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Language:
English
Series:
Part 4 of Pride and Aroace-spec
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Published:
2023-05-14
Completed:
2023-05-14
Words:
2,450
Chapters:
2/2
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The Serenity of Her Countenance

Summary:

Mr and Mrs Bingley visit Pemberley. The Darcys do their utmost to restore the happiness of a most beloved sister.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Chapter 1

Chapter Text

Jane knew well enough they couldn’t defer their visit without causing her sister to worry; still, she held very little hope of said sister failing to notice the unprecedented awkwardness between husband and wife, regardless of their combined efforts to act as if nothing of importance had happened.

Therefore, she was not at all surprised when Elizabeth promptly stole her away with the excuse of showing her the newly refurbished nursery, and all but demanded to be told the exact nature of their disagreement.

“Oh, Lizzy,” she cried out, her hands instinctively cradling her belly full of child. “I have been such a fool, and I don’t have the slightest idea how to go about fixing my mistake.”

“Whatever it is, I am sure it cannot be all that bad,” her sister gently encouraged her, guiding her to sit on the nearest chair. “And I can scarcely credit you, of all people, for sharing all the blame in this matter.”

“You don’t know what I did!” she shook her head vehemently, feeling her agitation increasing by the moment. “Charles has been nothing but the kindest, most devoted of husbands, and it was unpardonable of me to give him reason to regret his choice of bride.”

Her sister frowned a little, searching her gaze for a long moment. “Jane, last time we visited you, even Fitzwilliam could not help but remark upon how much in love with one another you both looked. What could possibly have happened to change that in such a short period of time?”

Jane hid her face in her hands, and it took her a considerable effort to continue speaking. “I never meant to hurt Charles’ feelings, I swear it. Only, I didn’t consider how my words would affect him, and now he thinks me indifferent, when there is no one in this world I love more than him.”

She only realised she had started crying when she felt her sister’s arms around her, and she went willingly, burying her face into her shoulder. “Oh, Lizzy, if only I could make him understand!”

“Jane, dearest, I feel sure it is all a misunderstanding,” Elizabeth attempted to console her, her hand patting ineffectually at her back. “Though I wish you would tell me exactly what happened to cause such misery to you and your husband alike.”

Accepting her sister’s handkerchief, she went about drying her cheeks, and did her utmost to compose herself. “I’m sorry, I ought to have started from the beginning. You see, Charles was away on business for a fortnight last month, and upon his return – well, you know how it is – and I don’t know what possessed him to ask, afterwards, but I didn’t think too much of it, and I told him the truth – that is, I wouldn’t mind being prevented from sharing a bed with him, so long as I still had his company and his love, and – oh, Lizzy, I had never seen him so devastated in all the months of our acquaintance! He could scarcely bring himself to do so much as touch my hand after that, and there seems to be nothing I can say or do to put his mind to rest. You have no idea how much I wish those words unsaid, and I have been regretting my thoughtlessness ever since.”

Her sister pressed her hands to hers, and appeared to be struggling with her thoughts for a considerable amount of time. “Jane, is he – that is to say, did Charles ever – do something to you that you weren’t comfortable with?”

“No! How could you even entertain such a thought, Lizzie? He’s the gentlest of men, and always so considerate to my every wish.”

“But you do not enjoy his bed?”

Jane opened her mouth to reply, considered, then shook her head somewhat helplessly. “I do not not enjoy it, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“It is not, as I feel sure you know well enough.”

A rather uncomfortable thought started dawning on her, and while under any other circumstance she would have considered it the height of impropriety to even dare to think about asking, she could not see how to go about mending the rift between herself and her dearest husband without seeking some clarity on the entire issue in the first place. “Lizzy, I know it is not at all seemly, but – oh, I hardly know how to put it – I was led to believe that it was only natural for a lady to be reluctant when it came to fulfilling her marital duties, and that it was the husband’s lot to derive all the pleasure there was to be found in the marriage bed.”

“Oh, my dear Jane, let me assure you, that couldn’t be farther from the truth. I don’t wish to be indelicate, but – well, Charles might be inexperienced in such matters, but with the proper encouragement, I’m sure he will be more than willing to learn how best to please you.”

Jane felt herself blushing quite spectacularly, and the heat in the room felt almost intolerable all of a sudden. “I didn’t mean to say – oh, believe me, Lizzy, I do not wish for that at all. I am perfectly happy for him to seek my bed as often as he pleases, but if he were to stop altogether, I cannot see myself regretting his decision. I had no idea that other ladies could be – eager, I suppose, for their husband’s attentions; otherwise, I would have been more mindful of Charles’ expectations on the matter. My – indifference in regard to our marital duties has nothing to do with the love I feel for him, and I wish I knew how to let him see as much.”

Wrung out from the necessity to lay out her innermost feelings in such a way, she welcomed the comfort of her beloved sister’s embrace, and let herself be reassured that all manner of things would be well, eventually. Charles did love her, after all.

Chapter 2

Chapter Text

Fitzwilliam Darcy paused just outside the door to the library, and took a fortifying breath to steady his nerves. If he found himself unable to deny his wife anything as a rule, that was doubly true now that she was with child; still, he could not help but wish that his services weren’t needed on such a delicate matter, and one regarding both his closest friend and his wife’s most beloved sister on top of that.

Still, he was scarcely a man to put off an unpleasant duty, and he consciously straightened his posture as he stepped in and closed the door behind him.

“Mrs Bingley,” he acknowledged his sister-in-law with a slight bow, and moved to take the seat opposite hers. If anything, she looked even more acutely uncomfortable than he felt, which prompted him to overcome the worst of his embarrassment at broaching such a private topic with her. “I assure you I have no intention of further meddling with your – and my friend’s – happiness, but as Elizabeth appears to think I could be of some assistance in your current plight, I could hardly deny her the attempt.”

“Mr Darcy, I am so sorry that you felt compelled to – I told Lizzy this was anything but appropriate, but she simply wouldn’t listen. And I daresay Charles would be mortified if ever he were to learn of us discussing – oh, it doesn’t even bear thinking.”

“As a matter of fact, Mrs Bingley, he was the one who sought my confidence as soon as you and Elizabeth left the room the other day,” he gently interrupted her, his hand rising in a placating gesture. “And for all that I would never break his confidence, my wife seems to believe me the most qualified to offer you some – advice, on the matter.”

From what he could tell, his sister-in-law was all but praying the floor would open up and swallow her whole. He couldn’t say his own feelings at the moment were all that dissimilar from hers, either.

“Please, call me Jane,” she stated at length, her voice barely above a whisper. “We are brother and sister, after all. And I can assure I am not so much in want of advice as I am in need of a friend who might reassure Charles as to the depth of my love and devotion for him.”

“I will address you by your Christian name on the condition that you do the same for me. As for reassuring my friend of your continued devotion, I already attempted as much, but I’m inclined to agree with Elizabeth – he might better be persuaded if we were to clear up the exact nature of your own feelings first.”

He saw her blanch at that, and was powerless to do anything but lend her his arm as she struggled to her feet. “You still believe me indifferent to your friend?”

“Not at all, Mrs Bingley – Jane. I was merely attempting to indicate the way you feel about certain – um, activities – which are par for the course once one enters the married state.”

He felt sure that the high colour of his cheeks matched hers by now, yet did his best not to shrink away from her honest gaze. “Oh, I will never forgive myself for allowing my sister to put you in such an uncomfortable position, Sir. What she believed to achieve, I honestly have no idea.”

“I feel like I do,” he forced himself to reply, and was relieved when she allowed him to help her back to her chair. “You see, Elizabeth thinks you and I might have something in common, and from what little she was willing to share of your confidences, I feel inclined to believe her to be correct, on the whole.”

“Whatever can you mean, Mr Darcy,” she  paused, bit her lip, then added, “Fitzwilliam,” almost as an afterthought.

“I haven’t told anyone except Elizabeth – my family probably surmised something close to it, but most of them were wide off the mark – but the truth of the matter is, I had never experienced any desire for closeness or any sort of intimacy with a woman before meeting your sister. Nor have I experienced it ever since outside our marriage bed – if you pardon my indelicacy – and while I wish to flatter myself of it being a reflection of the rectitude of my character, I am given to believe that is not at all common among the gentlemen of my acquaintance.”

Jane was looking intently at him now, and seemed to be considering his words to the best of her understanding. “Do you mean to say you were never in love, or that you merely did not – oh, how is one to put it without offending – wish for their, well, favours, if I may?”

“Both. I had never once fancied myself in love before meeting your sister, and I found it most surprising when I first realised that not only I loved her, but I also – let me be frank for a moment here – desired her, as a man desires a woman.”

His sister-in-law sighed, and shook her head somewhat ruefully. “I am very grateful for your confidences, Mr – Fitzwilliam, I mean to say – but it pains me to admit that while I had in fact fancied myself in love once, long before meeting Charles, I never did experience the sort of – feelings that my sister assures me a wife is wont to feel in regard to her husband. And while I merely put it down to the difference of sensibilities between the sexes, I am now led to believe it to be a deficiency of my own character.”

“Mrs – Jane. Would you agree with my cousins’ belief that I was somewhat deficient for finding the mere thought of lying with a woman a most uncomfortable prospect?”

“Not at all, Sir!” she exclaimed. “I think it does you credit that you only wish to lie with your own wife, and I would still say that regardless of whether or not said wife was my own sister.”

“As I said, it is hardly to my own credit when I have never felt any desire to do otherwise. I would say there is much more honour for a man to resist any untoward desire he might feel for other women, out of love and respect for his own bride.”

Jane appeared lost in thought for a moment, her right hand resting protectively on her rounded stomach. “And where is the honour in a wife being remiss in the desire she ought to feel for her husband?”

“I wouldn’t say that has anything to do with honour. So long as both parties agree on,” he faltered momentarily, had to all but force himself to press on, “the degree of intimacy they are both comfortable with, and they are perhaps willing to meet each other halfway, I cannot see any reasonable obstacle to them having a long and happy marriage.”

“Oh, if only Charles could bring himself to see it this way!” she couldn’t seem to stop herself from crying out.

“Should you give me your permission, Madam, I shall endeavour to explain all of this to my friend presently,” he offered, prompted by a genuine desire to be of service to her – not only in deference to his wife’s affections for a most beloved sister, but as he was starting to see her as the closest thing to a kindred spirit he had ever had the good fortune of encountering.

His sister-in-law hesitated, her gaze suddenly drawn to a spot of the floor close to her feet. “I could never ask that of you, Sir.”

“You need not to. I am offering of my own free will. After all, I am still to pay my penance for the unpardonable way I separated you from my friend at the beginning of your acquaintance. This might go a small way towards atoning for my past sins.”

“Do not say so, Fitzwilliam! Didn’t Charles and I repeatedly tell you you’re forgiven, and you need not dwell upon it anymore?”

He smiled, and shook his head. “Nevertheless. Do I have your permission, Jane?”

“Only if you think you could bear it – I wouldn’t wish you to feel compelled to disclose your private feelings all over again, and before your friend of all people, just for my sake.”

“It is no trouble at all, Madam,” he promptly assured her, and stood to help her from her chair. His sister-in-law turned her once-more-serene gaze on him, and let him escort her back to the music room where both his and her sister were eagerly waiting for the benefit of her company.   

Notes:

To clarify, in this series Mr Darcy is both on the aromantic and the asexual spectrum (demi, or possibly grey), while Jane is asexual but definitely alloromantic.

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