Work Text:
Q at the cinema
The day has been absolutely unbearable: all the MI6 was mad! The desk officers were crazy because it was the end of the month, so all the services had to send them their accountancy and indeed, some of the services were late; the agents requiring help were crazy, and it was a miracle most of them come back home alive; even M had given in the temptation to join the bunch of madness. Sure his wonderful idea to let Silva to be an agent again was the proof he was already on his way to be part of the gathering.
After that, it was the beginning of the end … or the end of the beginning. Everything turned upside down: 007 trying to avoid the Spaniard so that he was always in mission on the other side of the world, busy to make explode cars, etc. Last time Q checked, the British agent was playing poker with the Russian mafia, near Moscow. Q rubbed his temples: Bond had won the last poker game, hence he ended pursued by Russian men absolutely unhappy. What else? Yeah, M trying to manage the agent even though he was on the other side of the world making explode cars… By sending Silva. No, no Gareth, very bad idea. Yes, because, from the sounds coming from an earpiece Bond had forgotten to turn off, Q could tell Silva had succeeded in courting Bond… Since he was ravishing him against the door of their hotel room, when the Russians arrived. No need no tell Silva was quite annoyed to be interrupted, judging from the shots, after the entrance of the mercenaries. Q hid his eyes with his left hand; and whether he chose to ignore any carnal sounds, the worst was Silva asking him his opinion on things he could offer to Bond!!
Q sighed, collapsing into/slumping into a seat of cinema. The young man breathed in and out slowly: everything was okay, he was at the cinema, going to watch a movie in order to relax and to enjoy one of his few moments of freedom. Moreover, it was an afternoon, in the middle of the week, so he would likely be peaceful. Great, what could he ask more? Nothing, absolutely nothing. Ah! Yes, one thing he had forgotten to tell Eve before he left… No Q! Shut down the Quartermaster sleeping inside you!
No, he had to focus on the movie. By the way, what did he choose? Q looked at his ticket: well, he chose the last action movie; not that it was peculiarly his favourite kind of movies but, when one wants to chill out, he has to take things in hands. The young man checked one last time the temperature of his Earl Grey just bought in a coffee and sipped a little of it. He realised he was more than peaceful in the room since he was utterly alone. Well, he was until a bunch of teenagers came in the room, breaking his tiny perfect moment.
Q was flabbergasted: of course, he knew a single individual was capable to be very vocal (Thanks Bond!), but he had never thought teenagers would be THAT noisy! They were only five! Five! And they were as noisy as a bunch of kangaroos jumping during a hard rock concert!
But, if only he had to deal with teenagers! No! Apparently, the local third age club was dating!
Keep being calm Q, it can’t be worse than Eve and Tanner getting married. The young man massaged his temples: he had nothing against grand-mothers chatting about the last pancakes recipe, but during the ads?! Come on Ladies! You’re English for God sake! Behave!
When the movie began, the young hacker felt relieved: all had shut their mouth. Unfortunately, some minutes after the beginning of the movie, he heard noises coming from the range just in front of him: the evil Grannies were back, and this time they had brought their cookies box! And those cookies… If they were crackers that it would be the very same noise!
And then, it was the turn of the teenagers to whisper, so to be much noisier than they thought they were. The worst in all of that: Q could not even say the chat was worthy:
“I understand nothing.”
Q tensed on his seat: there was nothing to understand! The movie had a basic narrative frame: it could not be simpler! The poor boy denied to be the only saviour of Mankind, but the poor one was compelled to become a hero. Then Villain attacked his friends, so hero biting the shit out of villain! Afterwards, the subtle line came:
“Then how do you define sarcasm?
Mm, sarcasm? Ah yeah, the ability to insult idiots without them realising it.”
One of the teenagers elbowed in his friends:
“You told me it was an action movie, not a philosophical one.”
Q almost made fall his tea. Yeah, “almost”, because at the same time he received a text from Tanner asking him where he was. Q was at loss. Honestly? The young man sighed and texted:
“I’m currently experiencing life at the speed of 15 wtf’s per hour.”
And for the next hour, Chaos ruled the room. He felt he was going to freak out. No! To relax! Remind of Silva’s quote: “Relax. You need to relax!”
He felt one more hit in his seat. All right!
Q stood up:
“Shut the Hell up! You should all be ashamed! Where do you think you are?! It’s a place to chill out, not to bear a bunch of stupid people!”
He was shivering, tight fists. Good, they were all silent… a little too much, by the way. Wait a minute, why were they all looking at him in such way? Wait!!!!
That’s how Q ended on a bench in front of the cinema. Q pouted. A grand-mother was sitting next to him, looking after her grand-children. She saw his head and held him out a cake box.
“Take one young man, you seem to need sugar.”
“Thanks M’dame.”
He took a bite and found it absolutely delicious.
“You should not let a bad moment spoil your day.”
“I only wanted to relax and I could not.”
He looked at the cinema. The old lady followed his glance and saw the same group of people Q had suffer in the cinema.
“Well, then I can only advise you to read and remember Mark Twain: ”Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down and beat you with experience.””
Q thought on it:” He was a wise one”.
“Oh young man, he did not know anything of our time.”
The old lady nodded and smiled once more:
“Another cake?”