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There were many things that Bakugou benefited from when he moved to the dormitories. He could walk to school without taking a bus or train, he could have access to the UA training facilities any time with teacher permission, and he was surrounded by his classmates when he wanted to be. Moving into the dormitories with the rest of his class also brought some complications into his life.
The dorms were not a problem for Katsuki himself, the issue was all the noise people created. Not just things like music or sounds of running around from the floor above, he needed to adjust to the smaller and subtle sounds. Sound people couldn't help but make. Chewing, Breathing, and Sniffing just scratched the surface of what he couldn’t handle.
The first few months in Heights Alliance were good, after the war with All for One it started getting harder. He managed to find quiet time for himself and still stayed involved with his friends but people kept getting friendlier. Everything was bearable… until the girls decided to host a movie night. Movies were all fine and good but the environment surrounding Bakugou during one was awful. He was reluctantly dragged along by Kirishima and Sero. They were going to watch some Disney movie that looked okay to him, about some girl doing something… The normal Disney movie. He would never tell anyone but Bakugou had quite a few disney songs on his “Chill Out” playlist.
Bakugou sat beside Kirishima on the sofa. It took a few minutes for everyone to arrive but it wasn't long before they were all settled in. It was going well for Bakugou, he felt optimistic.
“Everyone ready?” Uraraka asked. He was going to be okay.
“Oh wait, Uraraka…” Yaorozu stood up. “Let me go make some popcorn for everyone.” Bakugou’s world stopped. For the love of All Might. Please... For once, do not make fucking popcorn. Bakugou was perfectly aware that movies and popcorn were a common pairing, but it didn't make it any better. What should I do? What should I do? How can I get out of this? How long can I last? Bakugou ran through his normal checklist in his head. I give myself a good 15 minutes… Then what? What can I do to get ou-
“You good there, bro?” The blonde was pulled from his thoughts by Kirishima. “You look a little… tense?”
“M’fine…” He lied. His friend nodded and moved back to chatting with Kaminari.
Every second the class waited filled him with more and more dread. It felt so childish to hate the sound of crunching. If his friends knew then it would always be awkward around everyone in the dorms. He had told some people back in middle school but quickly learned that it's better to keep to yourself. Bakugou hated the looks he got once people knew. Every bite they took of something crunchy would end with a, “Oh, Sorry” or “I can't help it.” It drove him insane.
Bakugou heard the alarm go off in the kitchen and could feel his blood begin to boil. The sound of a bag being poured into bowls made him cringe. He could try and brace himself but that always did more harm than good. He could do this… Right? He could hold off for a good thirty minutes of pure hell so everyone could enjoy their absolutely necessary snack. He could focus on the movie… Right?
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He couldn't do this. Bakugou told himself he would make it through this but gave up the second he heard one of the girls crunch. In an instant Bakugou's heart rate began to pick up. Who made the sound? One of his classmates behind him suddenly crunched too. He couldn't see who it was. I need to know who it is! The urge to turn around grew more as the sound continued. After about thirty seconds he permanently noted never to eat beside Kaminari, Mina, Mineta, or Uraraka. Everyone else seemed tolerable enough on a good day. Todoroki, Izuku, Aoyama, and Jirou were ideal to sit with in this circumstance.
Bakugou watched the popcorn bowls slowly shrink. He looked at the time. It’s only been 5 minutes?! He internally screamed and glanced at Mina’s bowl. It wasn’t even a quarter gone! Overtime, Bakugou discovered people slowed down their eating when a show was playing because they were so focused on the plot. That also meant they paid less attention to their eating habits.
About fifteen minutes into auditory hell, he felt a familiar sting in his eyes. Bakugou took a long breath and willed his tears to stay inside. He couldn't cover his ears in a room full of people. They would ask questions like, “Why are you covering your ears?” or, “you okay?” and suddenly everyones eyes would be on him. There was no good way out of this situation. He felt awful. His body tensed sharply and he rolled his neck to the side, trying to get a better angle so the sounds wouldn't go straight through him. If he was able to angle it just right-
Kaminari took a whole handful into his mouth, making Bakugou’s heart stop. The initial bite led to almost three consecutive crunches as he stuffed his face. Bakugou could feel his temper reaching its limit. With no impulse control left Bakugou whipped his head around to glare at him. Another immediate crunch from the other direction made his blood boil. In front of him, behind him, beside him, over and over. This was hell on earth. Absolute hell.
Bakugou stood up suddenly, quickly wiping off his sweaty hands on his shorts. He reached his last nerve and was on the verge of tears. When he began to step away from the group he heard a few people muttering. CRUNCH. He needed to get out of there now. When the people around him glanced over he used the excuse of going to the bathroom. What else could he do? It was only a temporary solution anyway. As he walked off he heard the sounds of the TV stop. Freaking stupid idiots! He forgot that these people did in fact possess basic human manners.
“It's fine!” He shouted back, sounding a bit more aggressive than intended. “Don't wait for me.”
“You sure!?” Mina responded. He heard Kaminari and Uraraka take another bite and sped up his pace.
“Yes. Don't wait. Keep watching.” Please keep watching. Do not follow me. Stay away from my pathetic eyes and ears. Bakugou hurried away before Mina could say anything else. Focus on your feet on the carpet, hands in pockets, heart beating, breathing, walking, just focus on anything else. ANYTHING ELSE. He pulled on hair to distract his senses as the tears finally began to fall. Get away, get out, run, scream, cry.
The door to his bedroom swung open as he trudged into his only safe haven. After flopping down on his bed he angrily muttered curses into his pillow. His tears began to soak through his pillow case. Why couldn't he just enjoy a movie like a normal person? Why did he always run from a single crunch?!
In… 2… 3… 4… hold… 2… 3… 4… out… 2… 3… 4… Please just breathe. Please let it go… Please please please.
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It took him a while before he could even begin to relax. Heart rate was easy but his mind was on overdrive. He despised bad days. Whenever he was just a bit too tired he would get like this.
His phone began buzzing after a minute or two. Bakugou wasn’t surprised to find Izuku texting him,
Nerd: I told them to keep watching, lmk if u need something. <3 :D
The nerd knew everything about his sound sensitivity.
Say anything about this and you're dead.
Nerd: Of course Kacchan! Listen to music or white noise, distract ur ears! ;)
Okay, whatever.
He sighed and slipped on his airpods. As he adjusted he massaged the back of his jaw. Noise canceling was a life saver. The silence and feeling in his ears was very calming. He took Izuku’s advice and played some music through them. A few more tears managed to slip out before he took a long breath, laying on his back. His eyes drifted up to his blank ceiling. He hated this. He hated not being able to keep his cool because of a stupid snack. He despised the looks he got earlier as he squirmed from the sound. How weird had he actually looked? Bakugou took another deep breath and rolled over, scrolling his phone. His mom posted a photo of her and her husband on a dinner date. They both sat happily at a fancy restaurant… with chips… He threw off his airpods and lay back.
“Uhhhghhg” The blonde groaned loudly into his pillow. “UUUUGHhhhhh” He hated chips with a passion. Why couldn't people ever eat those quietly?! And when they chew it’s still audible no matter how hard they try. Some days it felt like that dull, muffled crunching was worse than popcorn with no personal space. Chips must be the devil's favorite because nothing else could cause him so much discomfort. Oh but don’t get him started on carrots.
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Self doubt began to creep up on him as he lay. After running from situations Bakugou often found himself doubting what he was capable of, what was wrong with him, and why he felt so broken. Would he ever be able to go on a date? Going out to eat was one of the most basic dates there is. Hell, it was a common activity for friends to do together! How would he ever function if he couldn't focus with a little snap of a chip or a lick of a finger. The finger licking sent him over the edge. How could he ever spend his life with another human if he couldn't listen to them breathing! How could anyone ever tolerate somebody who they couldn't even be around. What was the point of even trying to find someone who would tolera-
“Kacchan?” There was a soft knock at the door. “Can I come in?” Izuku’s voice snapped him back to reality. There was an unexpected dampness on his cheeks. Was he still crying? Over a stupid thing like people making sounds? Was the movie over? How long had he been here? He frantically rubbed at his eyes. The knock sounded once again “It's only me, Kacchan. I'm by myself.” Bakugou groaned. He purposely faced away from the door so Izuku couldn't get a good look at him.
“Fine! Whatever!” He shouted. Izuku’s footsteps were cautious as he wandered in, Bakugou's ears tuning in automatically to their sound. “S’the movie over already?” Izuku sat beside the blonde's body which was now spread out across his bed.
“Yeah, it is…” There was a long silence before Izuku spoke again. “Everyone was asking about you…” The blonde slowly rolled over to get a good look at him.
“What did they say?” He didn't even want to think about all the questions he would get tomorrow. Most of them probably asked during breakfast… With cereal, morning sniffles, and all the other things that send him over the edge.
“They tried to wait for a moment or two before I told them to start the movie again. Everyone was really confused.” Bakugou let out a growl of annoyance.
“Of course they are. Of course they dont notice their loud chomping on popcorn and even consider that maybe I don't want to tolerate their lack of manners.”
“Kacchan-”
“Don't even try telling me to tolerate it or get over it. Don't try and defend them or me because I am completely aware that it is my own problem and not theirs!” Bakugou sits up forcefully. “Believe me I have been told enough times to know that I'm supposed to suck it up and deal. I know they're right! I know! I know! So don't even try to tell me again… Don’t tell me that useless crap I hear all the time.” There was an awkward silence after his outburst before Izuku spoke again.
“I wasn't going to Kacchan…” Izuku said. “I was going to apologize that you had to get dragged into that. I know that it's something we can't really fix… So I just wanted to see if you were okay.” Bakugou blinked… Of course, he forgot how kind this stupid nerd was.
“Oh I am just flipping fantastic.” He growled again. Izuku chuckled quietly. “What's so funny?”
“Nothing! Nothing…” Izuku smiled at him. “That's just definitely something you would say. It sounds like Kacchan.”
“At least it doesn't sound like freaking round face. Have you ever noticed she eats like a dog!?” He cringes thinking about it. “I always forget how bad popcorn can be when some people get a hold of it.”
“You talk about these sounds like they’re a weapon.” Izuku says in a hushed tone. His eyes drift to meet Bakugou's gaze. “Do you think it's bad enough that a villain could use it?” Bakugou would have laughed if Izuku hadn't looked so serious. Instead he answered honestly.
“Nah, he would make the whole situation turn in my favor actually.” The blonde smirked. He had thought about this particular subject many times. “The amount of sweating those sounds cause… I could use it as a support item.” Izuku chuckles.
“Maybe we should all eat popcorn during training.”
“You wouldn’t. I’d kill all of you.” Izuku smiled at his comment.
“I am sure you would.” Their breathless giggles soon subsided leaving them in comfortable silence. Bakugou slowly closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
“I know it’s not fair to everyone else… I think that's what makes this so frustrating.” He reasons. Izuku lies beside him.
“Yeah? In what ways?”
“I can’t blow people up for a valid reason. I just have to sit and take it. It’s exhausting.” He turned to look at Izuku. When the other boy nodded he continued. “I can’t help it, like truly. I have people tell me all the time to suck it up but if I do that I get burnt out. I won’t get any schoolwork done or anything. It sucks. It really freaking sucks. If I could fix it I would in a heartbeat. People think I do it to be dramatic but I never even think about it that way. I just wish people would understand…”
“You’re strong for it…” Izuku breathes. “Dealing with it all… It’s gotta be hard.”
“But it doesn't make me feel any stronger… If anything it just makes… makes me feel… weak?” He hears Izuku sigh. After the battle with All for One they became inseparable. The closeness between them only grew as time passed. Bakugou began to talk to Izuku more but only if he would do the same. At this point they basically were open books to one another. Bakugou also began to cry more, but only around Izuku. “I feel helpless… I can’t do anything about it.” He doesn’t want to but holding it in around everyone else takes a toll on him.
“Kacchan…” Izuku says. His tone is quiet but not a whisper. Just a simple reminder that he’s there beside him. Younger Bakugou would have lost his mind over something like that but now Izuku’s words ground him.
“I swear I’m not crazy.” Bakugou mutters. “Even though I feel like I’m losing my mind over this…”
“I know, Kacchan.”
“Sometimes I can’t even stand the sound of breathing… It’s like I’m allergic to the sounds of people living…” He watches Izuku blink at him, waiting for him to continue. “You wanna know what the worst thing is about living like this?” He pauses…
“What's the worst part, Kacchan?” It's not a real question from Izuku. It's just reassurance he is still listening. Still willing to support him.
“I can’t stand being around All Might sometimes…” He watches Izuku’s eyes widen in surprise. “He breathes loudly, coughs, sniffs, and makes all these weird sounds in his throat so he doesn't cough up blood. It drives me crazy sometimes.” The confession feels like a weight off his chest. “I know that's gotta be weird coming from me but it’s true. It doesn’t matter who it is when it comes to sound.”
“I’m sorry…” Izuku whispers. “I didn’t know that.” Bakugou jumps when he feels something brush against his knee. Izuku had moved closer so their knees were touching. “What helps?” He asked cautiously. “Besides leaving the room I guess, or covering your ears.” Bakugou stared at him for a moment.
“No one has asked me that… Let me think for a second…” Izuku waited patiently for him to sort out his thoughts. “This is going to sound really stupid but I used to mimic the sounds I was hearing.” Izuku nodded.
“That's not stupid. Does it help?”
“Sometimes I guess… I don’t know why.” Izuku’s eyes light up.
“Oh! I read this article online, I think it would be worth looking into if you’re interested.” He sat up suddenly, pulling out his phone. “The thing you have might be associated with hyper mirroring. I'll send it to you to read later.” Bakugou’s phone made a sound a moment later.
“Thanks, nerd.” He let out a long breath and closed his eyes. “For all of this… Being here n’ stuff.” He feels the mattress shift as Izuku lies down beside him.
“You’re welcome. To be honest I like spending time with you so it's a win win for me.” He can hear the smile in Izuku’s voice.
“Sap.” He turned back to face Izuku again and opened his eyes. The two of them had had nights like this before but never so casual. Normally they would lay together after nightmares or panic attacks. Izuku always wanted to hear Bakugou’s heart beat when he panicked so he would lay on his chest and fall asleep. Tonight was different. Both of them were here from mostly free will. Bakugou may have been frustrated but he calmed down. The two of them would normally part ways after the other was calm but both of them stayed close this time. Izuku went as far as to scoot closer until their legs intertwined.
“Do I ever bother you with sounds?” Izuku asks. “Do I eat really loud or anything?”
“Nah, you are pretty good about eating. The only thing that gets me is when you mutter in class. When it gets bad enough I call you out.” Izuku nods.
“Sorry about that.”
“Don’t apologize, it’s not your fault. It’s nice to talk about this. You make me feel like I'm still okay… That's enough for me.” Bakugou feels Izuku stiffin. “You say sorry and actually stop what you're doing. A lot of people will say sorry and continue.”
“Then why do they say sorry?” Izuku raises an eyebrow. “Wouldn’t the sorry be useless then?”
“Your guess is as good as mine. I don’t think people even realize it.” The frustration begins to build once again. “It’s not even their fault! I can’t correct people because it’s just how they live… I can’t tell someone to stop breathing or quit eating.”
“Yeah…” Izuku sighs. “I can’t even imagine…” Bakugou feels a hand in his. “You can talk to me about it whenever you need to… Okay?”
“Sure, Izuku.” He smiles softly. “I'll keep that in mind.”