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"I'm so glad you're back", Chuchu said as she wrapped her arms around Nika and pulled her closer, careful not to touch her injured arm. "I don't know how much longer I could have restrained myself. I probably would have walked up to that place where they held you and kicked their asses all by myself if they didn't let you go."
Nika smiled. "That sounds just like you." Chuchu watched as Nika repositioned herself on the couch that the two were sharing, edging a little closer to her face, wincing a little as she did. "But it's for the better that you didn't. They didn't even treat me that badly."
Chuchu knew exactly how they treated her. She had seen the bruises on Nika's body, from her head to her legs, not to mention her broken arm. She knew Nika too well and she could tell when a smile on her tender face stemmed from genuine happiness or when it was simply a coping mechanism to deal with the terrible things that had happened in her life.
She understood that all too well, this coping mechanism. It was the same for her, just that instead of trying to smile and swallow down the pain, she lashed out in anger. She didn't really like that about herself, but often, the world, with its endless cruelty, left her no other choice. It all just made her so angry. But she also knew that Nika was right. If she would have gone to where Nika was held and caused a scene, she might have never been released, or worse, the entirety of Earth House would have been detained again.
Still, what they did to Nika was wrong and the self-doubt they had planted in her mind was even worse.
"Don't pretend like they didn't hurt you. They broke your arm, for crying out loud. For what? Did they think you were gonna kill them all in a fistfight?"
Nika averted her eyes, her smile sinking ever further into the depths of despair and self-loathing that Chuchu often saw in her girlfriend.
"No, I think it's because I deserved it." Chuchu saw the smile on Nika's face vanish entirely. Sure, the motions of it were still there. The corners of her mouth were lifted up and so were her cheeks, but she could tell that it was no longer a smile. It was just a mask to hide behind, to cover up her fears, so they would not be a burden on others. "I'm not a good per-"
Chuchu grabbed her face and pulled it up so that the two girls looked into each other's eyes once more. She saw how dreary Nika's eyes were, how they no longer shined the way they did when she had first met her. "Stop repeating that Spacian bullshit!" Nika's eyes widened. "You're not a bad person and you're not at fault for anything either! This whole world makes us do fucked up stuff all the time, it's not our fault that we were born into it and it's not our fault that we were born on Earth!"
"Chuchu..." Nika whispered. Her smile was gone, but so was the mask and now all Chuchu saw was how Nika's face was trembling instead, how there were tears welling up in the corners of her eyes. She hated it when people cried, but with Nika, she made an exception.
"It's okay if you want to cry," Chuchu said, trying her best to be gentle as she caressed Nika's cheek, though she knew was probably still too rough and she probably sounded to condescending as well, as was often the case when she tried to be gentle. Being a caring partner for Nika was still hard for her, she was a year younger after all, but she did try her best. There must have been some merit in that.
As Nika began to cry, Chuchu did what Nika had done for when she had cried that one time. It was a personal philosophy of her never to cry, that's just how it was growing up in a mining town on Earth, but even so, there was a time where even she could not stop the tears from falling down. Back then, Nika had held her close and had gently pushed her head into her chest. She felt that Nika understood her, they both grew up on Earth after all. Sure, there were things she didn't know about Nika, but she knew that she had it just as rough if not even rougher than Chuchu while growing up. Though ill and injured, Chuchu still had family, but Nika... Nika was an orphan, abandoned by everyone.
She sometimes wondered how Nika had made it to Asticassia on her own, but regardless of the answer, she knew that she respected her for it. It was her responsibility to make sure Nika was okay and often she felt bad that she made Nika look after her instead, so she did the best she could do and gently stroked Nika's hair with one hand as the other held her close to her body. Feeling the tears slowly seep through her jumpsuit and into her shirt, she cursed the world once again. The people that made Nika cry would pay for what they did, that much she knew.
For a while they were just laying there like that, Nika's head buried in Chuchu's chest as her cries filled the room. It was still weird for Chuchu to do something like this. They had never even laid in bed together, since Nika was so adamant on keeping their relationship a secret. She was proud to call Nika her girlfriend, she was an amazing person after all, so why did it sometimes seem to her like Nika didn't feel the same way? Bullying, vandalizing and even attacks were already prevalent enough by Spacians against Earth House, Nika had said. A relationship between the pushover orphan and the mining town girl with anger issues, she had said, would only cause more teasing and bullying. Perhaps Nika was right about that, if anyone insulted Nika for being her girlfriend, she might have to do something much worse than just punching someone in the face - and that scared her a little.
She knew what she capable of, she saw that side of herself during the last terrorist attack, how those memories of Plant Quetta infected her mind, how she was ready to kill someone. She didn't want to be so angry all the time, but ever so often, the pain became too much and turned into rage. Sometimes, in moments of vulnerability, she wished she could just turn her anger into tears, like Nika or Suletta did. But then she would be weak and she could never allow herself that, for the sake of her family at home, but even more so for Nika's sake.
Because of all this, the only time they could ever share affection with one another was late into the night, in the common room of Earth, on a couch. Consoling another person was still a strange feeling to her, especially when she could barely keep her own emotions in check. As if all of this wasn't exhausting enough already, now it was made even worse by not knowing what the future would hold for them.
It had only been a little more than a week since Suletta had lost the duel to that jerk from Jeturk Company through Miorine's interference. She was just as bewildered as everyone else from Earth House at Miorine's actions. She didn't know too much about love, but even she could tell that the two of them had feelings for each other, the same way she had feelings for Nika. So how could Miorine just betray her like that? It made her even more angry. Not just because of what Miorine did, but even more so because she didn't understand why she did it. She didn't want to imagine what Suletta was going through right now. That girl had lost everything she held dear. It must have been a horrible feeling. For a moment she imagined how she would have felt if Nika had never come back. She shuddered.
Suddenly, Nika yelped and Chuchu realized that she was holding Nika with way too much strength.
"Ah, I'm sorry," Chuchu said as she quickly released her grip on Nika.
"It's okay", Nika said as she winced. She wiped away the tears underneath her eyes and moved herself up so that her face was next to Chuchu's.
Chuchu didn't know what to say. This inability so speak happened often when Nika was right next to her. She was still too amazed by how warm Nika's presence was, by how beautiful her eyes were, even now, when they were filled with dread, and by how much she cared about her. But then her gaze wandered over the many bruises on Nika's body, saw the pain in her face and finally stopped at her broken arm. Did she really deserve a girlfriend as wonderful as Nika, when she could not even properly protect her? What if the people who held her had done something even worse to her? Could she live with herself then? The ability to speak finally returned to her. "I really am sorry," she said.
"For what?" Nika said, her voice as heavenly as her appearance, even through all the pain.
"I wish I could be a better girlfriend for you."
Nika smiled, a genuine one this time, the one she always put on when she calmed Chuchu down – it just wasn't enough this time. "You're already a great girlfriend, I don't know what-"
"No I'm not. I let you get hurt, I couldn't protect you and now I can't even bring myself to care for you the right way. I just end up hurting you again and again. All I can do is to be sorry for myself."
"Chuchu..." Nika said softly as she caressed her girlfriend's cheek with her available hand. It felt good, the way Nika touched her. It was a sensation that went far beyond just her skin, it pierced through her heart and traveled all the way to her soul. But Chuchu also felt like she did not deserve affection like this. She just wasn't good enough for Nika. "It's okay that you're not perfect. I'm not expecting that from you. I know how much you've gone through and the responsibilities that were put on you at such a young age. You're 16, don't beat yourself up over these things. You don't need to be perfect yet and neither do Suletta or Miorine or me or anyone else. I know how much you care for me and I know how much you love me. It's okay if you hug me too tightly sometimes or if you say something harsh out of impulse."
Nika's fingers traced a line from Chuchu's cheek all the way to the top of her head. Getting her hair stroked like this felt even better than feeling Nika's hands on her skin, but it also made her feel even worse for herself than before. Why did she feel like crying? Why did she hate herself so much?
"I know your emotions and feelings in here can all be a little messed up sometimes. That's only natural after all the things you have gone through. But I also know that you always try your best to do the right thing or to find the right words and that's much more important to me than if you were perfect or if you could always protect me. Also, I think you forget sometimes, but I'm here to protect you too, even if I'm not perfect at it either."
Chuchu felt how her eyes kept getting wetter and wetter, her mouth trembling with every word that Nika spoke. She had to control herself, she couldn't cry in front of Nika, not again. But then, why did it feel so good? Why did she feel this urge to just let go? Why was Nika so cruel to her, didn't she see that she was nearly crying? That she was breaking her promise, again? One more word and she would fall over the edge. Then there would be no return.
There was silence for a moment, but for Chuchu it felt like an eternity. It made her reflect on herself over and over again, how she had hurt Nika, how she hadn't been able to protect her, how much she hated herself. Even though she knew of the consequences, she desperately wanted Nika to say someting.
"It's okay to cry." The words pierced the silence, but even more so, they pierced through the barriers in Chuchu's heart. As Nika's face came closer and closer to her own, Chuchu felt the tension in chest rise more and more. "I love you." With those words, Chuchu felt Nika's lips press down on her own, a kiss so soft, so comforting and so tender that Chuchu felt herself losing her grip on everything but the feeling of love she had for the girl in front of her.
They had only ever kissed a few times, but every time, Chuchu felt her head become so light and her thoughts to just drift away from her. Her mind was overwhelmed with feelings and emotions that danced freely inside her head and that she could no longer contain, and so, as she closed her eyes, she felt the first tears run down her face.
She hated crying, because when she started, she couldn't stop. The tears just kept coming and coming and the sobbing just made her sound so pathetic. But then why did it all feel so good? Was it the warmth of Nika's chest that made her feel so relieved? Or was it Nika's hand gently stroking her hair that made her feel so comfortable? And why did she not hate herself anymore? Was it the kindness of Nika's words that calmed her mind? Or was it the memory of her tender smile that gave her solace?
"You're wrong," Chuchu said through her sobs, her voice so coarse and so weak. She was disgusted with herself. But she had to say this. She had to let Nika know or else there would perhaps be no other chance. All of these moments were so fleeting. "You are perfect."
Suletta couldn't sleep. She had tried to close her eyes several times, but the pain inside her chest and the images she saw in front of her inner eye just wouldn't let her sleep. Sometimes, there were tears that accompanied those painful thoughts and images. At first she had tried to listen to music in order to distract herself, but even that didn't help. The noises in her head and the memories from that day just drowned out everything else.
What would Miss Miorine think of her if she saw her like this? Perhaps she had been right to break up with her. An unimportant country bumpkin from Mercury like her didn't deserve to be with someone as amazing and important as Miss Miorine. But then, why did she tell her she wanted to be by her side forever? Why did she cry in her embrace and tell her all of these things that she had never told anyone else? It was all too confusing for her. Her head hurt and so she decided to get up and walk around a little. Looking at her phone, she realized that it was already past midnight. There were no new messages. There never were anymore. Not even her mother answered her calls.
She quietly climbed down from her bunk bed and as she did, she noticed that Nika, who had returned to Earth House just today, was absent. She had seen her injuries, perhaps she had to take some medicine or had to treat them otherwise. But then, why was Chuchu missing too? It was weirdly discomforting without those two around and she wondered where they could have gone.
She walked out of the bedroom and into the hallway. Opposite of the girls' bedroom was the one the boys used and to her right was the way to the common room. Instead of walking straight there however, her eyes wandered to the left, to the back of Earth House, where the hangar was located. That is where Aerial used to be, where she always waited for Suletta and where she always gave her advice. She so desperately wanted to talk to her now. Why did Miss Miorine have to take her sister away from her too? Why did she have to take everything? Now, just like herself, the hangar was pretty lonely. Without Aerial, only Chuchu's Demi Trainer remained. She didn't even have a mobile suit to pilot anymore. She really was useless.
Suletta lowered her head and turned to her right. As she made her way through the hallway, memories flooded her mind once again. She always tried to search for the ones with Nika or Chuchu or Lilique or Aliya or Ojelo or Nuno, but it was always Miss Miorine who appeared in all of them. If she wasn't in them directly, then she was the subject of her talks or her thoughts at any given moment. Miss Miorine was all she could think about. Why was life so cruel to her? Why couldn't she just forget and be happy?
Suletta sighed and walked over to the door that lead to the common room. She braced herself before she opened it and surpressed a tear, because she knew that this room was only second to the greenhouse when it came to the amount of memories it contained of her former fiancé. Even thinking about it hurt. But she had to move forward, even if it was just the little things, so she opened the door and entered the room beyond it.
To her surprise, the first thing she saw was not a memory of Miss Miorine, but Nika and Chuchu laying together on the only couch they had in the entire building. The two girls looked at her just as surprised as Suletta was to find them there.
"S-s-sorry, I-I didn't mean to interrupt," Suletta said as she quickly turned around to leave the room again.
"Wait!" Nika shouted. "You're not interrupting anything." Suletta turned around and saw Chuchu give Nika an irritated look. The pink-haired girl whispered something into her friend's ear, but soon relaxed her expression. In turn, Nika smiled at Suletta. "Why don't you come over here."
"Wah? Me?"
"Yes, you look like you can't sleep. Maybe... we can help?"
Suletta nodded tentatively and slowly walked over to where Chuchu and Nika were laying. It looked a little weird to her at first, the taller Nika laying on top of the shorter Chuchu, but she also knew that Chuchu was much stronger than Nika, so it at least made some sense. Would she have laid down the same way with Miss Miorine? She had always imagined that she would be below and that Miss Miorine would lay on top of her, so that she could hold her and embrace her. But if she considered now, perhaps it would have been the other way around. Though perhaps not physically, she now knew that Miss Miorine was much stronger than her. However, with all that had happened, none of that mattered anymore and so her mind returned to the present situation.
What were they doing here, past midnight? Had they not been as exhausted as everyone else? Lilique and Aliya had fallen asleep right away and Suletta wished that she could fall asleep as well, so what were those two doing here?
She stopped in front of the couch. "If you don't mind me asking, but... what are you two doing here so late?"
Nika looked like she wanted to answer, but it was Chuchu who spoke first, her voice as brash as usual, though perhaps a hint of sentimentality to be found in it. "We're just getting some together time, that's all."
Suletta tilted her head. "'Together time', what do you mean?"
Chuchu rolled her eyes and before anyone could say or do anything, she put her hands on Nika's cheeks, pulled her closer and kissed her.
Suletta's eyes widened. "Y-you two are..."
"Girlfriends, yeah," Chuchu said, while it seemed to Suletta that Nika was a little too overwhelmed to speak. "You probably didn't notice because Miss Mechanic over here wants to keep it a secret."
"W-wait," Suletta said, startled. "Has this always been the case?! Am I the only one who didn't notice?!"
"Relax," Chuchu said. "We started dating right before you arrived at Asticassia. And no, I don't think anyone else knows. But then that's the idea, isn't it, Nika?"
Nika smiled again, though a little awkardly, and nodded. "Yeah, usually no one stays up here past midnight, not even Miss... President, well, or so we thought."
Suletta nodded. "I understand. I'm really sorry if I intruded upon you two. But..." Suletta paused for a second to think about the right words to choose. To find words that would not remind her too much of what she had lost. "I'm happy that I found out, as weird as that may sound." Her head dropped to hide a smile she knew was in truth nothing but sadness. "I'm glad you two can be happy together."
She tried to be happy, she really did. This was a beautiful thing after all, love between two people, especially between two people as incredible as Nika and Chuchu. But regardless of how much she tried to surpress them and regardless of how much she tried to hide them, the tears came all the same.
Before she felt the first tears grace her skin however, a different sensation caught her attention. There were fingers interlocked with her own, as a hand was holding hers. As she looked up a little, she saw that it was Nika who was holding her hand. It was the first time she realized just how soft Nika's hands were. It was weird, considering her own hands had always been rough and she had thought that mechanics would be similarly inclined, but perhaps, Nika was just different. She was an incredibly gentle person after all, so it was only fitting that her hands were as soft as her heart.
"Why don't you join us for a bit?" Nika said. Suletta looked into Nika's shining eyes, the corners of which were slightly red. Now that she had noticed that, she couldn't help but realize that Chuchu's eyes were also quite shiny and that they too were framed by red corners. Had they been crying, perhaps? For joy or for sadness, she wondered, or maybe for both?
However much she pondered that question, Nika's words and her tender smile made her reminisce about other things. They were the first thing in weeks that brought Suletta pleasant memories. She remembered how Nika had helped her on her first day at Asticassia, how she was always by her side, how she had confided in Suletta about her past, how she had taken such good care of... Aerial and how she had given her advice on her relationship issues with... Miss Miorine. Aerial. Miorine. She could never escape those names, could she? They would always be in the back of her head, tormenting her, because she knew that she would never see them again, that they were gone forever. That she would never be good enough for them.
A tear rolled down her cheek, but before she could sob again and lose herself in endless sadness, she felt a second hand grip her own. It was Chuchu's, so small and just as rough as her own. Together the two girls squeezed her hands and gently pulled her down towards them. Why did they do this? Did they want her to destroy their relationship too, with her sorrow and her melancholy? Did they want to partake in the pain that ached in her chest? Yet, Suletta didn't resist. She wanted to, at first, but her body did not let her. Instead, she just let herself carefully be guided into the embrace of her two best friends. They were the only people she had left. Aerial had left her, Miorine had left her and even her mother no longer seemed to care about her. Nika and Chuchu were all she had left.
"It's okay," Nika said, her voice all soft and quiet. It calmed her, more than any music ever could. "You're save with us. Whatever worries you, you can talk to us about it."
Suletta let her eyes wander between the two girls and felt the tears begin to well up again. This time however, they were not just composed of sadness and melancholy, but also contained hints of happiness and gratitude, for even though the person she loved the most in the entire world had left her, she still had friends who loved her and who cared for her, despite her just being some unimportant girl from Mercury. This warm embrace, those caring smiles and tender words, they were more than she could have ever really asked or ever really hoped for, and yet, slowly, the tears began their relentless onslaught once again, because for all she tried, deep down, she wanted to share this moment with Miss Miorine, because without her, it all just felt empty.
"I'm not good enough, am I?" Suletta said as the tears began to trickle down her face, dropping onto Chuchu's clothes one by one. Nika saw how Chuchu tried to hold Suletta as close as she could, how she held her head so close to her chest, to give her some comfort. She knew how hard it was for Chuchu to do something like this, to show so much empathy and care for someone other than Nika herself. It made her smile, despite the sadness of it all. "I'm not good enough for someone like Miss Miorine, right?"
Nika didn't know how to answer. She had talked to Miorine and Suletta so many times, yet even she couldn't truly grasp their relationship. Why had Miorine done what she had done? Did she really not care about Suletta anymore? But that couldn't be the case, could it? Even right before the attack on Plant Quetta, and many times before that, Miorine had told her that she loved Suletta. So what could have changed? Was it because Suletta killed that Dawn of Fold soldier? But that could not be true either, she knew Miorine to be much smarter than that, Suletta had saved her and her father after all. Did Suletta say something that upset her? That too seemed unlikely to Nika, if Miorine had been in love with Suletta up until that point, then there was nothing that Suletta could ever say that would make Miorine hate her, that girl was way too sweet and kind for that. They had all heard what Suletta had said at the last duel. How could anyone hate her after that, especially Miorine? And yet, Miorine had done what she had done, in the most devastating way possible. She had hurt Suletta and she had made her cry. Was there really any remedy in that, one that not even Nika could see? Even though everything spoke to the contrary, she still couldn't help but believe that there was something more behind Miorine's betrayal than appeared at first glance. It just had to be. Suletta and Miorine... they were destined to be together.
Nika reached out her hand and stroked Suletta's hair. It was as soft as everything else was about this girl, just one of the many things that made Suletta so strangely beautiful. Every time she saw Suletta, every time she saw how she smiled or cried like she did now, she understood more and more how Miorine fell for her. Suletta looked up to her and in her eyes, already so red from all the tears, Nika could see that there was at least still a glimmer of hope left, even if it was not much. She smiled at her.
"You are good enough," Nika said. "I'm sure there must have been some greater reason for Miss Miorine to do what she did. You know how much she loves you and how smart she is, so I don't think she would ever completely abandon you for no reason. So please, don't worry too much about it."
Suletta buried her head back into Chuchu's chest, her sobbing, now more intsend than before, was once again the only sound in the room. Nika felt a sting in her chest. As she looked at Chuchu, she saw her girlfriend shake her head. Were those the wrong words? Did Suletta even really need to hear any words of encouragement right now? She tried to imagine what it would feel like if Chuchu had suddenly left her and taken everything that she cared about with her. At first, it was a slight pain in the chest, a sudden drop of the heart, but one she felt she could easily recover from. But then, as she let the feelings linger, she felt more and more how the pain in her chest spread throughout her entire body and how the drop of her heart transformed everything inside of her into a pit of despair, because she realized that whatever she would experience now, it would be without the person she loved, and wherever she would go, she would always be reminded of her.
Memories suddenly flooded her mind and dragged the last remnants of hope down even further. Memories of how her and Chuchu had met on Chuchu's first day at Asticassia. How she had shown her around the campus and how she had seen through Chuchu's facade right away. Chuchu had been scared, just like Nika had been on her first day. She knew how hard it was for some poor girl from Earth to get adjusted to this overwhelming new world. She knew how comforting it would have been for her to have someone there on her first day to help her, someone who knew how she felt. That's why she so badly wanted to help Chuchu, to help her navigate this dangerous new environment. But deep down, she also knew that she helped her for another reason. Was she still trying to wash away her own guilt by helping others? Was she still putting on that mask to hide her shame? Was that also why she helped Suletta? Was that why she helped Miorine? For a while, she thought she knew the answer to those questions, but then Sohpie and Norea came to Asticassia and with them, everything had once again become so distroted and twisted. Now, she felt like she understood nothing.
What she did know however, was that that she had fallen in love with Chuchu eventually. It hadn't taken long before it happened. At first she had just explained things to her and given her advice. She had even taught her some breathing techniques to deal with all the stress that inevitably came with being a part of Earth House. She always thought it was endearing how Chuchu was so thankful to her, while she always seemed so angry at everyone else. When Chuchu's exams came, it was obvious that she was going to be her mechanic. Together with Nuno she encouraged her even when she was feeling bad or when she became homesick. Perhaps that's why Chuchu could feel so much empathy for Suletta, even when she cried. Her girlfriend really was much kinder than people gave her credit for.
During the exams, she had seen right away what an incredible pilot Chuchu was and decided then and there that she was going to build a mobile suit for her. It was a dream of hers to design and build one and when the others agreed, she could barely hide her excitement. Earth House had scraped together the funds to purchase an old Demi Trainer from Asticassia and Nika along with Chuchu and the others had gone straight to work. It was the most fun she ever had in her life. Designing, building, letting her creativity run free, that's what she always wanted but could never do on Earth. It wasn't just fun because of the work itself however, it was also the people she worked alongside of that made it so exciting, though more than that, it was one person in particular.
She remembered how excited Chuchu was, how she was there throughout the entire process, always by Nika's side, asking questions, helping her and eagerly hopping into the pilot's seat whenever they needed to test something. Chuchu calling her "big sister" felt nice at first, but then, as the restored Demi Trainer neared completion and it was only the two of them doing any work, that term somehow felt more and more awkward to her. At first, she didn't understand why she felt that way. She had never been in a relationship before and if she had been really honest with herself, then she didn't even know whether she liked girls or boys or both or none. Other things had always come first in her life and she thought that love was something she didn't deserve anyway. She was there to be a mechanic, to bridge the divide between Earth and Space and that was all she was supposed to care about.
However, as much as she resisted, as much as she focused on her work, there came a time when she couldn't deny it anymore. When their hands accidentally touched, she felt shivers run through her body, and when she saw her smile, she felt warm all over, as if there was something in motion in every part of her body. They were so wonderful, those feelings. They were all so intense and so overwhelming, but also weirdly calming and comforting, and even if they did feel uncertain at first, she soon found herself certain that it had been these feelings she had always wanted, even if it was only now that she knew that.
There was something so extraordinarily soft about the way Chuchu looked at her, about the way she touched her. It was something she had never felt with anyone else before. There had been boys, back on Earth, who she had felt were interested in her. But none of them were ever this soft or ever this tender, and they never really understood her the way Chuchu did.
Right before the Demi Trainer was completed, she wondered if Chuchu felt the same way about her. Of course, now she knew the answer to that question, but back then, it had plagued her mind every night. She remembered how she tossed and turned in bed, never quite sure if she should tell Chuchu or not, never sure if Chuchu would reject her, never sure how many more moments there would be for her to tell her. Did Suletta feel the same way about Miorine?
It was to her surprise that it was Chuchu who told her about her feelings first. They had pulled an all-nighter to finish the Demi Trainer during a weekend. It was exhausting work, with just the two of them, but on that quiet night, long past midnight, they had finally finished it. With everyone gone to bed, the hangar was near silent, the electric buzzing of the lights the only sound in the entire room. Nika remembered how she was wrangling with herself on whether to tell Chuchu about her feelings or not. The tension in her chest had been unbearable and the silence of the room had not made it better. Perhaps, she thought, Chuchu had realized that. That maybe, she had seen past her masked smile, through all the little motions that she had perfected over the years to hide her shame. Maybe, Chuchu really understood her better than anyone else. Whatever it was, it must have given Chuchu the confidence to ask her out.
Chuchu thanked her for her work and told her that she should be proud of what she achieved. That was her first surprise of the night. No one had ever told her something like that before and Chuchu's genuinely blunt way of saying it caught her even more off-guard. She was proud of herself for what she achieved, of course, as a mechanic, but as a person, she was even more proud of herself for making Chuchu happy.
Her second surprise came after a brief pause. Chuchu had looked down on the floor for a second, but soon after, her determined gaze returned to Nika and without any hesitation she just asked her out on a date. There were no big declarations of love or grand gestures, just a simple question and a simple answer. They hugged each other and, hand-in-hand, walked back to the bedroom. The next day they started dating and now, in retrospective, Nika wondered why she was ever afraid to tell Chuchu about her feelings. But that was just it, wasn't it? Now, she knew how much Chuchu loved her and how much she loved Chuchu, but before those simple words and actions, she was uncertain about their relationship, about whether or not she was good enough for her. Was it the same for Suletta?
She had asked herself that same question of whether she was good enough over and over again and, if she was honest, still sometimes did. Was she good enough for someone as amazing as Chuchu? Someone who was always willing to stand up for her friends and for what she believed in? Someone who was so bright and so intensely beautiful? Someone who would go to hell and back again just to save her girlfriend? She still didn't have a concrete answer to all of that, but with time, she had become more sure about some things. Perhaps she wasn't good enough, but that didn't really matter, did it? When Chuchu found kind words for her, when she held her close, when they kissed, when they shared these tender moments of affection, she always felt so incredibly good and so warm. Their relationship just had to be right, there was no other way.
But then, Suletta didn't have any of that, did she? Her and Miorine always seemed to be in some sort of limbo, never able to fully realize their desires. Suletta was way too unsure about herself to initiate anything and she felt that there was always something holding Miorine back too. Without those little moments of affection, of love, how was Suletta supposed to know that she didn't need to be perfect, that there was no such thing as 'being good enough'? How was she supposed to be sure that Miorine truly loved her?
Nika understood now. She understood how painful it would be to lose Chuchu now and how much worse it would feel to have lost her back then, before any of her feelings had ever been realized, before they had ever held hands, before they had ever cried on each other's chest, before they had ever kissed or told each other of their love for one another. Then, all that would be left would be an endless uncertainty without any closure, just painful, fleeting memories forever burned into her mind. No words, however wise or however rational, could save her from that. What she would need then was not advice or helpful words but a shoulder to cry on and people who listened to all of her worries, to all of her uncertainties. What she would need was a friend. Someone who supported her.
She sighed. "I know my words don't really help. The way you feel right now, there is no words about the future or about hope that can repair that. No 'It's alright' or 'Don't worry' would ever be enough." She briefly looked at Chuchu and saw her girlfriend smile. "What you need now is people who are there for you, whenever you need them, not someone who tells you how to feel or how to think. So no, what I said before is wrong, it's okay to worry, it's okay to feel sad and it's okay to cry. When you are with me and Chuchu, you can always feel save to be true to your feelings, to cry whenever you like. Whatever happens," she said as she squeezed Suletta's hand once more, "we'll always support you."
Suletta's tears did not subside, but Nika saw that they were different now. They were still tears of sadness and of pain, but within each and every one of them, she also saw a light glint of reassurance, a reflection of the support that Nika wanted so desperately to provide for Suletta. If Suletta had to cry, then she at least wanted her to cry in their embrace. She saw how Chuchu gently embraced Suletta and so Nika did the same, even if she felt every bone in her body, every bruise on her skin hurt. She felt the warmth of both of them and realized just how happy she was that she could share this moment with Chuchu. That her girlfriend was ready to accept Suletta's cries for help and that she was willing to comfort her and hold her so close. She really had an amazing girlfriend.
"We all love you," Chuchu said. "So please let us take on some of the burdens that weigh you down."
Nika couldn't help but shed a single tear at those words from Chuchu. She was so proud of her and she loved her so much. She wanted these moments to last forever, just so they could all forget about the cruelty of the world around them and to remember that there were people who loved them and who cared for them. But all of these moments were so fleeting, so fickle. It was good then that they could share them with each other, that they could gain a little reassurance from one another in times of little certainty.
"Suletta," she said as she stroked Suletta's hair once more. "I've been thinking about making some improvements to Chuchu's Demi Trainer. Would you like to help us with that? I think we could really use your input, you're a great pilot after all."
Suletta looked up at Nika, wiping the tears away from her face. "You would really let me help? Isn't the Demi Trainer something special to you two?"
Nika looked at Chuchu, who tentatively nodded back at her. "It is," she said, "but you are something special to us too. So if you like, we would gladly have you help us."
Nika saw how Suletta's eyes widened and suddenly, she felt how Suletta was hugging her with one arm, while the other hugged Chuchu. Suletta really was strong, even stronger than Chuchu, and even though it hurt, knowing that Suletta was happy, if just for one moment, made all the pain worth it.
"Thank you two, so much," Suletta said through sobs. "Thank you for caring about me."
She gently stroked Suletta's back and as she did, her hand briefly came into contact with Chuchu's. The three girls all smiled at each other, caught in this beautiful warm embrace that blurred the lines between friendship and romance, a moment Nika knew would not last forever, however much she wanted it to.
She knew it would take thousands of these little fleeting moments for Suletta to understand that she was already more than good enough and that Miorine was too and that the two of them would be together again one day. It was just this world that made them do these terrible things and that made them say those horrible words. But Nika had sworn not to be a victim anymore and she knew Chuchu felt the same way. It was their responsibility to make sure that Suletta understood that too and to help her get back on her feet, so that the whole world could one day see that they were more than good enough, that they were not just some useless kids from Earth or Mercury, but that they had dreams and ambitions and that they were going to fulfill them, together, regardless of what was to come.
One day, she knew that her and Chuchu would attend a wedding more beautiful and filled with more love than anyone else's in the history of humanity, and she knew it would be between Suletta and Miorine. It just had to happen, they were all destined to be together, and if destiny ever slipped from their hands, then they would reclaim it through their own strength, over and over, if they had to.