Chapter Text
june 5th,1961
He's drenched in sweat.
The therapist is no help at all. She keeps staring into his soul.
Saying nothing.
Her fingers keep messing around with a pen and he's going to lose his shit.
He also knows she's waiting for him to say something like, "Yes, I'm a junkie. I need help. I'm one of the menaces of society."
Probably all while crying.
Yeah, no.
He'll sit here until Johnathan comes back to take him to dinner.
But that fucking pen—
"Mr. Schneider,"
"You're driving me up the wall with the fucking pen, doc."
She stops. A little timid that she finally heard him speak. But her face goes back to being a mask.
"Mr. Schneider, if you continue to just sit there without saying anything, you'll be taken to see the other therapist here." She pauses and adjusts the glasses on her nose. "His method is similar to someone poking a bear. Do you want to speak with him instead?"
He wipes the back of his hand against his forehead. He feels disgusting. His eyes hurt and his hand keeps shaking.
But through gritted teeth, he let out, "No,"
"Ok,"
Kitty's gonna stay with you. You can't have her seeing this Leonard.
He lets out a breath.
"Well, I'm a junkie,"
And he's off.
He talks about growing up. About the Navy. About the pills and the little vials filled with powder. About his mother, his ex-wife, and his daughter. He even talks about her.
The therapist hasn't even had a moment to stop writing.
He thinks her hand must hurt.
But she doesn't stop the more he keeps talking.
They end when he goes into detail about how he left New York.
He doesn't notice Jonathan waiting for him until she says, "I'll see you tomorrow Mr. Schnider."
He nods.
He doesn't feel better but he feels recognized in some way.
Better than nothing I suppose.
june 5th, 1962
Only she would wear heels to Disneyland and not mind walking around the theme park.
Ethan and Esther are walking with Kitty, all holding hands while heading towards the Alice in Wonderland ride.
Ethan and Esther got into California two days ago.
It's an actual big fucking deal.
Having all the kids together.
Joel seems to think so too.
"What the fuck are doing Midge!? Why are you even in California? Why do you want the kids down there? You know I have the kids this week. This is my time with them,"
"Can you calm down, Joel?"
"She says that like this isn't a big deal sending our children all the way to California." He mutters and then shouts, "I'm calm Midge, alright!"
"No, actually you're not."
"You're right I'm fucking not. What the fuck is going on?"
"Um..."
She doesn't know what to say. She could say, “I came all the way to California for a man that I love and I want the kids to meet him.”
But Joel was pissed when he found out the kids met Benjamin.
"Can you just tell me, please, I have a meeting with Archie in 20,"
"Fine,"
She lets out a breath. She decides to go down the honest path.
"Lenny Bruce. We're...something and I want the kids to meet him and his daughter."
The other line is quiet and she thinks he hung up until he cries out, "What the fuck did you just say!?"
"I just told you, Joel—"
"Oh, so I haven't gone insane. Good to know." She moves the phone away from her and can still hear him going on and on.
She doesn't realize he's asking her something until he says, "Damnit Midge!"
"What!? What Joel!?"
"What did you mean you and Lenny Fucking Bruce are something?"
"I'm not getting into this right now Joel. I only called to say that I already booked flights for the kids."
From the corner of her eye, she sees him. He looks a little concerned.
"I have to go. But Susie will call with the details."
"Midge, I swear—"
She hangs up and sighs. He walks closer to her and wraps his arm around her waist.
"The ex being a shmuck?"
"Among other things...yes. But how much did you hear?"
He brings up his hand and his fingers just barely touch.
"Liar."
He smirks. But then he smiles.
"Serious talk...would your kids hate me, yes or no?"
She thinks for a second.
This is serious business.
"Ethan wouldn't mind you. He's very into airplanes. So something to talk about, if you know about aircrafts...And Esther likes meeting new people but if she doesn't like them, they're fucked."
"I see. So it can go either way,"
"They won't hate you, Lenny."
"But they could,"
She kisses him to shut up. His hands tighten slightly around her and she melts.
"They won't,"
But back to the fact that they are at the Happiest Place on Earth.
"I hope we get the purple caterpillar!" Esther points out as they wait in line.
He's holding Esther in his arms and asks her about which Disney movies she has or hasn't seen.
Kitty is next to her, looking at the park map. She really wants to get on the Peter Pan ride.
She then watches Ethan look around the park. He looks so small in that funny hat they got at the store.
Lenny has a matching one that Esther keeps playing with and she can't stop smiling at how this feels.
She feels complete. And like she's on the edge of a fucking cliff for having no idea what the future holds.
Their kids are all together, laughing, and just existing with each other. As if they didn't just meet two days ago!
"You're smiling too much,"
"I'm happy Leonard, don't ruin the moment."
"I wouldn't dream of it, Miriam,"
He's about to kiss her when the Disney Crew member tells them to get situated in the purple caterpillar.
"Rats,"
Kitty sits between Ethan and Esther in the front. They keep whispering loudly about how excited they are.
He intertwines their fingers and kisses her wrist.
They go through Wonderland together. He never lets go of her hand. Even when they get off, they are still intertwined.
They spend the rest of the day going on all the rides.
It isn't until it's dark that they decide to stay for Mickey at the Movies parade.
Kitty and Esther are sharing cotton candy and Ethan is enjoying popcorn. They are all sitting, waiting for the parade to start.
Meanwhile, she's having a pretzel and hears him say, "I love you,"
She can feel salt on her face. If her mother saw this...
She actually almost chokes at the thought and looks at him like he is insane.
"Did you just say that while I was eating with salt all over my face?"
"Yes, I did."
She wipes her fingers around her lips. He's off-kilter when she grabs him by the collar of his shirt and kisses him.
She feels him melt against her, releasing the tenseness in his muscles, leading her own to settle loose and yielding as their inhibitions disentangle to a slow parting of their lips against each other, her hand lifting to curl her fingers at the back of his neck and pull him closer.
"I love you," she replies against his lips.
She doesn't know if this theme park is the Happiest Place on Earth.
But she is happy here with all of them.
june 5th, 1963
"Do we have to go?"
He's been complaining non-stop. He doesn't want to go to Steiner.
Being around the ex and the ex-in-laws seem like an awful way to start the summer.
"It'll be fun,"
"How exactly?"
"We'll drink, the kids will be off doing their own thing. We can relax and spend time together...alone,"
He knows what she's doing now.
"Also we have gigs lined up down there so you have to go." She says this as she gathers her seventh bag to load in the car.
"Right..."
He's about to say that this still sounds like a terrible idea when her parents barge in, already fretting about the kids.
Ethan to be exact.
"Miriam, your son has not packed his bag,"
"Papa, I packed it the car already. What are you talking about?"
"Then why is he in his room?"
"Because it's his room?"
Abe sighs and sits next to him on the sofa.
"Lenny, please tell my daughter she doesn't need three suitcases just for shoes,"
"Um—"
"New hat, dear?"
"Yes, I thought it would go well with this dress."
"It is lovely,"
He doesn't know how he hasn't gone crazy but he somehow doesn't mind if he did. He loves her and her family, even if these tangents freak him out a little.
She told him almost a year ago in California that she loves and cares about his daughter. They had just gone shopping together, Esther tagging along with them.
Kitty also seems to feel the same way. (Are you going to marry, Midge?)
He didn't know what to say when she asked him that. But he knew better than to lie or dismiss her. So he was honest.
"Maybe, one day Kit,"
But now as he sits next to her father, and she is talking to her mother about hats, he's getting the same sentiment as when he was talking to Kitty.
Yeah, maybe one day.
They eventually leave for the Catskills.
He's not as annoyed as before.
june 5th, 1964
His hand is shaking.
He doesn't know why he called up Donny. However, he was on his third glass of the hard shit. He's been wanting something to take off the edge.
He hasn't touched it since he got it. But he knows she is bound to get here any minute.
The kids are asleep.
He knows if they fight, which they might, it'll end badly.
But he has this itch. And it's not going away. He's had it for days, and he has no fucking clue what to do.
The little vial of powder is right in front of him though.
His fingers graze the top.
The door opens.
"Hey, you won't believe the news that Susie just told me—"
She rounds the corner and sees him.
Her smile is gone when she's what's on the table.
"What the fuck—"
"I haven't taken anything."
"Why do you have it then?"
He doesn't say anything. He stares at the vial and the fucking itch—
"Lenny,"
His eyes find hers.
She's scared.
Fear is as ubiquitous as sunlight on the cracked streets.
"What do you want me to say, Midge?"
"I want you to just be honest with me,"
He nods his head, but his voice sounds raw.
"Honest with you, okay,"
He takes a sip of his drink.
"I fucking hate that the first thing I do is go fucking running to my old dealer when I'm done on the stage. I can't fucking do this anymore. I can't Midge."
He shakes his head.
"I miss my writing job,"
"Ok,"
"That's it? Ok?"
"Did you want me to scream at you or something?"
He shrugs.
She grabs his hand and squeezes.
"Lenny, I support any decision you want to make regarding your career. Why would you think otherwise?"
He doesn't say anything to that. He had his doubts.
But he feels he has a good reason.
He's known to be Lenny Bruce — Stand-up Comedian with a potty mouth. You can always count on Officer Peluso and his buddies to always be in attendance at his shows.
But he should know better when it comes to her.
"Abe thinks I can get a job at the Village Voice."
"Well, Papa is never wrong,"
"Yes, two sweaters," he mumbles.
"What?"
He's about to go into detail when he sees the kids staring at him in the hallway.
Midge turns around in her seat and they come closer into the kitchen.
They are all crowded together.
Midge immediately takes the vial and hides it in her coat.
Esther is wrapped in her blanket, while Kitty and Ethan look at him the entire time.
"What's going on?" Kitty speaks. She looks almost like she's going to cry.
He says, "Nothing. We're just talking,"
His daughter knows there is more to the story. She looks at the glass in his hand.
"We heard yelling," Esther pips in. She wraps the blanket around herself more.
Midge goes to pick her up. "Sorry, sweety I thought I saw something scary,"
She wraps her arms around Ethan and Kitty and says, "Come on you three, back to bed."
They all seem reluctant.
"Ma, are you sure?" Ethan's brows furrow and he looks at him for a second before turning back to his mother.
"Yes, I'm sure. Come on. It's a school night."
They head back to their rooms, Midge along with them.
He sighs as he puts his glass in the sink.
Fuckin' idiot.
He goes to sit on the couch.
She comes back a couple of moments later.
She sits next to him.
He doesn't ask about the vial of powder.
"I love you," she says as she kisses his cheek.
"Love you," He exhales and wraps his arm around her shoulders. She rests her head on his shoulder, her fingers messing with his tie.
They end up falling asleep on the couch.
june 5th, 1965
He goes to Abe after his meeting with Rose.
He knows how important it is to have her father's and mother's approval.
And approval for something as big as this is important.
"Oh good, you aren't going to wait until I'm dead to marry my daughter,"
"I just had to make sure that this is something I wanted,"
"Something you wanted? What do you mean, Lenny? What's wrong with Miriam? Wait, don't answer that, I know—"
"Getting married in general is what I meant," He pauses. "My last marriage ended horribly and I don't want to make the same mistakes I did with Honey. Midge deserves better than that."
Abe asses him and nods his head.
"When Joel left my daughter, I was ashamed. When a marriage is broken, the family is too. But I know that it is because he left her that she was able to be who she is today. I'm proud of my daughter. I am."
He smiles at Abe. He's right.
"I also had to make sure this is what she wanted too. This would be our 2nd marriage. I know how much that bothers Rose. It bothers Midge a little too. But I just needed to be sure."
"Well, you have had my approval for years. It's only now that you decided to do something."
He's not sure what to say to that.
What breaks him out of his haze is when Abe starts laughing uncontrollably.
"Abe, you're not dying right now, are you?"
That stops him abruptly.
"No! Of course not. I was just thinking of that time we were arrested,"
He gives him a sheepish smile. "Sorry,"
"I should have known we would end up here someday,"
He looks down at his hands, murmuring, "I know what you mean,"
They end up having one drink together to celebrate.
He proposes later that night.
She throws her arms around his neck and cries.
But she says yes.
He cries a little too.
He hopes to remember this day forever.
june 5th, 1966
They decided to go visit his mother in California for a few weeks.
She bought a house a few months ago. (5 bedrooms and a pool! Please visit, I haven't seen the family in ages).
They haven't been to California in a while and he never realized how much he missed it.
When he rings the door, she's fussing with Esther and Kitty's hats. "Why are they lifting at the sides?"
She sighs and turns to Ethan, her fingers smoothing down his hair.
She's stressed. But he doesn't know why.
She hasn't said anything and he doesn't know if he should ask or wait for her to tell him.
Before he can dwell on that more, his mother opens the door.
"You're here!" she pecks his cheek and looks at the kids. "Oh, you all look so grown."
The kids say their hellos.
When his mother gets to Midge, she hugs her. "Come on, let's go inside. It's the devil's asshole out here."
The kid's snicker at Sally.
Right when they walk in, the pool is on full display and they make longing faces toward the adults.
"Go, go. Have fun. I already left the sunscreen and towels out for you all," His mother makes the hand motion for them to go, and then they're off.
Sally turns to him and then to her.
"I'll make Long Island Ice Teas."
His mother disappears into the kitchen.
Midge sits on the couch, a long drawn-out breath escaping her.
"What's wrong?"
He sits next to her, her face revealing nothing.
She looks at the kids jumping in the pool. The laughs striking through the windows.
"I'm pregnant," she whispers.
He doesn't know if he really heard her. But a part of him knows he did.
He's just processing...slowly.
If he's being honest, after Kitty was born, he never thought about having other kids. Then Ethan and Esther came into the picture. So one became three.
But she's pregnant. With his kid.
They are going to have a kid together.
"Is this not good news?"
"Well, I don't know. Is it?"
There is an edge to her voice.
He leaves his spot and crouches down in front of her.
His hand cups her face to look down at him.
"No matter how fucking scary this seems, yes I do fucking believe news like this to be good." His other hand grabs hers. "Maybe even more than good."
The longer she stares at him, her vision clouds.
Her tears touch his skin and he's scared he's fucked up somehow.
He wipes at her cheeks softly.
It makes the situation worse apparently.
"What's wrong, Midge?"
"Susie and I had a fight about this," she whispers.
She tangles her fingers in his hair.
"She just booked me for this tour I'm supposed to start in August and I don't know... it's just she was fucking pissed. And then she started talking about you and I lost it. We haven't talked all week now."
She starts crying again.
"We'll figure it out, I promise."
"Is this something you actually want?"
"Yes,"
No hesitation.
"Is this something you actually want?"
She exhales, "With you, yes."
A moment passed, perhaps half a second when their faces said what they felt, and then he was smiling, laughing, his arms around her waist.
"I love you,"
"I love you,"
Whatever happens tomorrow, they've had today.
That's what matters most, he thinks.
extra: june 5th, 1967
Isabella Bruce is too small to be so loud.
Then again, that is something she shares with her mother.
But it's midnight and he has to go to work tomor—today.
He looks down at the baby in his arms and tries to soothe her.
She quiets down but is whimpering softly.
He starts walking around the house quietly until he knows she's asleep.
He doesn't immediately put her down in the crib but instead goes to sit on the couch for a moment.
He doesn't really remember Kitty like this.
Which makes him feel awful.
He's missed so much with her. He doesn't even know how time flew by.
He hears someone coming down the hallway, but he knows it's not Midge.
Kitty finds him and Isabella on the couch.
She doesn't say anything but sits next to him.
"She wake you up?"
She nods her head and looks down at the baby.
She's quiet. Maybe a little too quiet.
But it is midnight.
"You ok?"
Kitty looks away from the baby and turns to him.
"Yeah, she's just so small, it's scary sometimes."
"What do you mean?"
"She's a baby, she's fragile."
"Ah, that is true,"
He nods his head. And decides on what to do next.
"I'm gonna go put her down. But when I come back, wanna make peanut butter and banana sandwiches?"
Kitty smiles.
"Yeah, I'd like that."
"I'll be back, Elvis."
"You're never going to get over that, are you?"
"Not in this lifetime Kit,"
He hears her laugh when he's walking down the hallway.
This is life.
He's happy.