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Strangers get born, strangers get buried
Trends change, rumours fly through new skies
But I'm right where you left me
Moments bleed into days. Days bleed into months - ultimately, Ben’s unsure of how long he’s been here .
What he now refers to as the between . A space that had come into existence after she had left him.
Well, no. She hadn’t left him. He had chosen to let her go. It was what she deserved - it was what the world needed.
The world needed Rey to keep spinning. As much as he selfishly wanted to keep her there all to himself. After everything, they had finally found each other.
Then, in a cruel twist of fate, he had to let her go.
Now, in the between , he exists as…something. Not a physical being fully integrated, merged, into the force. But also not inhabiting the same present, physical body he had before.
All Ben knew concretely was - he had to get back to her . Somehow.
The determined (often stupidly stubborn) Skywalker-Solo blood ran deep - that much he knew.
He couldn’t give up on her.
Huffing, Ben stood, pacing (or floating?) across the plane he had crossed into. This one (he thought, anyway) seemed closer to being fully in the force, absorbed with no return. Whenever he crossed through it, he found himself starting to slip away - as if he was clamoring to hold onto the last vestige of his humanity that he had managed to keep.
The humanity he had been able to find as Ben , thanks to her.
Kylo Ren, whatever he had been (little more than a mask Ben had decided) was no more.
Looking back on it now, Ben could hardly recall what it had been like to don the mask he had worn for far longer than he should have as he desperately tried to prove himself in a quest to be something more .
A Jedi, for his uncle. An apprentice, for his former master.
That had all changed, of course, the moment he had seen Rey for the first time - with all of her fiery, scrappy scavenger spark.
He had truly felt something after seeing her for the first time - a fact that had only drawn him in to try and stay in her orbit - as much as she had tried to push him away initially.
His girl. His Rey.
He could still feel the ghost of the kiss she had given him on his lips, sometimes. Soft and lingering - no matter how much time passed.
The kiss he knew he hadn’t deserved.
The greedy part of him - desperate to hold on for as long as he could as he had felt himself slipping away - had wanted to be able to hold her close.
Promise things, silly things. The world. She deserved it.
…A family. One that they could build, together.
Away from any conception and expectation of their family titles. They didn’t need them.
Just being Ben was enough.
That was a strange feeling, one that still felt foreign after countless years of denial.
He liked being Ben , after hearing it pass through her lips.
Exactly who Ben was, after everything, he wasn’t sure.
He didn’t want to be a Jedi. Or a pilot like his father (despite his childhood whims).
No, he wanted to be able to explore , for the first time. Away from what he had been expected to be. He knew Rey would let him - would revel in him simply being alive .
Drifting through a grey cloud, Ben felt himself ascending slowly, the whispers around him growing steadily louder.
At first, he had thought they were lost souls drifting in the wind - lost, like him.
After some time, and careful listening, he knew what they really were.
Snippets of Rey. Her life now, being lived without him.
He was, after everything, still with her.
A part of her.
He could only grasp bits of conversation. His favourite was when he was able to catch the notes of her melodious laugh - despite the dark thoughts that crossed his mind when he felt some trepidation as to who was lucky enough to make her do so.
Did she know that he was trying to come back to her?
Moments into moments. Years into decades.
He still didn’t know how long he had been there.
But, as Ben drifted on, lost (in a new way this time), he knew one thing - concretely.
Some day, he’d get back to her.
After all, one piece of family advice stuck with him -
No one’s ever really gone, Kid.
They expected me to find somewhere
Some perspective, but I sat and stared
Right where you left me
… You left me no choice but to stay here forever