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What kind of assholes decided to hold the release of one of the most anticipated game of the year in a game shop that was clearly not meant to hold more than 500 people at a time? Sollux fucking Captor, that's who.
"Why did we even have to come today? This place is impossible to breath in! There must be at least 2000 douche bags in this place! I don't even have room to think! This is fucking garbage, Dave. I hate you" Karkat maneuvered his way past a couple of guys chatting about the video game and tried to keep up the pace with Dave.
"You don't hate me dude, it's just the people you hate" Dave turned a corner in the shop. He was close to the cash register and that was where he was headed to.
"Precisely my point, ass crown. I don't like people. I in fact I hate most forms of human/troll interaction which is why, and don't be surprised at this question, I want to know what fucking demon possessed you to think I would want to spend my time here being in contact with all these nerds than at home in the comfortable surroundings of my apartment?" Karkat pushed passed a group of guys that were fighting about "stat points." Ugh, fucking geeks.
"Aw come on dude, you needed a little social interaction and what better way to achieve that but in a group full of excited and loud nerds? Now come on, stop complaining. We're almost close to the spot John told me he'd be at" Dave turned towards Karkat and ushered him to move forward
"Only Egbert would decide to see us in the fucking eye of the storm. Couldn't he have picked a less crowded spot in this crap store?!"
"Don't insulth my baby, kk" a voice said behind both boys.
“I can insult whatever the fuck I want when I’m friends with the idiot behind the reason this shitty store is so crammed up. Tell me Sollux, did your think pan rot when making the decision to accept more people in the store than the safety regulations dictates or do you just love to be smothered in the sweat of antisocial fuck ups? Is this some kink of yours Captor or do you just like risking your customers lives?” Karkat wacked several people as he waved his hands around.
“Geez kk, no one fucking athked you to come. If your tho contherned about your pathetic life, the door is that way,” Sollux pointed to an area of the store that was labeled EXIT in big red letters, “Thee thothe letterths? They say eeeexit” He said the word in a way that made it seem longer than it was, just to spite Karkat
“Very funny, shit head. Did your mom come up with that one?” Karkat flipped him off and turned to Dave. “Where is that fucking Egbert?”
“Oh tho we have the one rethpothible for having thith ath hole in my thore. Dv, I thought I told you to leave the chumpth at home. Why did you have to go and bring thith nubby horned ath hole?”
“Sorry Sollux, but that’s classified information. Can’t go around and revealing my secrets to everyone, now can I? Rhetorical question, don’t answer that. The important thing is that my bro knows why he’s here” He pulled both boys in between a group of dudes playing some sort of card game getting a few “hey!” and “dude get out!” as he passed while Sollux and Karkat stumbled behind him. “Sorry not sorry, dudes. That game is so 1990s” He kept walking until he reached the cash register area. It was like a little booth.
John was standing in front of it and playing some DS. From the looks of it, he was having a hard time with whatever he was doing.
“Egdork. Nice to see you in the same shirt I’ve been seeing you in for three days straight” Dave bumped his shoulder.
“You know, Dave. There is this nice looking machine in some peoples houses that cleans their clothes. Not everyone has enough money to buy an outfit for each day” He smirked at Dave who tipped his shades and gave him a look.
“You and I both know that you haven’t washed that fuckin’ shirt since you took it out of your closet so don’t try to act all high and mighty ‘cause it doesn’t go with ya”
“Hello Egbert. You’re fucking filthy. I’m glad to see your shirt is still splattered in last night’s meal” Karkat gave him a disgusted face but held out his fist anyway to bump it with Johns.
“Aw you guys come on! Stop making fun of my clothes. Yeah so maybe I didn’t wash it but it smells fine… Right?”
“Whatever maketh you happy JB. But you kind of do look like thit” Sollux smiled at John who just rolled his eyes in an exaggerated manner.
“Ha-ha. You are all a bunch of comedians. So funny. Now are you gonna tell us when the release is going to happen or are you just going to comment on my clothes?” John bounced on his toes, an excited expression on his face.
“I don’t know when the releath is happening. I get a call and orderth from the company. Ath thoon ath they tell me to releath the Kraken, I will. Tho thap bugging me!” Sollux huffed and entered the little booth where the cash register was.
“Geez, so touchy. You could’ve just said you didn't know” John pouted.
“I fucking told you that the first seven times you asked me!” Sollux glared at John before going back to typing into the machine.
“Oh great so I’m expected to sit here and wait till some high budget fucktard calls that asshole and lets him start the sale. Fuck you, Dave. With something sharp and right up the ass. I had plans today, you know?”
“Aw chill, dude. Your plans were to watch that new romcom where Katherine Heigl comes out and don’t even try to tell me it wasn’t because I saw you lookin’ for tickets” Dave smirked when Karkat flipped him off.
“Fine, yeah whatever! I may have wanted to see that movie. So what? It beats standing here like a dicksucking clusterfuck and sticking my thumbs up my own nook out of boredness”
“Hehe ew, Karkat that’s so gross!” John snickered
“Yeah? Your face is also fucking repulsive but you don’t hear me complaining!”
“Ok, maybe it’s time I take the cat out. Meet ya back here, John” Dave pulled Karkat back through the sea of people and to a less crowded spot.
“I want to go home, Dave” Karkat said as he crossed his arms.
“I know, dude but just hang on a little more. I mean, it’s almost 4:13 and I’m pretty sure that’s the time the new game is going to be released at. The fuckin’ corporation has been obsessed with those three digits. Just twenty more minutes” Dave gave him a small smile and Karkat rolled his eyes.
“Fine, we’ll wait a little longer. I just want to go home. I’m fucking tired and I’m bored out of my think pan,” He noticed a group of trolls bunched up and smiled what Dave could only call an evil smile.
“Let’s have some fun while we pass the time, huh Strider?” He started to walk towards the group of trolls
“Sure, whatever makes you stick around bro” Dave followed behind him
“Great. So the rules of this game are simple. Eavesdrop on someone's conversation and if they are talking about any video game or movie, spoil the end. You got that, fuckcrumpet?”
“Sure, but who wins?”
“Who ever pisses off a larger crowd of people, wins”
“You’re on Vantas. Care to start us off?” Dave extended an arm towards the group of trolls.
Karkat walked up and stood beside them for a while. Once he heard what they were talking about he poked his head in between the three trolls and screamed:
“AT THE END OF THE GAME, BASED ON YOUR ELECTION YOU EITHER DIE, KILL THE ENEMY OR INFECT THE WHOLE UNIVERSE WITH NANOBOTS” and as he turned and ran away the troll dudes groaned and flipped him off.
“S-so, how, was, t-that?” He took a moment to catch his breath as Dave doubled over in laughter
“That was fuckin’ genius, dude. Okay fine my turn. You did three? I’ll do five just to make this interestin’ ok?” He walked over to a group of people and repeated Karkat’s process. Once he heard the topic of the group he slung an arm around some red haired human and screamed:
“AT THE END OF THE GAME YOU KILL JACK, KILL THE DRAGON AND UNLOCK A NEW VAULT” and then dashed back into the crowd before any of the guys could punch him for ruining the end.
“So it’s three to five, Vantas. Care to step it up?” Dave said as he appeared behind Karkat, having successfully avoided the angry group of boys.
“Of course I’m going to step this shit up. No way I’m losing to you, dickwad. I have the perfect group,” He pointed at a group of about 10 girls and trolls, “Watch me ruin this in the best way ever” He smiled and walked up to the girls.
“That’s all nice and shit but guess what?” He asked them
“What?” A girl quirked an eyebrow at him
“IN THE END SHE DECIDED TO TELL THE TRUTH AND LEAVES THE COUNTRY BUT BEFORE SHE LEAVES, HE CONFESSED THAT HE WAS ACTUALLY IN LOVE WITH HIS BOSS AND THEY GET ENGAGED FOR REAL” The girls open their mouths in an expression of utter horror before one screams at him for being a fuck head. Karkat laughed at the group of girls before he walked back to join Dave.
“What do you think?” Karkat said with a smirk
“Thats was the best shit ever, Karkat. That’s it, I give. I don’t think I could piss off a group of people more than you pissed of all those girls. Fuckin’ epic bro” Dave fist bumped Karkat
“Fuck yeah. That was really stupid though, I could've just-”
“Ladieth and gentletrollth,” a lisped voice sounded through the stereo system in the store, “I’d like to anounth that the thaleth of Thgrub, thequel to thburn, are now offithially tharting!” There was a roar of sounds before people started pushing and shoving to get to the nearest cash register.
Before Karkat had a chance to even turn towards Dave, he was pushed into the crowd of people and driven away from his friend.
“DAVE! DAVE WHERE ARE YOU?” Karkat shoved against the sea of people trying to make his way to Dave. He knew this would happen. He should have just stayed with John instead of bitching about being bored. Now he managed to loose Dave in this mass of fucking humans and trolls.
He made his way to a display table and without thinking, climbed on top to get a look at the crowd trying to spot Dave. He didn’t even remember what Dave was wearing! How the fuck was he supposed to find him? God fucking dammit, he was one shitty bro! What if he-
“Sir? Uh, sir I’m going to have to ask you to step off the table, it’s for display only and quite honestly you’re getting dirt on it with your muddy shoes and my boss hates it when- Oh! Karkat it’s you! What are you doing up there?” Aradia looked at Karkat with a confused expression
“No time, Aradia. I couldn’t care less of what Sollux thinks of me right now, I need to find Dave but I can’t fucking remember what he was wearing and I can’t leave him alone he needs me to… I just need to fine him. Please, Aradia help me!”
“Oh, okay I… I think I remember him wearing a red hoodie? At least that’s what I thought I saw when I saw you guys arrive” Aradia bit her lip unsure
“Red hoodie… Red hoodie! Fuck yes, he was wearing a red hoodie and an ugly black beanie. Now if I could only spot him through the vapid mass of jerkshits…” Karkat stood on his toes to look for Dave. He could hardly make out any red through the sea of people so maybe if he pinpointed the red hoodie he could seek him out.
Aradia climbed onto the table next to him and helped him look through the people. When Karkat felt like he was about to scream in anger, she pointed to a section of the store that wasn’t so crowded (but it was still very fucking crowded, fuck Sollux)
“I think that’s him! I see the red hoodie and beanie but I’m not sure if it’s-”
“It’s him! Thanks, Aradia! Bye, Aradia!” Karkat jumped off of the table and ran towards the spot Aradia had pointed at.
“Fucking move you shittards, I need to pass!” He pushed aside some trolls and humans till he found Dave and Karkat felt his heart sink; Dave was crouched next to a shelf of DVD’s. He was clutching the side of his head with one hand and the other was clutching his pair of shades. His eyes were screwed shut and he was taking deep breaths.
“D-Dave? Dave I’m so sorry I let go of your hand. It was stupid of me.Dave, Dave please! You need to look at me. Come on, Dave. Open your eyes” He lifted a hand to his shoulder to pat Dave but the blonde flinched away from his touch.
“Dave please. Please you need to open your eyes,” As he slowly placed his hands on Dave’s shoulder, a shriek from a very excited (and very idiotic) fan sounded through the store, making the roar of voices escalate. Dave curled in on himself even more and started to shake.
“God fucking… Agh, these assholes!” Karkat managed to get his hands on Dave’s shoulder without making the boy flinch so he continued to coax him into releasing his grip on his shades.
‘Dave, you’re going to break your shades and as much as I hate them, I don’t think you’ll be too happy afterwards” He took the boys hand and slowly helped him open his palm and loosen his grip.
“That’s it, come on. Now open your eyes, slowly, that’s it. Yeah, like that” Dave slowly parted his eyelids and stared at Karkat, worried candy red eyes looked back at panic ridden crimson ones.
“Now, Dave. I need you to concentrate on my breathing. Watch me and try to follow, ok? Deep breaths.” Karkat demonstrated for Dave and after a while, he started to try and match up their breathing.
“Great, you’re doing great Dave. Now Let me help you stand to your feet. Ok? Everything’s all right” He slowly stood up and held out a hand to Dave who looked at it like it was a deadly weapon. “It’s ok, Dave. Just breathe in and out” Dave took in a deep breath and slowly, even slower than Karkat, started to lift himself. Once he stood up he quickly slipped on his shades and pulled Karkat into a hug, burying his face into the troll's hair.
“It’s all right. You’re ok. Just breath” Dave took in a shaky breath before he started to release tiny choked sobs.
“Shoosh, soosh. It’s al right. I’m so sorry. Shoosh” Karkat papped his friends back until he felt the other boy stop shaking.
“I-I’m sorry. This was a terrible idea” Dave said when he released his friend.
“It wasn’t terrible. It would have gone better if I hadn’t been stupid enough to let go of-”
“No, shut up. I’ve told you a million times to not blame yourself for my anxiety. I should be sayin’ sorry. I fucked up and dragged you to this place even though I knew it was a shitty idea”
“Don’t blame yourself either, Dave. I’ve got your back” He smiled at him and Dave gave him an apologetic smile back. “Come on, we can get out of here through the back door”
“Cool…” They walked through the back door and stepped outside to the cold night. Well, dusk really but who gave a shit?
“Man, we didn’t even get our game” Dave sighed as he shoved his hand into his jacket.
“I’ve got it covered. John owed me a favor and I just claimed it” Karkat said as he tucked his phone back into his pocket
“You’re gonna make him give us his game?” Dave smiled at the troll
“Even better. I made him buy us the special edition” Karkat grinned up at Dave who gave him a grin back and squeezed him into a hug
“You’re the best fuckin’ moirail a human could ever want” Dave said as he released him
“You fucking know it” Karkat winked and they both walked towards the coffee shop down the street.
After all that shit they just went through, they need a little bit of a pick me up. As they walked into the coffee shop Dave gave an exaggerated gasp.
“Now what?” Karkat asked him
“You know you’re my bro… You got me some games. You know what that makes you? My gamebro” Dave wiggled his eyebrows at Karkat
“I quit this friendship.” Karkat deadpanned making Dave snort loudly.
But yeah, they really were game bros.