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Maybe the universe is laughing at him, he thinks as he’s laying down next to the person his heart yearns for. After all, he was the one who suggested it.
“It’ll be fun, a-gent,” He’d said one afternoon at the NXX headquarters when no one was looking. He was leaning over Luke’s shoulder, lips dangerously close to his ear, and relishing in the way he saw Luke shiver. “I’ll take good care of you.”
Jokes on him, three hook-ups later and he’s already imagining what he would wear to the wedding. Of whose last name he’d be taking. (von Hagen is a mouthful, but it’s his family name. Maybe he can hyphenate?)
The problem was this: Marius had explicitly pointed out that no strings were attached. They could see other people, screw other people, and no one would catch feelings because it was a hassle. Luke had readily agreed to those terms as he explained them while eagerly trying to get out of his pants. Quick, easy, simple.
Only he had been the one to catch feeling and now he was afraid to ruin everything. Because of course he’s the one to break his own rules. The heart wants what it wants and all that sentimental bullcrap. Now he’s laying next to Luke after spending another night together. He’s wide awake, lamenting himself while his partner is dead to the world in dreamland.
Giann would’ve told him to go for it, even if it was he who set up the boundaries. But Giann was also stupidly optimistic and had been with his fiance since high school, so his opinion wouldn’t have counted for shit anyway.
He rolls over so that instead of laying on his back, he’s laying on his side to look at the object of his affection: Luke Pearce. Not the usual type of person he’d go for, but it makes sense that he would fall for someone like that. Luke felt… pure. He held nothing but pure intentions (even if that intention was fucking him to next Tuesday.) He’s not truthful, mask recognizes mask, but he has nothing but other people’s best interests at heart. He’s selfless to the core, always giving part of himself up with no expectation of payment in return. It’s admirable.
And also fucking aggravating. It’s why he doesn’t want to tell him. If he tells Luke about the wonderful feelings in his chest, about the fantasies that go on inside his little head, he knows Luke would say yes. He’s not stupid enough to dismiss the changes in Luke’s behavior and his people-reading skills have to be impeccable in the world he lives in. And that’s just the problem, isn’t it?
The world he lives in.
Luke is too good for them. He’s this beacon of light that brightens every single room he’s in. He’s afraid that if he does ask Luke to be with him, that light would be snuffed out by the pompous assholes in his world. Luke doesn’t deserve to deal with any of the things he deals with. It wouldn’t be fair to him.
He sighs, rolling back around and getting off the bed. As much as he wants to be selfish, he can’t. Maybe if he doesn’t see him, he won’t blurt out that he loves him the next time they spend any amount of time together.
Slipping into his boxers and then his pants, he makes his way over to the corner where both their shirts are. He doesn’t look at which one he picks up, he just puts one on, grabs his stuff, and walks out of the apartment. Luke deserves better than him, a bratty kid who’s more trouble than he’s worth.
He took everything, but he left a piece of his heart behind, like every other time.
The bed is cold when he wakes up.
Just this once, he would’ve liked it if he stayed. But that wasn’t in the deal, was it? The deal was the only reason why he was able to be this close to Marius. He was lucky to be this close anyway.
He wasn’t planning on doing anything about his growing feelings for Marius. His job was too dangerous, his time was too limited. He refused to get entangled in a mess of his own making and dragging someone as wonderful as Marius with him.
Until Marius asked him to spend the night. It wasn’t what he envisioned when he first started thinking about him. But his want, his need to be closer in any capacity won out. He foolishly thought that if he got it out of his system then maybe, just maybe, he could get over whatever was going on inside his chest.
It doesn’t fucking work.
For the first time in his life, Luke Pearce Wants. He wants to wake up with his arms around Marius. He wants to stare at the face he’s come to love in the glow of the morning light, to trace his features with his lips as a wake-up call. He wants to cook him breakfast, even if he’s sure he’ll burn it.
He’s not sure that Marius wants the same. Marius always leaves before morning, taking the heat of his body with him. Leaving the bed cold. The only thing that marks his presence is the wrinkles in the sheets he leaves behind.
He sighs, running his hand over the creases. Maybe he should keep it this way. It’s as good as it's gonna get.
Avoiding Luke is easy when they don’t have any cases. It’s easier when he finds out through his Missy that he had an NSB mission. It's incredibly fucking hard when he finds out that she’s with him tending to his wounds because he’s a stubborn asshole who says no to hospitals.
“ He’s delirious ,” she said over the phone. “ Something about toxins and traps. He’s been asking for you .”
It takes him all but two seconds to throw all of his plans out the window and head over to his apartment. So much for not seeing him.
He rushes first to the pharmacy to get the essentials: pain meds, bandages, reusable ice packs, and a first aid kit. He should’ve asked what his injuries were, but he was a little too preoccupied trying to order food to bring over too. Soup was good when one was sick, right?
The key to the apartment burns as he knocks. He knows he could use the key, but using it while Miss Attorney was there just felt weird.
“Oh, good,” She says once she opens the door. “You’re here. Come in.”
She all but yanks him inside, taking the bags from his hand and setting them on the table. “I gave him some painkillers a little over an hour ago so he’s not due for them yet. He won’t let me bandage a couple of scrapes on his thighs, so I leave those to you.”
“Missy, are you okay?” He asks, massaging his wrists. “You sound a little stressed.”
She sets down the soup containers a little harshly, “I just learned way too much about my best friend’s sex life from a delirium-induced babble, you could say I’m a little stressed. Actually, no. I’m not stressed, I’m pissed and confused.”
Marius wilts. “Pissed?”
“Yes, pissed! You two have been throwing goo-goo eyes at each other in meetings and I find out that you guys are just friends with benefits? Dude, everyone knows you like him and he likes you, you aren’t as sneaky as you think. Heck, even Artem noticed it. Artem! Why won’t you tell him you like him?”
“It’s not that simple.”
She narrows her eyes at him and suddenly he feels like he just shoved a foot in his mouth. “Tread real carefully, von Hagen. Those are my best friend’s feelings we’re talking about here.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s that I can’t . I… You know how I’m treated, you’ve seen it. I don’t want that for him. I want to protect him from this, you know? You know the story with Uncle Sheldon and his wife.”
They stay quiet for a second, just looking at each other. He wants to squirm under her gaze but he feels like if he does, he’s lost.
“You guys are literally the same type of stubborn, why am I not surprised,” She says, walking away from the table and up to him. She jabs her finger in his chest once, twice, three times.
“Talk to him. You’ll be surprised to find that he’s protecting you too.”
She leaves him there, making her way out of the apartment with a ‘take care of him’ lingering in the air. He makes his way over to the table, takes the first aid kit, and walks over to the bed.
Luke looked miserable. His face was flushed, sweat beading down his face along with beads of water from the cold compress on his head. His breathing was labored, quiet grunts of pain breaking the stillness of the apartment.
“Hey,” he whispered, hand moving to caress his cheek. Luke leaned into it and sighed. He was warm to the touch, nothing too bad but definitely fever material. He knew he ran colder than most, so the coldness of his hands was probably welcomed.
He cracked open an eye to look at him.
“Hey, you came.” He said, voice
“Well, you called.”
Luke gave him a small smile for a second before closing his eye and grimacing.
“What hurts? Can I help you with anything?”
He shakes his head, “I just have to wait this stupid thing out but it flares up sometimes.”
“What about your thighs? I was told you got hurt there.”
“Scratches from falling off my bike, I’m fine.”
Marius sighs, pulling the covers off of him. “Tell that to me when you’re not in agonizing pain, okay?”
He opens the first aid kit, pulling out the disinfecting wipes first. Luke was, thankfully, wearing shorts and…
“Is that my fucking shirt?” He asks, confused to see his signature ‘Sugar’ tank top on him. Marius may be taller than Luke, but Luke was broader , his shirt pulled taught across his chest. It left nothing to the imagination (not that he hadn’t already seen every inch of Luke anyways.)
“You stole mine first, asshole.”
“To be fair, it was pitch black and we were both wearing white shirts,” He replied, beginning to wipe down the scratches and wincing at the pained hisses Luke made. “I’m sorry, I know this hurts. I’ll try to be quick about it.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t wanna hurt you.”
Luke huffs in exasperation, “No, idiot. Why do you leave in the middle of the night? You can just wait until I kick you out like a normal person.”
Marius takes out the gauses from the first aid kit, placing them on the bigger scratches from the fall. “Same answer, I don't wanna hurt you.”
“I know how to take care of myself.”
He scoffs, pressing down just hard enough to get Luke to yelp in pain. “Uh-huh, sure. Real pro at doing that. Look at how not hurt you are.”
“You know, you have a funny way of showing you care,” Luke says, passing him over some medical tape to secure the gauses in place.
Marius smirks at him, “What? Don't like your Nurse Marius’ services?”
“Leaves something to be desired.”
“Ouch, straight to the heart,” He says, grasping at his chest. “You wound me! I guess I need some tending to myself!”
Luke chuckles, “You’re so fucking dramatic.”
“But you love me anyway.”
“Yeah, I do.”
Marius felt his entire body light up with fire. Luke… loved him? He had an inkling that his feelings towards him changed at some point, but love ? Him??
“I said that out loud, didn’t I?”
Marius nods.
“ Fuck. You know what? Ignore that. I’m drugged up and have no filter and this does not count as me confessing my feelings for you, nope not at all.” He grabs a pillow and puts it over his face. “Fucking stupid mind-altering drug.”
Marius chuckles, pulling the pillow out of Luke’s (surprisingly strong) grasp, pinning his hands to his sides so that there’s no way that he can cover his face. Luke refuses to look at him, closing his eyes and turning his head away from him.
“No, we’re not letting that go. You love me?”
Luke stays quiet for a couple of seconds before sighing, “I do, yeah. But you don’t.”
“What makes you say that?”
“The whole deal? How you never stay the night? We’re just fuck buddies.”
“I mean, yeah, but that’s because I thought this was what we both wanted. I didn’t know it had changed that much for you too.”
Luke turns to him, opening his eyes in surprise, “Too?”
He smiles sadly, “Yeah. But… I didn’t want to tell you.”
“Because of the deal?” He asks, shifting in his hold so that their fingers are intertwined.
“Kinda, but also because most of the people I’m surrounded by are assholes and I don’t want you to deal with that, ever. You deserve nothing but the best, and I don’t think I can give that to you.”
Luke laughs softly, “Marius, I fell in love with you , not anyone else. I won’t care what they say about me, I will only care about what you said about me.”
“But—”
“Was that all?”
Marius blinks, “What?”
“Was that all? Because I really want you to kiss me. And because I really want to be with you, through thick and thin. Nothing's gonna change that.”
He chuckles, pressing his forehead on the cold compress and giving him an Eskimo kiss, “You drive a hard bargain. Fine, you win. I’ll go out with you. But once you get better, you need rest and I’ll be here to nurse you back to health.”
“And you’ll stay until morning?”
“Luke, I don’t think you could keep me away if you tried.” He gives him a quick kiss before standing up. “So, I brought some food but I don’t know if you're up for that just yet.”
“Maybe later, I just want to sleep this stupid thing off.”
Marius nods and makes his way onto the bed again, this time at Luke’s side instead of on top of him. He pulls Luke into him, one hand securely on his waist while the other one made its way under the pillows. Luke snuggles into him, relishing in his cool skin.
It doesn’t take Luke that long to fall asleep. He’s already tired and he’s in the arms of his boyfriend (!!!)What more could he want?
When Luke wakes up in the morning, Marius is still asleep. Or, pretending to be asleep if his breathing pattern was any indication.
He inches forward, getting right in front of his face, and kisses the tip of his nose. He moves to his eyelids, his temple, then his forehead. He lets out a breath when he sees Marius’ frown.
“What, no good morning kiss?” He asks.
“I’m getting there,” He laughs, giving in and going straight for his lips. Marius hums into the kiss, pulling him closer by the waist.
“Good morning,” He says when they finally part.
Marius smiles at him, “Good morning. I could get used to this. How are you feeling?”
“Better, but hungry.”
“Well, let’s get some food in you. I’ll order some breakfast.”
Luke smiled at him and gave him another kiss. Yeah, he really could get used to this.