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JoJo Part 5: Golden Scam

Summary:

“What the fuck! What the fuck! Giorno Giovanna, holy shit, what the fuck?”

;Giorno Giovanna runs a taxi scam to make his living and also just for a bit of fun, and he won’t let any stupid polka dotted hair, shirtless, stupid men ruin that for him.

Notes:

This started because I said “part 5 should just be Giorno continuing his taxi scam until eventually Diavolo gets in his taxi”

It should be taken as unseriously as possible but also this is totally canon (i am araki)

Work Text:

Giorno loves his taxi scam.

Everyday he got to have nice conversations with interesting people and in the end he got their even more interesting possessions. It was the perfect side hustle for any student, he was surprised he was the only one tapped into the niche, the only way he could destress after class was with a good chat and theft.

However, since his encounter with that silly Japanese boy with the even sillier stand, his conversations had turned a lot more murderous. At least once a week someone would enter his taxi and within the minute a stand would be pulled on him. He wrote it off as some bad blood still stuck to him from the original encounter but when it didn’t stop and only increased in activity he started to think otherwise. He didn’t stop though. No one would get between him and his taxi scam. No matter how hard they tried to murder him Giorno Giovanna had a dream.

One day, though, it culminated.

Someone opened the door and threw a large bag in the back seat. Giorno only spared them and quick glance as he steadied his hands on the wheel - bright pink hair and no shirt. He couldn’t decide if he was more offended by the choice of a polka dot pattern in the strangers hair or lack of shirt. Was shame no longer a thing? No shirt, no service seemed to be have even forgotten by the stranger but Giorno thought maybe it was for the best - if the stranger chose polka dots for his hair there was no telling what he’d pick for a shirt. Giorno shivered at the thought, zebra stripes and curtain floral flashing in his mind, it took him a moment more to notice his quick glance had definitely lingered and the stranger hadn’t said a thing.

“So…” Giorno said, looking over to the airport, trying not to give off the vibes that he’d been judging the man he was about for steal from. “Where are we going today?”

“Where do you think?”

Giorno blinked. “Your home?”

The stranger only rolled his eyes and it took all of Giorno’s restraint to not do the same.

“Can you just get out of my taxi? You’re being a real bitch.”

“What??” The man looked like he’d never heard those words in his life and Giorno felt great satisfaction in being the first person not to lie to this poor man.

“Get out or I’ll call security! I’m serious I’ve done to before.”

The stranger grumbled and want to grab his luggage but Giorno quickly stopped him. “You’ll ruin the seats like that, get out of the taxi and open the back door like a normal person.”

Even more grumbling came from the stranger but for his credit, whatever it was worth, he did get out the taxi. Immediately Giorno was off, leaving the stupid stranger behind to hopefully reflect on his actions.

The relief was only momentary, only seconds later Giorno had to abandon the car as something stopped it from running and take refuge in a small field. Despite the fact that the stranger was still chasing him down he started shuffling through his belongings. It was already a bad day, it couldn’t get much worse.

“Finally we meet, Giorno Gio-“

Giorno zoned out, only focused on the growing pile of frogs in his arms and lap, around him the frogs started to slip out but he hoped the stranger didn’t notice. When Giorno looked over it seemed he hadn’t, instead the stranger had pulled out the most stupid looking stand ever and continued speaking, he continued to make even more frogs until he was ready. The frogs rushed the stranger immediately, some jumping onto him while some acted as a barrier between the two, either way the stranger began to scream.

“What the fuck! What the fuck! Giorno Giovanna, holy shit, what the fuck?”

Giorno searched through the man’s luggage, trying to ignore the weird skips time was going through, he worked hard for this and would look at the luggage at a pace he liked. Behind him the man continued to rant and rave about how he’d been looking for him for months and was going to kill him with his stupid looking stand. Giorno only spared him a brief look as he finally pulled an arrow out the bag, he gave it an appraising look, it was kind of lame.

“Put that down!!”

Suddenly Giorno’s interest in it increased tenfold, though he didn’t turn around to the man, only continued to inspect the arrow.

“I said put it down!! Do not stab your stand with that!!”

Immediately Gold Experience was by his side and it had a new addition, an arrow on its side. Giorno had never been religious but in those moments he definitely saw God, when he finally came back down to Earth his stand looked almost as stupid as the man behind him had, he wanted his old stand back.

“Oh my fucking God! I said don’t do that! I fucking hate you Giorno Giovanna, I don’t even want to kill you anymore.”

Giorno finally turned to the man. “You wanted to kill me?”

“I- I chased you here screaming that I was going to kill you. I gave a whole speech, y’know, ‘finally we meet, Giorno Giovanna, now I can kill you’. That speech?”

“It’s not ringing any bells, sorry, you can give it again?” Giorno suggested, thinking about how maybe he could just cover his stand with a paper bag and pretend it wasn’t ugly.

“Well now there’s no point you already stabbed your stand with the arrow.”

“Hm, yeah, about that what does that do?”

“As if I’m going to-“

Giorno punched the stranger with his newly improved(?) stand and watched him fall to the ground. Maybe he should’ve waited for an explanation but he’d stared at that stupid polka dotted hair too long and couldn’t stand it anymore. He didn’t like the way the man’s stand was staring at him either.

“Are you alive?” Giorno called out after a few minutes, still looking through the man’s stuff.

“I-“

The man was punched again. This time there was a crack and Giorno whipped his head around for a second before remembering the man’s hair and turning back to his belongings. If he was dead it was probably better for the world.