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“So that woman was in the café again. You should probably be creeped out right now, Ansem.”
“Meh. Why? If she meant either of us harm, she’d have done something. You worry too much, Andy. What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know how she got it from you, but she got a DNA sample from me by stealing a glass I’d drunk out of. She…”
“Pfffft. Dude. You worry too much. What, you in CODIS somewhere? One of those times you got picked up for dealing weed, they take your DNA and put you in the system?”
“Would you PLEASE take this seriously?”
“Nope. What’s the worst that could happen?”
“Honestly? This might be it!”
“Whoa.”
“Yeah.”
“So… ‘Based on the samples provided, Donor A and Donor B are predicted to be siblings. Approximately 25% of the DNA is shared, including locations on both chromosomes in a pair, ruling out a relationship on only one side of the family.’ So?”
“We have the same birthday! I mean, we knew that, but… we’re twins, Ansem! That doesn’t bother you, considering that we’re fucking each other?”
“Nah. Come on, man, you never wondered?”
“…what.”
“One: we have the same birthday. Okay, we have the same birthday as approximately a third of a percent of the world, that’s still a fuckton of people and not something to freak out about. Even just considering people born in 1983, that’s still a lot. Sure saves time and money, since we’re not gonna forget each other’s birthday without forgetting our own. Two: we’re both adopted. Again, there’s a lot of adopted kids, but it’s starting to look a lot narrower, isn’t it?”
“I… but… what, we’re both white is your next point?”
“Well, it’s more than just that, similar overall coloring and some similar features, including that janky fourth toe that tucks under the third one on our feet. Honestly, it was those ugly-ass toes we share that got me paying attention to other little things. And, well. The couple that adopted me told me I’d had a brother that they wanted to adopt too, but our mom said we needed to be separated for our own good. Never got a good answer about why we needed to be separated, but I knew I had a brother out there, and with you matching up so well, my adoptive parents didn’t tell me you were my twin, but. Not like it’s that shocking.”
“You should’ve… why… what the fuck, Ansem? You knew I was your brother and kept fucking me anyway? Why?”
“Because. It’s not like we were raised together, and we weren’t gonna have genetic mutant hamburger babies or anything. We’re never gonna be brothers who grew up together, and let’s be real, we’re never gonna be able to be brothers who meet up once a week for poker night and holidays. So we know we’re brothers. No one else does, except this random-ass woman at the café, and I can’t imagine your buddies there didn’t believe you when you were so shocked by the results. People will be squicked? Let them. There’s no proof I knew other than me telling you now, and I’m pretty sure the cops have better things to do than go after a couple of adults in a consensual relationship they discovered after things had gone too far to turn around was technically against the law.”
“I hate how much sense you’re making. I… I don’t want to give you up, Ansem. I think I just need some time.”
“Yeah, that’s fair. What’d they say at the café?”
“Heh. Tracey told me she’d kick my ass if I broke up with you over this, that no one cares. And… you know, with our… abilities… she’s got a good point.”
“Any idea who that random-ass woman was, anyway?”
“Holly something or other. I remember the first name because she was wearing a Christmas sweater the first time she came in.”