Work Text:
Your hands trembled. Did you hear him correctly?
“We need to break up.” He said again, as if your face asked the question for you.
But how could he tell from looking at you? He could barely meet your eyes.
“I don’t want to hurt you…but this is the best I could think of. I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry?” You snorted. “This is the best you could think of? The best you could do?”
“What about the weekends when you had time to see me but hung out with the guys instead? What about giving me flowers that I didn’t have to remind you to get? What about dates on occasions that you actually remembered, and I didn’t have to remind you of?” You spat through clenched teeth.
“What about me?!”
You shot out of bed, sweat drenching your skin. Your hands were shaking like they did in the dream.
A light breeze blew against your forehead. The window was open. Wrapping yourself in your blanket, you walked up to close it. The moon was bright, shining proudly over the silent waters of your street. It was a sight you saw daily, yet never grew out of.
You grabbed the handles of the window, about to close it. That was before looking down, you noticed something on the ground; but your drowsy eyes couldn’t make out what it was.
‘It must have been blown out by the breeze’ you thought, throwing your blanket over your shoulders as you descended the stairs.
Outside now, you approached the object. It was a jacket.
As you got closer, you realised that it was familiar; but not yours. It was Jeongin’s.
He came and went to your house often, so it wasn’t a big deal when he accidentally left a thing or two behind, and vice versa. But this jacket was distinct, it was his favourite.
“What do you think?” He turned around, flashing you a dorky smile.
“Your fashion sense has devolved that much?” you giggled, earning an angered sigh from the boy.
“I used up all my money saved from summer jobs to get this! There’s no way I’m going to let some criticism hold me down.” He threw his arms out, showing it off like a trophy.
“Yeah, yeah, It’d be a shame if your lovely new jacket got stained though” You cooed, aiming the straw of your juice carton right at him.
“No, no; you wouldn’t, right?” He eyed you, taking one slight step to the side.
“Yeah, you’re right. I wouldn’t” You turned forward again, placing it back in your mouth.
“…Riiiight.” He said with a side eye, taking another step away. The sidewalk was running out of room for him to step away from you.
“Okay, maybe I would!-'' You run to him and squeeze the empty drink, his girly scream causing the other passeybys to stare.
“Pfft-“ You covered your mouth, a lame attempt to hide your laughter. His ears were glowing red.
“Oh come on!” He yelled, punching your shoulder. But he was laughing too.
You sighed in contempt at the memory, your voices echoing down the same street you were facing now.
You grabbed the jacket and dusted it off, but a small piece of paper slipped out of its pocket. You picked up the neatly folded square and unwrapped it, the handwriting immediately recognisable.
“Meet me by the beach. I’ll be there” -J
‘Was this some kind of prank?’ You looked in all directions, waiting for him to come running behind a wall or something. He never did.
You looked down again, and noticed something in the corner.
P.S: It’s cold. You might wanna wear this.
‘ Hm, maybe he did mean it.’
You put it on, the sleeves were too long for your arms, and the jacket nearly touched your knees. It did certainly help with the cold though. Wrapping the blanket around you again, you walked to the beach.
A walk from your house to Jeongin’s was probably less than ten minutes, so you decided to head in that direction. You had a feeling he’d be there. After a couple minutes, the sight of his house blurred into vision;
And so did he.
There was a bus stop right next to his house, in front of the convenience store that his parents owned. You thought back to times when his father snuck candy under the cashier table for you two. How he ordered you to not let his mom find out. With Jeongin, it seemed like only good memories were had.
If only your relationships were more like your friendships.
He sat there; staring ahead at the ocean, still unaware of your presence. You leaned over, looking into his eyes. They were as wide as the moon, reflecting its shape perfectly in his pupils. Suddenly, he blinked, turning to you.
“Caught you.” He grinned, taking in your features.
“What? Caught me?” You blinked back, his grin only growing wider.
“Yep. Staring” He finally smiled, shoving a drink into your chest. You turned the can, reading the label; it was your favourite soda.
“Whatever.” You rolled your eyes, taking the seat next to him. He let out a chuckle.
His small laugh hung in the air, as neither of you said a word and stared back out into the sea. You learned to appreciate the sounds of the sea, it was the only time your head went silent.
“Have you been sleeping well?” He asked, still looking out.
“Kind of. Although I’m having nightmares again,” You sighed, clicking the can open and taking a first sip. You can’t remember the last time you had this.
“Yeah…” he replied, dragging out the “ah” noise. “…I guess I’m just worried about you.”
“What’s gotten you so soft? I’ve been fine.” You shrugged, drinking again.
“Do nightmares sound ‘fine’?” He replied. It was a blunt statement; but not in his typical, sarcastic kind of blunt. Something was different.
“I mean; I’ve been going to school, my grades haven’t dropped,” you defended. “I’ve even been keeping up with volleyba-“
“But you’re not sleeping well.” He deadpanned, that blunt tone remaining. “Nor eating well, or drinking enough.”
“What are you, my stalker?” You laugh emptily, the truth of his statement hitting you hard on the face. “How can you even know those kinds of things-”
“Because I’ve known you since diapers! I’ve seen you stuff your face with chocolate buns everyday since we started highschool. I’ve walked with you everyday to the vending machine to grab juice together; I’ve walked with you to school with you everyday! You really didn’t think I’d notice if that all just stopped one day?!” He asked. “And if I noticed all these things, don’t you think I’d be even a little bit of help?” He cried. That last line sounded really hurt.
You hugged your knees, trying to hide from the guilt in his jacket. “…You know it’s different with boys.”
“What, because I am one?” He faced you, grabbing your shoulders and making you look back at him. Your eyes were glued to the floor.
‘How funny that I’m the one that can’t look you in the eyes now…’
‘I don’t need to be a girl to know when a boyfriend is in the wrong.” He shook you once. Tears were pooling in your eyes. “And I don’t need to be your mom, cooking your meals every day to know when you’re skipping them.” He shook again. You choked on your chewed lip. “As I am right now, I know you do not deserve to hurt yourself for someone else’s shitty mistake.”
‘Deserve’.
That was it, the word that caused you to pour your eyes out onto his shoulder.
“H-Hey, wait a second-“ He tried to comfort you, but he couldn’t silence the buildup of emotions that you’ve been holding onto for weeks.
“I’m tired, J-Jeongin- Why can’t any of these boys consider my feelings for once?-“ You choked.
“Look, it's not your fault they can’t see how great you really are. It never was,” he held you tightly against him, massaging your shoulders with a soothing rhythm. After a minute or so, you finally calmed down.
You pushed against him, and he immediately let go. He slouched down to try and meet your eyes, yet all you could do was rub your face of all its snot and tears; that was until you sneezed right into your hand.
‘That’s gross.” He laughed, taking his scarf off.
“I-I’m sorry, I don’t want to get any more of your clothes dirty…” you sniffled, leaning forward as he brought it around your neck.
“Look, I can’t tell if it’s because you’re catching a cold or you’re crying; and I’d rather not take any risks, okay? You don’t even have any pants on.” He wrapped the fabric around slowly; the scent so distinct that you could still smell it with a clogged nose and against the salty sea air.
“I’m wearing shorts!”
“Want me to pick out your whole outfit next time?” he clicked his tongue, ending the scarf with a tight knot
“Pick? What do you mean?”
“Of course I left that jacket out there for you, dummy. I could tell you needed a good cry.”
“So you left it there on the dirt? For me?”
“Yes I did; is this really such a foreign concept for you?” he rolled his eyes.
“…Thank you.” You smiled, the widest he’d seen from you in a while. Then maybe a little too wide. “Thank you thank you! God, I didn’t realise didn’t how much I was holding in.” You giggled, leaning onto him to give him a nice tight hug.
“Yeah yeah, just don’t do it on me next time,” he smiled, placing his hands on your back.
This time, you leaned in deeper. You wanted this moment to last forever; the moment you found yourself after feeling astray for so long.
And every time it happened, something was always the same.
“Waaaah!” You cried, after being told by your mom that you can’t play outside for the next week.
“Look, I’ll stay at home with you until your mom lets you go play outside again.” Jeongin offered, grabbing your small, tubby hands with his own. “It’ll be like you were never grounded!”
“R-Really?” You sniffled, your wailing finally stopping the moment he suggested that. “Yes, really! Now stop crying so we can draw in your room again.” He led you by the arm upstairs, back into your room.
Your mind went back to that month. About how you finally confessed to breaking your mom’s favourite vase after lying for days, about how Jeongin’s scolding made you cry. About how much you cried afterward again when he finally made you tell your mom.
And about how he helped you through all of it.
Even when you were illogical, he showed you patience. Even when you made mistakes, he comforted you; but by no means did he let you get away with what you did. You have him to thank for lifting your guilty conscience.
You have Jeongin to thank for always being there.
Your eyes fluttered open to a hand over your face. You leaned up, only to find you were on his shoulder.
“You were asleep for a while.”
And somehow, it was the best sleep you got in weeks.
“And you stayed?” You yawned, lifting up from your position.
“I wasn’t just going to leave you here; let alone carry you home.” He stood up, stretching his arms.
You stared at him with content, the dream still fresh in your mind. Here he was, looking out for you yet again.
He turned to you, the sudden eye contact jolting you out of your thoughts. “…I’m glad you were able to figure everything out.”
“It’s getting late though, and I have to help out tomor-“ You pulled at his jacket.
“Wait!” You cried.
“Jeongin, you…” you panned, the words suddenly difficult to say. Your pounding heart was like a lump in your throat, blocking all your words from escaping.
“…you were always there for me, and I never noticed. Even when we were kids…Thank you.”
“You’ve said enough thank you’s for the evening. If that’s all-“
“I mean it!” You tugged tighter. “Why would you do those things for me, even when I never noticed?”
“What are you even saying-“
“I’m saying, I don’t deserve a friend like you!” You huffed, holding back tears. “You’ve seen me do terrible things, make terrible decisions, but you still comfort me when those decisions end up hurting me! Why bother?!”
Jeongin blinked again. And again. He was really struggling to articulate his thoughts. He sat back down next to you.
“Listen.” He said, eyes looking out at the water. “I don’t look out for you because I feel obliged to or because I feel like I owe you something,”
“I’ve had friends go up to me concerned, and ex-girlfriends furious because they couldn’t understand just what you meant to me… And to be honest, I don’t know either.” You could tell he was flustered, trying to think of the right words to say to you.
“Maybe it’s because I know you shut people out when you struggle. I’ve seen how it makes your parents worry. But I worry too, you know” He turned to you.
“Jeongin…” You breathed, your heart full.
“But I’d never let my emotions hold you back from how you want to live your life. What we have is more important to me than anything; even my dumb jacket and scarf.’ He turned to you, making you realise you were completely covered in his clothes.
“...So do I need to spell it out for you? I care about you.” Jeongin chuckled emptily.
“Yeah, I know…” you nodded slowly.
Even though the conversation ended, he still stayed. So did you. You both just felt the need to be in each other’s presence.
‘He cares about me…’ Your mind lingered on that thought, as if he carved it into your brain himself. It made your head spin, not a coherent thought was coming out;
Except one thing.
“Jeongin, I…” You blurted, sliding closer to him. He looked down at you, eyes intently observing every microexpression, every emotion you were trying to convey. It was driving you insane.
“...I think I love you.” You confessed, in something lower than a whisper. You turned your head down, tears of embarrassment stinging your eyes. You honestly don’t even know if he heard you or not.
“...Look at me,” He said, tilting your chin upwards. You brought your eyes to his, and he cupped your cheek fondly. He could feel its warmth.
“I can’t tell you how long I’ve been waiting to hear that.” He smiled warmly, staring at you with so much affection. So much love.
His thumb brushed against your chin, and his eyes trailed down to your lips. You stared back at his.
Your eyes fluttered shut. His hand trailed your neck to the back of your head.
For a brief moment, you concentrated on the sound of the waves. Just like you always did when you were overwhelmed with emotion; but this time you were avoiding the pounding of your own heart.
Without a second thought, his lips pressed against yours. They were so soft, you admired the feeling while they lovingly traced against the feeling of your own.
He had dreamt of the moment he could do this. The moment you realised that what you needed was always there. That what you needed never left you. That it would never leave you.
You broke away from the kiss, panting as you leaned against the bench corner. Jeongin was stunned, his eyes stuck on you as he sat on the other side. Your cheeks were bright red, and Jeongin stared at you perplexed.
“...Did you not like it?” He breathed, concern etched in his voice.
You covered your face in flustered daze. “No, it's not that, I-”
“No. I need you to tell me if I crossed a line.” He demanded, moving to you and grabbing your wrist.
“I’ve just never felt this way before, okay? I feel like I’m having a heart attack!” You cried, averting his gaze. You could feel your hand shaking in his grasp.
He sighed. “Holy shit, don’t scare me like that.” He layed back on the bench.
“I’m sorry!” You turned away, face cupped in your hands yet again.
“This entire time, I was terrified of chasing you away. I didn’t want my stupid emotions getting in the way of our friendship.”
You smacked him in the head. “Stupid? Your emotions are anything but fucking stupid! Did you not hear what I just said to you?!”
“Ow- okay, jesus! I won’t call my emotions stupid again, just don’t smack me like that again.”
You grabbed his hands in your own. “You have yourself a deal!” You giggled, sealing your pact with a strong shake. Jeongin fought every urge to grab you and kiss you again.
“I love you too.” He breathed, jolting at the sound of the words escaping his own mouth. “I-I mean, cuz you said it earlier. I didn’t want to leave you hanging” He rambled, his thoughts clearly all over the place. It was rare to ever see him so caught up in his own emotions. It was adorable.
“So…” You trailed, trying to remove your hands from his. He gripped tighter.
“We’re dating.”
“W-Wait really? Just like that?” You beamed.
“...Actually wait. Aren’t you in the middle of a breakup?”
“Screw the breakup, I wanna date you now!”
“Fine, sheesh! Is this how demanding you’re going to be all the time?”
“Says you, you won’t even give me my hands back.”
He was trailing the length of your fingers with his own; a habit he had when he got engrossed into something. It was his first time doing it to you, though.
“I’m sorry,” he said, letting them go in an instant.
“No, it’s okay. I like it” You grinned, burying your face in his scarf to hide your obvious blush. Immediately, he continued tracing your hands.
The soothing rhythm was putting you in a daze, and you felt yourself doze off. Your head fell onto his shoulder, as if in habit.
Through a half lidded gaze, you stared out yet again into the sea, thinking of how liberating it was to be free from your anguish.
As your eyes shut, you felt a gentle press against your head as the blanket was pulled over your shoulders. You turned to him, drowsy, yet curious.
“Sorry, did I wake you up?”
“No, I never fell asleep…”
“You really must’ve not been getting enough sleep, for you to pass out that quickly nearly twice.
“To be honest, I think it’s cuz I’m with you. I’ve been dreaming of my ex for weeks, but here suddenly, I dreamed of you. That’s what made me realise.
“Then I have your dream to thank for finally giving me you.”
“Mhm…” You cooed, snuggling deeper into his shoulder. He turned down to look at you.
Looking back up at him, your gaze travelled to his lips as if in habit. He did the same.
“And you’re sure you’re okay with it?” He hummed deeply, tugging a strand of hair behind your ear.
You nodded slowly, placing your hands on his shoulders. He leaned over you as he grabbed your chin for another kiss.
His kissed you in a slow, unbearable rhythm. Now that your heart was slightly more bearable, you savoured the way he grazed his lips against yours; their softness driving you mad. His hand travelled up your spine; wanting, needing you to be closer. And so you did.
The moon watched over the scene in quiet fondness, glad that Jeongin finally got to tell you how he felt, and that you finally realised where your heart was.
It was right there, right next to his.
Right where it had always been.