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“What happened?” Dad asked, his mouth hung open as he took in the state of the kitchen. I looked over at him, cake mix all over my clothes and face. I stopped crying a while ago but there were still tear streaks on my face. Although no one would guess that the small boy who only wore black and glared at everyone would enjoy baking, I did. For me it was calming. As a bonus you gotta eat what you made, how could you not love to bake. Dad came over and stood next to me.
“Would you like to talk about it?” His voice was gentle and I nodded.
—-Earlier that day——
I stood with Percy in the hallway just talking when it started to spiral. Until eventually, I stood there, struggling to breathe through the tears.
“You made me think I actually mattered.” My voice broke halfway through the sentence.
“You did.” Percy. “But you matter for someone else, but not me anymore”
“So you just don’t care?” I snapped.
Percy shrugged and looked away saying “I have Annabeth”
“You mean you have your rebound.” I turned away but I felt Percy grab my wrist.
“Let’s not be dramatic.”
“Dramatic?” I hissed, “I’m hurt, you just broke up with me, how is this dramatic?”
Percy just shrugged and looked away again.
“What is wrong?” I tried to brush the tears away but they kept flowing.
“I hate remembering the mess I used to be because part of me misses it. When I’m with you, I feel like that mess again”
I felt as though I had been punched, “You’re telling me, I make you feel depressed?”
“Pretty much”, and with that, he turned into the classroom and left me alone in the hallway.
—————-
“I tried so hard to help him be happy but I was making it worse.” I leaned into my dad and simply cried. I could feel him rubbing my back and he said gently,
“I’m sorry Nico, perhaps he didn’t mean it? He could have been having a rough day?”
“He looked right at me when he said it. I think he meant every word”. Dad tightened his grip on me. I sniffed and whispered,
“I thought I was good enough”
“You are Nico.” I could hear how firm he was when he said that, I almost believed it with how strongly he said it, but I couldn’t.
“Then why couldn’t I have made him as happy as he made me.”
“Sometimes, it doesn’t work out, and feelings get lost.”
“There were no feelings in the beginning.” I felt angry and wiggled myself out of dads arms as he tilted his head towards me.
“How so?”
“He’s always had Annabeth, I’m just there.”
“I can’t confirm or deny that thought but I’m sorry you feel that way.” Dad stood up and began wiping the counters. “How about this? We invite Leo over, play some games, order pizza, and eat your cake.” I nodded and grabbed my phone to text Leo everything. My dad continued talking, “Sometimes we want to wallow in our feelings, and it’s okay to just process but right now, you need a distraction.”
I nodded, “Pizza and cake now, feelings later.” My dad and I laughed and I started helping him clean up, putting the cake in the oven. Leo would be over in 20 minutes, so Dad ordered pizza. Once the cake was in, and pizza was ordered, I put all the games on the coffee table and sat on the couch with my dad. I took a deep breath. Dad put his arm around me, and the tears flooded down again. I sniffled. I wanted to curse myself for not being good enough. What part of me was it? My clinginess? My struggle with advocating for my needs? My depression and anxiety? My trauma? My scars? My dad sensed my mood.
“It’s gonna be okay Nico. I understand that it doesn’t feel like it right now, but you will get your happy ending. I promise.” I cried even more. I often felt unloved but when dad treated me like this, I couldn’t help believing he cared for me. Even if I didn’t deserve it, he loved me. So did Leo, even if I didn’t do anything to deserve him. Pizza and Leo arrived at the same time. The moment the door opened, Leo jumped onto the couch with me and hugged me so tight I thought I might die. I pushed him off and glared at him but he just snuggled right up to me.
“How are you feeling, mate?”
I shrugged. “No idea anymore. Kinda betrayed, numb, and tired.”
Leo nodded, “Eat some pizza.”
“Is that how you solve all problems with food?” He nodded and I laid my head on his shoulder as we ate pizza and talked. We tried to keep the topics light, for example, is a hotdog a taco. Me and Leo both had a strong reaction to this subject and I could see how amused dad was as he chewed his pizza. After that we played some heavy games of Uno. Unfortunately Leo won most of them but it was fun nevertheless. After Uno we put on Princess and the Frog and Leo and I snuggled in the corner of the couch. There was something different about cuddling with Leo, it was nice to know there was no romantic pressure on cuddling Leo. And despite my feelings of worthlessness, betrayal, and all the other mixed up emotions, I was feeling pretty good in Leo’s arms with my dad beside me. Those were people who I’ll always have, even if I feel they don’t care, or that I don’t deserve love, they’ll always prove me wrong. Something Percy could never do.