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For Porsche to protect Chay over Kim, it was normal.

But for Tankhun and Kinn, it was not the same. They always thought that Chay was so sweet, and as Kim already hurt him once, they would not be surprised if it happened again. 

It was not surprising either that Kim and Chay happened to argue sometimes. And the last time it happened, let’s say that Kim only pretended to be ok once it was over. Not because of Chay or their argument.

An argument happened between the two lovers; it was nothing extraordinary or so much of a conflict, it was actually silly, and it was Chay who had provoked it. Chay had absolutely wanted to play video games with Kim because they have not done that in a while. But Kim had refused, saying that he started to have a headache and did not want to worsen it. Chay had insisted a lot, even starting to get very annoyed by Kim’s refusal. At some point, Kim yelled at him to stop annoying him.

It could have stopped there; Kim wanted to take a shower and go to sleep. But Chay did not like that rejection, and as both were stressed because of school and work, and this specific day had been particularly tiresome, it did not simply end there. At some point, so annoyed, Chay had taken the decision to go back to the compound and spend the night there. Once he arrived there, he already felt calmer. He was not that angry with Kim, but it was better for them to sleep it off.  

When Chay stormed to his room in the tower, he stupidly hoped he would go unnoticed. He just wanted to rest, not have anyone trying to comfort him. But still, of course, the owners of the place would know it, and when Porsche asked him what the matter was, Porchay answered he did not want to talk about it – actually, he felt a bit ashamed of his own behaviour. Chay could understand that his brother and brother-in-law thought Kim had done something really bad; after all, Chay refused to speak when it was something hurtful for him.

A bit later, when Tankhun arrived, he assumed the same: that Kim had messed up with Porchay. He wanted to organise a movie night to cheer up Chay, but the latter refused. He just wanted to sleep and finish this day; everyone thought he wanted to hide that he was hurting.

The following morning, Kim went to the compound to bring Chay back home. Even though he did not have the best night because he had fought with Chay and the latter left – it was always hard to calm down his insecurities by himself – he knew Chay leaving for the night was not such a terrible decision. He was, after some rest, able to understand too that their argument had been completely silly. So he came to fetch his lover, with a date lunch to apologise for the previous day.

Tankhun, Kinn and Porsche were discussing some matters – that Kim did not care about at all – when he arrived. He casually greeted them and said he was here for Porchay. The three men glared at him, and Kim suddenly regretted once more having come back here.

“Seriously Kim, coming back here without even bringing flowers for him! You should really learn to apologise when you do shit with him!” Tankhun was the first to speak.

“Be more careful with Chay,” Porsche groaned.

Kim was already clenching his fists, but if Kinn was not his brother, he would have punched him when Kinn sighed, and added, “Don’t complain if he leaves you one day.”

It seemed that Chay had not explained to them what really happened. Actually, it was not that much the fact that they were his brothers and his brother-in-law that prevented him from punching one of them, but Chay who arrived right after. He had heard what Kinn said to Kim but tried to lift the tension by smiling and coming to kiss his beloved on the cheek.

Unfortunately, he knew it was not enough when he earnt only a small smile from Kim, who afterwards when completely silent and stopped looking into anyone’s eyes. Chay had learnt that it was really a bad sign when it happened.

In this type of situation, others just thought Kim was a brat, that he ignored them on purpose because he thought himself above anyone else; and so they thought that they should not pay too much attention to him when he was behaving like that.

However, Chay knew it meant that Kim was trying to build a wall between him and what was hurting him. The situation was already that bad, Chay thought it was better for them to leave now. He smiled again, sweetly asking Kim to leave, and saying goodbye to the others.

Once in the car, Kim allowed himself to breathe deeply. Chay was frowning, waiting for Kim to explain. But Kim brushed it off, “They were stupid, don’t mind it.” He then put his left hand on Chay’s thigh, smiling sweetly at him, and leant in to kiss his boyfriend. After a couple of seconds, he withdrew by a few centimetres.

“Do you have to come here when we argue? If you’re too angry to sleep with me in our bed, you can go to the guest room.”

In fact, right now it was more that he did not want to see the three other men after having fought with Chay. He could excuse Porsche; as Porsche was Chay’s big brother, his subjective reaction was completely understandable, even if Kim was still a bit upset since he was not really at fault there, he accepted to not resent the man for that.

However, coming from his two brothers, he could not. He felt bad because they did not know the details, they did not know that it was Chay who acted stupid at first and that it had annoyed Kim very much, hence the fight. And yet, they both incriminated Kim, having no doubt that Kim was always the one responsible for every little bad thing in his relationship with Porchay.

It hurt, Kim thought, but in the end, when have his brothers ever taken his side?

At this point, Kim preferred to hide behind the thought that it was normal; his boyfriend was so cute and lovely and caring. He had his heart open for the people he cared for, so it was easy for people to want to protect him over anyone else. While him, he had been distant from everyone for years, had already deeply hurt Chay, and the more he was hurt by people, the more he was silent and pushed them out. Of course, they would never want to side with him.

He broke the kiss, and Chay chased after his lips.

“More kissies please!”

Kim chuckled, “Later. I’m taking you on a date.” He sweetly smiled.

Instead of rejoicing, Chay bit his lips and suddenly seemed shy. “Aren’t you angry with me anymore?”

Kim patted Chay’s head, “I stopped when the bed felt empty, Angel.”

Chay chuckled, and Kim started the engine.

Later that day, Porchay finally explained to Porsche what had happened. It was easier to do it via text and told him that he had been annoying Kim, that they both had been tired and that it provoked the little fight between them.

Chay had been a bit surprised that Porsche insisted that much to know. Usually, when Chay did not want to talk about something, and even more when this something is over, Porsche did not seek further.

When Chay asked him why he wanted to know so badly, Porsche explained to him that he saw how Chay was worried about Kim that morning when he joined them. Even if Chay was trying to pretend that everything was right, he could not escape Porsche’s super big brother’s sense, so he thought that maybe there was a problem with Kim.

Chay only briefly answered that it was normal that Kim reacted that way, what Kinn had told him was not nice at all, and even more that they all assumed Kim was at fault when he was not.

It was not that Chay wanted to minimise Kim’s feelings, but he was not sure Kim was ok for him to explain these kinds of feelings to Porsche.

However, with this little talk with his brother, another idea was born in Chay’s mind. He wanted Kim and Porsche to spend some time together, because if Porsche was able to sense that Kim was not feeling good this morning, maybe it was a good idea for them to become friends.

After all, even if Kim refused to admit it, he needed and wanted a family, and now Porsche was from his family. Furthermore, if Porsche and Kim really get along, maybe it would help things between Kim and Kinn as well.

•••

A few days later, Chay, Kim and Porsche were hanging out together in a café. Chay had forced them – mostly Kim – to accept because they were his two most important people, so they had to get to know each other. It was easy to see that Kim was not really comfortable with the idea, but Porsche was not that reluctant. After all, Kim was both his little brother’s boyfriend and his boyfriend’s little brother. There were now from the same family, and family was important to Porsche.

Chay is the first one surprised and happy that Porsche and Kim already seemed to get along after less than thirty minutes of conversation. None of them was ready to be open with the other, but the conversation was friendly, they even manage to laugh – at Chay’s expanse. He did not really plan Porsche telling Kim stupid and shameful anecdotes.

“The first time I heard of you, it was like… two or three years ago,” Porsche started.

“No, Hia, stop!” Porchay tried to prevent Porsche from saying more but his brother just ignored him.

“Chay kept listening to some of your covers. I asked him about it because it was always the same voice, so I guessed Chay was starting to be a fan of some idol. I did not expect the little presentation right after I asked.” Porsche took a slightly more high-pitched voice to imitate a younger Porchay. “Look Hia, he’s a musician and singer, but he isn’t really well-known for now. But he has such a perfect voice, and he’s so skilled, I’m sure he will be very successful one day! And he’s so handsome!”

Porsche was blatantly laughing, while Chay was hiding his flushed cheeks behind his hands. Kim was laughing too; it was so cute to imagine Chay a few years ago discovering him on social media.

“He had a whole wall decorated with things about you in his room.”

Kim smirked at that, looking at Porchay, “Oh, did you?”

Kim had confessed to Chay this discovery in Chay’s room. Chay had had the fantasy of staying for a night in his childhood bedroom with his boyfriend, so they had a sleepover together there. Entering the bedroom, Kim had felt sad and disappointed that the Wik shrine had been taken away. Chay had of course seen this little change of emotions and asked him about that. So Kim admitted how and why he knew of the wall covered in pictures of him. If Chay had learnt that before properly getting with Kim, he would have been upset. But since he had already forgiven Kim for his ‘mission’, he just was flustered that Kim had seen that. He did not like that Kim could see him as the fanboy he was sometimes.  

Porsche added. “I even think that at some point he used to run a fan account on Twitter too.”

“Ok, ok that’s enough!” Chay stood up. “I-I need to go to the bathrooms, and no more awkward anecdotes!” He was completely flustered and needed a couple of seconds to calm down.

When Chay came back, Porsche and Kim were discussing another matter. Chay just smiled and said nothing. It already seemed to work out, so he was happy.

•••

Indeed, it worked out. The three of them had hanged out a couple more times, to the point that now Chay was not always with them when they spent time together – poor Chay, being so busy because he had to go to school when Porsche and Kim decided on their own schedules.

Porsche and Kim genuinely got along. It was still a bit too soon for them to really open up to each other. But still, Kim was good a reading people and Porsche had his big brother’s sense that helped him. They could talk about mostly everything: not-important matters, Porsche asking how Wik’s career was going and if Kim wanted to stop his studies to completely focus on music, Kim asking how was Porsche doing with all these responsibilities, and even giving him some advice – Kim was not born to be a leader, he preferred to work alone, but that did not mean he was completely clueless about how to be the head of the mafia.

The only thing they did not talk too much about was Chay. If it was about how things were doing between Kim and Chay, Porsche directly had news from his brother. And Kim was not the kind of speaking so much about private things, which his relationship with Chay was for him.

Until one day when Porsche needed to talk about it. They were walking along the Chao Phraya River when Porsche started to ask.

“Chay never told me the details about what happened between you two. Well, he told me that you met, you got closer to him to try to know more about me, he got his hopes high, and you rejected him. Oh, and also that he was lost because you were giving him so many confusing hints.” He stopped talking for a few seconds. “Since I barely knew what happened, I did not dare make assumptions. But when Chay told me all of that, I suddenly remembered that you were the first one arriving at the warehouse when Chay got kidnapped. I knew that you had not participated in any mission for the family for years, but it was meaningful that you came there, wasn’t it?”

Kim stayed silent for a few moments. When Porsche looked at him, Kim did not seem annoyed or as if he wanted to flee the subject – rather as if lost in his thoughts. Porsche let him some time.

“I was with him when he was kidnapped,” Kim started. “We had spent the night together at his house when they came.” He arched a brow, the corner of his mouth lifting upward at Porsche’s frown, “Just to sleep. The day before he had confessed his feelings to me and… I didn’t say I liked him back, but the kiss, the hug and the night together were enough.” Clearly, Kim would not have been able yet to voice his feelings for Chay at that time.

“Why do all of that to reject him after?” Porsche was being patient. After all, Chay already forgave Kim. He did not seem at all as if Kim’s past mistakes would be enough to anger him right now. It helped Kim keep talking.

“Well, I was confused. Though it’s not like I didn’t know I had feelings for him. It was more…” Kim deeply breathed in. “This night we spent together cuddling all the time, it felt so nice. It was the first time since… I don’t remember when the last time I felt this good before meeting Chay was.” Kim did not add ‘so cared for’, but Porsche understood it anyway.

“It’s not I didn’t like him back, not either that I was afraid of what I was feeling, even if I was a bit confused. Allowing this night, I didn’t want this to end, I wanted more. But the family’s business came back, and I didn’t want to put him at risk.” Kim breathed out deeply. “But I didn’t know rejecting him, and hurting us both, was useless because some two brothers were heels over heads for the other,” Kim and Porsche smiled a bit, “and that keeping Chay out of this mess wasn’t something I could do.”

Porsche stayed silent. He had noticed that Kim never looked at him in the eyes while he was speaking. And Chay had already confessed to him how hard it was for Kim to word his feelings. Porsche guessed that Chay helped him with that, and that Kim was able to say all of that because he had already talked about this and these feelings with Chay.

“So you accept now that he’s always in danger?” Porsche finally asked.

“No. I accept that because of his place, of your place in the family, he can’t be just hidden away to be protected. But actually, I feel stronger now that I want to protect him, and I’ll do my best to do so.” Loving Porchay gave Kim so much motivation and will to fight. If anyone, even his father, tried to touch a strand of hair on Chay’s head, Kim would destroy them.

Porsche stayed silent a while more before chuckling. “I hope you’re honest and not just trying to tell me what I want to hear.” Porsche interrupted Kim before the latter could argue that he was sincere, “BUT anyway, I really think you tried your best to be forgiven, and Chay has already forgiven you. It happens to make mistakes, but you made amend.”

Kim smirked and snorted, “Yeah, it happens to make mistakes. I heard that it was tough for you with Kinn at the beginning.”

“Huh? How can you know that?” Kim was never at the tower or with the family, and Porsche had not told so much about his beginning with Kinn to Chay.

“Hmpf, bodyguards are such gossip. I may not like spending time with them around, but that doesn’t mean I don’t listen.”

Porsche fixed Kim an instant and then burst out in laughter. Kim laughed too, more discreetly. But he suddenly stopped when he felt Porsche’s hand in his hair, patting his head. It was such a gentle and nice gesture, a gesture Kim had seen Porsche do many times with Chay. A gesture that felt so affectionate between the two brothers, and now Kim was given the same gesture. It stirred in him something he thought he had buried many years ago.

But Porsche was completely oblivious to what was happening in the younger’s head and just started walking again. Kim blinked and followed Porsche.

From then on, Kim knew that his desire to spend time with Porsche was partly because he genuinely liked the man, and partly because of his stirred need to have a big brother to care for him. With this pat on his head, even if it could be considered as a detail, Kim started to consider Porsche like his own brother.

He never told so to Chay. Chay was just happy to see Kim come back in high spirits so he never asked for more details than Kim deliberately told him. Chay was thinking that this idea was one of the best he ever had.

•••

Unfortunately, it did not last for long. A couple of weeks later, Kim started to feel bad. In ten days, Porsche had already turned him down thrice. The first time, Kim did not think more of that. The second time, he tried to push down his insecurities. The third time, he could not anymore.

He knew that there currently was a lot to do in the family’s business, so Porsche must have been really busy, just like Kinn and even Vegas. If it was just refusals, maybe Kim would not feel that bad. But Porsche had seemed so cold with him, an attitude completely different from before.

He tried to remain calm, to be reasonable and to not let his thoughts spiral down.

One afternoon when he was alone in his flat, Chay at school, and a bit bored, he asked if Porsche was free to hang out a bit, that Kim could even come to the tower if Porsche was not motivated to go out, Porsche texted back a simple [No thank you].

Kim felt a bit at a loss, but then he just could not win against his insecurities caused by his problems with his own brothers. At least, if there was a reason such as Porsche just could not hang out even if he wanted to, Porsche would have told him, wouldn’t he?

But it did not feel right, and Kim did not know how he could take it in another way than refusal because Porsche did not want to hang out with him anymore. And it hurt Kim so much.

The rejection hurt him, the fact that Porsche had enough of him hurt him. But the worst feeling was the one of shame, because suddenly he understood how stupid it had been to consider someone else as his brother, how stupid it had been to become dependent on this ‘brothership’ and time with Porsche, how stupid it had been to indulge in his want for a family to care for him, how stupid it had been to think anyone would really want him and consider him as their little brother.

Now, he was pretty sure he had misread it. This pat on his head, the time spent together, the honest talks they had, it was nothing more than Porsche trying to please Porchay, his real little brother.

Kim felt so stupid. Sat on the couch, he was holding his stomach which was hurting because of the shame and anxiety. He stayed a long time in this position, hoping he could just hide from the world so no one would see his shame.

When Chay came back from his classes, he thought he would be alone. Kim had told him he would probably go to the compound to see Porsche. But he soon was very worried. It took him one glance to understand that Kim was not feeling good, and it worried him even more when Kim refused to tell him what was wrong – Kim had never shut Chay out like that. Usually, he accepted to be coaxed by Chay, but now he did not and the younger was at a loss because he had no idea of what happened or what he could do.

Chay had been with Kim for enough time to be able to understand his boyfriend’s reaction, though that did not mean he could read Kim’s thoughts.

Kim was too ashamed of his own feelings to explain them to Chay, and he was trying to fight them by ignoring them and building a wall between his heart and his surroundings. He could even less explain the situation to his boyfriend, he felt even more ridiculous thinking that he had wanted Chay’s brother to be his own.

With anyone else, he would have tried to find an excuse and faked feeling better. But Chay knew him too much, so it would have been useless.

When Chay asked again why Kim is here, when he was supposed to go and see Porsche, Kim finally managed to answer that it had been cancelled. Chay just sighs, because it was already the fourth time that Kim came back with this excuse after not meeting with Porsche. When he asked further why, Kim just shrugged.

Kim did not seem to want to talk about it, and Chay started to think it was because Kim did not want to reveal something. He tried to be gentle, asking him once again for more details, but Kim just did not answer. When Kim was like that, often it was because he was afraid Chay would be upset. And with that, Chay started to think that in the end, Porsche and Kim did not get along that much. Furthermore, Chay knew that if the reason for that was that Porsche had a problem with Kim, his brother would have come to complain to him.

“I thought you would really get along with him. It seemed to be the case. So, why isn’t it the case anymore?” Chay started to lose patience.

Kim avoided his eyes, and Chay just sighed. He was a bit disappointed about the situation but did not word it. Kim did not want to talk, probably just afraid of Chay’s reaction. Chay was not going to lose his time, his day had already been a bit tiresome. If he tried again later maybe it would be more successful, or he could directly ask Porsche later. So, he stood up and left for the bedroom.

Now that Chay left the room, Kim felt even more distressed. He stayed unmoving on the couch, thinking that if he was acting like a plant, he would become one and not feel hurt anymore. The feeling of shame because of Porsche subsided for the one because he had disappointed his boyfriend. Now, even if he explained that Porsche was the one who had been cancelling plans, it would be even worse because Chay would understand that Kim was the problem, that he was not good enough for people to stay, and that Porsche did have enough of him. He felt even worse, and his belly hurt even more now.

Chay lived his life: he went to the bedroom, spent some time scrolling on his phone while lying on the bed, did his homework while still lying on the bed, and took a shower. For almost two hours, he did not see Kim. He almost thought at some point that he had just not heard Kim leaving the flat.

Chay was a bit upset, but not really angry. He would have loved to see his boyfriend and his brother being friends, even more as he had thought Porsche would be able to help Kim on some points. But if it did not happen, as long as there was not any conflict between them and they would not try to kill the other one at some point, Chay accepted that it was not such a big deal.

However, he finally thought that maybe it was a big deal when he came back to the living room and saw that Kim had not moved in the last two hours. He was still holding his abdomen and seemed to be feeling complicated emotions. The bit of disappointment Chay felt earlier completely vanished as he saw Kim in a completely defensive mode.

Not to tense him further, Chay calmly sat next to him and then put his hand on Kim’s shoulder. He took some time to observe him: the way Kim was avoiding looking at Chay was clearly a sign that he was hurt. Despite how hard it was to understand Kim’s thoughts, he reacted the same way in certain situations, like when he was hurting.

“P’Kim? Baby? Love?”

Pet names were the easiest way to get through Kim’s barriers.

“Is it about earlier? I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have reacted that way before you explained properly. But tell me, please? I can’t know otherwise.”

His thumb was gently caressing Kim’s shoulder. When Kim still did not want to speak, he slid his hand into Kim’s hair.

“Kim, we said that even if it’s bad things, we have to talk about it.”

Finally, Kim decided to react. At least, Chay’s calm helped him not to sink deeper into his thoughts. It was not enough to really make him feel better, but enough to help him to speak. So, he explained that it was just Porsche who cancelled these last times. And before Chay asked him why he refused to just tell him that, Kim replies that he did not want Chay to think badly of him because he reacted that way at Porsche’s rejections (implicitly, he did not want Chay to see how ridiculous he was because he liked spending time with Porsche so much).

After that, Chay wrapped his arms around Kim.

“There should be a good explanation. I know Porsche enough to know that these cancellations, no matter how cold he was, aren’t because he doesn’t like you. Because if he didn’t like you, he would have told you, and same if he had a problem with you. And have you done something that could annoy him?” Kim shook his head. “Then there’s no reason for him to not like you anymore. And he wouldn’t have spent so much time alone with you if it was just to please me.”

Kim breathed out deeply, allowing his body to relax in Chay’s embrace. He rested his head on Chay’s shoulder and let his boyfriend take care of him. No word could efficiently make him feel suddenly better. But letting go of these spiralling thoughts was good enough for now. And usually, when Kim’s insecurities surged up, the two lovers just spent the most possible comforting moment together snuggling, to let some time and sleep clear Kim’s thoughts.

Later that night, when Kim was asleep, Chay silently left the bedroom to call Porsche. With his boyfriend’s state, he did not want to wait to have some explanation. When Porsche answered, he explained to Chay that he was sorry. He had had loads of work recently, and there were some very complicated tensions too. He did not have the energy to hang out with Kim at all, and Kinn also was busy and uptight, so it was not a good idea either that Kim came to see him at the tower. But as soon as things got better, he would tell Kim and they would hang out.

The next morning, as usual, Kim behaved as if nothing had happened the previous day – as if acting like that would make it true, and he was still a bit ashamed when anyone see him vulnerable. Of course, Chay did not want to let it go. As soon as Kim seemed awake enough, he explained his previous phone call with Porsche.

At that, Kim seemed to relax a bit. That did not explain why Porsche did not just explain it to Kim, but he knew Porsche was not lying about work. Kim had heard that it was a complicated time for the family’s business, but he had not thought at that point.

Chay knew Kim wanted to drop the subject, but he himself did not want to. Because what was worrying him was why Kim reacted that badly the previous day. He knew Kim was not used to being close to someone, but that should not mean feeling so bad when people cancelled plans with him, not when he claimed that being lonesome was completely ok with him.

Yet, Chay did not know how to make Kim express his feelings about it, so he decided to do it another way. Porsche was currently too busy to hang out with Kim, and Kinn too. He avoided to approach Vegas when he could, and he had never heard of Kim and Macau spending much time together, and the same with Pete. However, no matter what was happening with the business, there was always someone who was always free to hang out with: Tankhun.

“What about Tankhun? You could spend some time with him?” Chay started.

But Kim pulled a face when he heard that, “Spending a whole afternoon suffering because of Tankhun’s eccentric queries? No, thank you.”

“He’s not that terrible! You’re mean with him there.”

“But go ahead, I think you should spend a whole day with him. What about it?”

Chay faked a smile. It was true that it was not easy to spend time with Tankhun, but it was not that bad either. Porchay liked to watch series or films with him sometimes, and he could be fun too. But yeah, more than a couple of hours could be difficult.

However, that did not mean Chay let go of his idea.

•••

Since Kim refused to hang out with Tankhun, Chay did not have any other choice than to trick him.

A few days later, Chay had been spending the afternoon at the tower with Tankhun. Near six in the afternoon, Chay texted Kim to come and pick him up.

Less than an hour later, when the singer arrived, Tankhun was lively talking about some series he saw, trying to convince Chay to watch it with him. Chay did not want to, he had seen the trailer and really was not interested. Chay thought it was a good interruption that Kim was finally here, and he jumped into his boyfriend’s arms. He quickly pecked his lips and forced him to take a seat.

Kim did not want to spend time with Tankhun? He would not refuse if it was to wait for Chay.

Minutes went by with Tankhun’s rambling, and except for when he greeted his brother, Tankhun did not address his brother. Chay tried to include Kim several times, but Kim never really participated and remained discreet.

It lasted almost forty minutes. After the lovers left, Chay started to speak again when Kim was driving them home.

“I don’t know if I should watch this series. The trailer did not seem that good.”

“It’s a nice series, despite the not-so-enticing trailer. Nothing extraordinary like Tankhun tried to convince you, though. But if you really don’t want to watch it, you don’t have to.”

“You have watched it?? Why didn’t you say so earlier? I would have said that I would try one episode, and Tankhun would have stopped!” Chay was not really angry but played dramatic because really Kim’s comment could have saved him a long time. Kim only shrugged, and both remained silent.

Now that he thought of it, it was true that usually, if it was not about business or Chay, Kim stayed the most discreet possible, and neither Tankhun nor Kinn gave him much attention. Sure, it was in Kim’s nature to be someone quiet, but he particularly was when he saw his family.

Now that he noticed it, Chay understood better why Kim did not like to spend time with his brothers. If it was to be considered as a decorative element, it was useless, and certainly hurtful.

When they finally get back to their place, Chay put his shoes off and was able to talk about it but Kim did it first. Of course, he had long understood Chay’s plan.

“See, it’s useless for me to try to hang out with them.”

“Maybe you and they need time to know how to be around the others again?”

Kim sighed, seemingly a bit tired, and sat on the couch. “Listen, when I left the compound, I thought that distance would help us to get along better. Sometimes people just can’t live together even if they care for each other. I can’t really remember how it was to spend a nice time with them so long ago it was. But I never forbade them from coming to see me, or to text me. I know they keep saying that I’m the bad and unfilial little brother, who never comes back home and who doesn’t really care about his family, but they never tried to take any news from me either.”

“But you care for them! You keep keeping track of anyone who could hurt them!” Chay argued as he sat next to Kim.

“I did not do it for them to know and thank me. I don’t even think they know.”

Actually, now Chay understood better why Kim reacted that way with Porsche days prior. It was not that Kim did not care about his family, but he himself did not seem so important in that said family. So naturally, it felt good for him to spend time with Porsche. Because Porsche was caring; even when they were not very well acquainted, Porsche did not concentrate only on Chay and left Kim on the side. Even if it was to pretend that he would cut Kim’s dick if he dirtied his baby brother – which had already been done at that time – he did not make Kim feel like to be in excess.

Porsche was a great friend and an awesome brother.

Of course, Kim felt what it was like to really have a big brother.

Kim sighed once again, ran his hand through his hair and finally managed to admit, his voice low, “You know, I’ve always been envious of your relationship with Porsche. You’ve always been close, and it seems nice.” He had wanted so much to have that, but he knew he could not.

He had lost hope years ago, hope he suddenly found again with Porsche, which made him want for more, but it was suddenly crushed again. Maybe Porsche really had not stopped wanting to spend time with Kim, but with how things had always been with Tankhun and Kinn, it was hard for Kim to think otherwise. Even more when thinking he lost what he had with Porsche made him take in the face the fact that he would never have that with his brothers. He did not have the courage and energy to try again anyway.

Kim murmured, hurt, “I’d just like to be their little brother.” And he hid his face in Chay’s neck, Chay who wrapped his arms around Kim to comfort him.

Roles were completely inverted with his brothers despite their order in the family. Tankhun was the hysterical little brother, Kinn was the firstborn who had so many responsibilities, and Kim was the proud independent middle one who cared too much for the other two.

Though, Kim was the lastborn. He had used this advantage to be able to leave the compound. But when he looked at Chay and Porsche interacting, he knew he had never been treated by his brothers like Chay was treated by Porsche.

Maybe he did not treat his brother like Chay treated Porsche either, because it had been a long time since he had stopped hoping. Tankhun and Kinn were quite much older than him, he had been only a child when Tankhun became crazy and Kinn the new heir. What could he have done at that time?

Chay kept rubbing Kim’s back. He doubted that Kim was crying, but he nonetheless knew that he was hurting. He had kept all that down for years, of course, it would come out at some point.

For the rest of the day, Chay took great care of Kim. His boyfriend deserved so much to be taken care of.

•••

For days, Chay had tried to think about a solution. Kim was too much alone, he needed a family. Of course, he hoped one day they would start a family, but it was way too soon, and not what Kim needed right now either. He wanted to help his boyfriend but had no idea how to do so.

He was pondering that, instead of doing his homework, when the bell rang. Kim, who was in the kitchen, was closer to the door and went to open it. From his place in the living room, Chay could not see who it was but he saw Kim freeze for a couple of seconds. Finally, Kim stepped to the side and let the person enter.

“Hia!” Chay jumped up.

Porsche smiled and walked toward Chay. He put on the table drinks and food he had brought and hugged his brother.

“What are you doing here?” Chay cheerfully asked.

“I had some free time, and even though I love Kinn I’ve been too much with him these past days. I needed some air.” Porsche smiled.

“Oh, you’re able to stay away from P’Kinn for a few hours?” Chay smirked.

Porsche gently hit the back of his head. “Are you really in the right place to say that?” He then turned to Kim, a fake frown on his face, “He takes after you, I don’t like that.”

He then let go of Chay and patted Kim’s shoulder to properly greet him. Kim had a small smile on his lips.

“You should have warned us,” Kim said.

“Why? You’re here.”

“Did you know we were here?”

“I assumed Chay was at least. And if you were not, I would have asked him to call you back, and I know you would have,” Porsche answered with a smug smile.

Kim did not reply, only smiling wider. Porsche had just told him that he was not there only to see Chay, but also to see him. After his ‘heartbreak’ a few weeks ago, Kim was not that eager to be close again to Porsche, he was afraid to be hurt again. But he could not prevent the warmth he felt in his chest when Porsche implicitly admitted he wanted to spend time with him.

Porsche took place on the couch and took some time to look around him. It was only the third time he came here, and the previous times had been quite short, only waiting for Chay when he had to pick him up.

“It’s so calm here,” he started.

“Of course, we’re only two living here. But well, it can be noisy when one of us plays music or video games.” Chay answered.

“Don’t try to rummage through our things Porsche,” Kim warned him.

“Sure you never did,” the two Kittisawats said in unison. They looked at each other and burst out of laughter, while Kim was pretending to not find it funny at all.

“You play video games too Kim?” Porsche finally said to Kim.

Kim nodded, “It’s better than board games.”

Porsche nodded too. “Then, let’s make it a video games night!”

•••

A month later, Chay found himself in front of Vegas and Pete’s property. Even though Vegas had been excused and now helped Porsche run the minor family, he and Pete had preferred to take something smaller to make it a proper home for them. Most of the time Macau lived here too, except when he had enough of seeing Pete and Vegas being so in love with each other – and to leave them intimacy.

But today, Chay was there neither for Pete nor for Macau.

A few days ago, Porsche had reported to him what Pete had told him. Years ago, before Kim moved out, he and Vegas had been close. Pete – who had witnessed this since he had been with the family for a long time already – even said that they almost were like brothers. Tankhun and Kinn had been really jealous that Kim had preferred Vegas over his own brothers, which made them resent Vegas even more. Even Korn and Gun had not liked that, but Kim had never cared.

That explained Kim’s comment when Chay and Kim once talked about Chay’s kidnapping. Kim had said that if Vegas had known that Chay was important to Kim, he would have thought of another plan.

But when Kim moved out, he and Vegas stopped being close.

So maybe Vegas could be the brother Kim wanted. If they had considered each other as such years ago, why not again?

He rang the bell, and politely greeted Vegas when the latter open the door. Vegas was surprised to see him here, alone.

“Pete and Macau are not there,” Vegas said after greeting Chay.

“I know, I-I’d like to talk with you,” Chay replied.

So, Vegas invited him to enter and take a seat in the dining room.

Chay still felt very intimidated by Vegas, though he was not really afraid anymore because at that time he was the reason for his kidnapping. He knew the whole family had made sure Vegas would never lay a finger on Chay again if he did not want to regret it.

Chay did not wait before speaking, “Ok, I came here to talk about Kim. About you and Kim. I heard you used to be close, why can’t you be anymore?”

Vegas arched his brow and took some time to answer. Chay was feeling uneasy being stared at like that, but it was important, so he waited.

“He moved out, and left. That’s it,” Vegas finally said.

Chay frown, “And? Did he want to stop to be close to you?”

Vegas shrugged. “I don’t know, I did not ask.”

“Did you not care?” Chay dared to push it further because Vegas did not seem upset or hurt. He was just quite evasive.

Vegas sighed. “It’s not that I didn’t, but why would have I asked? He didn’t care to talk to me about that before announcing that he was officially moving out.”

Hearing that, it clicked in Chay’s head. He assumed then that while Vegas and Kim had once been close, when Kim moved out Vegas reacted like the others: he stopped talking to Kim, because Kim ‘dared to leave’ their toxic family. He was the only one who could, and Vegas had been envious of that.

“Okay, but that was years ago. You should talk to him.” Chay had noticed from their previous encounters – minus the first one – that thanks to Pete, Vegas improved a lot at expressing his thoughts and feelings. Chay should ask for advice from Pete.

“Why?”

“I’m sure Kim would like that. Well… maybe not talking talking but, you know, getting to spend time with you again and all.”

Vegas did not seem to be convinced and he remained quiet.

“Listen, I think that Kim is lonely. Ok, he’s basically someone lonesome, but I think it’s too much there. Even more about his family. It’s so complicated with his brothers and his father, but it could not be with you, since you used to be close. You cared about him, didn’t you? Then you should, at least, try. For him.”

After that, Chay stood up. He did not have much more to tell Vegas, and Vegas was still silent. So, he said goodbye and left, hoping Vegas would decide to do something about the matter.

•••

A few days later, when the three Theerapanyakun couples had spent time together – well, when Porsche, Porchay and Pete wanted to spend time together and they asked their boyfriends to tag along – Chay knew Kim and Vegas had the occasion to speak a bit together. He saw them speaking together, and since it was Vegas who started the conversation and that it did not seem tense between them, Chay assumed they settled some things between them. Though he did not pry further and did not ask Kim for details either. He guessed that if Kim and Vegas started to spend time again together, it would be that he was right.

•••

Finally, it was Kim who came to see Vegas at his house. He had something to ask Vegas. He could have asked over the phone or text, but as he passed near his house anyway, he thought he could ask him in person.

“I have a brand event in a bit more than two months, and I can bring someone to accompany me. Will you?”

Vegas frowned a bit surprised by the demand but did not let Kim finish his explanation. “I thought you would prefer to bring your boyfriend to these events.”

“Generally speaking, of course. But, it’s an event about a wine brand. You love wine, and Chay barely drinks, so I thought you would be more suited to accompany me.”

Vegas stayed silent for some seconds. He absolutely did not think Kim would ask him something like that, even less so shortly after their discussion.

If Kim did immediately think of Vegas when he accepted to participate in this event, he did not plan to actually ask him at first. It was only when he mentioned that to Chay, who encouraged him to go and ask Vegas, that he made up his mind.

Kim suspected that Chay had something to do with him and Vegas starting to talk again. There was no way that Chay could hide such things from Kim, even more when the younger seemed so eager that Kim and Vegas could reconnect. But Kim did not comment on that, and only silently thanked his boyfriend.

“Of course, I will. Give me the details.”

Kim smiled at Vegas’s positive answer and took out his phone to directly send the details to his cousin.

He was glad that he got to spend some time again with Vegas. It was true that during these last years, he missed his closeness with Vegas, so now he could try to mend it. Maybe later he would be able to reconnect with his brothers, but for now, Porsche and Vegas were enough for him.