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1
Karsh sighed, and turned on his side in bed. His darkened bedroom – usually cozy and comforting after a long, tiring day – made him feel even more alone than he already felt.
His cheek lay against the warm pillowcase. He sucked at his teeth, and turned his pillow over. Uncomfortable, and unable to make himself comfortable, he flipped onto his back. Karsh cursed himself for a fool. Why in Blazes did he wait as long as he had? Why didn't he ask again?
2
When Karsh was seven years old, and Riddel six, something happened that changed Karsh’s life forever – something that changed the way he and Dario and Riddel regarded each other. He never saw it coming, nor did he have the slightest inkling that this one event would change the way he looked at Riddel when puberty reared its ugly head five years later. He was seven, after all, and the mere sight of girls made him want to retch.
That Yule, everyone’s families celebrated the holidays at Viper Manor. Karsh was humbled to silence by the mountains of wrapped parcels and tables heaped high with food and drink. He gripped his mother’s arm tightly as she led him through the massive banquet hall. He marveled at the servants, dressed in their holiday finery, and at the hall itself. It blazed with light, lit by the enormous chandelier that hung over the table and by the fire roaring in the cavernous fireplace.
“Mum! It’s so bright!” Karsh was agog, and could only whisper his astonishment. He had been to the Manor before, but he never remembered it like this. He tugged on her arm. “Mum! Did’ya see the Great Hall? It’s full of presents!”
“Aye, laddie, Ah did,” said Zippa, smiling down at her son. “And Ah do believe that some o’ those gifts are fer ye. Ye’ve been a good boy, aye wot?”
“Mm-hmm!” Karsh nodded enthusiastically. “I sure have! Are they all for me?”
Zippa laughed merrily. “No, Karsh…but Ah think that yer uncle set aside a great store fer ye. Weel, look! Dario is there, and Riddel, too! Go on an’ get yer gifts, Karsh. Make merry with yer wee friends.”
His face lit up almost as brightly as the Great Hall itself, and ran to the giant pile of gifts. Zippa settled herself on a divan, next to Viper himself. She sighed heavily, and then grinned at him.
“Truly lovely, General…ye’ve outdone yerself this year.” She gestured at the finery and the lights of the Great Hall.
Viper grinned beatifically down at Zippa, and shrugged. “It’s nothing, Zippa. I only want the best for my loved ones. And these two…” he said, motioning to Karsh and Dario, “they’re like the sons I never had. As long as I can, I wish them to want for nothing. I hope I’m not imposing…”
“No’ at all, Viper,” said Zappa, who had at that moment joined them. “Ah think it’s verra nice, what yer doin’ fer Karsh and Dario…fer wee Glenn, also. It’s appreciated.”
Viper nodded. “I am forever in your debt, Zappa. You are a good friend, and a fine smith. Your work has made it easier to keep peace here in El Nido. Having said that, I think showering the children with presents on Yule is but a mere pittance to what I owe you. Did you get your gift, Zappa?”
Zappa’s mouth quirked up on the left side – the closest thing to a smile his face produced – and nodded. “Aye, the shipment of iron came in last week. It’ll make some fine weapons, Ahm sure. Ah thank ye fer that.”
Viper waved his hand at that and shrugged. “’Tis nothing. It’s the least I could do for you and Zippa.”
“An’ it’s much appreciated, too,” piped in Zippa, “as iron is so hard to come by these days.” She smiled at her husband, and then turned to look at the children. They were tearing into their parcels with enthusiasm. Karsh got to an oddly shaped gift, and tried to heft it. It wouldn’t budge.
Karsh looked over at the adults. “Hey! What’s this?”
Viper shrugged with feigned ignorance. “I don’t know…why not open it?”
“Okay!” With that, he tore the wrapper off the bulky item. When she beheld what was the present was, Zippa stood suddenly with a squeak of indignation. Zappa glanced at Viper, and chuffed laughter. Zippa stared at the men with more than a touch of annoyance.
“Och! What in blazes made ye give wee Karsh a real weapon, General? And you, Zappa,” she finished with a snort, “did ye know about this, ye big buffoon?”
Zappa shrank slightly from his wife’s ire. “Aye, o’ course Ah did, as Ah made it.”
Viper laughed sheepishly. “It’s not a problem, is it?”
Zippa blew an irritated sigh, and placed her hands on her hips. “Ah would say it's a problem fer Karsh to have an axe, General. It could kill him if he tried tae lift the blasted thing!”
Karsh, incidentally, was trying to make his way to the adults with his new gift, by dragging the axe behind him. It took some time, but he made it, and brandished the weapon before him with a heavy clank. “Isn’t it great, Mum…Da?”
“Aye, Karsh, it’s verra nice,” said Zappa, tousling his son’s steely mop. She raised her countenance over her boy's head to glare at Viper, shaking her head and wielding a dirty look. “But ye must be verra careful with it, so as no’ to hurt yerself.”
“I won’t hurt myself! Watch!” With that Karsh stepped back three gangling steps, hoisted the axe above his head with a grunt of effort…and tilted backwards. He toppled over under the weight of his new ‘toy’, to the mingled shouts of hilarity and alarm from both of his parents.
“Ahem,” said Viper, “I suppose it is a bit too big for him…”
“Do ye think? Ahh, Ah suppose it cannae be helped. Zappa, the least ye could’ve done was tae warn me beforehand. Karsh,” finished Zippa, “are ye all right, laddie?”
He nodded enthusiastically. “I’m okay, Mum. I need to get real strong to use it, though.”
Zappa grunted. “Weel, at least the mite knows his own weaknesses, ken?”
A shrill squeal made everyone gathered turn abruptly to the mountain of parcels. Riddel was laughing and dancing in a circle, and had something hugged tight in her arms. She skipped over to the waiting circle of her family, and hugged Karsh tightly. He blushed to the roots of his hair, and looked thoroughly embarrassed…and confused. “Eh? What’s that for, Riddel?”
“Thank you for the doll, Karsh…she’s very beautiful.” Riddel brandished the rag doll at him, and he shrugged, bewildered. Before he could say a word, though, Zippa answered Riddel for him.
“Aye, lassie, ye’re welcome. Karsh wanted ye tae have that, and we made her especially fer ye.” She cocked an eyebrow at her son. “Right, Karsh?”
“Um…yeah. I’m glad you like it.” He glanced at Dario, who had a funny look on his face, as if he had just eaten a sour apple.
Riddel beamed at him. “It’s the best gift ever. But,” she finished, wagging an admonishing finger at him, “she is a she, not it. Her name’s Fannie.” She held the doll out to Karsh. “Give Fannie a kiss.”
Zappa snorted, and Viper bellowed laughter. Not quite understanding what the adults found so funny, he shook his head. “Uh-uh. No way.”
“Och, go on, Karsh. One kiss planted on her Fannie willnae hurt…” said Zappa, before doing something Karsh had never before seen in his life, and something that even Zippa had rarely seen: he burst into hearty guffaws. Zippa had quickly followed suit, and giggled until her sides hurt. She nodded to her son to do what little Riddel asked. Karsh gave them a withering glance, and turned to Riddel.
She still held the doll out for a kiss, an oddly expectant expression on her young face. He shrugged inwardly, rolled his eyes shut, and puckered up. If it would shut the pest up…He steeled himself for the mortification of kissing a stupid doll.
He expected Riddel to mash the doll into his face, and then leave him alone. Instead, he was shocked and appalled to find that Riddel wanted to kiss his lips instead. His eyes flew open, and he grunted in revulsion.
Riddel pulled back from Karsh, and skipped away to her pile of gifts, humming merrily to herself. She sat down, and rocked her dolly serenely. Karsh made a moue of disgust, and scrubbed the back of his hand over his violated lips. He looked over at Dario, and sneered.
Dario had laughed himself into a froth. His face was turning an interesting shade of crimson. Tears of mirth streamed from his eyes, and trailed down his cheeks. He pointed at Karsh. “Riddel kissed Karsh! Hee-hee! You should look at yourself, Karsh…you look so funny! Bwah hah-hah!” Dario hauled himself to his feet, and staggered to his friend. “That was great, Karsh! Oh…my tummy hurts!”
Karsh scowled at Dario. “Tcha,” he tutted, before shoving Dario, propelling him to the floor. Dario landed on his backside and, to Karsh’s chagrin, began rolling on the floor, holding his midsection and cackling. Just before Karsh could launch himself on the prone Dario, Zippa grabbed Karsh and hugged him close. She kissed his forehead, and smiled at him.
“Mum?”
“That,” said Zippa, giving him a mildly admonishing look, “was fer bein’ a good sport, laddie. Now be nice.”
Dario found his feet once again, and slung an arm chummily over Karsh’s shoulders. “Let’s go open the rest of our presents. Come on!”
Karsh shrugged, and gamely followed his friend. There were many memorable gifts – his favorite was the chess set his Da had fashioned for him from heavy pewter – but the one thing he received that made the most impact was Riddel’s kiss. That night, as his Mum tucked him snugly in his bed, he thought back on that one kiss.
And realized it wasn’t so bad.
3
Ten years passed in a heartbeat, as time tended to do.
There was a grand party at Viper Manor for Twelfth Night. The candelabras and the chandeliers blazed with many candle flames. There was much wine and whiskey there, and a seventeen year old Karsh took full advantage of it. His parents never disallowed him a wee nip from time to time, and when you were a dragoon, you could do pretty much anything you pleased. It was just the ticket for Karsh, and he and Dario got very, very drunk.
Riddel was there, too. She didn’t touch alcohol, but didn’t raise too many objections when her loved ones imbibed. Late into the night, she watched her father, her two best friends, and the rest of the dragoons and their families make merry.
Dario was the first to pass out. His alcohol tolerance was quite low, and he succumbed early. He lay slumped in the corner of the Great Hall, stretched across the selfsame divan Zippa stretched herself across ten years prior. Dario looked peaceful as a smile played across his face. Karsh stayed awake (and relatively cognizant) for much longer. He schmoozed with the nobles, charmed the small band of sergeants clustered by the fireplace, even flirted with the old Ladies of the court. Soon enough, though, his speech slurred, and his gait began to pitch and roll. The General noticed this first, and approached Karsh.
“Ah, my brave young dragoon! How are you feeling tonight?”
“Och, General Viper, sirrah, Ahm feelin’ grand. Ah think Ah can go on like this fer hours.” He showed just how capable he was of that by throwing one arm out expansively and nearly toppling himself into the blazing fireplace.
Viper laughed uproariously as he steadied Karsh. “I’m sure, son. You do look like you need a nap, though. Why not go on and take one of the rooms in the North Wing? We’ll all still be here in the morning, and I’ll even cook.”
“Daddy, no one will stay if you tell them that!” Riddel said, her laughter like silver bells.
Karsh rubbed at his eyes. “Ah am a wee bit tired…Ah suppose Ah can take a snooze. Thanks, yer Lordship General Viper sirrah!”
“My gods, man! That’s a ponderous title! Call me General while you're on duty. That’s enough.” He draped one arm around Karsh's shoulders “Go on…I can have a servant help you find it…”
“It’s no’ a problem, sirrah. Ah can find mah way.” With that, Karsh staggered out of the room, in search of his bed.
Well, he found a bed…but was unsure if it was his or not. No matter. He stepped to the foot, and stopped. He didn’t bring anything to sleep in – not that it made a difference, he usually slept in the raw anyway. He pulled his hair free of its ponytail and stripped himself of his military issued uniform – it would be years later that he found his ‘unique’ taste in clothing – and ponderously folded it. He turned to the lamp to extinguish it, when he heard a gasp behind him. He turned around, to find Riddel standing in the doorway. She stared at him, all wide eyes and hanging jaw. Her eyes dropped to his nether regions, and her eyes widened further. She cocked her head, and her mouth moved soundlessly.
It took Karsh a moment to understand why Riddel looked so surprised. He looked down at himself, looked up at Riddel with growing embarrassment, and covered his crotch with his hands.
“Heeeeey! Can’t a feller get undressed fer bed, withou’ someone burstin’ intae his room? If ye’ll excuse me, Riddel,” he said with exaggerated dignity; he nodded to the door. She stood stock-still, never taking his eyes off his crotch. “What?” Karsh continued, “ye nivver seen a naked man before?”
“No,” said Riddel querulously.
“Fancy that,” said Karsh, and rolled his eyes dramatically, “Ah broke yer ‘first time lookin’ at a man’s bare ass’ cherry. Ah feel sae special. Tcha…yer embarrassin’ me, Riddel." He hooked his jaw at the bedroom's door. "Go on tae yer room.”
Riddel blinked at him. “This is my room.”
Karsh frowned in concentration, then his mouth dropped open comically, and he snatched his clothes from Riddel's bed – granting Riddel another glance at his now-uncovered crotch. He slapped his pile of clothes against his exposed parts. “Och, Riddel…turn ‘round a second, ken? Ah’d like tae get dressed before yer Da finds oot Ahm in here an’ castrates me.”
She did so, walking to the wall and turning to face it while Karsh pulled on his pants and did the fly in a trice. He looked around at Riddel, and caught her staring at him through the fringe of her ebony hair. He snorted angrily, and she reddened. Karsh grinned at her. So it's that way, is it, Riddel? thought Karsh, So, this’ll be fun. He slung his shirt over his shoulder, and sauntered up to her, and placed his hands on the wall, to either side of her head. He leaned in close, and leered at her drunkenly. “Was it as good fer you, as it was fer me?”
Riddel snorted herself. “Be serious, Karsh. The room next door is unoccupied. Go to bed in there.”
“Mmphmm. Want tae join me, lassie? Ah’ll make it worth yer while.” He moved in closer, and placed his hands on her shoulders. Riddel didn’t run from him. She merely stared up at his smiling mouth and twinkling eyes. She began to grin herself.
“And you’d pass out two steps into the room, I’ll wager,” she countered, grinning. “Go on to bed, Karsh. I’ll see you in the morning.”
He tossed his silver hair. “No’ yet…ye have tae pay the toll.”
“Toll?” She didn’t ask further, as she could see Karsh dipping his head toward hers, opening his smiling mouth slightly, and closing his whiskey-reddened eyes. She spoke before he could catch her lips with his. “Remember when we were children, Karsh, and I gave you that first kiss?”
Karsh’s face was a hairsbreadth from Riddel’s, when he stopped. His sparkling whiskied eyes opened. “Aye, o’ course Ah do. Ah thought it was the narstiest thing on Earth. Why? You dinnae find me narsty now, do ye?”
“No. I just wanted to know if you still found it…’narsty’.” Riddel wrinkled her nose at her childhood friend. "Do you?"
Karsh grinned, and closed the gap between their heads. “What d’ye think, lass? I’m no’ seven anymore,” he said, and planted a kiss on Riddel’s lips. His mouth was soft from drunkenness and redolent of Viper's best whiskey. He drew her closer, and she could feel him…growing…down in his nether regions. She gasped, and broke the kiss. Karsh blushed mightily, and stepped back a bit.
“Uhm. Ahm sae sorry, lass. It has a mind of its own, Ahm afraid.”
She blinked again, completely flustered. “Does it do…that…a lot?”
“Only when Ah get excited,” said Karsh, snorting drunken laughter.
“Oh.” Riddel regained her composure, and stepped closer. “I didn’t finish paying the toll.”
“Heh. So ye didnae.” He bent to her mouth again, and kissed her soundly. Hesitantly, he coaxed her mouth open with his tongue, and deepened the kiss. They continued that way for some time, before he broke his affection, gasping. He looked into her eyes, steeled himself, and spoke.
“Riddel…marry me?”
She blinked. “What?” Riddel wasn’t upset by Karsh's gentle, boozed query, but only by the circumstances that brought it about. “You’re drunk, Karsh. Please don’t ask me that.”
Karsh held Riddel close, and Riddel could see nothing but truth – and what looked like his very soul – in his eyes. “Drunk or no’, lassie, Ahm askin’ ye with me heart. Make me happy. Be my wife.”
Riddel reached up and stroked Karsh’s smooth cheek. “Karsh...no.” His face fell, and Riddel tightened her arms around Karsh's waist. “I won’t say yes, not now…but ask me again sometime. Now is not the time.”
Karsh hung his head a moment, and then brought it up. It was as if she never said no. He twinkled at her again. “Okay, lass. An’ Ahm holdin’ ye up tae it, too. Jest wait ‘till Ah drum the nerve up tae ask ye again.”
He bent to kiss her again, and chastely kissed the side of her mouth. He opened the door to her room, and began making his way out into the hallway. Riddel turned to him. “Goodnight, my brave Dragoon.”
“Goodnight, my little pain in the arse.” Karsh winked, and left.
4
“Karsh? Karsh! Aren’t you listening? Stop woolgathering, already!”
“Huh?” He looked up at from the bellflower, and saw his friends Riddel and Dario. He grinned to himself. This flower always does that…it always sends me back in time, to when Riddel gave me my first one. He shook himself out of his reverie. “Sorry.”
Riddel laughed. “Same old Karsh. Thinking about the first time I brought you flowers, I guess?”
Karsh drew back a moment, then laughed. “Am I that obvious?”
“Yes.” Dario laughed, then sobered in a hurry. “I…uh, I mean we…we’d like to tell you something. Um. Well…”
“What? What is it? This isn’t like you, Dario. What, already?”
“Uh, we…” started Dario, but then Riddel cut in.
“Dario and I are pledged to marry. We’re getting married, Karsh!”
“M-married? Great!” A sunny smile burst forth on Karsh’s face, and he approached his friends. He put his hands on their shoulders. “Great!” he repeated. “Your happiness is mine, too!”
Riddel and Dario exchanged a delighted glance. “Oh, I’m so happy, Karsh! I thought you’d be upset or something,” said Riddel.
The expression on Karsh's face was incredulous. “Upset…you kidding? So when is it?”
“We don’t know yet, but…we’d like to have it here,” said Dario, motioning to the courtyard. “We’ve had some good times here, and some bad, too,” Dario 's lips twisted, most likely remembering his father's death. Karsh nodded once, sobering, and Dario continued. “We three shared most of our lives here in your parents’ home…it’d be fitting if we had the wedding here.”
“Well. I suppose I’m gonna have to get a load of bellflowers to liven up this bare old courtyard. And if either of you need me for anything, lemme know, okay?” Karsh grinned again.
“Will do.” Dario stuck out his hand. Karsh ignored it, and grabbed his best friend in a bear hug. Dario returned it, laughing.
Riddel approached Karsh, and stepped lightly into his arms, and hugged him tightly. “Thank you, Karsh. You have no idea what this means to me…to us. Thank you so much.”
“Welcome, I’m sure,” Karsh murmured into her hair. He turned his head, and grinned at Dario. He released Riddel, and addressed the pair. “I’m gonna stay here the night, and tell my parents the news. They’ll be overjoyed. I’ll see you both at the Manor tomorrow.”
“All right. Until then,” said Dario, and raised a hand in farewell. He and Riddel turned to make the trek back to Viper Manor, holding hands. Karsh watched them, until they were out of sight.
5
“I asked you, first,” said Karsh in the dark of night, as he lay in bed. Mired in old memories of Riddel pressed against his bare chest and touching her lips to his, Karsh watched them go again and again in his mind's eye and cursed himself. “I suppose you didn't think I remembered, but I do remember when I asked you to be mine. And you said no, but told me to ask you again. And I didn't.” He laughed aloud to himself, as he wailed inwardly. “More fool am I.”