Chapter Text
He rests a shaky hand on the bedside table. Trying his hardest to keep steady. He hated this, these violent palpitations, it felt horrible. He never understood why either. Why his chest felt like an rapid strained motor. Beating at an uncomfortable fast rhythm, in an almost painful manner. Hands trembling, sounds being louder than they should. It hurt to move, every movement was daunting and disorienting.
*Lay down*
*I need to lay down*
Quivering, he tries to walk the few steps over to his bed, yet it feels too difficult to do. Figuring that he wouldn't get there like this, he tried to push himself off the small table, deciding launching himself would do better. It'd hurt, but he get there sooner. With a raspy breath, Heart shifts his body weight on his arm, before hurling himself unto his mattress. He takes in a sharp breath, feeling his shin collide with the bed's wooden frame. His body shakes in pain as he falls into the puffy blankets laying along his bed. He lays, unmoving, afraid of making the pain worse.
He wants it to stop. The pain that stays in his throat, his lungs, his heart. He's tired of it. Unable to subside the feeling. The shaking makes it worse, the constant moving. But he can't stop it, he won't stop moving. He wants it over.
His face is wet, he realizes. He doesn't remember when he started crying but he doesn't care to know. Though now, the crying fit he's in, it only makes the shaking worse. His head starts becoming too loud now. He wasn't that used to any form of headaches, it was never his problem. He hopes its just the pain overloading him, and nothing else. He'd hate for the pain to transfer over to Mind or, god forbid, Whole. He knows this could be affecting him already, he'd hate it if his own pathetic issues would make it worse on him.
*Pathetic*
That's what he's being right now isn't he? Mind would surely think so.
"We all have our own pressing matters, Heart. Next time, come up with a better excuse or at least an actual issue"
It's stupid. All of this is stupid. Nonsensical pain that does nothing other than making everything worse. We were all doing better recently, so why this? Why now? It isn't fair. None of this is. The shaking, the pain, the fights, the loop. It's horrible is what it is. Unjust.
Maybe he should just suck it up. He's not the only one here. Why does he think he deserves better treatment? Maybe Mind would be right, he's just being dramatic, craving for attention. Maybe he needs to shut the fuck up and just go on with it. Just exist without a complaint, like everyone else.
Heart lets out an angry, painful groan as he begins to sit up. He stands up trembling, the slight pain in his leg, reminds him of earlier.
Can't believe he couldn't even lay down properly. Bruised his damn leg over such trivial issues.
With quaking steps, he makes his way over to his door. Hand grazing across the wall, for both stability as well as to find his way. He usually didn't need to use the wall to navigate, Heart knew his room well enough without the aid. The pain, however, kept him from properly laying out the way in his head.
Slowly, he makes it in front of the door, swaying while he faces the way. His breathing is louder and rougher now, since attempting to hobble over while keeping himself up right. Despite not being able to see it, he knows the room is spinning. He can feel it. He ignores it, hoping if he doesn't think about it, it'll just go away. Just like he does with everything else. It never works but he tries. He tries to ignore what he has and hasn't said. Tries to forget the actions he's done. Then, trying to push away those thoughts, those memories. Trying to forget the light. The knockback. The ringing. The pain. He tries to stable himself. He tries to slower his breathing. He tries to move his hand off the wall and at the very least, rest it on the door. He tries to stop the spinning. He tries to stop himself from collapsing. He tries to catch himself. But he can't. He tries, he tried and he failed. His shoulder slams into the other wall, his head bouncing off it, before falling to the ground.
He's laying along the wall. Crying even more so than before. Shaking from the pain that he now feels in his entire upper body.
*Pathetic*
Is all he tells himself. The word repeats seemingly endlessly, sitting there helplessly.
He's tired.