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“Bret?! C’mon, let me in! I know you’re in there!” Shawn sighed loudly, his head resting against the older man’s hotel room door as he knocked for what felt like the 100th time since he’d arrived. “I, I know I fucked up okay, and, and I know a sorry isn’t going to fix it, believe me, I know that, but can you just let me in? Please!” He pleaded, trying (and failing) to avoid the stares he’d managed to attract from an older couple a few doors down as he pounded on the door again. “I’m not going to go away, and you know I’m stubborn as fuck Hart so just let me in!” He shouted, his emotions close to bubbling over as he caught the eye of the nosy pair staring again. “Do you have a fucking problem?!” He snapped, making the woman jump as he spun around to send them an almighty glare. “Why don’t you mind your own fucking busi-“
“Shawn.” Bret’s soft but stern voice interrupted his rant suddenly, the blonde quick to zip his mouth just as fast as he ran it as his head snapped back around, their eyes instantly locking. Bret raised an eyebrow, Shawn sighing once again as he turned back to the couple to apologise for his harshness, a ridiculously obvious fake grin stretching across his face as he waved them on their way.
“Nosy fucks.” He grumbled under his breath, Bret choosing to just stare at him as they came face to face again. “What?” Shawn shrugged, crossing his arms over his chest with a huff. “Didn’t see me with my nose in their business.” He muttered.
“What are you doing here Shawn?” Bret quizzed, trying his hardest to keep his composure as he too folded his arms firmly in front of him. He wasn’t expecting to see Shawn so soon after what went down, hell he wasn’t expecting to see him again at all after he’d shown Vince just how angry he was, but of course he came, showing up to fuck with his already heightened emotions some more. You would think he did it on purpose!
“You know why I’m here.” Shawn stated, his eyes actually showing some remorse as Bret let out a sigh of his own, shaking his head. “I know an apology isn’t going to turn back time or make anything about last night better, despite what people say I’m not a complete idiot,” The younger said seriously as he caught the brunette’s gaze again. “and I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t forgive me, fuck I wouldn’t fucking blame you if you hit me the way you clocked Vince!” He scoffed, Bret having to bite back a smirk as he straightened up in the doorway. “But I just, I want you to know I’m sorry.” He added, showing genuine honesty for the first time since he could remember. “For everything.” The last few months had been more than a little rough for Shawn, mostly because of his own stupid decisions, and he knew he wasn’t the easiest person for anybody, but especially Bret, to be around anymore. He’d made mistakes, said and done things he definitely wouldn’t do sober, and ruined the only relationship he was truly happy in. He’d fucked up, BIG TIME. He let himself down, he’d hurt the people he cared about, and now he could add “screwing over your ex” to the seemingly never ending list of things he should regret. He didn’t want to do what he did, despite the fact that he actually went through with the plan, he really didn’t want to do it. He was high when he’d said those horrible things he didn’t mean to the man he loved, he was high when they angrily fought backstage months earlier, and he was high last night when he pulled out the Sharpshooter and did Vince’s dirty work for him. He was high THEN, but he wasn’t high NOW. Showing his face to Bret, whether it was welcomed or not, was a sober choice he stood by even if his apology went unheard. He didn’t expect to be forgiven easily. He didn’t even expect Bret to believe what he said was truthful and he couldn’t blame him if he didn’t. He hadn’t exactly been given any reason to trust and believe anything out of Shawn’s mouth recently.
“Are you going to say anything or should I brace myself for a fist to my jaw?” Shawn spoke up, breaking the lengthy bout of silence they had been suspended in as he watched Bret sigh deeply. “Bret?” He prompted, resisting every urge he had to reach out for him like he used to be able to do.
“I’m not going to hit you.” Bret replied, keeping his arms crossed tightly over his chest to avoid letting himself become too vulnerable with the man he was still madly in love with. He didn’t think he was going to see Shawn at all before he flew back to Calgary, let alone have him show up out of the blue to pour out an apology that actually seemed genuine. He was bracing himself to never have another face to face conversation with him, to never get to say a proper goodbye before he left the company, and now he was there at his door, looking so beautiful and perfect and sober and Bret didn’t know how to navigate it. He was all set to leave, to take his broken heart and bruised ego and trudge home in his bubble of heartbreak and anger, but now he couldn’t.
“But you want to.” Shawn smirked, earning himself a hint of a smile in return as Bret let his stern demeanour slip slightly.
“Are you asking me to?” He retorted with a smirk of his own, hating himself for giving in to the younger man and his stupidly beautiful face.
“I’ll happily take a black eye if it’ll make you feel better.” Shawn said seriously, meaning his statement. He knew it wouldn’t help anything in the long run, you can’t fix what happened with a single punch, but he’d happily take one if it meant Bret felt even the slightest bit of relief.
“Socking you won’t make me feel better Shawn.” Bret shook his head with yet another sigh. Sure, hitting Vince definitely helped ease some of the sting of the night before, it was nice to let out some pent up frustration, but he was ANGRY with Vince. He gave so much of his life, of his career, to Vince, and it was all thrown away like none of it mattered to the man himself or to the company. Bret wasn’t angry with Shawn. He knew he wasn’t sober, he hardly ever was anymore, and Vince used that to his advantage. Shawn never would’ve done this sober, Bret knew that, but that didn’t stop the hurt that ached and burned in his chest what felt like constantly since he watched him walk away with his belt.
“What will?” Shawn asked, keeping his serious tone as he took a chance, risking taking a step closer to the man he used to be able to call his. “Because I’ll do anything.” He almost promised, not wavering as Bret stared him down, his head spinning as he struggled to figure out what the fuck he was supposed to do. He wasn’t angry with Shawn, but he was hurt and he was still trying to unpack everything that happened between them months earlier. He didn’t understand how they fell apart so quickly. They loved each other, well he at least thought they did. He knew he still loved Shawn. It didn’t matter what the blonde did, Bret knew he was never going get back the piece of his heart that he’d given to him. He’d screamed and shouted and bitched and yelled but nothing changed the way he felt, despite how much he wished it did. He wanted so badly to forget about Shawn, to have one last match with him and just leave him and the WWF behind but of course fate seemed to draw them back together again.
“Shawn-“ Bret started, quickly finding himself cut short by the younger waving his hand in his face.
“I mean it.” Shawn spoke strongly as he stood a little taller, showing he wasn’t joking around. “I’ve fucked up, a lot, too much, and I know out of everyone I’ve hurt you the most and I hate myself for it.” He sighed, sounding regretful as the pair’s gazes met once again. Bret felt his heart clench as he noticed tears in Shawn’s eyes. Even if he himself was hurting, it wasn’t nice for him to see the man he loved hurting too, especially when he knew he had somehow played a part in the reason for his tears. “I just, I want to make things right Bret. I know we aren’t together anymore and, and I know it’s my fault and I know last night just added to the bullshit I’ve put you through and I-“
“Shawn,” Bret swooped in, cutting him off as he took Shawn’s hands in his own. “breathe.” He soothed, giving them a gentle squeeze as Shawn nodded, breathing in deeply as he tried to calm himself down. Shawn wasn’t exactly prone to panic attacks, but over the years Bret had come to know the signs of his smaller, more anxiety filled rants, and quickly became a pro at defusing the thoughts that could potentially send the man spiralling. “Good.” Bret nodded himself, giving Shawn’s hands another squeeze as he continued to gulp down air. “Better?” He asked, Shawn nodding again as he steadied himself.
“B-Better.” He managed to reply, sucking in another breath as he tried his best to avoid the feeling of Bret’s eyes following his every move. He was embarrassed. It had been months since he’d had any kind of panic episode, the last one being the worst yet as he’d had to navigate it alone, and he felt stupid for letting himself get so worked up now. “Thank you.” He said softly, his eyes staying locked onto their hands as Bret gave his yet another squeeze, sending a warmth spreading through his chest. Shawn missed Bret, so much. He had been the one to push him away, to end what they had, but that didn’t mean he didn’t miss him. He regretted what he did and said to Bret every day. He’d been high when he’d done it but sober when he remembered it which only drove him to want to get high again to forget his stupid mistake. It was a cycle he quickly became stuck in, his new every day routine. Drinks and drugs. His new best friends. “Bret?” Shawn almost whispered as he finally allowed himself to look at the older man again, the brunette’s brow raising as he let out a soft hum in response. “I miss you.”
Bret would be lying if he said he didn’t get butterflies at Shawn’s admission. He had hoped Shawn missed him because he sure as fuck missed Shawn. They saw each other almost daily but that wasn’t his Shawn. He wasn’t the man he’d gotten close to all those years ago, the man he’d shared a bed with, and took home to meet his family. He wasn’t the man he fell hopelessly in love with. This was that man. This was HIS Shawn. He was soft and emotional, but also strong and opinionated and he’d never hurt Bret the way the other Shawn did. He was perfect, or as close to it as one could get, and now he was here again. But for how long?
“I miss you too.” Bret confessed, dropping one of Shawn’s hands to cup his cheek, stroking it sweetly.
“I love y-you.” Shawn breathed out, his words catching in his throat as tears once again welled in his eyes. He wanted so badly to make things right, to prove to Bret he would do all he could to fix things between them. He didn’t want to be without his person anymore. He knew it would take time, but he wanted this more than anything and he was determined to do whatever Bret needed him to to earn his forgiveness.
I.
Love.
You.
Three tiny words. Those words stumped Bret. He loved Shawn, he could say them back, but should he? After everything they’ve been through, after all that’s been said and done, do they really stand a chance of repairing things? Can they start again like nothing happened?
Bret sighed, his heart in one place and head in another as he and Shawn continued to stare at each other, neither of them knowing where things were going to go from here. Shawn had played his cards first, but did Bret want to show his too or would he keep them closer to his chest?
It didn’t take him long to make the decision to follow his heart, a soft smile on his lips as he leaned in a little closer to Shawn.
“I love you too.”