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the adventure of cony❤️

Summary:

tony has had a crush on cooper since college. and they haven’t talked in five years.
what if they conveniently meet at a local mcdonald’s….but one of them is married….

(guys this is a inside joke and crackfic please don’t get upset 😢)

Notes:

(See the end of the work for other works inspired by this one.)

Work Text:

“And for our last graduates, we have Anthony Edward Stark and Cooper GodicCheez class of 2023!” announced the announcer.
“I can’t believe we’re leaving Marvel High!” weeped Tony.
He would really miss everyone, especially Cooper, and his EPIC parties in his yacht.
“Eh. I guess.” Cooper muttered as he watched Cheesella walk across the stage.
Tony watched Cooper’s eyes and his heart fell. He felt heartbroken but he didn’t know why yet.

*****

“Oh yeah? I bet you didn’t see this when you were in.” Tony smirked, fixing his swaggy sunglasses.
He was flirting with Steve as they walked past Cooper in the McDonald's. Tony's heart sank when he saw Cooper, holding hands with Chessella, as they appeared to be listening to some country music, sharing earbuds.
“I did not see this in the 1940’s, Tony.” Steve informed Tony, glancing around.
Steve’s face lit up as he saw Terrence across the McDonald's, “I have to go. Have fun. Also go talk to Cooper. I know a loving stare when I see one.” Steve winked and walked off to Terrence, Sam and Bucky.
Tony flushed and fixed his shirt as he walked over to Cooper and Cheesella, who were staring lovingly at each other.
“Hey Coop! I haven't seen you in a while. You stopped answering my messages.” Tony whined, sitting down in the seat across from Cooper.
Cooper jumped as he heard Tony’s alpha male voice, “Toes?”
“I haven't heard from you in five years! Nice to see you again. Oh and this is my wife, Cheesella” Cooper said blushing
Tony’s face fell as he heard that last part. His heart broke once again. He will never be as good as Cheesella. He would never be able to sing or dance or have those blonde luscious locks or that amount of cheese….Well. He did have that much Colby Jack cheese to be exact.
“Hey Cheesy, do you mind if I go and sit with Toes?” Cooper asked.
“Go on, darling!” she said with a heavy southern accent, pausing the music as Cooper took out his earbud and gently handed it to Cheesella.
Cooper kissed her on the cheek.
Tony looked away.
Toes and Coop went to sit at another table while Chessella seemed a bit bothered, still listening to that country music.
“So Coop, it has been awhile I have something to tell you….I am…..gay.” Tony said dramatically, preparing for the worst..
“K.” replied Cooper, unbothered once more by Tony’s antics.
Tony was flabbergasted. Baffled even at this reaction, “Really?”
But the waiter came by and asked for their order.
They both ordered cheese burgers with extra cheese.

******

Cheesella sighed and packed up her stuff, heading to their bright yellow Porsche.
She noticed two men were standing in front of their car and staring directly into her soul. Especially the one with the bionic arm.
“Um hey y'all! You need somethin’?” asked Cheesella, puzzled.
At the same time the guys said, “We need you.”
The one with the robotic wings winked.
Cheesella sat there on the hood of the car and stared, “Uhm. Sorry to break y'all's heart. I am married to Cooper aka the Cheese God.”
“You mean the one kissing with Tony as we speak? That Cooper?” smirked Sam.
“WHAT?” yelled Chessella as she ran into the restaurant and kicked down the doors to the McDonald's.
There, she saw Cooper on top of the table kissing Tony.
They finally separated from each others’ cheesy lips.
Cheesella was flabbergasted once more. She started to break down and cry as she ran over to the table…
She slammed her diamond and gold and emerald and cheese wedding ring onto the table. She was sobbing at this point.
She ran back out and she slammed into Sam’s lips and started to melt away. She finally felt at peace. Even if it meant she’d have to file for a divorce.
Sam pulled away, panting, “I knew you’d come back to me bbg.”
Sam took Cheesella to his silver Tesla with blacked out windows.
Cooper gasped as he saw the ring and sprinted out to find Cheesella kissing Sam on the hood of Sam's car.
He ran back to Tony, strangely relieved as he realized he could finally run away with Tony to France.

*******

Sam and Cheesella finally made it to Sam’s place to have some fun when Cheesella sees Cheesa, Sam's brother. Cheessa was snacking on some Cheez-it’s in the living room, watching Guardians of the Galaxy: Volume 2.
Cheesella stopped, letting go of Sam’s hand and walking over slowly, “Cheesa?”
Cheesa looked up, his dark, dreamy yellow eyes twinkled like the stars in the night sky, “Cheesella?”
Cheesella grinned as Sam stood there awkwardly.
Cheesa got up, spilling the Cheez-it’s everywhere as he frantically kissed Cheesella.
Sam’s jaw dropped as he went to his room, bawling his eyes out.
Now Cheesella could finally leave her celebrity career behind and live in the middle of the desert with her true love, Cheesa. And who knows, maybe one or three kids..

*******

Cooper and Tony left the McDonald's and Tony took Cooper for a flight in his private jet. They ended up running away to France. How romantic.
It turned out that Tony was transgender and they had two twins together, Coney and Coop Coop.

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