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Well, this suck, thinks Chikage.
Why did it decide to rain on the day he chose not to take his car? And of course, he left his umbrella on the back seat of the automobile. That is why he is now sitting at the bus stop like a complete idiot, waiting for the bus. Earlier, he would have simply called Sakyo and asked him to pick him up, but given their current “relationship,” he could not afford such a luxury.
Raindrops began to fall heavily on the roof of the bus stop. It's been dark outside for a long time, and not a single soul can be seen. A scenario like this makes Chikage realize how pitiful he is. It's Christmas Day, and he's not even in the mood. Not only did he have to work while Itaru’s ass was at home, but it was also the first Christmas he'd probably spend alone in a long time. Chikage has experienced loneliness before, but he is already accustomed to living in their dorm. He had not felt this sense of emptiness in a very long time.
“Oh my God, Chikage!”
That voice...Chikage looks in the direction of the noise and freezes when he recognizes the person standing next to him. Fuck. He was unlucky to come across Sakyo`s mother. He is sure that Sakyo himself must be nearby. He would never have sent his mother out alone in this weather. That is what he gets for recently avoiding Sakyo. Izumi had been correct all along. He could never escape him. He'd joke that they were soulmates, as Muku had called them while they were still together, but he wasn't in the mood for jokes.
A few seconds later Sakyo comes running. “Mom, can you please stay with me—” Sakyo pauses when he notices Chikage.
His mom doesn’t notice the awkward atmosphere that has developed around them and continues the talk, "Sakyo said that you had to be out of the country for a time due to your job. Are you finally back?"
Chikage gives an uneasy smile "I returned a few weeks ago. I'm trying to go back into my old routine."
Technically, he was not absent because of work. He had to sort things out with his complicated…past and make sure that nothing would stop him from enjoying his peaceful life in Mankai with Hisoka and others. Of course, some people were hurt, but no one should know about it, right?
Sakyo`s mother claps her hands, "Why don't you come visit us?"
Sakyo`s face is hidden by the umbrella, but Chikage doesn't need to see him to know that he's definitely against this idea. Who in their right mind would want to spend time with their ex? He decides to spare Sakyo from explanations.
“No, madam I–" he begins.
Sanyo's mother doesn't let him finish, "Sakyo probably misses his boyfriend. You haven't seen each other for so long. You have to spend more time together outside of the theater."
What?
Chikage is taken aback and opens his eyes wide. He notices how tightly Sakyo grips his umbrella in his palm. "He's just shy, you know how he is," Sakyo`s mom says quietly, pushing Sakyo's shoulder. Then she softly pulls her son towards Chicago, and he doesn't fight back. He does not, however, raise his eyes. Chikage is grateful to him for this because he isn't sure he can look into his eyes right now without revealing his real emotions.
Sakyo silently offers his hand to him, and Chicago accepts it without hesitation. Sakyo's touch is inviting and welcoming. Chikage responds by squeezing his hand, realizing how well Sakyo's hand fits in his. Sakyo pulls Chikage closer to him so he can shelter under his umbrella. Sanyo hands him an umbrella, which he accepts with his left hand. They have done it so many times that it's become a type of ritual for them. Chikage was the one who carried the umbrella because of his height, and Sakyo preferred to grab his hand and rest his head on his shoulder. Chikage gives a bitter smile. This time, though, that will not be the case.
At least that's what he thought.
Sakyo wraps both arms around Chikage's right arm and leans his head on his shoulder, causing the man to freeze. A simple action like this knocks the air out of Chicago's lungs. He hopes Sakyo doesn't notice how fast his heart is beating. He wants to laugh at how anxious he is around Sakyo, as if they haven't dated for three years.
Sakyo's mother beams at the two of them. She waves her hand and invites Chikage to join her, but Chikage can manage without her assistance. He can tell you exactly where Sakyo's home is and how to get there. He would be able to walk there with his eyes closed, as if the route was burnt into his brain.
The trip back home is quiet. He exchanges a few words with Sakyo's mother. Even though he and Sakyo don't say anything, he doesn't seem to be bothered. Sakyo only recently started talking with him like they used to before their breakup. Chikage doesn't want to get used to it because he knows Sakyo would rather die than accept him back into his life. Somewhere deep within his soul, he hopes that they can at least become good friends again.
Sakyo suddenly stops and immediately steps away from Chikage as they reach the house and Sakyo's mother vanishes from their view. Chikage doesn't even react. He'd been expecting it the entire time they'd been walking. He is even more startled that Sakyo has allowed herself to become so close to him. As if he still had the right to do so.
Chikage opens his mouth when the silence between them becomes too long, "Sakyo–"
"She doesn't know that we broke up," Sakyo interrupts him. "I couldn't tell her about it. It would just break her heart."
Just like you broke mine.
Sakyo looks into his eyes and whispers, "Please, pretend you're still my boyfriend for this night. I will tell her the truth later."
Chikage could refuse, say this is a stupid idea, say that they would be easily seen through, considering how awkward their relationship is now, but for some unknown reason, he could not squeeze out a word out of his mouth. He understands that this is stupid and that he will regret it, but...He doesn’t care. He would do anything to get Sakyo back, to go back in the past and change everything. But he knows it's impossible. However, with the whole "fake dating" thing he has a chance to be with Sakyo again. Even if this is only for one day, he will take this chance.
After a moment of silence, Chikage replies with a shrug, "Fine.”
Sakyo lets out a shaky sigh, "Thank you.”
Chikage takes Sakyo’s hand in his and leads him towards the house. There was no need for this move, but Chikage decided not to think about it much.
"How did you get wet?" Sakyo's mother questions as she approaches the two of them in the hallway. Chikage couldn't keep a soft smile on his face as Sakyo only snorted in response. He was foolish to leave Chicago without an umbrella when it was pouring fiercely outside. The woman looks at her son from head to toe and turns to Chikage, "Help him dry off, while I'll start the kettle to warm it up."
Sakyo makes a scandalous sound, "Mom! I'm a grown man, I don't need a babysitter!"
The woman just waves him off and winks at Chicago before leaving for the kitchen.
They are still as lively as ever.
Realizing that his opinion didn't matter here, Sakyo signs and signals Chicago to follow him to his room. Sanyo's room was small. There weren't many things in it, which is understandable. He spends the most of his time in the dorm, and everything that was essential to him was there. Chikage's gaze is drawn to a photograph of the Sakyo family and Chikage during a Christmas meal. Warmth runs through Chikage's body from the memories of that day. Sakyo flips this portrait around, as if noticing him staring at it. Chikage looks away and pretends to be looking about the room, but he doesn't see anything new. He is familiar with this room. They used to come here a lot to spend time together during Christmas holidays.
"Hmph, who does she think I am," Sakyo mutters to himself and starts unbuttoning his shirt. Chikage does not find the strength to turn away.
Sakyo catches his gaze, "What? Like what you see?"
"You know how much I love to look at you and your body", Chikage does not even want to lie.
Sakyo doesn't comment on his words, but Chikage notices a small blush on the older man's cheeks. He grins involuntarily. Years will pass, and Sakyo will still be embarrassed by such compliments. When Sakyo finishes undoing the buttons he stops and says, "Get out of the room".
"What? Do you think I don't remember what your naked body looks like?"
"T-that's not the point! We're not dating anymore, so you don't need to see me like this."
Chikage couldn't help but chuckle. They share a dorm and frequently visit the baths and saunas with the other guys. Chikage decides to listen to Sakyo and exits the room despite his poor excuse. He goes to the bathroom to get Sakyo's favorite towel to dry his hair. When he returns to the room, Sakyo has already changed into his home clothes and is sitting cross-legged on the floor. He was dressed casually in baggy gray slacks and a soft green hoodie. Chikage comes to a halt at the room's threshold.
Chikage blinks, "Isn't that my hoodie?"
Sakyo abruptly turns to him with wide eyes, "What?"
"This is my hoodie."
"No, it’s not!"
"I remember leaving it with you. It’s mine."
"You're just imagining things."
Chikage, too tired after work to argue, sighs. It is pointless to continue. It's obvious that Sakyo put on his hoodie without too much thought. Although the fact that he didn't get rid of his clothes warms Chikage's soul.
Chicago approaches Sakyo and squats down to be on the same level as his face. He throws a towel over the man's head and begins to gently wipe the water from his hair. Chikage didn't notice Sakyo closing his eyes right away. Sasuke groans with annoyance when he stops moving, but when he realizes what he has done, he turns his head away in embarrassment.
Chikage chuckles, "You like it, don't you?"
"Absolutely not," grumbles Sakyo and pulls Chikage's hand away from his head. Chicago immediately intertwines her fingers with Sakyo's. He hears Sakyo’s breath hitches. Sakyo looks up at the man and they stare at each other for an agonizing few seconds before his mother's voice from the kitchen brings them out of this trance.
"Boys, tea is ready!"
Chikage stands up, bringing Sakyo with him, unwillingly interrupting their staring contest. He doesn't fight back and even lets Chikage hold his hand on the walk to the living room.
When Sakyo's mother notices their joined hands, she can't help but say, "As always, you are glued together." Sakyo gives her an angry look, but she only chuckles. He knew she didn't intend it negatively, but her remarks still made him embarrassed. He is still not used to being affectionate with Chikage in front of his family. He releases Chikage's hand and places his own into his pocket.
Sakyo's stepfather shakes hands with Chikage, “Glad to see you again, Chikage. We've missed you.”
Chikage smiles, “I'm glad to see you too, sir.”
Sakyo is not interested in their pleasantries. His mind was preoccupied with how he was going to spend this evening with his ex. This could have been prevented if he had informed his mother right away about their breakup, but he was too busy and forgot. How could someone overlook something so important? Especially when he already spends so much time thinking about Chikage. He couldn't believe the "It will crush her heart" line worked on Chikage. Perhaps it would be easier to simply admit to Chikage that he had simply forgotten to tell the truth. This whole thing is unnecessary. Worst of all, he doesn't seem to mind. He wanted to spend time with Chikage, but his ego prevented him from taking the first step. In some ways, he should appreciate his mother for this opportunity.
“Honey, sit down at the table already and stop zoning out.”
Dinner was wonderful. Sakyo visibly relaxed, and the tension in the room disappeared. They were discussing everything and attempting to catch up on what they had missed while Chikage was away. They talked about what was going on in Chikage's life while he was away. He had to make up a story because he couldn't just tell them the truth. Sakyo, on the other hand, is unaware of the details, and Chikage doesn't believe he needs to be. He had never discussed his background outside of Mankai and had no plans to do so now.
He missed it. He missed Sakyo and his family. He'd only been gone for two months, but it felt like an eternity. He was happier just being near Sakyo than anything else. Even if he can't publicly express his feelings for him right now, he's grateful that Sakyo allows him to remain around. He's not sure how he'd exist without Sakyo. He never dreamed that after everything that had happened in his life, he would be able to get so attached to someone. He adores Mankai, especially Hisoka and Izumi, but Sakyo became a part of his heart. If Itaru heard him saying that, he would call him “cringe” for sure. Chikage could care less about something like that. He's head over heels in love with this man and he is proud of it. Chikage is simply grateful that he was allowed to be Sakyo's boyfriend again, even if only for one night. He could never have imagined such a thing. It truly was a Christmas miracle.
At some point, Chikage's watch beeps, telling him it's time to leave.
Chikage clears his throat, “Well, I have to go back now.”
“What? No way! I thought you were staying over!” Sakyo`s mom says, disappointed. She takes Chikage by the hand and looks at him with puppy dog eyes. They really look alike. When Sakyo gives him that look, he can't resist him, let alone his mother, to whom he has grown so close.
Chikage truly wants to stay. Yet he is fully aware that Sakyo will not allow him to do so. He's now a stranger in this house. What happened between them is already in the past, and no matter how hard he tries, he will not be able to undo it. He screwed up, and now he must live with the consequences of his actions. He isn't sorry for what he did, but he is sorry for hurting Sakyo.
Sakyo sighs loudly, “Stop disturbing him.”
The mother pouts her lips and says in a low voice, “I'm just worried about you.”
Chikage's expression darkened quickly, “Why? Is he being threatened? Did something happen while I was gone? Did he get into debt? Is there anything I can do to help?” Chikage's voice grew louder with each word. Sakyo's parents couldn't stop laughing because it was such a funny sight. Chikage realizes how ridiculous he appeared at the time and awkwardly adjusts his glasses on his face. He looks away so Sakyo wouldn't see his embarrassed expression. But Sakyo notices anyway. He can't deny that he was pleased to hear that Chikage still cares about him. Sakyo is well aware of Chikage's tendency for over-the-top protection. However, there is nothing to be worried about. He didn't need anyone's protection, certainly not from his ex-boyfriend. He's quite capable of taking care of himself. Who does this guy think he is anyway?
Mom senses that the mood in the room has shifted. She noticed something had happened between them right away, but she can't figure out what it was. Obviously, they have never been the most lovey dovey couple, but she feels like there is now a barrier between them. She can no longer stay away when two people close to her are in trouble. She must take matters into her own hands!
“You know,” she says, “Sakyo was really sad when you left.” Sakyo almost dropped the glass from his hands, “He looked like an unhappy cat who was abandoned on the street. He missed you so much!”
“Mom, don't you dare say another word!” Sakyo has rarely raised his voice for his mother. This helped to calm her hot fervor. She added softly, “I'm just telling the truth.”
Chikage didn't budge. He continued to stare at his plate. Sakyo felt miserable because of him. He could have guessed it earlier, but after it was said out loud, it finally dawned on him. He caused so much pain to the person he loves more than anything in the world. How can he hope to be trusted after that? No, trusting him was originally a bad idea—
“Hey,” Sakyo's voice brought him out of his thoughts. Chikage raised his head, meeting Sakyo's unexpectedly gentle gaze. He hadn't looked at him with such tenderness in a long time. “It doesn't matter what you're thinking right now–get it out of your head. All of this is already in the past. You are here now...with me.” Sakyo murmurs awkwardly, but a warm smile still appears on Chikage's face. He adores this man. He nodded gratefully and finally set aside the unlucky fork that had been in his hand for the past half hour. It's time for him to stop thinking about the past and what could have been. It is time to accept reality as it is and move on.
Mom gave the two of them a confused look, but decided to remain silent, otherwise Sakyo would soon burn her with his eyes. She did not always understand her son. He can appear distant one moment and sweet the next. He really behaves like a cat.
Chikage chooses to leave when the clock strikes nine o'clock in the evening. However, he had to endure Sakyo's mother nagging before she finally allowed him to go.
“I'm sorry about that. You know, she can be extremely annoying,” Sakyo decided to walk with Chikage to the gate of the house. There was no need for that, but he wanted to spend more time with him.
Chikage laughs in response. “It's okay. I'm already used to it.”
They froze as soon as they reached the gate, afraid of breaking what they had managed to build this evening. No one wanted to depart.
"You're going to catch a cold," Sakyo says to break the silence. He removes his scarf and wraps it over Chikage's neck. "That's much better." Chikage tries hard not to think about Sakyo's hands, which are now resting on his chest. He can feel his touch even through a layer of clothing and it scares him.
He notices the Sakyo's family peering at them from the window out of the corner of his eye. Sakyo was aware of that too, “They're looking at us, aren't they?”. Chikage only nods briefly. He's afraid of scaring Sakyo away, afraid that whatever is happening right now might stop. He doubts that he will be able to survive if Sakyo pulls away now. He wants to kiss him. He doesn't care what the Sakyo family thinks of him. He wants to taste those lips again. He wants Sakyo to be his again. But that's not possible. Not right now, at least. When Sakyo is still picking up the pieces of his broken heart.
“You can kiss me,” Sakyo suddenly says. “You're still pretending to be my boyfriend, remember? You can kiss me. We will pretend that nothing happened.”
What on earth is he talking about? It is wrong on every level! They are no longer a couple, and he can't just ask Chikage for such things, but he couldn't stop thinking about it all evening. It's difficult for him to pretend he doesn't care. And if he gets a chance to taste Chikage's lips, he should take it. Even if it makes him look pathetic. He notices Chikage's worried expression. He's probably wondering if this is a good idea. Sakyo isn't stupid; he knows Chikage wants the same thing. He would not have asked him if he hadn't.
Chikage finally responds, “Alright.”
“Great.”
“Yes.”
Sakyo closes his eyes in anticipation. He raises his head slightly to allow Chikage to kiss him. Chikage loves this Sakyo habit. He approaches Sakyo's face carefully and stops just a few centimeters from the man's lips. They are breathing into each other's mouths. Sakyo closes the gap first. Chikage's mind explodes, and he pounces on Sakyo's lips. Sakyo squeaks quietly but does not pull away. He drags Chikage closer to him by the neck, as if scared that if he lets go, he will vanish. He missed kissing Chikage, his touch, and him. Chikage pulls away first and Sakyo groans, immediately missing his touch. A blush appears on his cheeks as he realizes what he has just done.
Chikage turns away and awkwardly coughs into his fist, “I really have to go.”
Sakyo blushes even more, “Yes, I'm sorry.” He finally moves away from Chicago to a safe distance.
Chikage has to physically force himself to turn around and walk away. Before turning the corner, he stops. “Sakyo" he calls gently.
Sakyo's heart freezes for a moment, “Yeah?”
“Merry Christmas.”
Sakyo cannot help but smile stupidly, “Merry Christmas to you too.”
None of them has the courage to cross the gap between them yet, but the first step has been taken, and the rest is up to time.