doppo is starting to think that he might be right.
But of course, peace can only last so long.
“Yo, Arisugawa,” a dangerous voice speaks from behind him. Just his luck, running into not-very-friendly-sounding acquaintances of Dice. Thank god he has nothing of value on him.
Doppo turns towards the guy a bit later than he should have, because the frown on his face sours even more when they lock eyes. These types tend to not enjoy being ignored.
“Can I help you?” Doppo tries his best to sound confident - he’s not going for accuracy, because he has no idea how Dice deals with these men. He’s just trying to not communicate his usual “please put me out of my misery” in favour of- well, he’s not sure. Literally anything else.
The lackey standing a step behind Frowny Guy laughs right in his face. Well, so much for confidence. Doppo can at least say he tried.
“You got my cash?” Frowny Guy nods at him in a way that is decidedly unfriendly.
“Uh-“
“‘Course ya don’t,” the guy continues, turning back to look at his two lackeys with an unpleasant smirk, “Told ya lot he wouldn’t have it.”
“I mean-“
“Arisugawa’s so fuckin’ useless,” the lackey with the ugly laugh comments - and that is definitely unwarranted.
“I know, right?” The leader turns back to Doppo, smirk still in place, “So useless he can’t even string together a few coins for a friend that did him a favour. I ain’t your cash bank, ya know? I’m not here to be taken advantage of.”
There’s a voice somewhere in Doppo’s brain reminding him that these insults are not about him, and he really shouldn’t get so worked up with people that look and sound dangerous - but how dare this asshole call him useless?
“So you want money?” Doppo starts, voice dark, and he revels in the way the smirk immediately drops from the guy’s face, “You want the money that I work my ass off to earn, and have the nerve to call me useless to my face?”
The guy takes a step back, an eyebrow raised, but he’s not leaving, and Doppo is not done.
“You dare to ask me for my money, and you dare say you’re being taken advantage of? IT’S ME WHO GETS TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF, EVERY SINGLE DAY, AND YOU DON’T GET TO DEMAND TO TAKE MY SHIT! TRY IT! I FUCKING DARE YOU! I’LL KILL YOU! I’LL FUCKING KILL ALL OF YOU!”
“Yo, man, no need to get worked up-“
“THE FUCK ARE YOU SAYING? HUH? I’LL SHOW YOU HOW USELESS I AM!”
The sick pleasure Doppo gets every time similar small-fry assholes start running away with their tails between their legs crawls up his spine as soon as he sees the three scramble to leave.
Before he remembers this is not his body, and Dice might get in trouble after this.
Damn it, he hopes these people don’t come for Dice tomorrow.
“Sorry for taking over your house again, Gentaro-kun,” Jakurai says as he takes a seat on the loveseat, in the exact same spot he occupied the previous day. Much like yesterday, he has to deal with a very annoying Ramuda who is half-lying down, head on the armrest and one foot very impolitely splayed over Jakurai’s knees. The good doctor seems completely unfazed. He truly is a prime example of a human being.
“I have to say I was very glad to hear Dice-kun’s cries of joy through the phone when Amemura-kun called me this morning.”
Indeed, it was some sort of a relief to hear Dice’s voice speak loudly and correctly when Gentaro woke up this morning. To be completely honest, since the situation resolved itself, the entirety of Matenro could have saved themselves the trip from Shinjuku, but Jakurai apparently insisted to discuss his brief investigation.
Gentaro doesn’t care, and he would have preferred for everyone to stay at home.
He kind of zones out for the entirety of Jakurai’s little spiel about an illegal Hypnosis Mic manufacturing and dispatching business, how this technology can have unexpected effects, yada yada. The rest of Matenro seem to be paying more attention, but they worship their leader like a god, so that’s to be expected. Dice, however, is bouncing his leg like he’s charging up to sprint away at the speed of light.
“Just try to be careful when dealing with people who might possess illegal microphones,” Jakurai finishes. “Thankfully, you can all return to your normal lives now.”
Just as the last word is leaving Jakurai’s lips, a loud phone ringtone echoes through the room.
It’s Doppo that takes his phone out of his pocket, all colour draining from his face as he sees the caller’s name.
A pair of panicked eyes, verging on murderous, lands on Dice.
“It’s my boss,” Doppo starts, “What did you do?!”
“I didn’t do anything!” Dice replies, his arms shooting up defensively.
“Well, maybe that’s the problem,” Doppo mutters, before taking a deep breath and finally answering the call.
“Kannonzaka-kun!”
“YES?” Doppo squeaks out, and all of Fling Posse has to hold back a chuckle.
“I wanted to discuss your work from yesterday.”
“Whatever I did- or didn’t do- I’m sorry- I will do better- I’m really sorry-“
“It was…” The dramatic pause seems rather excessive, but one must respect the theatrics - “It was absolutely WONDERFUL!”
“I’m sor- wait, what?”
“We should have you do more of that in the future!”
“Thank… you?”
“Well, then, I’ll see you tomorrow at the office, Kannonzaka-kun. Look forward to the new marketing statistics!”
The boss hangs up, and Dice suddenly feels watched.
“Heh!” He smirks, puffing out his chest. “See, my job is useful sometimes after all!”
They don’t linger long after that, and Gentaro can’t help a sigh of relief when everyone - except Dice - finally walks through the door, Ramuda once again tagging along with Matenro as he seems to not be able to resist bothering the soul out of his ex-teammate.
Good for him.
“Man, I’m so fuckin’ glad to be back where I belong!” Dice exclaims as he stands from the sofa, hands on his hips like he’s on top of the world.
“In my house, dear Daisu? Why, unless you can pay rent, I must remind you that you are only a guest here, and you should act accordingly.”
“Oh, come on, Gen~” Dice deflates only slightly, “Loosen up a bit, will ya?”
Gentaro simply turns up his nose, moving to grab his writing supplies from his desk.
“I absolutely cannot. I haven’t been able to work properly during this conundrum, it is imperative I resume my writing as soon as possible. I shall be going to my favourite café. You are welcome to accompany me, if you so wish.”
Not that he gives Dice much of a choice, since he almost shoots out towards the door and is on the verge of locking Dice inside did he not scramble to follow. But alas, this is how life with Yumeno Gentaro always is. Dice has learned to like it more than he should.
It’s not a long walk to the café, so it’s rather funny that Dice happens to almost immediately spot three people he’s sure he must have played a few rounds of something with at some point recently.
“Yo, you guys!” He calls out with a wave; he kinda regrets it as soon as it’s out, because fuck, he probably owes them money.
“Fuck, it’s him,” he vaguely hears them muttering once they lock eyes with him, before they literally run away, disappearing behind a corner in the span of a blink. Dice can only raise his eyebrows in confusion.
“What the fuck did Kannonzaka do yesterday…?”
“Hm,” he hears from his side, and that little hum always means trouble. “I wonder, what were you up to, Dai~su?”
“Huh? Me?” His eyes widen as he turns to Gentaro. “What did I do?”
“Well, I don’t know.” Gentaro is still keeping his nose turned up in that expression that makes him look a bit like an entitled rich lady. “You spent two nights away, in someone else’s house, in someone else’s bed-“
“I slept on the couch last night!” Dice scrambles to defend himself, because what the fuck is Gentaro implying?!
“Well, how am I supposed to be sure of that?” Gentaro does a little cheeky shrug, and Dice almost raises his hands in exasperation. “You haven’t even taken me out to dinner yet and you’re already cheating on me.”
“What-!”
“How can I trust you now? Woe is me, I shall remain lonely forever!”
And with this he picks up the pace, leaving Dice to run after him and feel guilty for no reason!
“Hey- GENTAROOO!”