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The kids were far from happy when Steve broke the news about letting Eddie rest more before they could see him. It instantly started an all-out talking match with them talking all over each other, trying to get their point across, trying to convince Steve that they should see Eddie, that maybe they would help him remember.
“Enough!” Dustin suddenly shouted, causing everyone to turn to him, surprised.
“Steve is right, as much as I hate to admit it. He’s right. We don’t want to overwhelm him.” Dustin looked at the group, a sad smile on his face. “Right now, we just have to be glad he’s alive and awake. We need to trust Steve and follow his lead on when Eddie is ready to see us.”
Steve looked at Dustin with pride as he spoke, feeling proud of him taking control but also a little shocked that it was him that got the others to listen.
The others looked at each other, and then all nodded in agreement, settling back down into the seats they had all vacated.
Dustin looked at Steve, giving him a nod as Steve relaxed against the wall.
“Listen, I know you guys love Eddie, I know you all want to see him, I get it, I really do. But even after half an hour, he was exhausted and passed out without even trying. Let’s give him a few days, and I’ll ask him again when he’s more awake. Okay?”
The kids all agreed, voicing their agreement before promptly ignoring Steve and going back to what they had been doing when he had interrupted them to give them an update on Eddie.
Shaking his head, he watched them for a moment before pushing away from the wall and walking to the door.
The words on the page started to meld together as Steve just stared at the page. He had been trying to read for an hour, but with every little move Eddie made in his sleep, causing him to look over the book, he finally gave up.
Placing the book down, he watched Eddie sleep, finding it an altogether different experience than when he was in a coma. Eddie moved more for one, making aborted turns as if he wanted to settle onto his side, but the pain from his wounds stopping him. He also made soft, sleepy sounds as well, snoring as he settled into deeper sleep, mumbling as he seemed to dream. He was never still, and it made Steve so thankful because it clearly showed that he was just sleeping and not how he had been for the last two weeks.
Leaning back into his chair, letting his head fall back against the high back, he continued to watch Eddie, not wanting to miss when he woke up again. But he was tired, his brain and body exhausted after the emotional roller coaster of a day. So, despite fighting against the pull of sleep, he soon found himself drifting off.
He didn’t know how long he slept for, but it was voices that woke him. He couldn’t make out what was being said, the voices soft, but as he woke up more, he focused on them till the words became clear.
“...the whole time?” Eddie asked softly.
“Yes, he does have a room, but he has slept in that chair every night since you have been here. Okay, I’m going to start peeling this one back now, okay?” Sarah warned.
Opening his eyes, he blinked a few times before he focused on Eddie. Sarah stood on the other side of the bed, leaning over Eddie’s bandages. Eddie himself was watching what she was doing until the gauze covering the worst of his wounds peeled back.
Steve saw what little colour Eddie had in his face drain away, and he moved, standing, taking Eddies hand in one hand while using the other to move Eddies face to look at him.
“Hey, look at me.” Eddies eyes widened as Steve kept his hand on his face, his thumb running over his cheek.
“What the hell did that?” Eddie asked, breathing hard.
“I...okay.” Steve took in a steadying breath before talking. “You were attacked by something we call demobats. You, like an idiot, led them away from Dustin and kept them away from me and two of our other friends.” Steve paused as Eddie hissed in pain.
While his wounds had healed well in the last two weeks, there were still some areas that were open and needed cleaning before new dressings could be applied. The infection that had also run rampant through him that first week had cause more damage, as well as slowing down the healing process as his body focused on fighting the infection.
“It...looks like... they... tried to... eat... me.” Eddie spoke, hissing between each word.
“Yeah, they, kind of did. They did the same to me as well.” Steve moved his hand from Eddies face, lifting his jumper slightly, showing the mostly healed bites that no longer needed covering.
“We... match.”
Lowering his top, Steve gave a sad smile. “We do.”
Eddie suddenly slumped forward, causing Steve to move closer, letting Eddies head rest against his torso. Instantly Steve’s had his hand in Eddies hair, the curls soft from the wash he had given them earlier.
“Hey, you okay?”
“Dizzy...” Eddie mumbled against Steve’s jumper.
“Okay baby, she’s nearly done.” Steve watched as Sarah finished what she was doing, giving Steve a smile.
“All done, that’s it for today Eddie, you can rest now.” Sarah said, putting her hand on Eddies shoulder.
“Thanks Sarah.” Steve nodded at her as she left them alone.
Eddie stayed where he was, catching his breath as Steve just gently ran his hand over his hair, waiting for Eddie to pull back on his own.
“Who is Dustin?” Eddie finally asked without moving away.
“Oh...he’s one of the kids. He fucking worships you. He’s also pretty pissed at you as well.” Steve had to joke. Otherwise, he would let the part of his heart that broke be heard in his voice.
Steve noticed then how Eddies hand was on his hip, his fingers gripping tightly as Steve spoke, bunching the material of his jumper.
“Steve.” Eddie, Steve realised, was crying as he said his name.
“Hey, you’re okay.” He said, gently pulling back so he could look down at the man basically in his arms. Eddie, however, just pushed himself further into Steve, not wanting to be seen. “Eddie, it’s okay. You are allowed to cry.”
The hand on his jumper tightened even more, but still Eddie refused to look up.
“Can I...” Steve looked over to Sarah, who was busy writing before leaning his head down closer to Eddies ear. “Let me climb on the bed with you, baby.”
Eddie moved, pulling Steve with him until Steve was led on the bed with Eddie still hiding against him, his body shaking as he cried.
Steve held him close, mindful of his injuries, his hand still moving through black curls.
“I’ve got you.”
Eddie passed out again not long after that. Steve fought sleep, determined to stay awake despite his eyes drifting close every now and then before he would force them open and look down at the man in his arms.
Eddies head rested on Steve’s chest, his hand gripping Steve’s jumper just below his chin, as though even in sleep, he had to be sure he wasn’t alone.
Steve had no idea how it must feel, not remembering anything, not knowing anyone, and then finding himself severely injured on top of all of that. The disorientation alone would be enough to cause heightened anxiety, but add in everything else he wouldn’t be surprise if Eddie finally lost it at some point.
Letting his head fall back, his eyes closing again as he kept on playing with Eddies hair, he promised himself he wouldn’t fall asleep, that he was just resting his eyes a moment, that he just need a few minutes to collect his thoughts.
He was always a shit liar.
The dream was weird, yet even as he walked through streets he didn’t know, he knew he was safe and knew he was dreaming.
People milled about, talking, laughing, buying strange yet somehow familiar things. Like bread that was in odd shapes, fruit he had never seen before, but he somehow knew tasted sweet, fresh. People held up pieces of clothing, inspecting, tunics of varied colours, with detailed stitch work that blew the mind. He also walked past a shop selling swords, daggers, and axes as well as other weaponry.
As he walked he had a few people look at him ,but he ignored them, seeming to walk with purpose, as if he knew where he was to go despite not knowing what was around the next corner.
After a time, he came upon a building with a sign outside, naming it as the ‘Lonely Wanderer’ an image of a man walking a long path below the words.
Walking through the door, he took a moment to let his eyes adjust to the darkness of the room after being out in the bright sun.
As he blinked, faces turned to take him in before returning to their drinks or their friends, each having deemed him harmless.
Looking around, a figure in the far corner caught his attention, and a smile tugged at his lips.
Walking through the room, he made it to the corner and took in the man lent against the wall. He had dark curling hair falling over his shoulders. He wore all black clothing his trousers tight with a flowing black shirt tucked into the waist of his trousers. He wore a mask over his eyes, eyes that were watching him expectantly.
“I found you.” He whispered.
“So it would seem. But are you sure I’m who you are looking for?”
“Eddie...”
“Do not call me that.” The man warned, eyes looking around him to see if anyone had heard.
“You need to come back. You need to come with me.” He held out his hand, breathing slowly as he waited.
“I can not, I have work here, I must see too that before I leave.” Eddie stood, meaning to walk past him, but instead, he reached out, taking hold of Eddies arm, forcing him to stop and look at him.
“Please Eddie, we need you to come back, I need you to come back.”
Dark eyes searched his, the dark brown looking for something.
“I know you.”
“Yes.” He let out in a breathy sigh, moving closer, his hand moving up Eddies arm.
“I have...I...” Eddie stumbled over his words.
“Eddie, please, just come back with me, trust me like you once did.”
“You could be a trap, something he sent to trick me. An Angel in disguise.”
Licking his lips, he moved even closer, his body now pressed against the one dressed in black.
“I am not a trick, and I will always be your angel.”
Gasping as something shook him, his eyes flew open searching.
“Sorry dear, but I need to check his vitals.” Sarah whispered.
“Of course, sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep.” Steve slowly extracted himself from Eddie, having to pry his fingers from Steve’s jumper before getting off the bed.
Stepping back, he watched as his dream slowly faded, leaving a feeling of loss as well as hope.
It was another week before Eddie allowed others to see him.
Steve spoke to the kids, and they all agreed Dustin was the best choice. That despite Eddie being close to Mike and Lucas, Dustin was the one that had been through hell with him.
In the Last week, the kids had built a memory book for Eddie, finding pictures and writing out memories. Adding jokes and little things like his favourite snacks and pictures of his favourite bands as well as writing song lyrics of some of his favourite songs. They built a whole section about DnD, adding character sheets and drawing of their characters as well as drawings of Eddies own characters, drawn by Will after the three boys had given full detailed descriptions.
Steve was impressed with what they had done. He was also extremely touched by just how much they all wanted to help Eddie remember.
Walking with Dustin, who had the book held close to his chest, he led the younger boy to Eddies door. They had moved Eddie to a smaller room after him being awake for a few days. It was more cosy than the larger room, Steve having added a few things to try and make it less like a hospital, like soft blankets, a few band posters, as well as some of Eddie own clothing that Nancy and Robin had been able to get hold of.
“Remember he still gets tired easily. He also loses his train of thought and can become withdrawn.”
“I know, you have told me this a million times.” Dustin said with a roll of his eyes.
“Okay, just.... I need you to be prepared for how he’s going to look at you.” This caught Dustin’s attention, a small frown forming on his forehead
“What do you mean?”
“It’s...it’s hard to explain, but it like having someone meet you for the first time, that look of zero recognition, but on Eddie...it can...it hurts.”
“Because he should know us?”
“Yes, even now, when he looks at me, it’s not the same, its not how he would normally look at me and it...it really...” closing his eyes Steve put a hand to his face, fingers digging into the corner if his eyes. “Just, try not to let it show how much it hurts, okay?”
Lowering his hand he took in Dustin’s silent form, watching the emotion run over his face before he took a breath and put a neutral look on.
“Okay, let’s do this.”
“Okay.” Steve walked through the door first, holding it for Dustin before letting it close on its own.
Eddie was sat up, reading, the book in his hand being the Hobbit. As the sound of people entering disturbed him, he looked up, smiling at Steve before letting his gaze land on Dustin. Instantly, the smile dropped slightly, his eyes almost glazing over, and Dustin stilled as the two looked at each other.
“Hi, I’m Dustin.” The kid finally said, walking over to the bed and holding a hand out while keeping hold of the book against his chest.
“Hi Dustin...I’ve heard a lot about you.” Eddie said, taking Dustin’s hand and shaking it gently.
“You have?” Dustin sounded confused, and Steve couldn’t see the look on his face as he stayed by the door.
“Yeah, Steve speaks about you all the time. He’s told me about all of you.” Eddie looked at him then, Dustin turning as well giving Steve a look that Steve didn’t fully understand before he turned back to Eddie.
“Did he tell you I’m his favourite?” Dustin asked, and Eddie laughed.
“Not so much, but he does talk about you the most.”
Rolling his eyes, Steve put his hands on his hips, a move he knew drove all the kids nuts, calling it his mom look.
“I have no favourites, I love all my kids equally.” He said in his best babysitter voice.
Dustin laughed as he moved to the chair next to the bed, giving Steve a smile.
“Sure, mom, whatever you say.” This caused Eddie to laugh again, and Steve wished he could bottle the sound.
“What have you got there?” Eddie asked, pointing to the book.
Dustin suddenly looked nervous, the book placed on his lap, both hands on top of it.
Eddie glanced at Steve, eyes questioning. He held a hand up, indicating for him to be patient to let Dustin move forward when he was ready.
“We made you a book. It’s all about you and about us. We hoped it would help you... Remember.”
“Can I see?” Eddie asked gently, placing the book he still had on his bed further away as Dustin handed him the book.
Silence fell as Eddie ran his fingers over the cover that was covered in doodles as well as every one’s names before opening it and looking at the picture there. It was the hellfire year book picture, and above each person was their name. Steve watched as Eddie traced each face before letting his finger stop on his own face. Steve instantly could feel the shift in Eddies mood, could see the colour in his cheeks lessen, could see the slight tremble in Eddies hand as his fingers hovered.
“This doesn’t look like me.” He finally said, and Dustin threw Steve a concerned look. “He...he looks so confident, happy...he...”
“He...you, didn’t much like people, the way they conformed, the way they lived their lives. You thought them fake, just doing what they thought they had to do to fit in.” Dustin spoke, leaning forward slightly. “You surrounded yourself with people that didn’t fit in, that wouldn’t fit in. We built a friendship through a shared passion, and in doing so, you made a place that allowed us to be us, which allowed us to feel safe. I think... you did all that because you didn’t have such a place growing up, and you didn’t want anyone else to feel how you did. I, for one, am grateful that you found me, Mike, and Lucas, we were definitely a little lost when we started high school, especially since Steve wasn’t there to watch over us.”
Steve felt his love for Eddie grow as Dustin spoke, felt himself fall all the more. But as he looked at Eddie, at the man that had been Eddie, he yet again felt his heartbreak a little more. Because Eddie was right, he wasn’t the man in the picture. How could he be? He held no memories, held no past trauma, past experiences, past love that had been the building blocks to make Eddie, Eddie.
Feeling suddenly dizzy, his breathing became difficult, and he knew the panic attack was going to be a big one.
“I’ll be right back.” He got out before opening the door and leaving quickly.
He didn’t know where he was going, just that he walked, his vision blurring as his breathing became harder and harder, as his eyes filled with tears.
“Steve?” He didn’t know who said his name, not really registering it had been said at all until his legs gave out.
“Oh, Steve!”
“He’s...he’s...gone.” He got out as slim arms wrapped around him, a buzzed hair cut rubbing against his face, and he registered it was El.
“He hasn’t gone. He is just...hiding.” El whispered as she held him. “I have been searching for cracks, I will find one.”
Steve stayed silent, but he did wrap his arms around her, letting himself take the comfort she offered.
In the end, they sat against the wall in the middle of the hall, El holding his hand as she helped calm his breathing, her voice soft as she spoke.
“Eddie will be Eddie again. We just have to find him.”
“How?” Steve asked in a broken whisper.
“He...he will be looking for us as well.”
Something tugged at a memory as she said that, but it didn’t fully show itself, so he ignored it.
“Maybe.”
He knew it was weird talking about Eddie as if he were now two separate people, as if the one awake was an imposter and the one they wanted back was the real one. But Steve had seen Eddie split in two before, he had held both, kissed both and over the last week, he had come to know this, Eddie, and despite everything, he still loved him. But this Eddie didn’t love Steve, he couldn’t, because he didn’t know him, and it was that difference that really was starting to get to Steve.
“Maybe, in the end, Vecna won anyway, maybe, Eddie, our Eddie is actually dead.” Steve whispered, voicing his concerns for the very first time.
El was still holding his hand, her fingers absently tracing over the back of it. It was a habit he had noted with her, always wanting to touch, seeming to find comfort in it.
“Do you want to see it?”
“See what?” He looked up from their joined hands.
“The wall.”
“You mean go back into his mind?”
“Yes.”
“Why would that help?” He frowned as he asked.
“I don’t know, but it might help you understand that he’s still in there. He’s just hiding.”
“You keep saying that, and that’s what I don’t get. Why would he be hiding?”
She looked at him then a sad look on her face.
“I don’t know.”
They sat in silence for a while before Dustin appeared a smile on his face until he saw Steve and El sat on the floor.
“Are you okay?” He asked, looking down at Steve.
“Yeah kid, I’m good. How is Eddie?” Steve gave a small smile as Dustin sat, cross-legged in the middle of the hall.
“Asleep, he passed out halfway through talking.” Dustin almost laughed.
“Yeah, he does that. It’s the injuries and the meds making him do it.”
“He liked the book, I think. After you left, I got him to bypass the memory stuff and focused on the DnD part.”
“He finds it hard to hear about himself, so that was probably a good thing. Let him examine that part when he’s ready.”
Dustin nodded but said nothing though Steve could see he wanted to.
“Speak Henderson, tell the group what you are thinking.” Steve let his foot reach out, pushing it against Dustin’s knee.
“We are a safe place.” El added, giving Dustin a smile.
“He...he’s still Eddie when I look at him, maybe not as rough around the edges as he used to be, but still him. But when he speaks, the way he talks...its all...”
“Wrong.” Steve finished for him, and Dustin nodded.
“Don’t get me wrong, it’s fine, I’ll get used to it, but...I was sat with my friend, and it felt like I had only just met him.”
“Yeah,” Steve felt another part of his heartbreak, and he swore with each break, it hurt just a little more.
“We will get him back, though, right?” Dustin looked between Steve and El, searching for his answer.
“Honestly?” Steve asked, and Dustin held his eyes before nodding. “We don’t know. El is searching, but she can’t get over the wall, and I’ve spent every day with him since he woke, and not a single memory has come back to him. We don’t have the answer, and I don’t trust any of the doctors to even understand what is going on. So... we wait.”
“We wait.” Dustin repeated then sighed, moving to sit next to Steve, who lifted an arm, letting the kid curl into his side as silent tears fell down his face and into Steve’s shirt.
Days became weeks, weeks became a month, and then Eddie was well enough to go home. Home being Steve’s place, home being the house Steve’s parents had left to Steve after packing up clothing and the odd personal item before moving to LA for good.
They hadn’t even asked Steve if he wanted to come with them, had just dropped by the hospital leaving him the keys and the paper work that had his name down as the new owner of the house before say a quick farewell and walking out of Steve’s life for the last time.
Knowing that Eddie would be coming home with him, Steve had gone home a few times, and with the help of Robin and Nancy, he had turned a guest room into Eddies room. They had painted the pink walls white, replaced the gold gilded furniture with black units and covered the walls in posters of bands Eddie had told them he liked after the kids had given him an introduction to music. They also got clothes from Goodwill as well as Steve passing his credit card to Robin and telling her to buy some new bits as well, the perks of having his trust fund released early.
So when Eddie came home, walking into his room for the first time with Steve’s arm around his waist (he was still unsteady on his feet), he had smiled and thanked Steve for everything he had done. It was, of course, the right response, but as with everything with Eddie, it just felt wrong.
After a week, they had settled into a new routine, Eddie was keen to learn how to cook, so Steve had him help with each meal, showing him how things were done. Those moments when he had Eddie pressed against him, stirring pots of sauces or whisking up pancakes were some of the best and worse moments of his life.
Eddie still slept a lot, his body damaged and weak even though the bites and healed well, leaving just the deepest part, still needing some care.
Steve, on the other hand, hardly slept, his nights spent cleaning, or watching TV or simply watching Eddie sleep if he had passed out on the couch.
They had the kids over nearly every day, Max being released from hospital a week before Eddie. She was in a wheelchair most of the time but could get around with Lucas holding her if needed. She was still her fiery self despite everything, her lack of vision not stopping her from doing anything she wanted to do.
When they came around, Steve would pile snacks and drink on the kitchen island, while Eddie let them continue his education in DnD, music, and movies.
In the evening El would sit with Eddie, holding his hand, the two of them still as El continued her search and though Steve knew she would come back saying she couldn’t find anything he still hoped, still held his breath, only letting it go when her eyes opened and she shook her head sadly.
They spent time with Robin, Nancy and Jonathan, watching the older movies, the kids couldn’t, each one a new experience for Eddie, though Steve was sure he had seen some before.
Some nights, it was just the two of them, talking easily, laughing, and joking, and yet Steve wanted more. Wanted to be able wrap Eddie up in his arms, wanted place quick kisses to his cheek, wanted to push Eddie against a wall and kiss him deeply, wanted to get on his knees, wanted to beg Eddie to take him to bed, he wanted so much but instead he pushed those desires down, ignoring them.
Eddie had been home a week when Steve some how found himself sat on the sofa with Eddie curled up next to him, his head on Steve’s chest, fast asleep. They had been watching a film, Eddie choosing to sit next to him rather than on the other side of the sofa. Steve hadn’t minded, wanting the small touches, the warm contact as they watched. But as the film progressed, Eddie visibly slumped, his body yet again betraying him. Steve had automatically pulled Eddie against him , letting the older boy lean against his chest and before long Eddie had fallen asleep. The movie had ended a while ago, but Steve stayed where he was relishing the feel of Eddie in his arms. It wasn’t often that he got to do this, Eddie tending to keep himself apart, to keep himself away, even hugging had become a boundary, one only a few of the kids had broken through, those being Dustin, El and Max and sometime Will but Steve would bet that boundary was set by Will and not Eddie.
So he let himself indulge, let his finger run over curls, let his eyes drink in what they could, let his body relax until he too fell asleep.
He was back walking the streets of an unknown city.
This time it was dark, but the streets were alive, lit with torches that warmed him as he walked pass. People where everywhere, drinks in hand as they danced and talked, celebrating something. But as before he didn’t stop, he knew where he was going, where he needed to be.
As he navigated the winding streets he finally came upon a busy open square, all around the edge where stalls selling food and drink, the smell of the spit roast, or sweet cakes coming over him as he walked past heading to the middle where a stage was erected and upon the stage was the man dressed in black, his mask firmly in place as he played and sang to the cheering audience before him.
As he got closer, the crowd moved, easily letting him through without a struggle. Reaching the stage, he looked up a smile on his face as dark eyes looked down at him.
“You’re here.” Eddie said, smiling wide.
“Where else would I be?”
Eddie passed his lute to someone else on stage who took up the song while Eddie easily jumped off the stage, taking his hand and pulling him through the crowd.
“Come, I need to show you something.” Eddie said smiling over his shoulder at him.
Letting himself be led, he laughed and kept pace with Eddie as Eddie dodged and weaved his way through the crowd until they were walking through a less crowded street.
“Where are we going?” He asked as Eddie moved gracefully through the winding streets.
“You will see.”
Before long Eddie was entering a building and heading up and up, his hand holding tightly not allowing him to be left behind.
When they reached the top, Eddie pushed open a door leading to a roof garden that was lit and smelt of jasmine and rose. Stepping out he took in the beauty of the garden but Eddie was pulling him to the edge of the roof giving them a magnificent view of the city.
Looking around, he could see the lit streets full of people still dancing the night away, but Eddie was looking beyond the streets towards the large wall that surrounded the city.
“Do you see it?” Eddie asked.
“See what?”
“The light.” Eddie pointed and he looked toward the wall.
“I don’t see any light, just the wall.”
“Look beyond the wall. On the other side, do you see the light?”
Looking harder, he let his eyes just look, let himself soak up as much as he could, and then he smiled.
“I see it.”
“Nothing is meant to be beyond the wall.” Eddie said in amazement.
Turning from the view, he turned to look at Eddie and pulled on his hand.
“Eddie.” He whispered.
Eddie looked at him, eyes wild with excitement.
“What is my name?” He asked.
“I...I don’t know.”
“But you know me.”
“Yes.”
“I am from beyond the wall.” He said, his free hand reaching up, cupping Eddies face. “You need to find a way to get there.”
“That’s not possible.” Eddie said as he let his eyes close at his touch.
“There is a whole world waiting for you Eddie, a whole other existence full of family and friends, full of love. Can you come find us?”
Slowly Eddies eyes opened.
“Steve.”
Steve’s breath caught, his eyes filling with tears.
“Come find me baby, please, I miss you so much.”
“How?” Eddie asked his hands resting on Steve’s hips pulling him closer.
“Follow the light.” Steve said lifting his other hand and pulling the mask from Eddies face before leaning forward, letting his lips graze Eddies softly.
“Angel.” Eddie said before pulling Steve closer and kissing him hard.
Steve woke with a feel of lips still on his and with tears falling down his face.
Covering his mouth, he tried to stifle the sob that broke free, tried not to wake Eddie, but as the sound left him, Eddie shot up eyes wide.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t...I didn’t mean to wake you.” Steve got out, still crying,
“What happened?” Eddie asked, looking around for a reason as to why Steve would be crying.
“Nothing, just a dream.” Steve tried to reassure, but his tears wouldn’t stop because he knew he understood what had just happened.
Eddie continued to look at him, his eyes trying to see what exactly had happened.
“I should move out.” Eddie said suddenly, and Steve stilled.
“What?”
“I’m hurting you, I’m causing you pain. I have been causing you pain since I woke up, and I can’t take it anymore. I kept you close because I was scared, because you were the first face I saw and I have clung to that like a chick fresh out of it’s egg. But I have caused nothing but pain, and I need to stop now, I need to let you go.”
Steve could only stare, his heart beating widely. While Eddie looked down at his hands as he kept on talking.
“I could ask the government guys to find me a place, they offered before, but you had said about coming here, and I...I shouldn’t have taken you up on it. But like I said, I was scared, and I was being selfish. But this last week I’ve been watching you and you are so sad, so unhappy. Even when you laugh it’s there, under the surface and I know that’s because of me, because I’m not who you want me to be, I’m not him, and I can’t...I can’t keep hurting you. So I think I should move out.”
Eddie stood then, still not looking at Steve.
“I’ll pack tonight... not that anything here is actually mine, but...I’ll call the right people tomorrow. And then I’ll be out of your hair, then I can stop hurting you.”
Steve let him get to the stairs before he was up and running, grabbing Eddies wrist before he could take the first step.
“No.”
Eddie looked down at where Steve had hold of him before finally looking up.
“Steve...”
“NO,” Steve almost shouted, causing Eddie to flinch slightly. “You don’t get to just leave.”
“Steve, I... I have to.”
“Because you can’t take hurting me? Well, tough shit, I made a promise, and I won’t break it.”
“What ever promises you made you don’t have to keep because I don’t remember them, I don’t remember anything, and it is maddening to the point of insanity.”
“We just have to keep trying.” Steve pleaded.
“And what if it never happens? What if I never remember? What, then?”
“But you will.” Steve said in a small voice, his dream still fresh in his mind.
“We don’t know that, Steve. We don’t know what is going to happen, and no amount of hope you or any of the others have will make it happen. So please, let me go, let me stop hurting you, all of you, let me find my own way.”
“I can’t... I... I can’t lose you again.” Steve felt more tears fall as he spoke, and Eddie stepped closer, lifting his hand to gently wipe away the tears.
“That’s just it though isn’t it? You lost someone, and when you thought you got them back, you got me instead. So, really, you never got them back in the first place, so when I go, it won’t be so bad.”
“Eddie.”
“I’m not him, I never have been.” With that, Eddie pressed a kiss to Steve’s forehead and then pulled his hand free before running up the stairs, the sound of his door closing sounding before the house fell silent.
Steve sat on the floor at the bottom of the stairs, his eyes watching as the light from the rising sun started to fill the house, casting shadows as well as chasing shadows away.
His tears had dried up hours ago, leaving stains on his face. He had been sitting for too long, his legs aching, but moving was like too much work, so he stayed, even though his back screamed in protest and his feet were numb.
Movement at the top of the stairs didn’t make him look up, he didn’t even look as Eddie stepped around him, a bag on his shoulder, he didn’t look as Eddie made a call or when he hung up the phone or when he crouched down in front of Steve.
“Someone is coming to get me. Do you want me to call Robin?”
“Okay.”
“Okay.” Eddie got up making the call before coming back this time sitting, mimicking Steve.
“She’s on her way. I’m...Steve this is the best thing to do.”
Finally, Steve looked at him.
“Follow the light.” He moved then, ignoring his body as it screamed in pain. Reaching out, he grabbed the collar of Eddies jacket and pulled, bringing Eddie close so he could whisper against his lips.
“Follow the light and come back to me.” He then kissed Eddie for the first time since he woke.
Eddie almost melted. He could feel it happen, but then hands grabbed his wrist and pushed him back. It wasn’t harsh, but it wasn’t gentle either. The two held each others eyes, and then Eddie let go as he stood, leaving Steve on the floor as he grabbed his bag and walked out the front door.