Chapter Text
Usagi woke one morning to wet rose petals scattered by her pillowside and Luna informing her of the coughing fit she'd gotten into while asleep and delirious with fever.
She didn't feel so bad, now. Luna seemed concerned, but Usagi didn't think much of it because too much was already on her mind. Nothing was breaking through her depression.
Usagi mourned Mamoru.
It was funny; he wasn't dead, and Usagi knew that, but mourned him nonetheless. She felt his absence like a phantom limb, haunting her past, her present, and her future. Mamoru was her miracle romance, her fate, her destiny, to someday become the father of her child. Everything in the universe always pointed her toward Mamoru, and that knowledge once comforted her when doubts clouded her mind.
Now, she found herself almost wishing she never had known about what would become of herself and Mamoru. The shadow of his flowing cape hung oppressively in front of the moon, leaving her in darkness. If she was to be honest with herself, and she wasn't sure she could, she'd recognize that things had been off ever since Chibiusa arrived and perhaps even before.
Always, the feeling lingered that she wasn't good enough for Mamoru. The more time she spent with him, the more obvious it was that he treated her like a child or an obligation. Every time thoughts such as those cropped up, she brushed them off because she needed things to work between them. Not only was her romanticized first love relying on it, but so was Chibiusa's very existence.
The amount of selfish she would have to become in order to rethink her relationship with Mamoru was unforgivable. It would be letting everyone down.
Usagi would not allow herself to bend under the pressure, because no matter how many times her calls failed to get through, she owed it to him and Chibiusa. It couldn't matter if she was unhappy, or if she could never understand why Mamoru wouldn't communicate with her. If everyone else could get their happy ending, it's worth it. Surely, someday she'd become truly, deeply happy with Mamoru.
The future they'd been promised.
Deep in her chest, Usagi felt a deep unsettling tightness. All this worrying was probably making her sick, but she couldn't seem to stop.
Luna knew what kind of sickness this was, but couldn't bring herself to tell Usagi what plagued her. If it was worded incorrectly, Usagi could easily misunderstand the disease to mean Mamoru does not love her back, and her mental state has been unusually fragile of late.
Then, there was the issue of not being able to contact Mamoru to make it stop. It would be of no use to tell Usagi she's dying and then give her no hope of recovery. Luna would have to be sensitive about how this was handled.
Usagi didn't stay in her funk forever, but the bad feeling inside her body continued squeezing her throat and pulling rose petals from her lungs. Just as the rose stems began to rip the edges of her esophagus did blood join the buds, reds blending perfectly.
When Luna noticed blood staining the sheet after a coughing fit one night, she couldn't hold it back any longer. Even if she had no solutions, it had gone too far in the short span of a few days, and Usagi deserved the truth of what was happening to her.
"Usagi, you must tell someone. Even if Mamoru can't be here to cure you of this, Hanahaki legends say that love, understanding, and affection from family and friends can slow it down significantly." One thing Luna could not figure out was why, after being told exactly how it works, Usagi would clam up. Usually, Usagi was almost too talkative.
With a long sigh, Usagi slid open the glass door to step out on the balcony, looking up at the stars. "But, Luna...what if talking about Mamo doesn't work? I don't want to make everyone worry about something they can't do anything to stop." These were the only thoughts she knew how to put a voice to. Her heart cried out for someone to get that the things she wanted weren't on the table.
She is faithful to Mamo, and thus could not be giving voice to anything contradictory.
Luna followed her out, jumping onto the hand rail to get closer to eye level with her friend. "Sometimes, you need to let people worry about you. If Mina was suffering quietly, you would want her to confide her troubles in you, right?"
"Yeah. Obviously." Usagi scratched her head, not quite catching on to the point yet.
"Then tell her. Or Rei, or anyone! Please, Usagi. You need to remember that your love is not a burden, and the people who love you back aren't going to let you down if you're honest with them about how you feel."
As Usagi began to nod in agreement, she could swear she saw the back of Seiya walking down the street. She almost called out to him before realizing it hadn't been him at all. Assuming she must need more sleep, she carried Luna back inside with her and tucked back into bed, promising Luna she would talk to someone about it in the morning.
Well, as long as she could find that someone.