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Sirius had been living at the Potters’ for two weeks, and he still wasn’t quite sure how to go about things.
Mrs. Potter was nothing like his mum. She didn’t yell or curse or hit. She baked fairy cakes and brought him tea and cheered with glee when he got his OWL results back.
Even with enough sweetness in the Potter household to make his teeth ache, Sirius still had a grave fear of ticcing in front of Mr. and Mrs. Potter. At the Black household, a particularly loud tic could mean a silencing charm at best and the Imperius curse at worse, so tried his level best to remain absolutely silent and still.
However, as those with Tourette’s are bound to know, the longer a person suppresses their tics, the harder and more violently they will eventually come out. So, after two weeks of silence and stillness, Sirius’ body finally revolted.
A punch to the head.
A twitch of the neck.
Two middle fingers in the air.
A chorus of ‘hup’s and ‘bark’s and ‘bloody hell’s.
Eventually, Sirius dropped to the floor and writhed in pain, the vocal tics slurring together into grunts and cries and physical tics becoming indistinct.
James knew Sirius had something called Tourette’s Syndrome. He knew it made him say weird things and twitch and curse sometimes. He, honestly, didn’t really think much of it. It was as much a part of Sirius as the wolf was a part of Remus, and he wasn’t going to stop being friends with him over a tic or two.
It was really weird though, Sirius hadn’t really ticced since he arrived at the Potters’ house. James chalked it up to a change in environment, or maybe he just wasn’t as stressed at his house.
“Hey Sirius, do you want to go flying for a bit?” he called up the stairs. No answer. “Padfoot?” He walked up the stairs and rapped on the spare room ( Sirius’ room , he corrected) door. Concerned, he opened the door carefully.
On the floor, in tears, sat Sirius Black, his normally strong and aloof demeanor shed.
“Sirius? What happened?” James approached him carefully and sat at a safe distance.
“ Fuck, it fucking hurts, James.”
“What hurts, Sirius? I don’t understand-”
“ Fucking fuck, the fuck I couldn’t hold it in anymore, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, please don’t tell your mum.” Sirius looked up at James with shining, pleading eyes.
“Sirius, hold on, what are you talking about? If you’re hurt I need to get my mum, she can help-”
“No! James if you get your mum I will never speak to you again, I can’t let her know about this. I can’t get kicked out of another house, I will have nowhere to go, you know that.”
James stared at Sirius, wondering what the hell is he on about? Why would Mum kick him out for this? It’s not his fault, he can’t help it.
Realization dawned on him.
That’s why Sirius lives here now.
“Sirius,” he responded as gently as he could, “Are your tics why you can’t live at home anymore?” Sirius nodded, hit himself on the side of his head, and winced. “Sirius, my mum would never, ever, kick you out because of your tics. She cares so much about you and wants you to be safe”.
“ Hup, hup, uh oh, fuck off, ” Sirius shook his head, like his brain was an etch-a-sketch he was trying desperately to erase. “Really?”
“Oh my gosh, Sirius, absolutely not. You are safe here. You never have to keep your tics in in this house, I promise.” He moved to place a hand on Sirius’s knee, then thought better of it. “Can I - do you mind if I touch you?”
“ Hup hup, please don’t” Sirius’ neck twitched again. “I’m not fuck I’m not mad hup I just feel a little hmph overstimulated.” He sniffed, “Thanks for hup asking first.”
“I’m gonna go get you a biscuit and some tea. Does anything else help?” James asked tentatively.
“I need ice and hup something for my fuck hands? That weird cube Remus brought over last week?”
James nodded and went downstairs. Sirius sighed and wiggled his fingers.
“Oi, Padfoot!”
Sirius looked up and saw a multicolored Rubik’s cube floating slowly through the open door.
“Catch!”
It sped up rapidly and Sirius raised his hand to catch it. He laughed and stared at the toy in his hand, then started twisting the segments around, his body slowly releasing the tension it held.
James puttered around the kitchen, making a strong cup of tea (with enough milk and sugar to give anyone a headache and turn the tea a light ivory color, just how Sirius liked it), filling an ice bag, and grabbing a full package of jammy dodgers.
“James?” Mrs. Potter called out from around the corner. “What are you up to?”.
“Just making a cup of tea for Sirius, mum.”
“Such a dear,” she smiled, “Make me a cup?”
“In a bit,” said James, “Sirius is having a hard time and I want to check on him first.” Mrs. Potter looked at him quizzically. “Tourette’s stuff.”
“Ah,” Mrs Potter paused. “Let me take it up, I want to talk to him.”
“I don’t know mum, he was really upset-”
“I can handle it,” she smiled.
Mrs. Potter knocked on the door to Sirius’ room gently. She heard a whistle and a yip, almost like the sound of a small dog.
“S’alright, Prongs, you can come in,” came Sirius’ voice. Mrs. Potter peeked around the door to see Sirius seated on the floor, cross legged, covered in a blanket, and fiddling with the now broken pieces of the rubik’s cube.
“How are you feeling, lovely?” she asked quietly, sitting on the edge of the bed. Sirius’ cheeks burned and he looked away.
“I’m hup fine Mrs. Potter, never better.” He turned to face her and gave an overexaggerated smile, betraying discomfort only with the flick of an eyebrow and a high pitched whistle. “Everything’s hup, fuck fine,” His hands twitched, scattering the plastic bits across the floor. He placed his hands on his forehead to hide his face in his arms, but then he ticced again, this time hitting his browbone with the heels of his hands. “I’m so fuck I’m sorry Mrs. Potter, I tried not to do it, I know it’s bad and annoying and disrespectful and I tried so hard but it made it worse, and I really can’t stop. Please don’t get mad, I have nowhere else to go, please, I’m so, so sorry.” His words slurred together into a run-on sentence of apologies and pleas for mercy.
Mrs. Potter placed his cup of tea and the jammy dodgers beside him.
“Oh you poor thing,” she murmured, “I’m not going to send you packing over a tic or two, poppet.” She eased herself slowly onto the floor next to him. “You know love, there is nothing you can do to make me mad enough to put you out on the street.” Sirius lifted his head from his hands, silver eyes shining
“Really?” he whispered, almost afraid to speak too loud.
“Really,” she replied, smiling. Tears dripped down Sirius’ face, and he wrapped his arms around her in a bone crushing bear hug.
“Oh thank Merlin.” he sighed, “It hurts so bad to keep it in Mrs. Potter, it’s awful .”
“Well lovely,” she replied, wrapping her arms around him, “You never have to do that while you’re under my roof.” She rested her chin atop his unruly hair, and for the first time since Sirius was ten years old, his body felt calm.