Work Text:
A little box weighed heavy in Robert’s jacket pocket.
He stood alone outside, hyping himself up before going to join the rest of his teammates in the venue they rented out for the holiday party. It was a refined building in an even more refined neighborhood, only the very best for the biggest club in Germany.
Robert fished the box out of his pocket and cracked it open. He didn’t know why he felt the need to check on it, as if it could have magically disappeared on the way over. Maybe it was for the reminder that the day he had waited so long for was finally here.
It was gold, and not too big. Simple but effective. For a few moments, Robert simply stared at it and thought about what it would look like once he give it to him . It was a family heirloom, having been given to him by his mother. Robert may have gotten a little ahead of himself, as he had already went ahead and purchased the other set of rings, the ones they would exchange on their big day. They were waiting for him at home, which was a ways away from the venue the team chose to have the party in. He would have to take the train to get back.
Robert clasped the ring box shut and opted to go inside. As excited as he felt, it was hard to ignore the nerves that were fluttering in his stomach. He wanted to hurry up and just ask the question already.
He had been inside for all of five seconds, just long enough to register the tacky decorations of Christmas lights and ribbons in various red and green hues, and even tackier Christmas music playing, when Thomas’ voice reached his ears. Robert just rolled his eyes fondly; his boyfriend just had a loud existence, always being heard before he was seen.
Robert was making his way over to greet his boyfriend, who had to arrive separately due to scheduling issues, when he heard a short but sharp whistle. He looked to his right to see Manuel leaning against the bar, gesturing for him to come over. He braced himself as he made his way over to his friend, knowing the goalkeeper was about to tease him relentlessly.
“Lewy!” Manuel smiled, greeting him with a pretty hard clap on the back. “What’re you drinking?”
“Uh,” he hesitated, before calling over the bartender and asking for “something not too strong. But… strong enough.”
The two teammates made idle chit chat about the menu for the night (Manuel was very disappointed that none of the dessert options included Nutella), but the real conversation didn’t start until Robert’s mystery drink was put in front of him. He looked around discreetly to see if anyone was listening in on them before speaking in a voice almost too quiet to hear over everyone else’s chatter.
“So… big night, huh? Popping the question?” he smirked, playfully elbowing Robert in the side. He flinched a bit; sometimes Manuel didn’t know his own strength. He packed a punch even when he didn’t necessarily mean to.
“Not backing out this time,” Robert replied with a nervous chuckle. “Got the ring right here and everything.” He patted his right jacket pocket, the one that held said ring.
“Thomas is gonna freak out, I’m telling you, he has no idea. Everyone on the team’s been doing a good job of keeping our mouths shut, unlike you. You’re almost as loud mouthed as your little boyfriend,” Manuel laughed. “Y’know, maybe I should’ve brought ear plugs or something; you know how he gets when he’s excited…”
It was no surprise Manuel knew about his plan for tonight. Hell, there was probably only one person at the party who didn’t know. Robert knew he shouldn’t have been so loose lipped about it, but he just couldn’t keep it in. His immediate family had known for months, and sister had even texted him earlier that evening with a picture of the expensive bottle of champagne she bought for the family to celebrate with.
Robert and Thomas had only just celebrated their first anniversary, and they had not yet moved in together, but God, Robert was ready. He didn’t feel like it was too soon to get married at all. Robert wanted to spend the rest of his life with Thomas, and Thomas’ constant need to give and receive affection was evidence that he felt the same. It bordered on overbearing at times, and Robert wouldn’t trade it for the world.
“You laugh, captain, but you’d be even more nervous if you were in my shoes, you damn perfectionist,” Robert said with a smirk, which shut his friend up because, well, he was right.
Robert managed to stall for a few more moments before Manuel loudly cleared his throat, effectively breaking the silence. “Isn’t it about time you go do something?”
“You’ll do your part?”
Manuel nodded in response, and with that, Robert downed his mystery drink and left the bar.
Robert figured that after seeing his boyfriend every day for years, he wouldn’t have such a effect on him. But he’ll be damned if seeing Thomas in formalwear, for what was most definitely not the first time and hopefully not the last, didn’t knock the wind out of him.
Thomas had abandoned his restrictive suit jacket; it was probably thrown haphazardly in a closet somewhere. He had gone just long enough without a haircut that his curls were starting to take shape. Robert lingered a bit, for no other reason than just to observe him. From where he was, he could see Thomas talking to Leon about something or other. He could see Thomas’ pronounced canines whenever he flashed a smile, and the scar on his right eye, features Robert personally found adorable.
Leon noticed Robert approaching before Thomas did, and smiled upon seeing his teammate. His reaction prompted Thomas to turn around, quick and not at all subtle.
After greeting and exchanging pleasantries with Leon, Robert turned and gave Thomas a light peck on the cheek, as he had done so many times before.
Opting to save all the mushy stuff for The Question, Robert resisted the urge to absolutely gush over the man in front of him. “Handsome,” he mused, seemingly entranced, and physically unable to take his eyes off him even if he tried.
“Not too bad yourself,” Thomas winked.
“See you guys around, ok?” Leon said, with a pointed look at Robert that gave him the impression that Leon knew. After that, he wandered off to go mingle some more.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t come here with you,” said Thomas. He was averting his eyes from Robert’s gaze, instead opting to dart around the floor, which Thomas evidently thought was the most interesting thing in the world.
Robert didn’t really understand the apology; he wasn’t at all put off by the fact that they didn’t arrive together. He was glad they got to see each other at the event and go back to one of their places together afterward and finally get some sleep. He knew he’d be tired as hell after this; parties always wore him out, plus there was the commotion regarding the ring in his pocket that Thomas knew nothing about.
“It’s no big deal, tomcat, don’t worry about it.” Robert gazed at him, affection simmering in his eyes. He couldn’t keep the thoughts of ‘God, he has no idea!’ at bay. With nothing in particular to say, Robert absentmindedly took Thomas’ hand in his. It was unconscious; the desire to be near Thomas was so programmed into his every nerve and cell that it didn’t require thought, and he had no idea how he had ever survived without it.
That is, the movement was unconscious, until Thomas’ hand dropped Robert’s the second he grasped it.
Robert tilted his head and gave the other a puzzled look. “What’s wrong?”
Thomas used his left hand - the one that had dropped Robert’s - to scratch at the nape of his neck. “Can we… head outside? There’s something I need to-”
He was interrupted by the sound of silverware repeatedly clanging against glass, which got the whole room’s attention. Everyone turned to the source of the noise - Manuel. He had taken up a spot at the front of the room. The venue had no stage, but the place he stood seemed like an appropriate spot for making a speech - something that was tradition for the captain to do at the annual holiday party.
“First order of business,” Manuel said in his “Captain Voice”. The music had been lowered significantly, so he didn’t have to raise his voice too much. “I want to congratulate all of us for having such a great first half of the season.” His statement was greeted by applause from everyone, and some whistling. “I commend each and every one of you for the hard work you’ve put in. At the rate we’re going, it’s very likely our Meisterschale will be staying with us for another year!” This statement garnered even more applause, and Manuel used that time to scan the sea of Bayern players and employees for a certain Polish striker.
When the applause died down, Manuel continued. “And now for our second order of business…” he said, and simply pointed to where Robert was in the crowd. Everyone turned to him, each of them smirking with the knowledge that they knew good and well what was going on.
“You’re up,” he smirked.
Robert smiled, nearly giddy. He grabbed Thomas’ hand and tugged him along, and this time Thomas was too stunned to drop it.
“What’re you doing?” he asked in a hushed voice, standing firm.
“You’ll see, just come on,” Robert said, sounding as excited as he felt. This time, Thomas followed suit as they made their way to where Manuel was just a moment ago, in front of everyone they worked with.
A few months ago, when Robert and Thomas had spent an incredibly ordinary day together and Robert came to the conclusion that he wanted to marry him, he considered a private proposal. He considered proposing after a romantic home cooked meal, or in their living room after one of the many spontaneous slow dances that Thomas loved to drag him into so much. But if there was one thing Thomas loved besides Robert, it was Bayern. Bavaria was his home, and this team had held his heart in its hands since he was too young to kick a ball properly. Sure, Robert was the one popping the question, but it was Thomas’ special day, and Robert wanted the team he loved so much to be a part of that.
And there they were, in front of everyone, Thomas constantly stealing glances at their makeshift audience, as if one of them would be so generous as to offer him an explanation for this.
Gently, as if handling precious goods, Robert held both of Thomas’ hands in his, and took a deep breath. “Thomas,” he began, stifling a giggle. Though he couldn’t tell whether it was due do his nerves, or a side effect of the liquid courage. “This past year has been the best one of my entire life. Because I’ve spent every day of it as your partner, and more importantly as your best friend. You… you make me better. There’s you in everything I do, and… and I see no reason why that shouldn’t continue for the rest of our lives. I know I’m far from perfect, but I can say with certainty that I am entirely devoted to you. You’re so… bright, Thomas, you’re like this light, and… I’d be honored to spend the rest of my life watching you shine, if you’d let me. So…” Releasing his lover’s hands, Robert got down on his left knee, and offered up the ring.
“Will you marry me?”
Thomas Müller was loud. He was loud in everything he did. He was loud when he spoke, at decibels almost too dangerous for the human ear. He was loud when he hummed songs and slammed cabinets closed when he was making dinner. He was loud when he tripped over air because he was that much of a klutz. He was loud when he shouted at the TV while watching football matches, when he walked with his heavy, stomping steps, and when he screamed in celebration after scoring a goal. He was even loud when he slept, snoring and sleeptalking throughout the night. He was loud, feisty, incandescent, and that’s what Robert loved about him.
So it was no surprise that even his silence was absolutely deafening.
Robert couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment the silence went from the general surprise of being proposed to to genuinely concerning, but it must have been around when he noticed the look on his poor Thomas’ face.
He looked more like someone who had a weapon being brandished at him, and less like someone who had a man kneeling at his feet asking if he was worthy enough of being by his side forever.
For the rest of his life, Robert would remember the look on Thomas’ face when he whispered, “No.”
The air around Robet got thicker, making it that much harder to breathe.
“Wha- what do you mean?” he stuttered. He felt like he was manually pulling every word out from behind his ribcage.
Thomas just shook his head vehemently in response, refusing to elaborate further. “I…”
“Tommy,” Robert started. He had gone from kneeling on one knee to two - from proposing to pleading. “Tommy, please don’t do this.”
“I can’t, I-” he said, seemingly suffering just as much as the man he had at his feet. “Come with me,” he said hurriedly, taking Robert by the arms and dragging his miserable form off the floor and out the exit with him.
Robert’s long legs followed him outside, but mentally he was somewhere else. He was in some far off, dystopian future. One where his ring finger was bare and cold and he couldn’t call himself Thomas’ husband. One where Robert didn’t have the privilege of listening to Thomas talk for hours about his horses and the bunny he had named after him.
He didn’t pull his mind out of that barren wasteland of a future until the cold December air hit him. Once they were away from prying eyes, Thomas dropped his hand as if it was some wretched thing.
Outside the venue, they stood in silence. Robert could faintly hear the Christmas music being turned on again inside.
They must have stood there for several minutes. How is one supposed to begin a conversation like this? Robert then remembered that this is the kind of conversation most people are fortunate enough to go their whole lives without ever having.
Not him, though.
He tore his gaze from the sidewalk and looked at Thomas for the first time since they stepped outside. Unlike Robert, he didnt have a suit jacket to protect him. He was visibly shivering and hugging himself in an attempt to fend off the cold.
Instinct took over, and Robert was removing his jacket and offering it up to Thomas before he could even register that he had done so.
Thomas saw the jacket and just blinked at it. “No, thank you,” he muttered. When Robert didn’t let up, he continued. “I just broke your heart, please don’t make me take your jacket.”
“Please…” Robert said. “Please don’t make me have to see you cold.”
Thomas begrudgingly took it, and rather than wearing it normally, he just draped it around himself like some sort of cape, grasping it in the front to keep it closed.
Talking had never been so hard. Robert didn’t know why he chose his words so carefully; there was nothing at risk. Thomas had said no. He had already lost. The knife had already laid claim to his heart.
“You… don’t love me,” Robot said plainly. It was something neutral to start the most difficult conversation of his life with. A plain statement of fact.
“No,” Thomas said, like he was pleading with Robert to believe it. He shook his head. “No, no, that’s not it at all.” Robert’s statement was all it took to break the dam, and Thomas had to blink continuously to prevent the tears from falling, which would lead to him becoming hysterical, which he wanted to avoid at all costs. He wasn’t a quiet crier.
Robert put his head in his hands, trying to rack his brain for another reason for… this. “It’s marriage, then? You’re not interested in getting married? That’s… that’s fine, I suppose,” he said, mostly trying to convince himself of it. “We can just go back to the way things were, and… revisit this. Or not revisit this. Whatever you want…” he trailed off lamely.
Thomas took a few steps closer to him, and still, they were worlds apart. “Look at me,” he said gravely.
Robert lifted his head out of his hands, and Thomas looked him dead in the eye as he took that knife and twisted it.
“I was going to break up with you tonight. The proposal had nothing to do with it.”
It was Robert’s turn to say, “No …” He took a step forward, and Thomas took a step back. “Tommy, you can’t possibly mean that.”
Thomas just looked at him without a word, and that was all the confirmation he needed.
Robert truly felt like there was no future after tonight.
He tried thinking back on what he could’ve done to push Thomas away. Of course Robert wasn’t perfect, but this past year he had made sure that Thomas knew how adored he was every single day.
Robert finally got the courage to speak again, and he sounded absolutely dejected. “Is it something I di-”
“It’s because you’re leaving.”
Robert was stunned into silence. His decision to leave Bayern after this season was known amongst the club, but he and Thomas hadn’t really gotten to sit down and talk about it. “Because I’m leaving?”
Thomas just nodded, and with the light from the Christmas lights shining through the window, Robert could see that his eyes were glassy and red.
“Bayern’s my home, you know that,” Thomas said, already at the point where he had to sniffle between sentences. “I can’t be with someone who’s just going to up and leave me.”
“Tommy, I… I don’t understand. There’s no reason we can’t still be together even if I’m away. We can still see each other often and spend all our time together during the offseason, and realistically we’re not getting any younger so it’ll only be for a few more years-”
“You were supposed to stay at Bayern.”
“Bayern doesn’t need me! I score goals and I win games but you will still lift that shield every year without me. You’re… you’re Bayern, for crying out loud; it’s what you do!” Robert took a moment to collect himself. The last thing he wanted to do was raise his voice at Thomas. “I want to be part of a team where I can make a difference. Where every league victory feels earned.”
Thomas frowned. “You’re being mean.”
“Tommy, please understand, this is for my career.”
“I should come before your career!” The words were out of Thomas’ mouth before Robert could even finish his sentence, like they were being released after ages of being bottled. Robert couldn’t tell whether Thomas’ trembling was due to cold, crying, or anger, but he hoped it wasn’t the last one; hell hath no fury like Thomas scorned.
“You do, Thomas, God, of course you do! But I don’t have to choose! I can have both; just because I’m leaving doesn’t mean I can’t be with you.”
In that moment, Robot would have given up his still-beating heart on a silver platter just to hold Thomas in his arms like he’d done so many times before. But he had a feeling that move wouldn’t be well received.
“It… doesn’t mean that, right?” he asked.
Thomas had craned his neck to observe the street next to them, as if he couldn’t even look at the man in front of him. “It was supposed to be you and I together, at Bayern - at home.”
“You’re my home… not Bayern. I have a home as long as I have you.” It took every ounce of bravery he had in him, but he finally approached the other and to his surprise, he didn’t back away. He reached for Thomas’ hand that was grasping his own jacket and took it in his. “Please tell me I still have you.”
For the third time that night, Robert’s hand was unceremoniously dropped, and he knew.
Robert stepped back, and just… stood. He was never one for dramatics, but he wanted to die.
He could hear the party start to pick up again inside. It seemed that people had moved on from the spectacle they saw and decided to start having fun again. The nerve of them all, exchanging gifts and wishes of Merry Christmas while Robert was bleeding out, slowly and painfully, outside.
After eons had passed, Thomas spoke up. “Do you have a way home? I know your place is pretty far…”
If it had been any other situation, Robert would’ve cracked a smile. Even during… this, it was in Thomas’ nature to be caring.
“I’m taking the train.”
Thomas didn’t hesitate to take his wallet out. He fished around for some cash, and extended a couple of bills to Robert.
He had no words for how confused he was at the gesture, so he just stared, face displaying obvious bewilderment. Breaking up with him wasn’t enough; he had to pay him, too?
“You proposed to me tonight. You figured we’d go home together, so you bought two tickets. Here’s… enough to cover mine.”
Robert paused for as long as he could; this would be their last moment together, and he wanted to stay in it for as long as possible. “I only booked one ticket.”
“Why would you…?” Thomas trailed off, and his heart sank when he realized the truth.
Deep down, Robert had always known that he would board the night train alone.