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“I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)”
Slyvia Plath’s “Mad Girl’s Love Song”
My eyes were blue,
My hair was golden like the sun.
Your eyes were green,
Your hair was the color of spider silk.
I knew you like the back of my hand,
The bumps on your palm, each strand of your hair,
The rhythmic pets in my hair,
I fall asleep in your lap, a child in a garden.
The poppies in the tower were soft and gentle,
Oh how sweet dreams are, I never wish to leave.
Your hand on my cheek was ice cold;
Hypnos draws in his lovely sheep.
The first man I dream of was a bat.
He was a humongous protective wall.
But he betrayed me with his golden knife,
Yet my heart flutters for the dream.
(You were a protective wall, keeping off the storms)
(Then you left)
The poppies in the tower grew,
But its scent was no longer there.
Your hand was now sitting on your lap,
Tell me dear, why can’t you look at me?
The second man I dreamed of was a boy who looked like you,
Charming smile, he offers me a hand.
I turn to see you,
Your betrayed face stares back.
(Your smile was like the sun, I snuggle closer to feel its warmth)
(The tower and the garden is lonely without you)
The poppies in the tower were wilder,
It continues to rain without stop.
Sleepily, I cling to you for comfort,
But your cold touch was colder than ever.
The third man in my dream was a kind-hearted boy,
I fell in love with him at first sight.
But the poppies were so distant from my mind,
Yet I cling to the fantasy you so find revolting.
(You were the Good one. You were always the Good one.)
(So you can’t be....)
“Stop choosing the wrong people” you suddenly said.
You grabbed at me as you spoke.
The dream made you sound too sharp,
Too real for my ears to bear.
The poppies in the tower were so distant,
The caress you made on my cheek was just a memory.
You look at me with such fervor,
But the poppies do not lie, this is not real.
So why are you so upset in this dream?
Why do you stare at me like that?
Don’t you see this is just a dream?
That I am still asleep in the garden?
The poppies in the tower were wilder now,
Clawing like desperate children.
"Don't wake me up yet from this sweet dream!" I cried,
Something silver in my hand was against your chest.
The bat falls silent,
The charming boy disappeared,
The golden one fades into dust,
The knife glowed red as something fell like a stone.
Only then did I realize…
(They were all you. It was always you)
This was not a dream.
(Don’t leave me alone)
My eyes were blue,
My hair…..is the color of spider silk.
Your eyes remain shut as the ashes flew,
Your hair faded from my touch.
The poppies in the tower were no longer soft.
They were dead in my palm.
The ashes continue to blow across the sea,
I shake my head, suddenly unable to sleep.
The last person I dreamed of was strange.
A girl not from this place.
She had golden hair like mine used to be,
She had a heart as dark as yours.
(Could she be you? Have you returned, my thunderbird?)
Surely she is the one,
She acts just like you.
But her palms were not like yours.
Even then, I have forgotten how warm your touch was.
Sometimes I even forget what my face was.
What were my eyes?
Were they the same as yours?
Your face on mine is so alien, your name dry on my tongue.
(I cling to your fleeting image)
“You are just like someone I knew”.
I once told her, trying to feel the warmth I once felt with you.
“What were they like?” she then asked.
I suddenly do not know the answer.
(I am slowly forgetting you)
The poppies no longer grow in the tower,
The dreams mist upon morning light.
But even then, the poppies never lulled me.
I tell her I love her but that is a lie.
(I only loved her because she felt like you)
(I only loved her so you’ll never leave me)
I should have known she would have killed me,
My precious little Grief stabbed me in the heart.
But I thought she was just like you.
Then again….if all I knew was dreams….
How could I ever have known you?
(I only ever loved because of you)