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Steve
When Steve takes the plane down, he’s scared, as anyone would be. Peggy’s voice doesn’t help, it just makes him feel guilty. There was a point, when she walked into that bar, when he thought, maybe, just maybe he could live the life she wanted. Then, Steve remembered his mother’s words, “Don’t live like everyone expects you to, live your life, your way.”
As the water comes rushing in, Steve doesn’t feel it because he’s unconscious on the bulkhead. It will be years before he has to face the issues in his heart. He watched his friends and knew that some of them weren’t ‘normal,’ but that never bothered him. He wanted to protect them and did his best. Especially, in the army where that could have gotten them blue-carded and sent home to god-only-knows what.
Dying isn’t the part that scared him, not being there to protect his friends was.
Bucky
“Rebecca Bethany Barnes!” Becca never likes it when her father yells her name like that. “What do you think you’re doing?”
They’re in the department store and Becca is only six. She’s in the boys’ department gathering up clothes to try on for school. “You said to get clothes.” Her voice is shy and weak.
“Put those down. You are a girl and should be over with your mother, trying on dresses!” Dropping the clothes to the floor, Becca heads over to where her mother is, with tears in her eyes.
Lying in bed that night, she knows that the boy’s clothes are what she should be wearing, but doesn’t understand what that means. Looking out of her window, she lays on her side, staring at the streetlight. “Someday, I’ll be able to wear what I want.”
This is the life that she knows.
When she’s nineteen, Becca brings home a boy for the first time. They meet in one of her college classes and he’s harmless. Nothing about him stands out, there’s nothing special about him. He’s attractive enough and is just normal enough for her parents to love. They do and within six months, Becca’s mother, Winifred, is planning a wedding. She acts the way her parents and Brice expect her to act.
It’s a nightmare from start to finish and ends with an incredibly awkward wedding night. Becca’s never been with anyone because something always seemed wrong about it. On her wedding night, she finds out what that wrongness is. She likes men, thinks they’re attractive, but when Brice is on top of her, slipping into her body, everything in her rejects the things she’s supposed to be feeling.
Afterwards, Brice is sleeping soundly, and Becca goes into the bathroom and throws up. Looking in the mirror, down at her body, Becca throws up again. “This is wrong.” She still doesn’t know what that means, but it’s as true as it was when she was six.
Rinsing her face, she goes back to bed and hopes she can get through this honeymoon without throwing up on Brice. Lying in the dark, Becca grasps for a name for this feeling, but nothing comes. For a brief second, she wonders if she’s a lesbian, but the idea of being with a woman isn’t appealing. She thinks women are beautiful, but not in a sexual way.
In the morning, she takes a good long look at herself in the mirror. Brice comes in before she’s dressed, slipping his arms around her from behind. The natural thing would be to lean back into his embrace, but she can’t bring herself to do it. “Hey, babe, how are you this morning? Are you sore from last night?”
The previous night flashes in her mind, and Becca thinks she might be sick again. “Uh...yeah, a little.”
Brice kisses her neck, making her shiver, but not for the reason he thinks. “Let’s just see the sights today and if you’re still sore tonight, we’ll just watch a movie. I don’t want to hurt you.”
He knows that she was a virgin before their wedding, and he’s being very sweet. Nodding, he climbs in the shower and Becca goes to get dressed. Looking in the dresser mirror, she takes a deep breath. “I have to make this work. I can’t be any more of a disappointment than I already am.”
That’s how Becca lives her life. For ten years, she stays married to Brice and they have two sons. She works at a restaurant as the general manager, loving what she’s doing, but wishing for her own place. That’s always been her dream, no matter how she feels about herself, she’s always wanted a restaurant of her own. She, Brice and the boys have Sunday dinners with her parents, after sitting through church, and every Sunday evening, Becca showers and cries. Recently, the crying has gotten so bad, and Brice tries to get her to talk about it, but she doesn’t know what to say.
After the divorce, her youngest comes to her, holding up a dress that his best friend, Maggie, gave him. “Mommy, can I wear this?”
For just a second, Becca almost lets her father’s words come out of her mouth, but stops herself. Smiling, she kneels. “Of course, you can.” She helps him take off his shorts and t-shirt, allowing him to step into the dress. It’s one of those Disney princess dresses that Becca is sure Maggie got for her birthday. “Let’s see how you look.”
Going to the mirror, the smile that her son gives her is luminescent. “I look good!”
“Yes, you do.” He goes skipping off and Becca sits on the end of her bed, in their tiny apartment, and cries. Her oldest watches from the doorway as his brother skips by, longing on his face.
She’s not aware that her oldest son has come in until he sits on the end of the bed. “Mom, what’s wrong?”
He takes her hand, squeezing in support. “Sometimes, I just have to cry.”
She leaves it at that, but when it happens almost every day, and that darkness pulls at her heart, Becca knows there’s something more happening. She doesn’t start therapy until she’s in the shower one night and starts to cry: deep, ragged, sobs. The tears won’t stop and when a fleeting thought of ending her life overwhelms her, Becca decides that she needs help.
She starts therapy the following week.
Steve
Waking in a new century hasn’t been easy on Steve. He’s met a team that he doesn’t understand, or trust, and everything now is so bright and loud. Everyone is in everyone else’s business, posting about all manner of things that Steve doesn’t understand. Why would anyone care what someone else is eating for lunch? It makes no sense.
Today, he’s checking out the old neighborhood. He’s fought aliens, fought SHIELD, and he wants a little down time. The old neighborhood is nothing like he remembers. After coming out of the ice, he didn’t come down here. He was always questioned if he’s visited where he grew up, but he wasn’t ready. This place should hold the memories of his mother and the life they had, but it doesn’t feel the same.
Today he’s ready.
He finds a quaint little bakery, smirking to himself. It wasn’t here, in Steve’s day, but whoever owns it, wants people to think it was. Everything, from the fixtures to the little bell above the door, speak of a simpler time. “Hi, what can I get you?” The guy behind the counter looks Steve up and down. “Just so you know, if you’re looking for some fancy coffee-like drink, we don’t do that here. It’s black or cream and sugar.”
Steve snorts. “That’s fine by me, pal. I don’t even understand the menu at any of those other places.”
Clapping his hands together, the man rubs them. “Well, now you’re a man I can serve with pleasure then.” The man is handsome, with blue eyes, high cheekbones, and his hair pulled up into a half-bun. He looks like the kind of guy that would work at one of those other coffee places, but there’s also something in his eyes. Steve can’t place what it is.
Steve orders a sandwich and coffee, watching as the man works on the food. Two younger women come out of the kitchen. They can’t be older than late teens, early twenties. “Hey Dad, where’s the butter we ordered for the brioche?”
The other girl leans against the counter, checking the order that her dad is fixing. Seeing the coffee, she goes to pour it. “I put it in the fridge. It probably got pushed to the back.” He heads over to the table, smiling. “Your order is up.”
“Thanks, I appreciate it.” The man heads back to the counter, kissing each of the girls on the cheek, then shoos them back into the kitchen.
“Hey now! Just because we’re women doesn’t mean we belong in the kitchen!” The man freezes and Steve holds his breath.
Turning on his heels, the man cocks an eyebrow at the girls and smirks. “I’m shooing my beautiful daughters into the kitchen because you bake better than I do. I put the plates together and stay out of your way.”
Steve chuckles quietly to himself and watches as the girls go back into the kitchen. The man behind the counter starts wiping things down and Steve knows he’ll come back here again. As Steve heads down the sidewalk, he looks up at the sign. He’s intrigued by the name of the café: This Is Me.
Bucky
Captain America came into his café today and Bucky’s still trying to wrap his head around it. He’s never been seen in Redhook. Everyone knows that’s where he grew up, but for whatever reason, Captain Rogers never came home. Bucky gives a dry chuckle because it’s not home for Steve Rogers anymore, the place he remembers is gone and all that’s left is what happened after.
“Dad?” Bucky wraps a towel around his waist and goes to open the bedroom door.
“What’s up, kiddo?” Chloe is still in college, working on a master's degree, but chose to live at home, saying it was cheaper that way. It isn’t that they don’t have money, the café does well, but they’ve always been a support system for each other. Also, Bucky is viewed, by Chloe’s friends, as the cool dad.
Bucky doesn’t treat them like kids because in his mind, they are far wiser than their years. If not for them, he never would have found himself. The fact that his girls want to be at home, want to be with him, is uplifting. They share a love and respect that some people, maybe most people, don’t completely understand.
“My friends and I are going out for dinner. Did you want me to bring anything back for you and Stasi?” Smiling, he leans in, kissing his daughter’s cheek. She’s a born caretaker.
“No, you go have fun. I was going to whip something up with the leftovers I brought home.” Most everything goes to the local shelter for LGBTQ youth, but occasionally, Bucky will bring something home too. She nods, but just stands there, looking at him for a few extra seconds. “What?”
Shaking her head, Chloe lowers her eyes, blushing. “Have a mentioned lately that you’re the best dad ever?”
Furrowing his brow, Bucky cocks his head to the side, in question. “No?” Smirking, he laughs. “Is there something you want?”
Chloe laughs too and Stasi comes around the corner. “What’s going on?”
“Your sister just told me I’m the best dad ever.” Stasi snorts and Bucky grins. As close as they are, their personalities are completely different. Stasi loves giving her sister a hard time and Chloe uses her sarcastic wit to get to her little sister.
“Oh, and has she mentioned that she wants to go out this Saturday with her group of wannabe cool kids?” Chloe turns, glaring at her sister, making Bucky laugh harder.
“I knew that compliment wasn’t for nothing.” Stasi comes into the room, hugging him.
“But you are the best dad ever.” Chloe smacks her sister in the arm, and Stasi sticks her tongue out.
“Dad, I was going to ask later, but I really did mean what I said.” Bucky leans in again and kisses her cheek.
“I appreciate your vote of confidence and yes, you can go out this weekend.” Stasi makes a disbelieving noise, mouth open, staring at her father.
“Don’t worry, I was going to take you to see that movie you’ve been wanting to see.” Stasi jumps around, doing a happy dance, grabbing her sister’s hands and making her join in. “Now, go and let me get dressed.”
Both
A few mornings later, after the rush dies down, the bell above the door dings and Bucky looks up to find Steve Rogers in his café again. “Well, you must have really enjoyed that black coffee.”
Steve laughs, going to the counter. “It was good coffee, and the food isn’t bad either.”
“I’ll be sure to let my daughters know, since they do the menu.” Steve places his order, then goes to the same table.
As he’s waiting, the door opens again. Bucky looks up and what he sees has his shoulders tensing. The older woman comes to the counter and slams her purse down. Steve’s within seconds of jumping to the man’s defense. “Rebecca Barnes, you need to call your mother and apologize immediately for missing her birthday!”
Steve’s confused now because there’s no Rebecca around. Unless the guy’s parents saddled him with a, normally, feminine name, which would have made his childhood difficult. “Aunt Eleanor, I’ve told you repeatedly that my name is James Buchanan Barnes, not Rebecca.”
The woman rolls her eyes, making the man’s face harden into a hateful glare. “It doesn’t matter what you want to call yourself, you’re always going to be Rebecca and a girl!”
Steve does stand up at that. He doesn’t know much about this situation, but he does know that this woman has crossed a line. Before he can step in, he sees a warning glare from the man behind the counter. Taking his seat again, Steve has to clinch his fists. “Aunt Eleanor, I want you to turn around and get the fuck out of my café. Mom didn’t want me at the party, and you damned well know it, so take your self-righteous indignation somewhere where people will care because it ain’t here!”
In a huff, the woman leaves the café and Steve can’t help smiling. His food is brought to the table, but Steve waits before he starts eating. Watching the man, he knows that whatever just happened will take time to get over. Steve’s problem is he’d like to chase the lady down and punch her, which he knows is wrong. His Ma made sure of that, but it doesn’t take the desire away.
The man comes back over, refilling Steve’s coffee mug. “I’m sorry you had to witness that.” The words are soft, but not weak. There’s also an edge that might be a bit of a challenge. Steve understands that he’s usually judged by his original time period and the common beliefs back then, not by who he always was and still is.
“Don’t apologize for standing up for yourself. I did it enough times as a kid.” Steve gives a half-smile, hoping to relax the man’s defensive stance. “And I got my ass kicked more than I can count for it too.”
The man, James, cracks a smile. “At least I didn’t have to punch her.” Steve barks with laughter making the man’s smile wider.
“I thought about going after her for you and doin it.” It’s Bucky’s turn to laugh. The man starts to give an explanation, but Steve waves it off. “You don’t owe me anything and especially a story you probably don’t want to tell a stranger.”
Bucky’s head bobs up and down, then he offers his hand. “I’m James Barnes, but my friends call me Bucky.”
Steve stands, taking the offered hand. “I’m Steve Rogers and I don’t have any friends.”
Bucky tries not to laugh, but can’t help it. “That’s the saddest thing I’ve ever heard, Steve. You need to get out more.”
“I thought I was out.” Steve tries to give a mock confused look, but Bucky doesn’t buy it. “No, but really, I don’t really have anyone that I would consider a friend.”
“So, those people that you take with you when you save the world, they aren’t your friends?” Sitting back down, Steve smirks with a shake of his head.
“They’re a good team, don’t get me wrong, but they believed the hype and not the reality.” Bucky nods like he’s thinking about what Steve just said, then sits across from the super soldier.
“Well, I think you just made a friend.” Bucky doesn’t stay at the table, but he does come back to check on Steve more than necessary, chatting here and there between customers. Steve ends up staying longer than he anticipated.
Steve’s in the café again when Chloe comes in, fuming and visibly shaking. “Dad!” Bucky comes from the kitchen, seeing his daughter angry enough to cry, which she does.
Cupping her face, Bucky examines her closely. “Sweet Girl, what’s wrong?”
“Grandma called me as I was leaving my psychology class, yelling about her birthday, then trying to get me to agree to come to Christmas and bring Stasi.” Her bottom lip trembles. “She told me that I wasn’t supposed to tell you because she didn’t want to see your ‘hideous face.’”
Bucky just chuckles and pulls his daughter into a hug. “Oh, my sweet girl, you know I don’t care what she says about me anymore. You and Stasi can go if you want though. You know I don’t mind.”
Stasi comes out of the back and Steve sees what this family really shares. Bucky’s youngest goes to his oldest, joining the hug. “Okay, who upset you, so I can go and kick their ass.”
Chloe laughs through her tears. “Grandma.”
“Oh, well hell yeah, I can definitely kick her ass. She’s given me plenty of reasons.” Even Steve can’t hold in the laugh. In the few months that he’s been coming here, which is almost every day, he’s seen the girls snipe at each other, like siblings, but the minute anyone crosses either of them, they’ll burn the world to fix it. There’s always pride in Bucky’s face when those times happen. Steve can also see that Bucky has to hold himself back sometimes and let them find their own solution. It’s hard as a parent not to fix everything that goes wrong and to step back when it’s a lesson that your kids have to learn on their own.
“There will be no kicking of anyone’s ass, Anastasia.” Stasi pouts, but there’s a gleam in her eyes. Bucky puts his hands on his hips, giving her a serious look. “I’m not kidding. If you kick her ass, who do you think she’ll call?”
Chloe hugs them both again. “Yeah, please don’t put Dad through that. He’s been through enough.”
Steve really wants to ask, but he’s not sure that he and Bucky are actually good enough friends to ask about family matters. There are a lot of questions that Steve would like to ask. He’s been doing reading and researching based off what little information he knows. He’d like to get confirmation, but, again, doesn’t want to overstep.
After the girls go into the office to do homework, Bucky comes over, refilling Steve’s mug. Like he can read Steve’s mind, he sits the pot down. “Why don’t you ask the questions you’re wondering about?”
Steve gives a half shrug. “Because I don’t want to speak out of turn.”
Flopping into the chair across from Steve, Bucky smiles and it’s genuine. “Just ask, Steve. I’d rather you ask, than assume anything.”
Sitting back in his chair, Steve gets his thoughts in order. “Okay, based on what I heard your aunt say, you’re transgender?”
“I am.” He’s saying it with confidence that Steve admires. Looking up, Bucky sees his daughters standing in the office door, smiling.
“We are too.” Steve’s head shoots up, not having heard them come back out.
“I’m sorry if I’m offending any of you. It’s just all new to me.” He gets nods and the girls join them at the table.
“It’s okay, Steve, really. I don’t mind talking about it and if you ask something that’s out of place, we’ll tell you.” Stasi looks over at her sister and suddenly Bucky sees his girls with that same wisdom they had for him over ten years ago.
“All three of you are?” They all nod, smiling at his shock.
“Why do you seem so surprised?” Bucky can see the wheels turning in Steve’s brain and can almost hear his next question, so he jumps forward. “I was married once and carried both of them. They knew before I did what was different about all three of us.”
A customer comes in and Bucky gets up to help them. Steve watches him walk to the counter and shakes his head. “What?”
Looking back, Steve says what he’s thinking to Stasi’s question. “I don’t see it.” Chloe bumps Stasi’s shoulder. “In any of you.” Steve looks at the girls and they’re just beautiful. Chloe’s hair is long, auburns waves, she’s got big green eyes and a clear pale complexion. Stasi’s hair is dirty blond, shaved on one side and long down her back. Her eyes are hazel, accented with charcoal liner and long eyelashes. Steve looks back at Bucky with his strong jaw, blue eyes and high cheekbones. “I guess I thought...” He’s not sure about what he’s going to say, so he stops.
“You thought you’d be able to tell?” Steve nods and finds that he’s embarrassed by that. “Steve, the fact that you can’t is a compliment for us.”
“Plus, that just means that we have really good doctors.” The girls start to giggle, and Steve can’t help the laughter that bellows out of him. “You see, Steve, for transgender people, we know there’s something wrong, but when we’re little, we don’t have a word for it. We learned the word before Dad did and once we explained how we were feeling, he understood because he’d been that way his whole life.”
Looking back over, Steve watches how Bucky chats and smiles with the customer, then a deep sadness washes over him. When he looks back at the girls, there are tears threatening to fall. Both girls reach over, each taking one of his hands. “What?”
“It must have been so hard for all of you.” The girls tear up at Steve’s innate kindness.
“Worse for him, than for us. His parents beat him down so much that just admitting it to himself took years. For us, we had Dad, and he was always supportive. No one else was, but he always was.” They look over as Bucky heads back to the table.
“Why does everyone look upset? What did I miss?” He sits next to Steve, trying to determine what this turn of emotions is.
“Steve was just saying that he doesn’t see it.” Bucky looks confused, so Stasi explains. “He can’t see where the wrong bodies were.”
“Ah.” Bucky bobs his head, then looks at Steve. “I knew when I was little, five or six, that something was very wrong. I didn’t have a word for it until Stasi told me in late elementary school that she’s transgender. She knew and understood. When I asked her to explain, everything I’d felt my whole life made sense.” Reaching across the table, Bucky takes his daughters’ hands. “You have to understand, Steve, I spent most of my life marching to someone else’s drum. I’m marching to my own now.” He looks over at his new friend. “This is me.” Steve suddenly understands why the café is named what it is.
Steve
Because Steve’s life can’t be simple, it never has been, the Avengers team starts to notice him not spending as much time training or at the Tower for briefings. At first, they just think he’s trying to get to know the city again, but Tony starts to get curious. And when Tony gets curious, people usually have their privacy invaded.
Steve walks into This Is Me and finds Tony sitting in the back, watching. His jaw sets and his shoulders tense, Steve even jumps when Bucky puts a hand on his shoulder. “Whoa, Steve, it’s just me.” He immediately relaxes into the touch. “He’s been here all morning. Came in with the morning rush and never left.” Steve looks at Bucky, ready with an apology. “Any idea what this is about?”
“Yeah, I know what it’s about and it’s about to stop.” Heading to the back table, Steve squares his shoulders.
“Oh, you just went all Captain America with the shoulders. Am I in trouble, Cap?” Tony says it mockingly, so when Steve grabs him by the shirt, hauling him towards the door, Tony is surprised, to say the least.
“Get out and stay out! This isn’t for you or any of the others, this is mine!” He moves Tony out the door. “Tell anyone else that thinks about coming here that I’ll make them sorry they even thought about it!” It’s said through clinched teeth and Steve watches as Tony gets into his car and speeds away. Steve knows this isn’t over, far from it, but for now, he wants to keep his new friends safe from unwanted attention. Turning back to Bucky, he flushes with embarrassment. “I’m sorry, Bucky. I never meant...”
Bucky comes over, wrapping Steve in a hug. “It’s okay. Everything’s okay.”
Steve clings to Bucky, holding on to the only good thing that’s happened since the ice. Taking a shaky breath, Steve offers his own truth to what Bucky’s given him. “Everything is so cold now. This place is the only warmth I’ve felt in a long time.”
Pulling him closer, Bucky listens to the hitch in Steve’s breathing. “Ssssshhhh, Stevie, I got ya. This is your safe space. Whoever you want to be, you can be here.”
“Don’t let go, Buck. I think I might drown if you do.” The door opens and Chloe comes in, bickering with Stasi. When they see Steve and their Dad, the sniping stops and they join the hug.
“We don’t know what’s going on, but we want in on the hugs.” Steve gives a wet laugh. They break apart, but Bucky cups Steve’s cheeks, giving a nod. It’s a question and Steve answers with his own nod.
“Someone is going to tell us what that was about, yeah?” Bucky looks at his youngest.
“Tony Stark came in this morning and wouldn’t leave. Steve made him.” That's as much as they say.
Steve stays all day. He gets an alert that the Avengers have a briefing, but turns his phone off and ignores it. For the first time ever, Steve Rogers comes first, Captain America doesn’t get to make the call. He watches the girls in the kitchen. He watches Bucky with his customers, he has lunch and when they close up, Steve follows Bucky and the girls home.
Chloe and Stasi are in bed, leaving Steve and Bucky sitting on the sofa with a glass of wine. “You know, this stuff doesn’t do anything to me. I kinda wish it did sometimes. All the benefits and galas I have to go to, would be better if I could get tipsy.”
Chuckling, Bucky adds more to his glass, then Steve’s. “That might be a nice problem to have. Better than having a hangover.”
Steve’s rolling the glass between his hands, staring at the liquid as it coats the inside. “Bucky, how did you find the strength to change your entire life?”
“I didn’t do anything different than you did.” Steve starts to argue that point, but Bucky plows forward. “You let a scientist experiment on you, changing you from everything you knew and understood, to what you became.”
“But I was still Steve Rogers after.” Taking a drink, Bucky nods as he swallows.
“That’s true, but this is who I was always meant to be. I was never...Rebecca.” The pause tells Steve that just saying it is hard. “She’s dead now and I’m here.” Even though the words are affirming, Steve wonders at the strength it took for Bucky to go against everyone to find himself.
“I’m glad you’re here.” Taking another sip, Steve desperately wishes he could feel the effects of the alcohol.
There’s silence and Steve thinks it might be time to go, but then Bucky starts talking quietly. They’ve created a bubble of safety and Bucky doesn’t want to disturb that. “After I divorced their other dad, I almost killed myself.” Steve’s head jerks over, anguish in his eyes. “Yeah, so I started going to therapy. I knew that I couldn’t leave them in this world without me to protect them. I started my transition a little over ten years ago and never looked back. When the girls got to the right age, I had them in therapy too. I paid out of pocket for their transitions. It was rough, financially, but I wasn’t going to let them down.”
“What about you?” Watching his girls go through transition and still living in the wrong body must have been excruciating.
“When their surgeries were done, then I started mine. Luckily, my insurance paid for some of it.” He gets a melancholy smile on his face and Steve’s transfixed. “The first time I went without a shirt, I can’t even explain how that felt.”
Steve’s quiet huff has Bucky watching him closely. “Before Project Rebirth, I never took my shirt off where anyone could see, not even me. After I came out of that machine, people were always touching me. I felt like a piece of meat that everyone thought they owned.”
Bucky slides down the sofa, putting an arm around Steve. “You and me, kid. We are a pair.” Steve snorts and then giggles low. “Seriously, I spent my life looking in a mirror that someone else was holding up. When I look in the mirror now, I can finally smile.”
“You deserve everything good.” Steve looks down the hallway. “Those girls do too.”
There’s more silence, but this time, Steve doesn’t think it’s an invitation for him to leave. “You really aren’t curious about us before?”
There’s a noise that comes out of Steve, kind of a laugh, kind of a sigh. “You’re the best person I know, and this is who you are.”
“For someone from a time long past, you are a surprise.”
Steve wakes up the next morning, still on the sofa, but his shoes are gone, and he’s covered by a blanket. There’s quiet conversation coming from the kitchen. By the voices, he knows that it’s Chloe and Stasi. “Grandma called again. I checked the message this morning and she’s trying to get us to come to a function at her church.”
Chloe says it with a certain inflection in her voice and Steve’s immediately on alert. Stasi curses, then adds, “We both know what that means. It’s another of those intervention groups.”
“Oh, I know. I sent her a text and told her that we were busy.” The anger Steve feels bubbles over and he has to clinch his fists to stop from yelling something that isn’t his business. In his research, he read about families trying to stop people from transitioning or from coming out at all. He knows that’s what this is about, but Bucky’s family doesn’t seem to understand that it’s past time for them to stop anything. It makes it even worse, since it means that they want the girls to feel regret for their choice.
“Are you going to tell Dad?” There’s a pause.
“We tell him everything, so yeah, I’m going to tell him.”
“He’s going to go through the roof.”
“Yep, and we’re going to let him. He’s earned the right to be mad.” Steve can’t believe that he’s been blessed enough to meet this family and be accepted by them. Bucky did an incredible job raising the girls and somewhere out there is another man that must have something good in him that he didn’t stand in Chloe and Stasi’s way when they wanted to transition. Brice might not have been right for Bucky, but he must also love his girls.
“How did you choose your name?” Steve’s in the café again, watching as Bucky cleans out the coffee machine.
He turns, smirking at Steve. “What? I don’t look like a James to you?”
“Smartass.” Steve rolls his eyes. “You look like a Bucky to me.”
Turning around, Bucky rests his hands on the counter. “It was actually easy. Barnes is my family name, Buchanan was my grandfather's middle name and James was the name of one of my therapists. He’s the one that finally made me see who I was always meant to be.”
“You don’t mind me asking questions, do you? There’s only so much I can learn on the internet.” Bucky laughs and turns back to the machine.
“I don’t mind you asking me anything.” For just under a year, Steve’s been sharing this friendship with Bucky and during that time, he doesn’t think he’s ever had a better friend.
“Can I tell you something?” Bucky looks back over his shoulder, nodding. “I’ve never told anyone this.” It seems serious enough that Bucky comes over, leaning over the counter, giving Steve his full attention. “There were a couple of guys, two of the Commandos, that were a couple. The only thing that bothered me about taking the plane down was that there wouldn’t be anyone to protect them, like I did.”
Bucky just stares at him and Steve wonders what’s going through his mind. “So, you never had an issue with people that were...different?”
“I guess I just figured that everyone was, is, exactly who they are supposed to be, and they know better than someone on the outside making judgements.” That brilliant smile that Bucky gets on his face is spectacular and Steve wants to see him smile like that all the time.
“You are one in a million, Steve Rogers.” The new pot of coffee is done, and Bucky pours a cup for himself and Steve.
Bucky helps a few customers that come in for a late lunch, then comes back over to Steve. He can tell that Steve has another question, so he quirks an eyebrow in challenge. Steve huffs. “Your ex, Brice, he must be an okay guy if he didn’t try to stop the girls from transitioning.”
Immediately, Steve can see an array of complicated emotions cross Bucky’s face. He blows out a deep breath, not looking at Steve. “This is a much deeper conversation than I thought we’d be having.”
“I’m sorry, you don’t have to...” Bucky holds up his hand to stop Steve’s words.
“It’s okay.” He comes around the counter, sitting next to Steve. “See, at first, he was supportive. He wanted the girls to be happy. Then he met a woman, they started dating. It turned serious, which was fine, until she started trying to change the girls’ minds about what they knew was right for them.” He looks over at Steve, sadness in his eyes. “See, Steve, Brice was okay, nonthreatening, but he can be influenced by others. The new wife’s beliefs became Brice’s beliefs. His supportive nature gave way to trying to bully the girls into second-guessing themselves. They don’t have much contact with him anymore.”
“Jesus, Buck, I’m sorry.” Bucky’s sad chuckle is all Steve needs to hear to understand the toll this has taken on his friend.
“I can’t change anyone’s mind about what’s right. I can only support my girls. Brice is the loser in this situation because he doesn’t get to know what amazing people they are now.”
It’s Stasi’s birthday and instead of wanting to go out anywhere fancy, she wants a picnic in the park. Bucky, of course, planned for weeks, preparing food for days and making sure that all of Stasi’s friends were available. Steve helps him set up the food and blankets while the girls are playing a game of frisbee. There are supposed to be points, somehow earned in a way that Steve doesn’t understand, but it’s quickly devolved into running after each other and trying to steal the frisbee.
“DAD! Help!” Stasi’s been tackled by her sister and Bucky strips off his shirt, running out to help.
Steve watches as he takes the frisbee and throws it towards one of the teams. Chloe’s pouting at her dad and Stasi jumps back into the game. Taking the initiative, Steve keeps working on the food and lets Bucky have his fun with his girls and their friends. There are presents from everyone, stacked on one of the blankets and Steve wonders what he would have been like if he’d had friends like this, way back when.
“What’s got you in deep thought?” Turning, he sees Bucky grinning, but with trepidation in his eyes.
Steve notices the scars on this chest, but he’s more distracted by the man’s chest overall. He’s sculpted, not like Steve, but then who is. No, Bucky’s sculpted muscles give him the body of a swimmer or runner. He’s striking and for the first time, Steve sees something he didn’t see before. Then, because Bucky is his friend, he brushes that thought away. “Oh,...uh...I was thinking what might have been different about my life is I’d had friends like this.”
They sit on one of the blankets, Steve still unpacking food and Bucky laying down, sunning himself. “Well, what do you think would have changed?”
Steve thinks for a minute, considering the question. He looks over at the kids, still playing, and smiles. “I don’t think I would have been as shy as I was.”
Bucky opens one eye. “You? Shy?”
“Bucky, no one thinks that I’m shy, but that’s because they believe that nothing scares Captain America. Steve has anxiety issues with new people.” Turning his head, Bucky looks Steve in the eye.
“You weren’t shy with me the first time we met.” Steve bobs his head, having thought about that too.
“Well, yeah, but you put me at ease straight away. Not many people talk to me like a friend the first time I meet them.” Bucky barks with laughter and closes his eyes again.
“I insulted your possible coffee likes and dislikes, Steve.” While setting out the last of the food, Steve takes a minute to look at Bucky. He scans the man’s body, finding it appealing. He’s lucky to have this friendship in his life and no matter how attractive he finds Bucky, Steve’s not one to mess up a good thing when he has it.
Later that night, when the girls and all of their friends head out to see a movie, Steve helps Bucky get everything home. They’ve put away the leftover food and put all of Stasi’s gifts in her room, when Bucky heads into the kitchen for a beer. “I’m bringing you a beer, so sit down. We have something to talk about.”
Steve takes a seat on the sofa, when Bucky comes into the room, handing over the beer. “What do we need to talk about? Everything okay?”
Bucky plops himself on the other end of the sofa, pops the top on his beer, and smiles as he takes a drink. “Yeah, I need to talk about how you were looking at me at the park. I know the scars are still noticeable, but you seemed too interested in them. Tell me what’s going on, Steve.”
The man must have some kind of second sight because Steve’s sure Bucky’s eyes were closed at the park. He also realizes the message his staring might have sent, and he needs to fix that. “I wasn’t staring at your scars.” That wasn’t exactly how he meant to say it, but sometimes Steve’s mouth gets him into trouble.
“Oh, then what was all that attention about?” Bucky seems genuinely curious now, and maybe a little concerned.
“Buck, it was nothing. I promise.” Pursing his lips, Bucky slips down the sofa, so he’s right next to Steve. Then, his hand is on Steve’s leg and suddenly, Steve isn’t sure he’s going to be able to hide what he’s thinking. His eyes have always been expressive, and this time is no different.
Bucky’s searching his friends face when he sees it. “Oh...OH...” Getting up, Bucky crosses the room and Steve prepares the best apology he’s ever made, but the exclamation is followed by, “You like me.” Bucky turns, face incredulous. “Steve, you like me?”
Standing, Steve figures if he’s this far into this mess, he might as well go all in. “Yeah, Buck, I like you. It doesn’t have to affect our friendship. I can keep it...you know...to myself.” They’ve never actually talked about romantic preferences, so this might be something that can hurt Steve. No one ever asked about Steve’s sexual ideals, and he never volunteered that information. Stories were already written about it, and Steve just let everyone believe what they wanted. Bucky never said anything about dating and Steve didn’t think to ask.
Bucky’s waving his arms around, shaking his head. “Wait, wait, wait, you really like me.” Steve just nods dumbly and hopes for the best. “You? Steve Rogers, the best guy I know, you like me ?” Steve nods again. “And you don’t have a problem with...”
Before Bucky can say the dumb thing he’s about to say, Steve curses under his breath and goes to the man. Wrapping his arms around the strongest man he’s ever met, Steve whispers, “You should not finish that sentence because it might piss me off and then I wouldn’t do this.” Bucky’s reaction gives Steve the indication that it might not be unwanted.
Bucky sucks in a sharp breath as Steve leans in. Their lips meet and Steve won’t deny or be embarrassed by the fact that he moans into it. For nearly a year they’ve built a solid friendship, and this just feels like the next logical step. Bucky clings to Steve’s broad shoulders, not sure if he’s trying to move himself closer or if he’s trying to pull Steve closer. When Steve lifts his lips away from Bucky’s, he reaches up, caressing Bucky’s cheek.
“You really do like me.” Steve has to snort at the dazed words coming from his best friend.
“Yeah, I do. You are the best man I know, and I’ve been lucky to be your friend. Now, I’d like to be more. If that’s what you want too.” Steve’s hand doesn’t leave Bucky’s face as he searches Bucky’s eyes for an answer.
“Yeah, Steve, I want that. I thought I was the only one that was feeling something bigger.” Shaking his head, Steve chuckles.
“Thank you.” Bucky looks up, confused.
“For what?” Steve blushes, lowering his eyes.
“For being brave enough to ask.” Bucky’s laughter fills the apartment as they sit down again, making out like they’ve wanted to for months.
Steve wakes in the morning and he’s covered by a blanket, but under the blanket with him is Bucky. His face soft in sleep and Steve lets himself stare. Bucky’s half on the sofa and half on Steve with his head on Steve’s chest. The wrinkles at the corners of his eyes are smoothed out. Steve knows those wrinkles, present or not. He’s memorized every contour of Bucky’s face. He adores those wrinkles because nothing is better than Bucky smiling. But right now, nothing is better than Bucky in sleep.
Steve moves his hand, gently framing Bucky’s face with it. Taking time to caress the rough morning stubble. Stasi’s voice startles him, but, luckily, he doesn’t jerk too much and wake Bucky. “This is a new development.”
Looking up, Steve smiles because he can’t help himself. “Yeah.” He searches her face for any issues she might have. “That isn’t a problem, is it?” It’s a genuine question with genuine concern about her feelings.
Chloe comes out of the kitchen, handing her sister a cup of coffee. Wrapping her arm around her little sister, Chloe smiles. “No, Steve, this isn’t a problem, but before you go and announce anything to the world, you need to make sure Dad understands what he’s getting into.”
“How are you two so wise?” Both girls giggle and Bucky starts to wake, rubbing his face in Steve’s shirt.
“We’re wise because we had to grow up a little faster.” Stasi leans her head on her sister’s shoulder. “Being transgender means not everyone accepts us, so we had to learn things and grow a thick skin to the hate.” Chloe nods down at her dad. “He helped us do that and to understand that supported or not by people out there,” she motions towards the door, “we still have the right to be who we were meant to be.”
Bucky raises his head, first, smiling at Steve, then second, looking over at his daughters. “What’s everyone doing up so early on a Sunday morning?”
Stasi laughs, leaning over to kiss her dad’s cheek. “We’re up because we’re hungry and the guy that usually makes us breakfast is still wallowing around on the sofa with his boyfriend.”
Steve’s face brightens at the term. “I like the way that sounds.”
Pushing up, using Steve a leverage, Bucky heads towards the kitchen. “Well, I’m going to get myself and my boyfriend coffee, then I’ll think about breakfast.” The girls turn on the TV and Steve gets up to go after Bucky. Slipping up behind him, he wraps his arms around Bucky’s waist and kisses his neck. He gets a hum and does it again. “That okay with you?”
Steve can hear the hesitation in Bucky’s voice. “That is more than okay with me.” Bucky turns in his arms and offers Steve his coffee. “How much of that did you hear?”
“All of it.” Bucky smiles over the edge of his cup.
“They’re right. We should talk about what it will mean when people find out.” Bucky nods, but doesn’t seem overly concerned. “What are your thoughts on that?”
“Fuck’em.” Steve’s silent for a second, then laughs. “What we do in our private life isn’t anyone’s business.”
It brings other issues up for Steve. “Yeah, but as Captain America, I don’t really have a private life. Everyone is always taking pictures of me and making judgements about my life.”
Bucky sniggers, shaking his head in disbelief. “Steve, baby, I’ve been living with people judging my life for a decade or more. What people say to me or about me isn’t my concern. They’re feelings don’t have anything to do with me.” Steve is in awe of this man who is more well-adjusted than Steve. “Bring’em on, buddy.”
Steve leaves Bucky’s apartment Sunday evening and knows that he’s going to have to deal with some of this head on. He’s not let the team into his private life because he doesn’t want them expressing opinions that are invasive. Now, he’s got to think about Bucky and the girls. He’s not sure who to go to first, so he does the one thing he wishes he didn’t have to do: he goes to Tony’s lab.
When the lab door opens, Steve sees Tony working on something that looks to be a new suit. “You don’t have enough of those already?”
Looking up, Tony doesn’t smile, but Steve can see curiosity. “Everything can be improved on, Cap.”
Hanging his head, Steve needs to talk, not as Cap, but as Steve. Looking back at the man that has never had anything kind to say, Steve tries a different approach. “Tony, I need to talk to you about something personal and for that, I need you to call me Steve.”
Getting up from the stool he’s on, Tony narrows his eyes. He’s definitely interested in whatever this might be. “Okay, I’ll do my best with that.”
Steve sits down on the other stool, hands clasped between his legs. “I need advice on public opinion and how to keep it from getting too invasive to protect certain people.”
“That does sound interesting.” Tony plops back on the stool, staring at Steve. “You have my full attention...Steve.”
“I’ve started dating someone, someone with kids, and I want to protect them from...everything to do with that shield and what it means.” Tony gets up, pacing around. “I know that you don’t care what the media says about you, but you do care what they say about the people you care about.”
“Damn right I do.” Putting all the pieces together, Tony stops pacing and stares at Steve. “This is the guy from the café, isn’t it?” Not looking up, Steve nods. “You’re gay?”
Nodding, Steve makes eye contact. “Yeah, I am. I didn’t bother contradicting anyone’s beliefs until now.” Standing, Steve sees Tony working through things in his head. “But I won’t hide myself and I won’t pretend for everyone else’s comfort.” Bucky and the girls have given him a strength that he didn’t' know that he had.
Tony smirks, but instead of it being malicious, there’s pride in it. “Good for you, Ca...Steve. You shouldn’t have to hide and anyone that has something negative to say, will be taking on Stark Industries and the Avengers.”
“There’s more to it than that.” Tony sits again. Steve starts to pace. Before he left Bucky, he explained that he was going to have to get help dealing with the media and Bucky gave him permission to tell Tony the truth. The girls also gave approval, so Steve isn’t sharing secrets out of turn. “Bucky, the guy I’m dating, and his girls, are all transgender and haven’t had the easiest time with family about transitioning. I don’t know how to keep them safe from what might come out.”
Tony seems to be fuming. “It’s no one’s business about any of that and I hope you asked them before you shared that with me!”
“Of course, I did, Tony. I wouldn’t share someone else’s story!” Tony nods, seemingly satisfied that Steve knew the right way to do this. “Can you help me?”
Tony huffs a laugh, shaking his head. “As long as you don’t throw me out of the café again. I really liked that coffee, and the food is excellent.”
Steve barks a laugh. “I think we can make that work. It is really good coffee.”
That’s how Tony Stark finds himself in This Is Me with bowls and plates in front of him. “Now, this one is the green chili that I make, and it goes with the cornbread.” Tony’s been taste-testing everything that Chloe and Stasi have on hand. He’s having the time of his life talking with the girls and eating food. They’re grounded and smart, things that Tony can appreciate.
Chloe comes out of the kitchen, another plate in hand. “This is our cheeseburger.” Tony stops with a bite halfway to his mouth.
“Gimme!” Steve’s sitting at the counter with Bucky, enjoying how the girls are trying to feed Tony until he says uncle. He bites into the cheeseburger, closing his eyes and humming. “Oh my god! Rogers, you will be seeing me here every day for this.”
Steve snorts and Bucky leans in, kissing him. “I’m never getting that man out of my café.”
“No, but he’s good to have as an ally.” The café door opens and Happy comes in.
“Mr. Stark, you have...whoa, is that a cheeseburger.” He pulls the chair out across from Tony, who hands the burger over. Happy takes a bite and his eyes roll back in his head.
“Uh oh, we lost the voice of reason to the cheeseburger, Bucky.” The girls come over, giggling.
“It’s kinda sad that Iron Man can be taken out with a cheeseburger.” Steve snorts again, but knows that if they have Tony on their side, things will be okay. He’s a pain in the ass, but he knows how to get things done.
“Captain Rogers!” Steve came out on stage and the press have been yelling at him since he sat down behind the microphone. A few days prior, Steve used the official Avengers account and came out to the world. He didn’t look at any comments because Bucky’s right and other peoples’ feelings don’t have anything to do with him.
Steve holds up his hand and the press starts to sit. “I’m not here to answer your questions, I’m here to make a statement, then I’m done.” They sit in stunned silence because Captain America has never made a statement and when he does answer questions, he doesn’t always sound self-assured. So, the fact that he’s here at all tells the press that he’s not messing around. “There’s no one in this room or anywhere, really, that can understand my life. Stories were told about me, stories that have nothing to do with me. Going into the ice decades ago, people assumed I was dead, hell, even I believed that I would die.” Steve chuckles, thinking about that day. “I didn’t do any of this,” he waves at his body, “to be a hero. I did it because it was the right thing to do. Then, I wake up, decades later and find out that people have made me out to be something I wasn’t.” He looks down at the paper he’s holding, sitting it aside. “It was so easy to make me out to be something bigger than life because I was dead. I never wanted that.”
Steve looks over to the side of the stage, behind a wall that the press can’t see around, and smiles at Bucky and the girls. They insisted that they were going to be here for this. Bucky mouths, “You got this” and Steve’s smile brightens.
“I never wanted to be a hero. I never wanted to be bigger than life, but because it was believed, I thought I had to. I tried to be what everyone believed me to be, but I’m tired. I’m so tired of living up to everyone else’s expectations and not living my life.” He doesn’t even look at the cameras as he continues because he’s not doing this for anyone, but himself. “I think I earned the right to live my life. I gave my life, such as it was, for this country and the world, then I came out of the ice and kept giving. When is it enough?”
Someone in the crowd speaks quietly, but Steve can hear them. “It’s enough.”
He gives a half smile and continues talking. “I think it’s enough too. I don’t want to stop helping, I want to stay with the Avengers, but I want something that makes it all worth it too. Like most of you, I want to go home, strip away the day and have someone there that lets me just be Steve. All I ask, all I want, is to protect the person that I choose to be with from everyone thinking they’re owed my life cause of my job. I don’t owe anyone anything. But I do owe myself something. I owe myself the life I never got to have. I need this and you have the power to make this my only statement or to invade a life that you have no business being part of. If I’m in uniform, fine, I’ll answer your questions about the team or the mission, but if I’m not in uniform, please leave me alone so I can finally have what I deserve.”
A few hands go up and Steve calls on the woman that spoke earlier. “Captain, I know you said that you wouldn’t take questions and I want to respect that, but I would like clarification on one thing.” Steve nods, suspecting he knows what this is. “Are you involved with someone?”
“I am and he’s everything I’ve ever wanted. Please let me enjoy what that’s like.” Getting up, Steve heads off stage, walking into Bucky’s arms.
“You did good.” Looking up, Bucky smiles with such pride and Steve can’t help but kiss him. The girls come over, hugging Steve too. “Do you think it will do any good?”
Steve gives a half-shrug and looks sad. “I don’t know. Maybe.”
Tony comes over, clapping Steve on the shoulder. “I’ve got your back on this. I’m going to set up security at both of your homes, the café, and JARVIS will be on constant standby. If anyone tries anything, they’ll have the full force of the Avengers coming down on their heads.”
Steve’s been trying to get in touch with Bucky all day. He went by the café and was told by Chloe that her dad left to run an errand and hasn’t been back. Panic sets in and Steve calls Tony. Tony has JARVIS start searching through every surveillance system in the city. The week prior, pictures of Steve and Bucky had shown up on social media. Most taken by people on the street. Steve’s press conference seemed to have given the press something to think about, but they can’t help if someone at the park takes a candid shot.
Still on the phone with Tony, Steve waits for something, anything so that he can relax. JARVIS finally chimes in. ‘Sir, I believe I have found Mr. Barnes.’ He sends the coordinates to Steve’s phone and he’s out the door.
The coordinates are at the waterfront, which is strange. In the middle of the day, Bucky is always at the café. When Steve sees him, Bucky’s sitting on a bench, just staring at the water. Getting closer, so not to startle him, Steve quietly calls his name. “Buck?”
When he turns, tears are streaming down his face. He tries to cover quickly, but not quick enough. “Steve...oh...uh...hey. What are you doing here? How did you find me?”
Sliding onto the bench, next to his boyfriend, Steve eases his arm around Bucky, pulling him closer. “What’s going on, Buck?”
A broken sob comes out and Steve turns, so he can pull Bucky into his arms. “Ran into my mother.” That’s all Steve needs to know. He just holds the man, letting him cry.
“I guess I don’t have to ask how that went.” Bucky pulls away, getting up and pacing towards the water.
He’s gone from upset to angry and Steve lets him. He sees no reason that Bucky shouldn’t get angry and accept those feelings. When he turns back, his face is pure rage. “She had the nerve to tell me that I corrupted you into thinking that some girl, trying to be a man, was okay.”
Steve shoots up off the bench, his own head filling with fury. “What the fuck does she know about anything!” Bucky comes to him, framing Steve’s face with his strong hands. Seeing how angry Steve is, calms Bucky some. Steve takes Bucky’s hands in his own, holding them tightly. “You are a man, Buck, the best man I know. You’ve got to know that.”
Nodding, Bucky doesn’t speak. He’s trying hard to swallow around the lump in his throat. “I know that, but it doesn’t change the fact that she still knows what to say to make my dysphoria skyrocket.” He looks back at the water, but doesn’t pull away from Steve. “I don’t even remember walking here.”
“We can stay here a little longer is you want.” Steve wants to help, to fix it, but he knows that he can’t. There are some battles that Steve isn’t equipped for and even though he’s read everything he can about being transgender, he doesn’t live it every day like Bucky.
“No, I think I want to get back to my life and put this where it belongs.” He snorts at Steve’s next words.
“You mean in the trash.” Leaning up, he kisses Steve, lingering a little longer. If anything is going to help him through a tough day, it’s Steve.
“Yeah, in the trash.” As they make their way back towards the café, Bucky squeezes Steve’s hand. “I don’t want to tell the girls about this. I mean, I will, just not right now. I’m not ready to talk about it again.”
“It’s okay, Bucky. You take your time, they’ll understand.” When they arrive back, Bucky comes through the door and Stasi throws herself into his arms. Chloe stands back, examining her dad.
They don’t ask anything. Somehow, they just know. Chloe hugs her dad too. “You, okay?”
Bucky tightens his arms. “I will be.” Later that night, he does tell them what happened.
That night, while lying in bed, Steve’s gaze is drawn to Bucky’s chest. He takes in the scars and the defined muscles, his gaze travels to Bucky’s shoulders and down his arms, ending at his hands with long, artistic fingers. Reaching over, Steve hesitates before touching Bucky. Looking up, he sees Bucky watching him. Giving Steve a nod, granting permission to touch.
“You can touch me anyway you want, Steve.” Steve’s hand lands on Bucky’s chest, softly tracing the dips and curves.
“Whatever your family thinks, it doesn’t matter. I see you, Buck.” Tears gather in Bucky’s eyes, watching how Steve looks at him and touches him with reverence. “I fell in love with you .”
“Steve?” He’s tried so hard not to overwhelm their new relationship, but Steve can’t hold it in anymore.
“Maybe it’s too soon to say that, but I know my own heart.” Looking up, locking gazes with Bucky, Steve gives a shy smile. “It belongs to you now. I hope that’s okay.”
Bucky takes Steve’s hand, still resting on his chest, and links their fingers together. “Yeah, Steve, it’s okay.” Bucky sighs, almost like he’s building up the strength to say it back. “I love you too. I think I have since you sat with Chloe and Stasi, so curious and willing to ask about things you didn’t understand. Many people don’t ask, they just assume they understand, but everyone’s story is different, experiences are different, and you were willing to learn.”
Steve rolls onto his side, arm under his head, staring at Bucky. “Your story matters to me. The girls’ story matters to me because I love all of you and want to know you . Protecting all three of you feels like it’s more important than my job.”
Bucky rolls too, grinning at Steve. “You don’t have to protect us, but I love that you want to.” Reaching out, he runs a hand over Steve’s chest. “I am curious about something.” Steve’s eyebrow raises in question. “We’ve been together for a few months, and we sleep in the same bed most nights.” Realization dawns on Steve’s face, when he knows where this is going. “You’ve never tried anything...you know...sexual. I want to understand why.”
Leaning in, Steve gives Bucky a gentle kiss. “I’d never push you for something you aren’t ready for. I decided to wait until you told me you were ready. I got the impression, from what you told me, that you haven’t been with anyone since your marriage.” Bucky nods, blushing. “I just think we have a lot to talk about before we try something like that. I need to know how to be with you without hurting you or making you feel like you gotta throw up after.”
Bucky chuckles. “Well, the difference is, we can be together because I want to be and not because someone else told me how I’m supposed to feel about it.” Taking Steve’s hand, Bucky places it on his chest again. “Do you want to have sex with me, Steve?”
It’s Steve’s turn to blush. “Yeah, I do.” Bucky grins and rolls on top of Steve. They get lost in shared kisses.
The girls walk into the kitchen the following morning, finding their dad and Steve making out by the stove. There’s something different, but they can’t put their finger on it until Steve reaches up. The way he touches their dad’s cheek is new, there’s something about the touch that’s intimate, meant for just the two of them. Looking at each other, the girls flush with this new knowledge. This is what happiness looks like and no one deserves it more than their dad.
“Morning.” The two men look over, disoriented look of wonder on their faces. “Everyone doing okay this morning?”
It’s Chloe’s way of asking if her father is okay without putting him on the spot. “Yeah, everyone is good.”
The two men wrap the girls in their arms, holding onto this found and built family. “Steve?”
Looking down, Steve smiles warmly at Stasi. “Yeah?”
“You’re staying, right?” It’s a question that could mean something as simple as staying for breakfast, but Steve knows what she’s asking.
He looks into Bucky’s eyes and pours all his love into his next word. “Always.”