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The girl looks at the clock on the wall, again. It's probably the seventh time already, and it hasn't been even two hours. Not the usual behavior of the otherwise so calm and collected girl.
"Is something bothering you, Amiya?" The Doctor asks calmly. She's been trying to finish her job for about a week, but it seems that every time Kal'tsit comes, she brings more work with her, almost as if it was some kind of punishment for the Doctor. Well, to be honest, she did get on Kal'tsit's bad side recently. Not her fault, if you ask her. Well, not entirely her fault, to be more precise.
Thankfully, she didn't have to do everything alone. While not exactly her job, Amiya usually spends some of her free time helping the Doctor. Today is such a day, but something seems a bit... off.
When she hears the Doctor's question, she almost jumps from her chair, letting the pen in her hand fall on the floor, not for the first time on this day. Only now taking notice of how distracted she is.
"Ah, Doctor! Sorry, I will try to stay focused now." Amiya answers, grabbing the pen on the floor and going immediately back to checking the pile of papers on her desk.
The Doctor can't help but laugh. She really loves the girl in front of her. Of course, not in a romantic way. It's more akin to what she would feel with a little sister or daughter. This means that any worry she might have is something that the Doctor is willing to help with. The girl already has enough things to care about, so anything the Doctor can do to alleviate it is good enough.
This world is not a kind place. While way younger than the Doctor herself, the girl has already seen plenty of tragedies and suffering, way more than anyone with her age, hell, at any age should. And she's strong, really strong. Most of the time, she's the one that protects the Doctor, she's the one leading everyone forward.
"It's not that, relax. While I immensely appreciate it, you are not even supposed to waste your time helping me here. I'm just thinking that something is bothering you. Your thoughts seem to be miles away from here."
Amiya giggles a little, looking at the Doctor with a tired smile on her face. "You know that I will always help you if I have the time, Doctor. And if I'm helping, I want to do it properly."
The Doctor takes a sip from the coffee mug in front of her, putting the documents to the side and resting her head on her hands. "Again, I appreciate, truly. But don't be so hard on yourself, there are days when we are not able to give 100% and that's fine. But if is something that you are willing to share, maybe I could help. Or just be someone to listen, if you want."
"Thank you, Doctor." Amiya lowers her head a bit. Her eyes seem to focus on no place in particular, with her mind still wandering through different places. She trusts the Doctor, she really does. But it's hard to put exactly what she's feeling into words because even she is unsure.
After a while, she takes a deep breath, trying to put her thoughts into words. "Doctor, what would you do if you had to do a certain thing, but by doing that you would risk ruining something really dear to you? Would you rather just do nothing, even though that feeling is consuming you?" Amiya keeps her head down. She feels like the words that come out from her mouth are spikes, that scratch and pierce her throat when they leave.
There's silence for some seconds while The Doctor thinks about the question. "That's a hard question." The Doctor crosses her arms and relaxes on the chair, sliding down a little. "In war, there's a saying that goes something like: war is about taking risks, and it's only at the end that we know which risks were worth taking. So, while I want to say that you should just go for it on whatever you're feeling, you only really will know if it was the right choice after doing it."
Amiya's eyes keep fixed on the floor. She knows that she can't let it stay like this, she needs to let her feelings out. And while she has reasons that it should be fine, there's a shadow creeping inside her, one that exists even when you try to ignore its existence. A shadow of doubt, of fear.
"Well, there's another thing in my mind. But it may be somewhat cold, even... heartless. Do you wish to hear it?" The Doctor says, looking at the slightly crestfallen girl in front of her.
The oddity of the words is enough to wake up Amiya from her melancholic state, making her raise her head with a curious expression on her face. "Yes, of course, Doctor! What is it?"
The Doctor takes another sip from the coffee in front of her, taking a deep breath and savoring its taste, before starting again to speak. "This world is cruel. Something as simple as knowing if you will come back home tomorrow can't be taken for granted. It's even worse for someone fighting on the frontlines, like us. People vanish to never come back all the time. Be it by disease or war, precious lives fade into nothingness all the time. And one of the worst regrets someone can have is the regret of unspoken worlds, of what would be if certain actions were taken."
The Doctor stops for a moment, checking the girl's reaction. She looks absorbed in thought, pondering about what she just heard. Seeing it as at least not a negative reaction, the Doctor proceeds to talk.
"Sometimes, we try to wait for the right moment, the right circumstance. But more often than not, said moment never comes, either because we didn't recognize when it arrives or because it just got abruptly taken from us. And then it's just too late."
Silence once again resounds in the office. No one speaks a word for what seems like an eternity. After a while, the silence is broken by the Doctor's voice.
"Amiya, if there's something you want to say, I think you should give it some serious thought. What would weigh more on you? The weight of words said at the wrong time or the weight of unsaid words?"
Amiya's eyes recover their light, renewed with a decision. The words spoken were indeed harsh, and cruel. But they are not lies, she knows it very well. She walks up to the Doctor and embraces her, burying her head on the woman's chest in a gesture of affection.
The Doctor envelops the girl in her arms. "Don't forget that whatever happens, I will be here for you. Be it either to commemorate with you or just to hold you while you cry."
The girl tightens the hug, as if afraid of the other person just vanishing from thin air. "Thank you, Doctor. I think I know what I should do now. I'll be going now, wish me luck."
The Doctor lets go of the embrace, giggling with serene happiness. "Be careful. I'll be here cheering for you."
Amiya moves towards the door, looking back to receive one last look of encouragement from her and leaves in energetic and decided steps.
The Doctor keeps looking at the now closed door for a while, eyes lost in an almost nostalgic stare.
The woman starts to write again, pen moving through the sheet of paper to let the words flow through it, relying on her memory and experience, trying to think about every possible outcome. Good or bad.
That's the responsibility of someone appointed as a squad leader. It's nothing new to her. Being in command is something constant in her life in the past years, and she has a pretty decent record at that.
But Ch'en won't let stupid things like pride cloud her thoughts and make her commit easily avoidable mistakes, not when there are so many things, so many lives in the line. Of course, such planning demands a tithe and her mind takes its toll.
Her thoughts are, however, interrupted when the soft sound of someone knocking on her door reaches her ears. The sound is introverted, almost as if afraid of bothering the one hearing it. It's enough for Ch'en to have a pretty good idea of who's behind it.
Ch'en slides the chair back and gets up from her desk, looking around to see if anything is out of place or demands immediate attention, before moving towards the door to answer.
It's no surprise when she opens it to reveal a smaller girl, cheeks very slightly red, breathing just a bit off and eyes somewhat restless, going from the floor to her face and back to the floor.
It's a pretty cute image, to be honest, one that brings a bit of peace to the ex-officer's heart.
"Amiya, good night. We're leaving in two days, right? Is everything fine?"
It's not an uncommon occurrence for Amiya to come before they depart together on a mission.
But something seems slightly different this time.
"Ah, yes! Everything is fine. It's not about the mission. I mean, the mission is important too, and we could talk about it if you want."
Ch'en sighs, and a shadow of a smile threatens to appear on the woman's usually stoic face. "Why don't you enter first? I'll get some tea for us."
Amiya gives a small bow, half an apology, half in acknowledgment, and enters the room. The room is completely spotless, as usual. Books are well placed on the shelves, the mat is on the floor without a single fold, the bed is well tidy in the corner and the working desk has ample free space, not wasting it with any objects that aren't necessary.
They move towards a small table in the center of the room. "Just wait here for a moment. I will fetch my tea set. Any preference?" Ch'en says.
"Ah, no. Anything is fine, thank you, Ch'en."
Amiya sits on the floor, next to the table. She knows that she is nervous and knows that Ch'en noticed it, but is polite enough to not make her uncomfortable. A warm smile is brought to her face when she starts to think about how much the two went through together. It hadn't been any time since they met each other, but they already had to face one of the worst crises in Amiya's life, when she had to make a choice and understand that she couldn't protect everyone. Thinking about it, Ch'en had been pretty harsh with her, but it was the thing that dragged her back from that abyss she almost fell into. Then there was the battle in Chernobog, where they fought together against the now ex-leader of Reunion and Ch'en's own sister.
The sound of the teacup being put on the table snaps Amiya back to reality, almost making her yelp in surprise. Ch'en sits at the other side of the table and Amiya can hear her quietly laughing.
"Back to Terra, Amiya? Here, the tea is ready. Careful not to burn your tongue." She grabs her own teacup and takes a small sip from it, putting it back on the table. "Now, care to tell me why are you so distracted?"
Direct as always. But I guess that's one of the things that made me fall for you. Amiya takes a deep breath, looking directly into Ch'en's eyes. "Ch'en, I have something that... I want to talk with you. But I'm so afraid. After everything that we've done, I would hate to destroy everything... I..."
A touch on her arm makes her shriek, not noticing she had unconsciously started looking at the floor, missing when Ch'en moved to her side and grabbed her arm.
"Amiya! Calm down. Why are you... trembling so much?"
Amiya looks down at her arms. Ch'en's hand is softly holding her upper arm, but she's shaking as if she was nude in a winter storm. The realization scares her, it feels like her fears are suddenly so much more real and she can feel her vision becoming blurred from the tears that reach her eyes.
"I... I'm sorry! I thought I was secure in my decision, but I'm still so scared. Sorry... Ch'en..."
Confusion grabs hold of Ch'en's thoughts. She knows this side of Amiya, already witnessed it before. It's not a side that most people know, being accustomed to the girl who is the face of Rhodes Island. Strong, decided, and capable of leading everyone forward. But she's still just a young girl, with an enormous burden, trying her best to hide it.
The time that first happened, Ch'en shouted at the girl, forcing her to snap out of it. It was borderline cruel, but something she deemed necessary in the situation. Sometimes she does wonder if she could've said it in a better way, but not enough to regret it. But now it feels different. She can't find the will in her to say any harsh words to the girl shivering in front of her.
She curses her inability at dealing with this kind of situation. Does she try to speak encouraging words, telling her that everything is fine? Or should she embrace the other girl? Would that make things better? She doesn't even know if they have that kind of intimacy.
In the end, she just stays in the same position. Hand softly above Amiya's arm, not speaking a single word, while the girl slowly tries to stop trembling.
Minutes go by until Amiya feels calm enough to start speaking again.
"Forgive me, Ch'en. I'm better now." She takes a deep breath and the light returns to her eyes, renewed once again a resolve, and this time it won't go away. She puts her hand above Ch'en's hand and looks at her.
"Ch'en, before I speak, just please promise me that, after I say what I want to say, at least you will not hate me."
"Hate you?" Ch'en looks perplexed. "Why would I ever hate you? I mean, we started off not really in a great way, and that was probably my fault. But after everything we've gone through, why would I suddenly start to hate you?"
Amiya laughs.
She smiles fondly at the awkward ex-officer in front of her.
"Thank you, Ch'en. Here it goes then..." Amiya closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. "Ch'en, I am incredibly grateful for everything you did for me during all this time since we've met. You are someone who I can trust wholeheartedly during any situation. And when we started to spend more time together, I got to know a different side of you, beneath the harsh exterior, someone who truly cares about others."
Ch'en feels her cheeks heating up and a sudden urge to look away from the gleaming girl in front of her.
"Well, sorry for the, uhh... harsh exterior. I'm not really proficient in smooth talking or making myself likable."
Amiya giggles at the remark. She knows very well that Ch'en doesn't mince words when talking. She always says what needs to be said, regardless of what effects those words may have, and a lot of people seem to take that almost as an insult.
"Yes, I'm aware of it." She laughs. "But the you in its entirety that made me... fall for you."
The words are followed by silence. At first, Ch'en thinks she might have misunderstood what was being said. As realization slowly creeps in, she starts to feel her heartbeat increasing rapidly, enough that she's sure Amiya can hear it too.
"W-wait, in fall for me do you mean..." She starts to talk, voice stuttering.
"Romantically, yes. I hope this doesn't make you too uncomfortable, but I couldn't try to smother this more than I already did." She sighs. Honestly, she notices she's way calmer than she thought she would be.
Her ability to read others' feelings can be both a curse and a blessing. She always tries to keep it under control, especially when interacting with people close to her. But right now, with this overflow of feelings, even without it she can perceive how nervous Ch'en is.
"S-since when?" Ch'en asks.
"Hmm, honestly, I don't know the exact moment. It's more that when I noticed and tried to put a name to what I was feeling, it already was... Well, this."
"I see." This is only what she manages to say at first. She takes a deep breath. Ch'en feels conflicted. On one hand, this definitely caught her by surprise. On the other hand, it feels... right? She can't really explain why she feels this way. But when she looks at the meek girl in front of her, she can't help but feel a warmth in her chest. Not the same heat from the embarrassment she felt earlier, it's a gentler one. Like the feeling of drinking hot cocoa beneath a blanket during a cold winter night. A feeling that spreads through her entire being, a feeling that... she has recovered something that she didn't know was missing.
Her hand moves unconsciously towards the girl's face, softly touching her cheek with the tip of her fingers before she starts caressing her.
"Ch'en?" Amiya blushes. If you asked her, she wouldn't be able to answer what would be the result of the confession. She hoped that at least it wouldn't ruin their friendship, but romantically speaking? She couldn't know. Any remaining thoughts vanish once she looks at Ch'en's eyes, seeing there a care and gentleness so deep that makes her lose the ability to form a coherent thought. She feels the warmth of a hand behind her neck and the feeling of herself being pulled towards the woman, and she offers no resistance.
After a wordless moment, her entire world is taken by a gentle heat when soft lips press against her own.
The feeling is indescribable. For a moment she feels a connection so strong that she almost loses her sense of self, her own thoughts being combined with Ch'en, a link between them powerful enough that it's impossible to hide or deny anything. Both hearts beat as a single one and their breathing lines in synch as they were but one being.
When they finally pull back, severing the kiss, both feel they need a moment for their brains to recover the ability to work.
"Ha, ha. That was... intense." Ch'en says, almost whispering, panting.
Amiya blinks her eyes a few times, before noticing that her mouth still hangs open. She quickly puts a hand over her mouth, stopping it from drooling at the last second.
"I'm sorry, that was my fault. My arts went out of control, but I didn't think it would be this strong."
She once again feels her being pulled towards Ch'en, but this time her head falls into the woman's chest while feeling her arms envelop her.
"Don't you worry about that. I don't think anyone had such an intense first kiss. Ever."
Amiya's giggles are muffled against Ch'en's body.
"Hmm? That means I'm also your first?"
She hears a sigh above her. "I can count on one hand how many people are able to put up with me. And only one of them seems interested in things like this."
They both laugh and the minutes go by without any one of the two interested in moving away. Amiya fully rests her body against Ch'en, feeling the kindness in that embrace.
"... Ch'en."
Ch'en snaps back to reality after hearing Amiya's voice. Her arms are still around the girl who snuggles against her.
"What is it, Amiya?"
Amiya leans back a little, enough for her to be able to look at the other woman's face. "... I love you."
Ch'en can feel her face becoming red. "You are trying to kill me here, aren't you?" She sighs and brings a hand to the top of Amiya's head, ruffling her hair. "I love you too, Amiya."
Amiya buried her face against Ch'en's chest once again, stifling a giggle.
"What do we do now?" Amiya asks. Her eyes are a bit puffy and her cheeks are tinted with a soft pink.
I could lose myself in this smile. It takes some seconds for Ch'en to realize she needs to come up with an answer. "Nothing much, we could just stay as usual, whatever feels comfortable. There's no need for us to suddenly start acting different."
Ch'en doesn't know why she feels so relaxed. It should be a big deal, it should bring its share of worries. She wonders what the Doctor or Kal'tsit will think about this. Does Amiya even want to tell them? Does she want to hide this relationship? Ch'en can't imagine that she would. But amidst all of this, she still feels at peace, as if everything were just minor things when compared to the peace that has taken over her, a peace originated by the smile of the small girl in front of her.
"My legs are a bit sore, come here." Ch'en finally lets Amiya free from her embrace, already almost missing it. She grabs the girl's hand and pulls her towards the bed.
Amiya lets herself be guided by Ch'en, and they both sit on the neatly made bed. Less than a second after sitting down, Amiya feels her eyelids get heavy and holds a yawn, like all the nervousness and anxiety from earlier came back crashing in as tiredness.
"Amiya, are you fine?" Ch'en looks back, laughing. "Are you tired? It's a bit late already."
"I'm fine, just feeling a bit sluggish after everything." Another yawn comes, her mind already starting to require rest for all that it went through. "Can I just... take a small nap? I promise I'll go back to my room after that."
"Silly, just rest for now, don't worry, you deserve it. And we need to be at the top of our condition for the mission."
"Then I will... Accept the offer." Amiya slowly lays, but lets her head land right on top of Ch'en's lap.
"Hey, Amiya. What do you think you are doing?" Ch'en asks. A smile is on her face, together with a playful voice.
The girl on her lap just closes her eyes leaving a mischievous smile behind. "Good night, hehe."
Ch'en sighs. The feeling reminds her of having a small cat sleeping on her lap. Her hand caresses the girl's hair and face. Softly, careful to not get in the way of the peaceful sleep that is coming.
"Hahaha, wait, doesn't that technically mean that you are going out with your chief?"
A loud voice echoes through the mostly empty bar. Three figures are sitting on stools next to the counter, and one can only imagine how much time they are already there by the pile of empty cans of bottles in front of them, mostly in front of the tall green-haired oni.
"For the love of god, please shut up, Hoshiguma." Ch'en presses her temples feeling already exhausted. It's not that she's angry, she pretty much knew what was coming for her when she decided to share what happened with Hoshiguma.
But that doesn't mean she can't feel annoyed.
"Isn't she also, like… ten years younger than you? You know that it's a bit weird, right?" The third woman asks.
Ch'en lets out a suffocated wail, burying her head between her arms on top of the counter. "Yes, I sure to hell know that, Swire. And it's thirteen years, to be more precise."
A silence falls into place, but it doesn't last long, interrupted by a loud laugh coming from the green-haired woman.
"Hahahahaha, that's absolutely hilarious. What the hell did you get into, Ch'en? I didn't know you were into that."
"I'm NOT into that! That wasn't the reason I accepted her confession!" Ch'en replies. Her mind is already a bit numb from all the drinking.
The mission went pretty normal and thankfully both she and Amiya returned safely to the landship. Amiya told her that they probably shouldn't announce their relationship to everyone, but also that they didn't need to hide it. They settled in just sharing with the people most close to them.
For Ch'en, that includes Hoshiguma, Swire… and that's pretty much it. While the Doctor is also someone who she would have told about this, she decided that Amiya was closer to the Doctor and that she should be the one to tell.
"Relax, Ch'en. I'm just messing with you. We never know what might happen in the future, it's fine to not wait." Hoshiguma smiled. For how much she drank this night, well above what the two other girls did combined, she still seems to be completely sober.
"Curse your oni physique, how you are not even a bit drunk?"
Ch'en's words are received with even more laughing.
"Still, I think you should take things slow now that you are in a relationship. We are still in the L.G.D., I think I can arrest you, hahaha." The tiger girl teases, a smug smile on her face.
Ch'en turns to the girl provoking her and notices a strange… mark, near the girl's neck. "You are so funny, Swire. And what's that on your neck, a mosquito bite? Or is it a rat bite? Have you seen Lin recently?"
Swire's expression instantly darkens, while the tall woman behind them seems to be giving completely up any attempt of holding her laughter.
"If I didn't have manners, I would throw this cup on your face, Ch'en."
"Heh, seems like Lin forgot to put the leash back into the angry cat."
The barman shakes his head. Between the voices that are pretty much screaming right now, seeming like they are about to just pounce at each other and the thundering laugh behind them, this will be a long night.