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Chapter Text

„Now, can you finally tell us who hired us? I´m getting really tired of your cryptic excuses.”

Kaz glanced up at Nina, who had spoken up. He seemed unimpressed by her annoyed tone. Wylan wasn´t really surprised, though. Nina had asked alternating versions of the same question over the past few days, ever since Kaz had told them about their new job. She´d never gotten a proper answer out of him. If he was honest with himself, Wylan was glad about it. He wasn´t sure if he´d like to know who their employer was.

“All you need to know is that he´s an important merchant.”

Nina groaned in frustration. He heard an amused chuckle coming from behind him. Wylan smiled to himself, recognizing whose voice it was. When he turned around, he saw Jesper walking into the room, their eyes instantly finding each other. Jesper playfully winked at him, before going back to watch Nina and Kaz. Wylan felt a rush of warmth and blushed, grinning slightly.

He didn´t even know how they all ended up in Kaz´ room in the back of the Crow club. He ´d originally come here to ask Kaz about the bombs he´d requested, but shortly after they had been disrupted by Nina barging into the room. Kaz had ignored her, but as always, she´d undeterred started talking. Wylan had decided to stay, their banter always amused him. Jesper seemed to be here for a similar reason.

This time, though, Nina didn´t appear to let the issue go. Her hands propped on her hips, she glared at Kaz.

“I don´t understand why you won´t just tell us their name! How are we supposed to properly do our jobs without even the slightest bit of information?” She looked at Kaz expectantly. “I hope you know I won´t let the issue go until you tell us.”

Kaz´ eyes darkened for a second, which was the only physical reaction he showed to Nina´s insistence. Finally, his head inclined towards her and he sighed.

“If this particular piece of information has such importance to you: His name is Jan Van Eck.”

At the sound of the name, he felt a cutting rush of adrenaline.

Oh no, oh nonono. Not him, anyone but him.

While triumph flashed up in Nina´s eyes, all Wylan could feel was trepidation and he tried to make himself smaller. The uncomfortable feeling skyrocketed as soon as Kaz directed his sharp eyes in his direction, and grew into a full-on panic when he continued.

“However, if you need any more information, then you only have to ask Wylan about it. He should be able to tell you all about our employer in detail.”

He felt every drop of blood drain his face as his thoughts stumbled to an abrupt halt, and he stopped breathing. On the other sides of the room Nina and Jesper both frowned in confusion.

“Why should he know?” Jesper asked.

Kaz broke the intense eye contact to look at Jesper, expression unreadable, when he answered, “Because Wylan´s his son.” Just like that.

It suddenly felt like as if any air had been sucked out of the room. Or was it just Wylan it had been sucked out of? He couldn´t tell. From somewhere far away he registered his heart beating faster, his hands starting to shake, his breath getting more erratic. Not understanding his own body, he tried to stop it, but couldn´t figure out how.

Jesper was the first to break the shocked silence. “I´m sorry, what did you just say?”

“You heard me.”

Through the haze that had begun to cloud his mind, he heard a snort. “Yeah, but it doesn´t make any sense, Kaz. Wylan´s not some rich merchant´s son. Right, Wylan?”

He tried to shake himself out of the stupor he´d fallen in, but only managed a quiet “U-um…”

All of a sudden, Jesper´s features appeared in front of him and he realised he´d crouched down before him. Kind eyes watched him expectantly.

“Wylan?”

No matter how hard he tried, he couldn´t get a single word out, and the longer the silence stretched on, the deeper the frown on Jesper´s face got. He felt scared, desperation creeping up his limbs. He wanted tell him, really, he did – but…he couldn´t, he just couldn´t. The shame and the all-consuming fear of rejection kept him quiet.

His heart sank even further when Jesper´s expression slowly changed from disbelief to realisation. But the hurt and betrayal that came after were even worse, and it made Wylan´s insides ache.

“Wylan? Tell me that for once, Kaz is wrong. Tell me you didn´t lie to me for all. this. time,” he spoke, a slight tremor making his voice shake.

He didn´t know how to respond, somehow he was sure that no matter what he´d say, it´d be the wrong thing. He was correct.

“Jesper…”

He saw the last light of hope leave Jesper´s eyes and his face fell, only to be replaced by a thunderous rage.

“Unbelievable,” he murmured, slowly getting up, putting distance between them. After a few more, unbearable seconds, he growled “I have to get out of here” and stormed out of the room.

“No! Jesper, wait!” he cried out desperately. He tried to quickly stand up and go after him, but his pathetic attempt to follow Jesper was stopped by a cane blocking his way. When he looked up, Kaz´ hard eyes stared him down and he shrunk more into himself.

“Don´t.”

“But-“

Kaz shook his head. “You won´t do any good there. Right now you´ll probably only make it worse.”

He flinched. Before he could come up with a reply, Kaz took his hat off the table, put it on and started walking towards the door.

“Where are you going?”

Without stopping or sparing him another glance, Kaz replied. “I´m going to find this madman. Otherwise I suspect he´ll drive himself into financial ruin before the sun goes down.”

After he was gone, the room again fell quiet. The sound of tentative footsteps made him look up at Nina, who regarded him warily. She opened her mouth as if she wanted to say something, but only a moment later she seemed to change her mind and closed it again. Shaking her head, she wordlessly walked out the room, too, leaving Wylan behind.

Alone.

Again.

Chapter Text

It was only when he bumped into the desk and a few glass bottles fell over, he realised he´d somehow went all the way back to his laboratory. He couldn´t even remember leaving the crow club. He kneeled down to put the bottles back on the table, but his hands shook so badly he could barely grab them. Every time he got a hold of one, his useless fingers lost grip. He tried again and again and again, until one bottle got knocked against the ground too hard and shattered. Not even fully registering the pain blooming in his hand, he cried out in frustration, and suddenly all dams broke loose.

He cowered on the ground, hugging his knees, while the events of the day washed over him. He closed his eyes as tightly as possible in an attempt to shut out everything. At one point, even the sounds of his own weeping were too much for his overwhelmed mind and he covered his ears at the cost of the grounding feeling he always got from hugging his knees.

In his head there were hundreds of different voices, whispering and talking and screaming all at once.

Some spoke hushed, mourning and accusing, still in disbelief of what happened.

Why did it have to happen like this? Why didn´t you do something, say something?

Others spoke in a cruel, spiteful way, sounding alarmingly like his father.

Now they´ll definitely have enough of you, who would want you after this. It´s a wonder they even put up with you this long. At last they´re finally freed from you.

The worst ones, though, replayed the scene over and over, reminding him of the way Jesper looked at him after…

Oh Saints, the look on his face-

He shouted in an attempt to put a stop to his thoughts. He didn´t want to think, thinking felt so loud.

He just… wanted some quiet.

Some piece.

It took some more time to calm his mind down. It seemed the tears had ebbed away, and now only a few small sobs and hiccups shook his body. He felt empty, but at least the loudness had stopped. The drying tears on his face started itching, but he didn´t have any energy left in him to reach up and wipe them off.

Shakily breathing out, he tried to relax his tense muscles on the uncomfortable ground and slowly slipped into the unconscious bliss of sleep.

Chapter Text

A lost sunray finding its way through one of the holes in the wall, shining right into his face, woke Wylan up. For a moment, he was disoriented and unsure where he was and how he got there. Only a second later, though, he remembered everything.

Kaz´ revelation.

Nina´s disappointment.

Jesper´s face.

He felt drained and weak, and all he really wanted to do was to keep lying down and stay in this exact position. The hardness of the floor, but even more so the insistence of his full to bursting bladder, though, forced him to get up.

His brain played white noise and his mouth felt parched, both telling him he badly needed to drink some water. Through his haze it took longer than usual for him to register the sharp, throbbing pain in his right hand. When he lifted it to properly get a look, he discovered a few small pieces from the shattered glass bottle sticking out of his skin, dried blood surrounding them.

He sighed and moved to haltingly get up. He held on to the table with his left hand to prevent falling over, while he gave himself a minute to get his bearings. When he spotted his little medicine kit on a nearby table, he slowly made his way there with an unsteady gait. With the kit in hand, he stumbled to his made do bed. He hadn´t slept here for a long time, as up until yesterday, Jesper had always readily awaited him, taking him into his warm arms and bed. He´d even given him free access to his room, his home.

And you ruined it.

With trembling fingers, he carefully removed the shards, put some disinfectant ointment on the wounds and bandaged his hand, before he finally took small sips of water from the bottle he kept next to the bed as a habit. He instantly felt better, the buzz in his head steadily clearing up.

After a while of just sitting there and staring into nothingness, he realised he´d no idea what to do next. He figured he was out of the group, because why would Kaz want to keep a lying-

That´s when it clicked.

Kaz knew.

No, not only that.

Kaz had known. Even before yesterday. After all, he´d been the one to reveal Wylan´s secret.

Which opened up the question of how long he´d known – and why he´d kept this secret for him. It was another question, though, that eventually made him stand up and make his way back to the Crow Club.

Why had he decided to tell it now?

Chapter Text

When he hesitantly knocked on the door to Kaz´ office in the back of the Crow Club, he went through the things he wanted to ask again. He´d repeated the words in his head at least a dozen times already, but being here after yesterday made him nervous. His stomach and his fingertips tingled uncomfortably. He tried shaking his hands to get the feeling out of them, but unfortunately, it didn´t work.

He flinched when a harsh voice from inside told him to come in.

Everything he´d prepared to say instantly went out of the window as soon as he entered the room and saw that, contrary to his expectations, Kaz was not alone. A grim looking Nina was leaning against a bookcase, arguing with Kaz. He wasn´t sure what they were rowing about now, he only heard scraps of their discussion – did she just say “Hellgate”? – because his attention immediately zeroed in on the third figure in the room: A very hungover-looking Jesper, who was half-sitting, half-lying on the couch propped in one corner of the room.

The moment Wylan caught sight of him, he looked up, staring back into his eyes. He held his breath. After only a moment, though, Jesper turned his head away, instead concentrating on something lower down.

He frowned. “What happened to your hand?” There was a slight slur in his voice, as if he´d only woken up seconds ago. It reminded Wylan of all the times Jesper had wished him a Good Morning in the same exact voice, and he quickly tried to blink the memories away. While doing that, he spotted one of Jesper´s hands, which wasn´t looking much different from his own.

Instead of an answer, he shrugged. He didn´t want to bring up his breakdown. After all, it was rather pathetic, wasn´t it? “What happened to yours?” he mumbled. But Jesper only glared at the ground in reply.

Before he could do anything else, he realised that the bickering in the background had died down and he turned to back to the other two. “You´re late,” Kaz said without preamble.

That threw him completely off. “What?”

Not looking up from the documents on his desk, he continued, sounding bored. “I believe you have questions, Wylan. Or am I wrong?” At this, he glanced up.

“Umm…” He peeked at Nina and Jesper, suddenly unsure on how to proceed now that he was in fact not alone with Kaz.

The man in question gave a slightly exasperated sigh. “Out with it, boy, I don´t have all day.”

Wylan breathed out deeply. It´s not like it would make a difference. They knew now, anyways.

“How long have you known… who I really am?”

At his question, he heard a loud snort coming from his right. When he turned towards the sound, he saw Jesper, shaking his head and smiling bitterly, eyes cast to the ground. He wanted to say something, but before anything could escape his mouth, Kaz answered.

“Wylan, I have known about your family background from the very start. Do you think I´d just ask a man to be my demolitions expert without knowing everything about him first?”

Wylan frowned, unsure. “Wait… so I´m still your demolitions man? I´m not… out of the group?”

Kaz scowled. “Why ever would you think that?”

He shrugged. He didn´t know how to fully explain everything that had gone through his head since yesterday, so he decided to not say anything. It´d probably only be the wrong thing again, anyways.

That´s when Nina interrupted. “I just don’t get it why anyone would live in the Barrel voluntarily. If your daddy´s so rich, what are you doing here, Wylan?” She frowned. “If that’s even your real name.”

He grimaced. That´d hurt. Though, he guessed he deserved that after purposely keeping the truth from them – or, at least from anyone but Kaz, apparently.

“My name is Wylan. I haven´t lied about that,” he replied quietly, deliberately ignoring her other questions. It seemed like Kaz hadn´t told them why he´d ended up in the Barrel, and honestly he didn´t want to tell them, either. He didn´t know how they´d react and he wouldn´t be able to stand their pity – or worse, amusement at his shortcomings – and the inevitable rejection. No, he wouldn´t say a word. It was a pretty pathetic story and he´d rather forget about it, however slim the chances of that ever happening were.

Jesper cut in. “Just not Wylan Hendriks, right? What would your full name really be, what was it? – Ah, yes. Wylan Van Eck then, isn´t it? A properly posh name for a properly spoiled kid.”

That made him wince. He hated the way his whole name sounded and it instantly brought up not-so-nice, hard-to-suppress memories – but the way Jesper had pronounced it was nearly worse, like his name was a bad-tasting, rotting piece of food and he couldn´t wait to spit it out and get rid of it.

“Enough of this! That´s barely the most important matter right now,” Kaz growled, impatient. “I need you to stop being distracted by this and to do your jobs. We still have a lot to prepare if we want this mission to be successful – after all it´s the most lucrative job we´ve ever taken and we want to get paid.”

Nina sneered. “Oh please, I doubt we´ll see much of the money we´re promised. As if any rich merchant would keep his word.”

Kaz only smiled cryptically. “I have my methods.”

In reply, she raised her eyebrows, hands on her hips. “Do you? So tell us, how do you want to make him keep the deal?”

“Why do you think it was Wylan I hired?” and he nodded towards him. “If old Van Eck tries anything, I´ll just threaten his son´s life and he will jump. Easy.”

At this, Jesper shot up. “Wait, what?!” he blurted out. Nina also looked shocked. Their reactions confused Wylan. I thought they didn´t like me anymore, why do they seem so offended at that? It would be a good plan, if only…

“It won´t work,” he spoke quietly.

Kaz lifted one of his eyebrows, appearing unfazed. “And why exactly wouldn´t it work?”

But Wylan only shook his head. The shame sat too deep in his bones, keeping his mouth shut.

“It just… it won´t work.”

“If you say so.” He still sounded unimpressed.

Frustration bubbled up in his chest. Kaz obviously didn´t believe him. But right now, he simply didn´t have the energy to fight. And it wasn´t like he could do anything – it would all require him to make himself vulnerable and give light to the parts of himself he wanted to hide most. Tolerating the very real possibility of rejection? No, not if he could prevent it.

So he sighed.

“I think, I should… if I´m not needed here right now, I´d like to go.”

Kaz nodded, eyes again directed towards to the documents on his desk. “Sure. But don’t forget about the bombs, we´ll still need them.”

He inclined his head to show he´d understood, turned around and went through the door and out of the Crow Club. It was only when he was back in his laboratory that he felt he could breathe again and when he looked down, he saw his hands slightly shaking. He closed his eyes and tried to push the memories the interaction had brought up back down, into the dark corner in his head he´d banished them to.

After another minute of collecting himself, he straightened up, put on his gloves and goggles – and got to work. Before he got fully immersed in the familiar movements, though, Kaz´ words came to his mind again.

Why do you think it was Wylan I hired?

He figured. Of course, why else.

Chapter Text

For a few days, all he did was working. It helped calm his overflowing mind. Whenever he was completely focused in his laboratory, shielded from the daylight and turbulences of the outside world, he tended to forget about everything else around him – unfortunately, he also lost any sense of time. On one occasion, he thought he´d only spent a day on a new project, but the moment he stepped out of the cellar, he´d realised three more days had passed already. It was quite confusing sometimes. So when Kaz unexpectedly paid him a visit, he honestly couldn´t tell how many days had gone by, it could´ve been anything between the range of one to three days. Judging by the amount of hunger that suddenly flared up in his stomach at the smell of the waffles Kaz had brought with him, he guessed about two days. Of course it was only now he remembered he hadn´t eaten ever since leaving the Crow Club. No wonder he felt so weak, he had already wondered about that.

“I figured you´d forget about eating,” was Kaz´ only comment, as he set the linen-wrapped waffles down on one of the tables – and walked back towards the stairs again. Before he left, though, he turned around to Wylan, who had been witnessing the whole affair with wide eyes, feet rooted to the ground. It wasn´t the first time Kaz had brought him food while he was too busy concentrating on something to remember other stuff, like eating, drinking or proper sleep. On the contrary. Ever since Wylan had nearly passed out in front of him one time after working non-stop on an earlier job, it actually had become a repeated occurrence.

He just hadn´t expected it now.

“The bombs will be done soon?”

Mute, Wylan nodded.  

“Good. Eat the waffles, drink something and go take a nap, you look like you haven´t slept in days. I don´t have any use of you if you´re passed out from overwork and exhaustion.” And with that, he was gone.

When he was alone, Wylan grabbed the waffles and sat down on the bed. He groaned as his pained muscles gave a sigh of relief. He hadn´t even realised how stiff they had become. After he took a few sips from the water bottle and basically inhaled the waffles, he lied down. Now that his focus slowly started to come back to his own body, he realised how exhausted he was. All it took was closing his eyes and a second later, he´d fallen asleep.

The next day, he woke up feeling – a lot better actually. He didn´t know how many hours he´d been out cold, but he guessed it hadn´t been a few. After sitting up and drinking some more water, he sighed. He was nearly done with the bombs, he would say he only needed a few more hours and they´d be ready.

Which meant that more sooner than later, he´d see Jesper again.

To push away the spiral of emotion this thought triggered, he got up, washed up a bit, changed into the only other pair of clothes he kept here and started on the last touches for the bombs. As expected, it didn´t take that long. When he took a quick peek out of his cellar to see how late in the day it was, he saw the sun still standing high in the sky. For a moment he entertained the idea of continuing to hide in his laboratory for the rest of the day, deliver the bombs to Kaz tomorrow… that way he wouldn´t have to worry about seeing Jesper right now. But then he shook his head. He wouldn´t be able to relax, the wait would make his nerves only worse. And in the end, he´d have to face Jesper anyways.

Decision made, he went back down the stairs, put the finished bombs in his backpack, and walked to the Crows Club.

He had been mentally prepared to meet him there, but the moment he stepped into Kaz´ office, it was still a shock seeing Jesper. He didn´t look much better than the last time, but Wylan supposed he could say the same about himself. Even if he´d eaten and caught up with some of the sleep he´d missed – he was still tired to the bone and he had a feeling that it wasn´t because of the overworking.

He was greeted by Nina, taunting him. “Oh look, the rich boy has arrived.”

He quickly averted his eyes, trying to ignore her as he stepped forward to carefully put his backpack on the desk. “I´m done, the bombs are ready.”

After examining the bombs and asking a few final questions about them, Kaz eventually locked them away safely. When quiet settled over the room, Jesper rose to speak.

“Now that we´re all here, how about we revisit your little plan of threatening Wylan´s life? Because I don´t remember giving my okay to that.”

Kaz´ expression stayed indecipherable. “I don´t remember you having the right to decide this in the first place.”

Jesper´s face turned grim. “Fine. But it´s not like you have asked Wylan if he consents with your plan.”

Kaz pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. “Jesper, I thought I made myself clear when I said it´d only come to this in case Jan Van Eck resisted paying the promised sum. Nothing more, nothing less.”

Wylan watched their discussion with a growing sense of dread. Without giving a proper reason why, Kaz would probably ignore his objection again, but he had to try. He couldn´t let them walk into this mission thinking he was their fail safe. He wasn´t. And he didn´t know how his father would react should he be faced with this “threat” – probably not well. He had to overcome his inner reluctance, otherwise he´d risk them getting hurt.

“It won´t work,” he whispered. But Kaz appeared as if he hadn´t even heard him.

So he repeated it, louder this time. “Kaz. It won´t work, not with him.”

Kaz only rolled his eyes. It set off a heated flame inside of him. It confused him for a second, but then he recognized the feeling. I am… angry, he thought, surprised. And at his reply, the flame burned higher and higher.

“Wylan, I don´t know what kind of father-son-quarrelling made you come to the Barrel, but he is still your father. Even Pekka Rollins handed over his empire at the threat of his son.”

Wylan shook his head, frustrated and in disbelief. Father-son-quarrelling? Did Kaz really think he´d chosen the life in the Barrel, went through all the hunger and robberies and dangers, over a small, unimportant fight?! It seemed like, after all, Kaz Brekker did in fact not know everything.

“But Pekka Rollins isn´t Jan Van Eck,” he growled out between clenched teeth. Out of the corner of his eye he registered Jesper frowning up at him, appearing bewildered at his tone. In all honesty, it had even startled himself a bit. If he hadn´t felt the words coming out of his mouth, he wouldn´t have known it was his own voice speaking them. He´d sounded… alien.

By now, Kaz seemed annoyed. “Wylan, every one of those men would be thrilled to find their long-lost heir healthy and alive. He probably thought you were dead.”

He didn´t know why, but somehow that made him laugh. It wasn´t a nice laugh, though. It was hard and ragged and bitter and it hurt.

“Trust me, Kaz. My father would be more thrilled if he knew I was dead.” When would he finally listen to him?!

Kaz´ eyes turned to slits, but the unimpressed mask stayed on. “And why´s that, Wylan?”

The fire in him exploded, and any doubts, fears and caution he had whenever this issue was brought up – burned to the ground. And with it, the truth he´d kept so close to himself for all this time broke out of him.

“BECAUSE HE WAS THE ONE TRYING TO GET RID OF ME IN THE FIRST PLACE!”

Through the sound of his own heavy breathing, he realised what he´d just said. Panic creeped up his spine, but before it could reach his heart, he slowly registered that his answer was – silence.

“What?” Kaz´ question cut through the shocked speechlessness of the others.

Wylan shrugged, trying to breathe the panic away. At least it seemed like he´d finally gotten through to him. It felt like he had screamed the anger straight out of his body - but now that it was gone, he found only exhaustion, bitterness and an overwhelming amount of shame were left.

However, no way to turn back now. He´d shovelled his own grave, he might as well lie in it.

“I mean, look at me,” he murmured, pointing at himself. “I´m not particularly strong or skilled in handling a weapon and I don´t wield any powers either. I might know how to combine some chemicals, but otherwise I´m pretty much useless.” A small, incredulous laugh bubbled out of him. “Do you really think I would´ve come to the Barrel if I had any choice? It´s a wonder I didn´t end up dead in some side-alley yet. Don´t you see? I am not living here, I´m hiding.”

“Oh, Wylan…” Nina tried to walk up to him, but when he flinched away from her, she stopped, wearing a stricken expression.

“You´re not useless, Wylan,” Jesper also cut in quietly after a pause. His voice sounded serious and sad. “You´re our demolitions expert, remember?”

Wylan shook his head. “That´s just chemistry, Jesper. And Kaz said himself that the only reason he hired me was because of my father.”

Up until now, the third man had stayed silent, eyes inscrutable. Then, he opened his mouth. “Why would your father want to kill you?”

He shrugged. “There is a certain… well, skill, that any merchant needs to be adapt at. And unfortunately, I… I wasn´t able to master it.” While talking, his eyes stayed glued to the ground. “No matter how hard I tried,” he whispered. He wasn´t sure if the others had even heard the last part, but when he threw a quick glance in Jesper´s direction, he saw the dawning realisation, replaced by thunderous rage on his face. He´d figured out what skill he meant, then. Wylan sighed.

“When my father learned of my… disability… I turned useless in his eyes. The problem was that at one point, the others would ask questions. After all, why wouldn´t Jan Van Eck´s only heir take over his business? It´d be a scandal. The poor Van Eck with his disgrace of a son.

“So… he figured he´d rather have no son at all than a –“ he swallowed, “damaged one.” For a moment he couldn´t speak, overcome with emotion. He wanted to cry.

But then he straightened up and continued. “He actually tried to kill me a few times already, he started when I was still young. Of course he made it look like an accident every time. I wasn´t pushed out of the window or in front of the carriage, I simply fell, what a clumsy son I was.” Even to him his voice sounded slightly hysterical. He couldn´t help it. All the excuses his father had come up with, every single one illustrating him as an incompetent moron, still affected him. He breathed deeply, trying to move on from the feeling.

“Somehow, though, I always survived. And trust me, my father wasn´t happy about it. So when his new wife got pregnant, presenting to him the new possibility of an heir – one that he could actually make use of –  well.

“Under a… completely ridiculous pretence, he´d had me brought to the harbour here.” He closed his eyes, still mad at himself. “I don´t know why, but I believed him. Of course, it was a trap to get rid of me for good, and the men he´d hired nearly managed to succeed. Thanks to a distraction, though, I was able to flee – and I guess now I´m here.”

Another thought made him laugh, but it wasn´t joyful. “When we first met, in the tannery, I actually thought you were send from my father to kill me. Though I suppose I´d already be dead if that was really the case, wouldn´t I?” Then he turned serious again. After all, there was a reason he´d told them all this.

“So yeah. Pekka Rollins might have kneeled before you at the threat of his son – but Jan Van Eck will laugh into your face and hand you the gun himself.”

When he finally lifted his head, he was presented with three different reactions. Nina had silent tears running down her face, Kaz had his teeth clenched, wearing a disgusted expression, and Jesper – Jesper looked horrified. He nodded slightly to himself. They seemed to have understood. He was glad, because right now all he wanted was to crawl under his blanket and stay there for a week. He felt completely drained.

There was still something on his mind, though, he wanted to say before going.

“Just… one thing. You all have pasts and secrets you don’t talk of and maybe even want to forget. So… why is it suddenly wrong when I try to do the same? That´s kind of unfair, don’t you think?”

And with that, he turned around and left.

Chapter Text

He barely made it to his made-do bed in his laboratory before his legs gave out. The work-marathon of the past few days, but especially his confessions thoroughly exhausted him. He felt even too tired to cry. He closed his eyes, just wishing to forget about it all for a bit.

He hadn´t realised he´d actually fallen asleep until he was woken up by someone softly calling his name.

“Wylan? Wylan, can you please wake up? Please?”

When he slowly blinked his eyes open, he only saw a blurry shadow. As his vision started to focus, though, he realised who the figure next to him was.

“Jesper? What are you doing here?”

The man in question was sitting next to the bed, arms and head propped up on its edge, watching him. Jesper's voice sounded hoarse and his eyes were bloodshot, as if he had been crying. “I am here for a lot of things hopefully, but first and foremost I wanted to check on you, see how you´re doing.”

Wylan frowned slightly. That, he hadn´t expected. To be able to concentrate better, he sat up, rubbing his eyes. “Since when are you here?”

He hesitated for a second before answering. “I followed you shortly after you left the Crow Club.”

“But I didn´t see you before I- wait, how long have I been asleep?”

Jesper shrugged. “Well… by now it should be dark outside, so… a few hours I suppose?”

He felt mortified. “And all those hours you have been here?” he whispered, blushing.

Jesper smiled a bit, though it didn´t reach his eyes. They still looked sad. “Not quite, but mostly… yeah.”

Oh Saints. “Why didn´t you wake me up?!”

“I woke you up now, didn´t I?”

Wylan glared at him, trying to cool his burning cheeks with his hands. “Jesper. You know what I mean.”

The other man sighed. “Fine. You looked so… peaceful. And I figured you´d need the sleep, I didn´t want to disturb you.”

“I see…” Another thought came to his mind, completely destroying his progress in cooling his blush, making it even worse. “Have you been watching me sleep for the whole time?”

Jesper chuckled quietly, but shook his head. “No, I fetched some things while you were still sleeping.”

Wylan put his legs up in bed to hug them. It comforted and calmed his wildly beating heart. “What things?”

At his question, Jesper reached to a bag next to himself that Wylan hadn´t noticed until now and pulled a small, linen-wrapped package and a bigger piece of cloth out.

He cocked his head. “What are those?”

Jesper looked up at him from the items, gazing deep into his soul with his warm and serious eyes. “I wanted to do this right.”

That made him frown in confusion. “`This`?” Before he could mutter another word, though, Jesper revealed what he had brought – making Wylan gasp.

“You brought me stroopwaffles?”

In answer, Jesper simply smiled lightly and properly showed him the second object. Wylan's heart started to beat even harder.

It was a shirt – but not any shirt, no. It belonged to Jesper… well, that is until Wylan had slipped it on one morning because he had been cold, only to realise it´d had to be made of the softest, comfiest cloth he´d ever worn. Ever since then, it had become his comfort-shirt. Jesper hadn´t commented on this change of owner except for a small smile and a kiss.

He couldn´t believe Jesper had taken the time to get him this. Without further warning, his eyes started burning and eventually overflowing.

“Jesper…” he whispered, trying to see him through the veil of tears.

Jesper hesitantly reached for his hands, giving him the room to pull them away. When he didn´t, he gently took and squeezed them. Then, he haltingly started talking.

“Wylan, I… I can´t even begin to explain how sorry I am.” He shook his head. “You went through so much, and you didn´t deserve the way we, I, reacted at all. You were totally correct, you have every right to have, and keep your secrets. I guess I just,“ he shrugged, “I felt kind of… betrayed? I mean, I told you that I didn´t want to hide who I am anymore, and that one of the reasons for that decision was you; I- I told you about my own past… and I guess I just assumed that this would be, I don´t know, two-sided? So when I found out about your father from Kaz of all people and not from you?” He sighed. “I guess that… that hurt me.”

“No, no you´re so right, and I am so sorry about hurting you. I did want to tell you, I just… I didn´t know how. How does one even begin to explain that? I mean, I couldn´t have just turned to you one day and say “Oh, by the way Jesper, I am actually the son of a very wealthy merchant who wants to see me dead because I can´t read”?

“I was… afraid of your reaction, from all of you. I know that my disability is technically nothing to be ashamed of, but if on every corner you turn someone tries to make you feel bad… worthless…because of it… you start to believe it at some point. And I didn´t want to risk losing you, Jesper, I can´t lose you, you´re the best thing that happened to me.” When his voice broke at the last words, Jesper stood up and sat down next to him on the bed, hugging him tightly, his shirt absorbing his ever flowing tears.

“You won´t lose me, not as long as I have a say in that. I´ll stay by your side until you grow tired of me.”

He sniffed, face buried in Jesper´s shoulder. “I could never grow tired of you.”

The arms around him tightened. “Good. Me neither.”

“I´m really sorry, Jesper.”

“I´m sorry, too.” He gave Wylan a kiss on the top of his head, then he slowly pulled back, gently wiping away the tears on his cheeks. When he gazed into his eyes, they were filled with emotion. “How about you eat some of the waffles I brought you? You probably didn´t eat much the past few days, did you?”

Wylan shrugged sheepishly. “I might have forgotten about it…”

Jesper snorted amused. “Did Kaz have to bring you food again?”

“Maybe?”

“Thought so,” he laughed. “Do you want to stay here or do you want to go back to our place?”

“Wait, so I… I can sleep in your room again?”

Jesper frowned. “My room? What ar- Wylan, that´s not my room anymore, it´s ours - and I want, I need you to understand that no matter what happens, it´ll always be your home.”

His eyes grew wide. “It is?”

Jesper chuckled and nodded. “Yes, darling. It became ours the moment I gave you that key and you accepted it.” Then he hesitated. “That is, if you still want it to be ours. After the past few days I would understand should you-“

“Jesper!” he interrupted the rambling. “Jesper, stop! Of course I want to continue living in… in our room.” He was sure that by now, he was smiling from one ear to the other. He couldn´t believe that just this morning he´d been miserable and now… now he was filled with this incredible amount of happiness.

Jesper audibly released a breath, the grin starting to form on his face quickly mimicking his own. “Oh, Saints be thanked,” and with a swift motion, he gently grasped Wylan´s face, drew him closer and kissed him. The moment their lips touched, Wylan´s insides turned into a firework. His heart doubled its beat, his stomach grew home of a thousand butterflies and his hands tingled – his whole body sung with the happiness sparked by Jesper´s closeness. After a moment, though, the excitement slowly ceased, leaving behind the warmth and contentment he´d get every time Jesper was near. He´d missed this.

When they parted, they stayed close to each other, breathing in their own air. That´s when another thought came to his mind.

Reluctantly, he asked, “…we still need to talk about stuff, don´t we?”

Jesper nodded, stroking his cheeks in a hypnotizing motion. “Yeah, we do.” Then he smiled.

“But first, let´s go home.”

Chapter Text

Dressed in his comfort-shirt and happily munching on the stroopwaffles, Wylan made his way back to the Crow Club with Jesper. When Wylan leaned into him, Jesper snagged a few bites of the waffles while grinning at him mischievously. He let it happen wordlessly, smiling back. He´d gladly let Jesper eat some of his waffles if it meant he could get closer to him.

When they arrived at the club and made their way quietly past Kaz´ office up to their room, Wylan felt comfortable, full and content. While Jesper quickly cleaned up a few things, he watched him with a look that probably couldn´t be described as anything but besotted. He had fallen for the other man practically the moment he´d first laid eyes on him. But now, after everything they´d went through together, and especially after today, the feeling had evolved, grown deeper and stronger.

He was in love with Jesper Fahey. Who would have thought? It didn´t scare him, though – quite the contrary, it excited him.

A memory flashed before his eyes, of a younger version of himself looking into a mirror. Back then, he had seen a scared and hurt boy, unsure if he´d live to see the next day, finding only weaknesses in his reflection and deeming himself thoroughly unlovable.

Wylan wanted nothing more than to go back to that desperate moment, hug his younger self and tell him that no matter how impossible is seemed right now – it would get better. Not only better, but marvellous. Happy.

“Wylan? You alright?”

The question got him out of his thoughts and he blinked repeatedly to clear his vision again. When he looked up at Jesper who seemed slightly worried, he smiled.

“I am now.”

The other man smiled back, if a bit bemused, before shrugging and walking towards the bed. “If you say so.” After making himself comfortable on the bed, he glanced up at Wylan expectantly. “You want to cuddle some more?”

Now that was an offer he wouldn´t even occur to refuse. Grinning shyly, he quickly made his way across the room and, after an idea popped into his head, jumped onto the bed, landing halfway on Jesper.

“Oof! I´d interpret this as an enthusiastic ´Yes´, am I correct?” Jesper laughed. Wylan only nodded, face buried into his chest, the grin now going from one ear to the other. Two gentle arms were wrapped around his middle and squeezed lightly. Content, he closed his eyes.

They laid there like that for an indeterminable amount of time, simply enjoying being close to each other. He relinquished the feeling of being in Jesper´s arms again, being able to feel his breath against his skin, his body heat bringing back the warmth in his own limbs. It was his thoughts nagging at the back of his mind, the knowledge of what they still had to talk about, though, that eventually made him pull back.

Jesper caressed his cheek and looked at him softly, a quiet seriousness in his eyes. It wasn´t often that he wore such a calm emotion. It made the times that he did stand out, and Wylan knew that whatever he was about to say, it was very important to him.

“How are you? Honestly?”

Wylan blinked. On a rational level he knew he shouldn´t be as surprised at this as he was, but Jesper showing him time and time again how much he meant to him still felt a bit like a dream.

But this was better. Because it was real.

He smiled. “I´m good now.” He laughed sheepishly. “Hats off to you for managing that because just a few hours ago I was in a completely different place…”

Jesper watched him attentively, giving him the room to share only as much as he wanted to. For a second, Wylan got distracted by the intensity of his gaze. He was always fascinated by the way Jesper watched other people, but he especially loved it when he watched him. He could feel his eyes, his attention zeroed in on him, taking note of every detail, every move, and meticulously saving the information in the part of his brain only reserved for him. His heart fluttered happily, before he forced his mind to come back to the subject of their conversation. He sobered up a bit.

“I- … I didn´t cope well after Kaz first revealed… that part of my past. I had one of my breakdowns again.”

Jesper slowly nodded, showing him he understood. “Did this,” he gently took hold of his bandaged hand, “also happen then?”

“Yes. Everything just became… too much? I don´t really know how to describe it. But it was hard to, well, do anything really, you know?, because suddenly it all was just so overwhelming… I knocked over a few of my glass bottles and…” He laughed nervously. “… and I accidently smashed one of them when I tried to pick them up and cut myself with the shards. Pretty dumb, right?”

Jesper shook his head, the serious glint in his eyes still present. His hands hadn´t left his face and his thumbs had begun to draw hypnotizing patterns on his skin, grounding him in the moment – helping him to not travel too much back into the memory of his breakdown. It wasn´t the first time he´d had one of those and it wasn´t the first time he´d told Jesper about them either, not after he´d witnessed him having one. Back then, he´d helped him through it, catching him when he needed it the most, listening and simply, patiently being there for him while radiating a calmness that slowed his thoughts, his breath, his heart – and it had the same effect on him now, too. Wylan didn´t know how Jesper did it, but he was thankful for it.

“No Wylan, that´s not dumb. Nothing of what you just told me is dumb.” He hesitated and closed his eyes. “I´m sorry you had to go through that all on your own. I´m sorry I wasn´t there for you.” He looked defeated.

Wylan vehemently shook his head, raising his own hands to Jesper´s face to try and make him open his eyes.

“No, Jesper, no! You were angry, and rightfully so! I – I lied to you!” In his protest, he made the mistake of pressing his right hand too hard against Jesper´s face and, surprised by the sharp pain that followed, he sucked air between his teeth. He quickly withdrew his hand and frowned at it disapprovingly, feeling personally betrayed by it. When Jesper´s hands left his face to gently close around his injured one, Wylan glanced up at him. He eyes had opened again and were trained down on their hands, appearing thoughtful.

“The bandage should get changed again, it looks a bit dirty.” He got up, pulled some dressing material out of a drawer and crawled back on to the bed. After he sat down opposite of Wylan, he took his right hand and got to work.

For a moment, they were both quiet. Then Jesper sighed. “I appreciate you wanting to defend me, Wylan, but please, don´t try to make me feel better. I behaved like a total ass and there´s no excuse for that. Also you didn´t lie to me, you just didn´t tell the whole truth, which is a difference.” Wylan opened his mouth to interject, but Jesper didn´t let him. “No, it is, so don´t say otherwise. And the times you did kind of lie, you did it to protect yourself, therefore they don´t count.

“Would I have liked to know about your past earlier? Yeah, of course, I won´t deny that. But not because you somehow owe that to me. I would´ve liked to- to support you, not make you go through all that alone. That’s why.”

After that, he fell silent again, concentrating on removing the bandages on his hand instead. Wylan needed a moment to digest all that he´d said.

“Oh.”

Jesper laughed quietly. “Yes, Oh. I think you still underestimate just how much you mean to me.” When he glanced from his hand up to him, Wylan could see a determined gleam in his eyes. “And I will make sure that from now on you´ll feel as cherished and loved as you are.”

His heart stopped and his eyes doubled in size. “L-loved?!” he sputtered.

Jesper immediately tensed up, his features freezing. It was obvious that he hadn´t planned to reveal so much and he quickly tried to backpedal.  “Did I say loved? Nah, um, you see– “ The rest of his mumbled answer was unintelligible and he seemed to have developed a sudden and strong interest in cleaning his skin around the wound, refusing to look at anything else.

Wylan laughed brightly, a fountain of delightfulness coming to life in his chest. “Don´t you dare deny it now, I know what I heard!” He leaned forwards to bring his own grinning face directly in front of Jesper´s strained one. “And I refuse to let you talk yourself out of it.” His grin widened. “You want to know why?”

Finally, Jesper´s eyes peeped up, quickly. “Why?”

With his uninjured hand, Wylan reached up to cradle his jaw. “Because I love you too, Jes.”

At this his movement stilled. “You… you do?” he breathed, sounding hopeful.

His grin softened into a smile. He could see vulnerability in Jesper´s eyes and he treated it like the gift that it was. He was sure he didn´t let that side of himself out often, much less in the company of others. “Of course I do. There is not one part of you that I haven´t hopelessly fallen for.”

“But you don´t know every part of me yet.”

“Yes, and that´s the exciting part! I can´t wait to learn about every single aspect of you and find ways to love them all. It´s one of the things I look forward to the most!”

A few long seconds ticked by where Jesper only looked at him, staring into his eyes to see if he was lying. He wasn´t, though. Every word Wylan had spoken was as heartfelt and true as it could get – which he slowly seemed to realise, as his limbs started to relax again and a moment later, he leaned his forehead against Wylan´s. Through their proximity, he could feel Jesper breathe in deeply. When he breathed out, it transformed into a small laugh.

“My, my,” Wylan whispered teasingly, “did I leave the great Jesper Fahey speechless?”

The smile on Jesper´s face gradually grew, lightening up his eyes. He chuckled. “I guess you did – but don’t tell anyone, or my reputation will be ruined.” He winked at him and leaned down to place a small kiss on Wylan´s right palm. It made his heart flip happily, but for reasons unknown to him, his mouth instead blurted out, “That´s unhygienic, Jesper!”

The man in question bursted into laughter. “I know, love, I know, don´t worry,” he got out between his giggles. “I´ll clean it again before bandaging it.”

After he finished dressing his wound, Wylan took advantage of their linked hands and quickly clasped Jesper´s own bandaged hand, reversing their roles. “Now, let me.” Jesper hesitated shortly, but then he sighed and nodded. “You´re right, it should get changed as well.”

While he slowly removed the used bandages from Jesper´s left hand, his curiosity got the better of him and he couldn´t help but ask what had happened.

A deep sigh was his answer. “To be honest, I don´t even fully remember. I just know that this is the result of too much alcohol, frustration and a whole lot of bad decisions. I´d say ´You should see the other guy´ but I´m not even sure if there´s another guy. Might as well have punched a wall for all I know,” he shrugged.

Wylan grew sad. That was his fault. To avoid Jesper´s eyes, he concentrated on finishing cleaning the multiple cuts and scrapes on his hand instead and wrapping new bandages around it. “I´m sorry.”

“Hey.” Jesper´s other hand came up to gently lift his head so he had to return his gaze. It was soft. “I´m not. Yes, I could´ve handled it all better, but the most important thing is that this is now behind us. From this point on there´s no other way but forward.”

Wylan nodded mesmerised, already lost in the umber depths of his eyes. “Yeah, I guess you´re right.”

Jesper´s smile turned mischievous. “Of course I am. Also, you´re not permitted to say sorry anymore, I won´t allow it.”

He frowned. “Bu-“

“Na-ah-ah!” Jesper playfully waggled his finger and Wylan had to fight to stay serious, laughter slowly bubbling up his throat.

“Jes-“

“I said it´s not allowed!”

A fit of giggles hindered him from saying anything else. Appearing satisfied, Jesper once more put his arms around him. After he was able to breathe around his laughs again, he surrendered.

“Fine.”

“Now was that so hard?”

Instead of a real answer, Wylan simply stuck out his tongue, earning him a snort from Jesper. “Oh yeah, how adult.”

“What can I say, I´m very mature for my age.”

“Sure you are, love,” Jesper chuckled and kissed the top of his head.

As they sat there on the bed, holding each other close, Wylan breathed in deeply, trying to commit the moment to his memory. He could feel the last damaged pieces of his heart, those still injured by the fear and pain and despair of the last few days – but also those dark and hidden niches holding deeper wounds from years of mistreatment – beginning to mend themselves and heal, leaving behind only one nibbling thought. And when the silence stretched on, it started to grow bigger, making him restless.

Jesper quickly picked up on it (Wylan had never been good at hiding his emotions), and pulled back slightly to look at him. “There´s still something else, isn´t it?”

For a second, Wylan was torn – but… he wanted to tell him the truth from now on, didn´t he?

He briefly closed his eyes and struggled to squash down his nervousness. When he opened them again, he steadily returned Jesper´s gaze. But uncertainty still hovered at the corners of his mind. He tried to search his eyes, to find any hint of doubt. He didn´t. All he could see in their depths was kindness and love and acceptance. He wanted to cry. A part of him that was getting smaller and smaller was still in disbelief, but nevertheless deeply moved from being loved by this man.

In this moment, Wylan realised he´d already made the decision to fully trust Jesper ages ago. It was about time he showed him.

Hesitantly, he opened his mouth. “Yes. There… there is.” He tried to gain some courage from another deep breath.

“I received letters.”

Jesper frowned confused. “From who?”

“My father.”

Jesper´s frown deepened. “Okay… how do you know they´re from him?”

“I may not be able to understand what´s written on them, but I know the way my father´s handwriting looks. It´s the same. And I can recognize the seal he always used. So…” Wylan shrugged, though his heart still beat hard in his chest.

“But why would your father write you letters? He knows you can´t read.” Jesper´s voice had gotten a sharp undertone, as it always did when he started to get angry. Wylan only hoped he wasn´t angry at him. His throat released a nervous chuckle.

“I wish I knew! I´m terrified every time I look at them! I even put them in a hidden box so I wouldn´t be reminded of them all the time and I try to ignore them, but- but somehow they´re still always at the back of my mind and it´s slowly driving me insane! I don´t know if he´s just using them to taunt me or if he, if he–“ His throat constricted, forcing him to stop. It was the other possibility, the one coming after the “or”, that made him start trembling. It wasn´t a new idea, it had actually been the first thing that had come to his mind when he got the very first letter and recognized who it had been from. But until now, he´d always shoved it away.

When he continued, his voice had lost its slightly hysteric edge and transformed into a whisper instead. “… or if he threatens me. He obviously knows I´m alive, and that I live here, otherwise the letters wouldn´t have gotten delivered.” He breathed in shakily. “But what if he didn´t just threaten me…” He looked up into Jesper´s calm and focused eyes, a mixture of worry and anxiety rising in him as for the first time he actually considered this possibility. “… but also you? And because I never told you guys about the letters, we didn´t know, couldn´t prepare and now he´ll be here any minute with his men, ready to demolish the Crow Club and harming you in the progress!”

Two strong hands wrapped gently around the base of his head, coaxing him out of his thought spiral and into the real world, making him concentrate on, and see the man in front of him again.

“Wylan, it´ll be alright, okay?” Jesper´s eyes were intently trained on his, willing him to believe what he was saying.

“Trust me, it will. First of all: The club. Think about it for a second. Do you really think Kaz Brekker, the king of paranoia and distrust, isn´t always prepared for someone trying to tear down all that he´s built? With an emphasis on trying. Even if he didn´t know the creepiest details about almost everyone and everything in the Barrel, so he´d definitely know if your dickhead of a father planned anything. But do you really think the Bastard of the Barrel lets himself be defeated that easily?”

Silent, Wylan slowly shook his head. No, not Kaz.

“Good. Also – I doubt your father knows you´re with us now. I mean, why would he have hired us for this job, then?”

“Maybe it’s a trap?”

“Maybe it is,” he shrugged, “maybe it´s not. And even if it comes to a fight! We´re strong, I mean we just beat the Darkling, for Saints sake!”

“Yeah, well, technically it was Alina…”

Jesper waved his remark aside. “So what, we helped. Also, don´t forget that we held our own against Ohval, and she´s a Saint! We did that without Alina.” He paused. “And no one’s going to beat me and my guns, anyways.” His right thumb softly stroked Wylan´s temple and he winked at him. “So I´m pretty sure we´ll be able to manage whatever your father throws at us, in case that´ll ever happen – you understand?”

Wylan nodded, a weak smile playing around his lips.

“And another thing…” Jesper hesitated for a second, but then he seemed to make a decision and went on, “If you want and… if you think it would help to calm your worries… I could read the letters to you. When you´re ready, of course.”

He frowned, insecurities suddenly flaring up. “But Jesper, that would be way too much to ask for.”

“Wylan, nothing I could do would be too much if I did it for you.” He smiled. “And you didn´t ask, I offered.”

He still wasn´t convinced. It was one thing to trust that Jesper really loved and cared for him – another thing entirely to believe anyone would do something like that for… well, for him. “You- you really don´t have to-“

“I know that I don´t have to, but I want to.” He leaned back a bit more and took Wylan´s hands, drawing small circles on his skin with his thumbs. “I´d love to actually. I mean, just think about how awesome it´ll sound: ´Jesper Fahey, sharpshooter, adviser and reading assistant to Wylan´!” He grinned.

His own eyebrows shot up.” ´Adviser´?”

Jesper firmly nodded once, pulling a comically stern face. “Naturally, the one and only!” Wylan giggled. Then, Jesper´s pretend seriousness morphed into real one. “But seriously. I would genuinely love to read the letters, or anything at all to you if it´d help you. Please, will you at least think about it?”

Wylan took a few moments to contemplate that, though he already knew he could never refuse a “Please” from Jesper. And maybe it really would help dissolving the dread of the unknown that always lurked somewhere in his mind. He smiled lightly. “I will… thank you.” As an answer, he got a kiss on his forehead. “Of course, love.”

After that, Jesper settled down on the bed again, Wylan quickly following and sinking into his arms. Together, they silently laid there, each one of them lost in their own thoughts. Even though he´d already slept through a good portion of the day, tiredness slowly overcame him at the rhythmic lull of Jesper´s heartbeat, and it wasn´t long until he could barely keep his heavy eyes open. He had nearly fallen asleep when a quiet voice gently shook him out of his doze.

“And Wylan?” Jesper asked.

“Mhmmm…?” was his eloquent reply and groggily he tried to open his eyes. He couldn´t remember when they´d fallen shut. Tiredly, he blinked up at Jesper until he could see him clearly. “What is it, Jes?”

“If from now on you´ll need to keep things from me, for whatever reason, I… I wanted to say that you won´t have to worry about my reaction anymore, I will understand. I know you tend to overthink things very quickly, so I just wanted to make sure you knew that. No matter what happens, we´ll get through it. Don´t forget that. Okay?”

Deeply touched, Wylan closed his eyes again, burying his face in the curve of Jesper´s neck and tried to crawl even more into his embrace, hugging him tightly. Tears started to well up behind his eyelids, but he made no move to suppress or hide them. He knew he could entrust Jesper even with the ugliest parts of himself, the parts he´d grown to loathe – and who knew, maybe he´d even find some beauty in them. He felt Jesper´s arms tighten around him in return.

“Okay.”

***

The next morning, Wylan woke up with a plan. He would go back to the cellar, dig out the box containing his father´s letters, and bring it back here to show it to Jesper. Now that he thought about it, there were actually a few other things still lying around in his lab that he needed, so he had to go there anyways. Determined, he nodded to himself. Yes, he would do this.

After he carefully extricated himself from the arms that were loosely wrapped around him, he got up. He quickly looked back to check if he´d accidently woken Jesper up, but he was still fast asleep, snoring slightly. Wylan smirked. He knew Jesper would never admit that sometimes he tended to snore, but he´d actually found it kind of endearing. It was so… human. With all his flourish and bravado, you could sometimes forget that in the end, that´s what Jesper was. Human.

Also, it was just cute. And an excellent thing Wylan could tease him with.

When he finished washing up and dressing, he quickly drew a flask on a scrap of paper - it was their own little sign for his lab so Jesper would know where he went - and then tried to sneak down the stairs and out of the Crow Club. He was just passing by the office as quietly as possible, when all of a sudden Kaz´ voice ringed out loudly.

“Wylan. Do come in. There´s still plenty to discuss now that you two are done with your little reunion.”

For a perplexed second, he froze. Then he cautiously peeked through the slightly opened door into the room. Kaz sat in his usual chair and didn´t look up.

“… what?”

“Well, there will obviously be some necessary changes of plan now that we´ve learned of your father´s true…” Kaz scowled, “…character. Get Jesper down, Nina should be here shortly.”

Unsure of what was going on exactly, he decided it would be best to just follow Kaz´ orders. If he´d learned one thing about surviving since coming to the Barrel, it was this.

He quickly climbed the stairs back up to their room, finding Jesper in the exact same position he´d left him only seconds ago. After he sat down on their bed, he gently shook Jesper´s shoulder until he woke up.

“Mhmm? Wylan? What is i-“ Before he finished the sentence, Jesper blinked his eyes open, took one long look at Wylan´s face and heaved an exasperated sighed, clearly annoyed.

“What does he want now?”

“To be honest, I don´t fully know and I was too afraid to ask.”

Snorting, Jesper sat up and kissed his temple. “Don´t worry, love, I´ll protect you.” He grinned. Then he crawled out of bed to get ready, too. When he was done, he turned to Wylan, who´d watched him from the bed, and held out his hand.

“Let´s go, beautiful,” he winked.

Blushing, Wylan took the offered hand and together, they went down the stairs to the office.

Immediately after entering, Jesper stomped to the desk and glared at the top of Kaz´ head. “Kaz, what is this? I really need to catch up on some proper sleep, so why did Wylan have to wake me up?”

Kaz stayed unmoved, eyes trained on some blueprints in front of him. “If I remember correctly, that is your own fault. And I don´t think you have to wait long. Until then, take a seat, your hovering is quite irritating.”

“Youuu… ugh!” Jesper threw his hands up and turned around, looking frustrated. When their eyes met, Wylan shrugged sympathetically and nodded towards the couch.

The moment they sat down on it, though, Nina burst into the office. Mouth already open to speak her mind, Kaz interrupted before a single word could leave her lips.

“There you are.”

Nina froze for second, then shook her head and relaxed slightly. “I don´t think I even want to know how you knew I´d come.”

Kaz raised one eyebrow. “It´s not like it´s difficult. It was pretty obvious that sooner or later you´d come here to discuss your favourite topic again, considering that our original backup plan with the old Van Eck won´t work anymore. And knowing you, it would be sooner rather than later.”

Nina clicked her tongue in disapproval. “I´m going to pretend I didn´t hear that last part. And you might not believe in true love, but you have to admit that now we´ll definitely need more help.” She stared hard at Kaz, a silent conversation going on between the two of them. It didn´t seem to be the first time. Kaz held the eye contact for a few more seconds, a muscle twitching in his jaw, before he eventually broke it and sighed.

“Fine,” he gritted out between clenched teeth. “Let´s get your man out of Hellgate.”