Chapter Text
Chapter 1
Hollyleaf
Snow came quickly during Leaf-bare. Thick flakes drifted down from the sky blanketing everything they touched, leaving the forest under a white cover. The air was thick and frigid, making it hard to breathe. Hollyleaf laid at the entrance of the former keeper’s cave. She watched as heavy flakes drifted from the sky. Her whiskers twitched, shaking a few flakes away. The wind whipped through the camp, like a lonely wolf howling; stirring up the snow causing them to dance in a tornado-like spiral. Hollyleaf shut her eyes tightly as the freezing wind burned her face. When she opened her eyes again, the hunting patrol had come through the thorn tunnel. The patrol had set out early in the morning and were now just returning as the sun began to creep below the horizon. Hollyleaf’s stomach sank as she noticed how they had returned empty pawed. She swallowed hard, as her eyes caught Lionblaze’s who had been on the patrol. His amber eyes were sunken slightly with exhaustion. Hollyleaf rose to her paws, walking deeper into the cave trying to disappear into the shadows.
This is all my fault.
Hollyleaf walked through the camp, her bedding dangling from her jaws.
“Are you changing your bedding already? I thought you just replaced it.” A familiar mew called behind her. Hollyleaf spun around nervously to see her brother Lionblaze.
“I-I’m not…I mean I did. I-I’m moving it.” She mewed. Lionblaze tilted his head confused. “To the ke-to the cave.” Lionblaze blinked in shock.
“Why in the name of Starclan are you doing that? You’ll freeze to death in there by yourself!” he mewed worriedly.
“I don’t want to stay in the warrior's den. Not by them. Besides, no cat wants me there anyways. I’ve seen how they look at me.” Hollyleaf explained. It wasn’t the entire reason, but it was part of it. Lionblaze’s shoulders sagged, and Hollyleaf stiffened ready to argue with her brother.
“If-If that’s what you want and what you think is best.” he mewed his voice faltering slightly.
“It is.”
“Hollyleaf, I know that everyone is upset with you right now, but that doesn’t mean..that they want you gone.” Lionblaze mews trying to reassure her. Hollyleaf doesn’t believe him.
“I just need some time away ok?”
Lionblaze lets out a weary sigh.
“At least, let me get you some extra moss so you don’t freeze to death.”
Hollyleaf lets out a weary purr, allowing for the compromise.
Hollyleaf setted her nest up in the cave with her brother’s help. When night fell, Lionblaze wasn’t wrong. The cave was freezing even with the extra moss and bedding. Hollyleaf shivered, curling herself into the tightest ball she could.
It’s alright….I deserve this.
With no warrior duties, Hollyleaf would spend her time watching the clan from the safety of her cave. She never dared to leave her cave during the day time. When she did she could feel her clanmates judging eyes boring holes into her pelt. Their whispering voices raked across her like a pair of sharp claws, making her want to tear her ears off just to make it stop. While being in contact with her clanmates was bad enough, it didn’t compare to the emotional, anxiety, nausea induced rainfall that came with seeing Squirrelflight, Leafpool or Brambleclaw.
So Hollyleaf didn’t leave her cave. At least not during the day time. During the night, while all her other clanmates were asleep, she would venture out into camp, to make dirt, stretch her legs or eat. She became a living shadow within Thunderclan. With Thunderclan struggling to survive, not too many cats took notice of her new particular patterns either.
“Jayfeather, can I speak to you?” Dustpelt’s familiar voice caught Hollyleaf’s attention. She opened her eyes, looking up across camp. She saw Dustpelt standing in front of her brother.
“What's wrong, Dustpelt?” Jayfeather asked.
“It’s Ferncloud. Daisy says she’s been having trouble sleeping. She says that she’s been crying out in the night, about Ash. She…she’s just very inconsolable right now about what happened. I didn’t know if you could give her something to help her.” Dustpelt mewed, his voice thick with sadness.
Jayfeather’s ears fell against his head.
“I can give her some poppy seeds to help her sleep, but that’s it. I’m afraid I don’t have anything to help with grief.”
Hollyleaf felt her belly twist with knots, making her feel sick. She shut her eyes tight, covering her nose with her tail.
It’s all my fault Ferncloud is suffering
Day after day hunting patrols came back with little to no prey. Thunderclan was starving. Hollyleaf watched as her clanmates began to thin. Their bones started to poke out under their winter coat like thorns on a thick bush. Longtail and Mousefur came out of retirement from being elders to join hunting patrols to help. Eventually, Ferncloud joined in as well, leaving Daisypetal, Millie and Whitewing to look after the kits.
Hollyleaf left her cave one night, her stomach growling. She padded over to the Fresh-kill pile, which was little more than a robin or two and an old mouse. She stared at it as guilt began to twist around her heart like a vine.
This is all my fault…If I hadn’t spoken at that Gathering we would have kept our agreement with Windclan. We wouldn’t be starving. Elders and queens wouldn’t have to hunt.
Hollyleaf turned away from the pile, walking back to her cave.
This is all my fault. I don’t deserve to eat.
“Hollyleaf, Firestar wants to speak to us.” Lionblaze mewed. Hollyleaf opened her eyes and let out a nervous yawn.
“About what?” she asked, her fur standing on end. Lionblaze shrugged.
“I don’t know, but I know it’s important. Come on.” He mewed encouragingly. Hollyleaf slowly rose to her paws and followed after her brother. The two littermates padded their way up the path to their leader’s den. Hollyleaf blinked in surprise when she found Jayfeather sitting inside already with Firestar.
“You’ve finally made it. Take a seat.” Firestar instructed with a wave of his tail. Hollyleaf looked at her leader nervously, before sitting next to her brothers. Firestar paced in front of the three for a moment.
“I…I…Starclan this all sounded better in my head.” The leader began struggling to find his words. Hollyleaf tilted her head, confused. “I’ve been watching you three all these seasons and I’ve noticed things. Jayfeather, you can slip into other cats' dreams, not every medicine cat can do that. Lionblaze I’ve watched you charge into battle. You’re not just brave, but you’re completely without fear. As if you know you’re completely safe, that no mortal cat can hurt you,” Firestar explained. Hollyleaf felt her heartbeat quicken. Firestar turned his gaze towards her. “And you Hollyleaf…the things that happened at that gathering, I know you were behind more of it than just telling the truth.” Firestar drew in a long breath and spoke the words that had been hanging in the air. “I know you are the three.”
Hollyleaf held her breath.
“How long have you known?” Jayfeather asked, his tail twitching; questioning. There was a tension in his voice.
“Not for long. At first I thought the three were Squirrelflight, Leafpool and Cloudtail, but then nothing happened. Then you three were born and for a while I was certain. But as you got older my certainty began to falter as Hollyleaf did not seem to have the same talent as you did. That is until..” Hollyleaf cut him off.
“Until the gathering.” She mewed her voice faltering to a whisper.
Firestar nodded.
“Yes, until the gathering. So what exactly is your power Hollyleaf? I don’t think any of those cats gave up their secrets willingly”
Hollyleaf drew in a deep breath.
“I can control other cats to some extent, but it doesn’t matter because I’m never using my powers ever again!”
Her brothers’ eyes grew wide.
“What are you talking about Hollyleaf? You’re one of the three of course you’re gonna use your power!” Lionblaze cried.
“No! Never again! I don’t deserve to be one of the three! I abused my power and made everything worse! Starclan should just strip me of my powers and give them to somebody else!” Hollyleaf howled. Firestar raised his tail, silencing the three.
“How much did you use your power and what exactly did you do?” Firestar asked questioningly.
“I…I used it a lot. I used it on you to have you make me Keeper of the code. I used it on Onestar to make the territory deal and I used it on almost all the cats at the gathering.” Hollyleaf confessed, her heart sinking with the weight of what she had done. Firestar stared at her his eyes wide, before lowering his head.
“I always felt like that idea wasn’t mine somehow. It’s alright, what happened was partially my fault. I should have been guiding you three from birth, which is why I wanted to talk to you. From now on I wish to be your prophecy mentor.” Firestar mewed.
“Prophecy mentor? What in the name of Starclan are you talking about?” Jayfeather grumbled.
“At first I thought you three would be able to find your destinies on your own. However, after recent events I realize now that your powers are unlike anything else in the forest and… I want to help guide you in order to have the prophecy fulfilled and to keep you from-” Hollyleaf cut him off.
“To stop us from causing irreparable damage?” She hissed, shame burning in her pelt. Firestar held Hollyleaf in a steady gaze, his face solemn.
“Hollyleaf, I am not trying to punish you or your brothers for what has occurred. I simply wish to help guide you and support you. I was a prophecy cat myself, I know how hard it is.”
“And what do you know about the prophecy?” Jayfeather asked sternly. Firestar blinked, looking taken back.
“I only know of the prophecy. I do not know what it means, the cat who gave it to me was only passing along a message. How long have you known about the prophecy and do you know what it means?” Firestar asked.
“We’ve known since we were apprentices. As for what it means, we have some ideas. Things have become more complicated though.” Lionblaze mewed.
“More complicated? What do you mean?”
Hollyleaf shut her eyes tightly.
“It’s my fault! Three have had to become 4 because of my screw up! Starclan sent Jayfeather a prophecy the morning of the gathering. There’s another prophecy cat, it’s one of Whitewing’s kits. We think it’s Dovekit. I’ve dragged a poor kit into this mess!” Hollyleaf wailed. Firestar’s eyes widened.
“Another prophecy cat? Starclan, what problem looms so darkly that Starclan needs four cats with powers to solve it?” he mewed in bewilderment.
“The dark forest.” Jayfeather answered.
Jayfeather and Lionblaze quickly filled Firestar in about the Dark forest, the ginger leader seemed to be beside himself. Hollyleaf found herself barely listening, shame and guilt ate away at her like maggots on a corpse.
“I…I always wondered where cats like Tigerstar went when they died. To walk be able to walk with them like one does with Starclan…this is bad.” Firestar mewed pacing. “I always felt like my battle with Tigerstar never ended with his death at Scourge’s claws. It seems I was right, he’s still out there causing trouble.” the ginger leader growled.
“While I was able to walk in the Dark forest I never saw any other living cats there. He might not be able to walk in the dreams of other cats, maybe he can only do it with cats he has a connection to? I mean we did think he was our kin for most of our lives growing up. Either way he is dead and stuck in the Dark forest. He can’t affect the forest.” Lionblaze mewed firmly. Firestar’s tail lashed a few times, not seeming placated.
“Maybe maybe not. We do not know what Tigerstar and the other Dark forest cats are capable of. While I wish to find out more information about the Dark forest, we need to focus on the clan and getting through this Leaf-bare.” Firestar mewed, finally settling back down. He looked at Hollyleaf and her brothers with warmth.
“I will sleep a little easier now knowing that the three have come. Just be careful, your powers may set you apart from your clanmates, but you're still a part of this Clan. You’re still bound to the Warrior code for so long as it stands.”
Hollyleaf dug her claws into rocky ground.
I have damaged the Warrior code and the integrity of Thunderclan!
I don’t deserve to be one of the three!
Hollyleaf spent most of her time in camp sleeping. She prayed to Starclan, wishing, begging and pleading for them to walk in her dreams. She wanted them to comfort her, to tell her that she had done the right thing. She also wanted them to come and chastise her, to blame her for the abuse of her power. She wanted her power to be stripped away, as she was not worthy of its greatness. For the first time in her life since she was a kit, Hollyleaf wanted to be normal. Every time she slept she woke up disappointed.
Starclan never came.
“Let all cats old enough to catch their own prey, join beneath Highledge for a clan meeting!” Firestar’s voice echoed through the camp, waking Hollyleaf. She lifted her head, ears twitching curiously. She padded over to the entrance of the cave and stuck her head out. Firestar sat on Highledge looking forlorn with Brightheart seated next to him. A worried shiver rippled through Hollyleaf’s fur, as cats joined the meeting.
“Prey has been far too scarce for this Leaf-bare.” Firestar began.
“Yeah and it’s partially Hollyleaf’s fault. If she had just kept her jaws shut we would be fat on Windclan rabbits right now!” Hollyleaf heard a voice hiss in a whisper. She swallowed hard, flattening her ears. She lowered herself to the ground wishing she could just disappear.
“Brightheart and I have been speaking and we believe we have come up with a solution. Please know that this choice wasn’t made lightly, Leaf-bare is dangerous, but Thunderclan must survive. We will be sending a patrol north of the territory to hunt. They will hunt for a quarter moon, storing and preserving prey beneath the snow. After a quarter moon they will return back with their prey. Hopefully, the patrol will return with enough prey to support Thunderclan for a while, before we have to send out another Patrol.” Firestar explained. The clan broke out into panicked whispering.
“Go north of our territory? Has Firestar gone mad? Starclan only knows what’s out there!”
“He’s right, we have no other options. We either do this or starve!”
“Starclan, I hope he doesn’t pick me for the patrol!”
Hollyleaf swished her tail, some energy returning to her.
Maybe he’ll pick me to go on the patrol? It only makes sense, I need to fix what I’ve done!
Hollyleaf watched as Brightheart stepped forward.
“Brambleclaw will be leading this patrol as he has the most experience with exploring uncharted territory!” Brightheart announced. Brambleclaw nodded his head, pride showing in his eyes. However, it quickly faded as more soft murmuring broke out from their clanmates, questioning his heritage and motives. Brightheart ignored it.
“The cats joining Brambleclaw are Mousewhisker, Brackenfur, Leafpool, Lionblaze and Birchfall!” Brightheart announced.
Hollyleaf felt her heart sink.
No! I have to go too! I need to fix this! I need to make this right!
She rose to her paws, quickly padding out of her cave towards a clump of ferns near the path down Highledge.
“All cats joining the patrol, see Jayfeather for traveling herbs. The patrol will leave tomorrow at first light!” Brightheart finished explaining as Firestar stepped forward once more.
“Clan dismissed!” He mewed.
The crowd of cats broke apart. Hollyleaf left her clump of ferns and rushed over to her leader as he came down from Highledge.
“Firestar, please you have to send me on the patrol!” Hollyleaf begged. Firestar looked at her, his green eyes blazing with sternness.
“No. You’re still under punishment, you will be staying here.” he mewed sharply.
“But-” Hollyleaf began to protest, before she could Firestar walked away with Brightheart.
Hollyleaf’s shoulders sagged.
I will never be able to make things right.
Hollyleaf stood in front of her brother Lionblaze as the patrol prepared to leave.
“This isn’t right, I should be the one going, not you!” She cried, her ears flattened. Lionblaze gave her a sympathetic look.
“You’re needed here. Besides I’m sure that Firestar only picked me to go because of my powers.” Lionblaze mewed, trying to comfort her.
“Nobody needs me here! I can’t do anything here!” Hollyleaf hissed in protest. Lionblaze touched his nose to her ear.
“Jayfeather does. Who else is going to keep him in line?” Lionblaze mewed jokingly. Jayfeather flicked his tail.
“Gee thanks.” He snorted.
As Lionblaze took a step back his amber eyes were crested with worry.
“Hollyleaf you’re looking a little thin. When's the last time you ate?” he asked worriedly. Jayfeather’s ears pricked. Hollyleaf opened her jaws to protest, but was interrupted as Cinderheart came padding up. Hollyleaf turned her head away, unable to meet her best friend's eyes. She hurried away back to the safety of her cave. She laid down curling into a ball once she entered. She couldn’t bear to watch the patrol leave.
It’s my fault Lionblaze is leaving.
Hollyleaf’s belly continued to hollow. She felt her strength wane as her bones continued to sharpen against her pelt. She began to sleep more.
I deserve this.
“Briarkit has greencough. Jayfeather took her to his den this morning. I heard he’s worried he might not have enough herbs to cure her.” Foxfang’s voice mewed, waking Hollyleaf. She crept closer to the entrance of her cave and stuck her head out. Foxfang sat next to Icecloud a few tail lengths away.
“Oh no! I hope the other kits are ok! Do you know how Whitewing is doing? She was pretty upset that Birchfall had to leave on the hunting patrol,” Icecloud asked.
“She’s doing ok. Ferncloud has been helping out with Dovekit and Ivykit which is making her happy.” Foxfang mewed.
Hollyleaf’s green eyes caught Foxfang’s for a brief moment. He looked away from her quickly. Hollyleaf slunk back into her cave, collapsing into her nest.
If we had kept that agreement with Windclan we might have been able to find some herbs to cure Briarkit. She’s going to die because of me… Whitewing might lose her mate because of me. I have done nothing, but cause my Clanmates pain.
Hollyleaf’s mind jumped to Foxfang, and she found her heartaching.
He was my friend once, and I humiliated and ruined his family.
Hollyleaf woke to the feeling of a tiny paw tapping her. She opened her eyes to see two tiny gray kits in front of her.
“Ah! A monster!” The gray and white kit squealed racing out of the den. The mostly gray kit squealed as well, running out following her sister.
Starclan! Was that Whitewing’s kits? I had no idea that they were able to leave the nursery already! I must have scared them. I should go and apologize before one of the queens yells at me.
Hollyleaf staggered to her paws. Her bones ached, as she found that she had no strength to push herself up from her nest. Slowly, she padded outside her cave. Whitewing stood a few tail lengths away, her kits clinging to her.
“I swear it’s true! There’s a monster in that cave!” Ivykit cried. Whitewing looked at her daughter confused, before looking up to see Hollyleaf.
“There! That’s the monster! It’s going to eat us!” Dovekit cried, running around her mother and hiding behind her fluffy tail.
“That’s no monster. That’s one of your clanmates, her name is Hollyleaf.” Whitewing mewed licking Ivykit on her head. Whitewing looked at Hollyleaf, her eyes soft with sympathy.
“I-I’m sorry that I scared your kits. I didn’t mean to.” Hollyleaf mewed stammering.
“It’s alright. I’m sorry that they woke you up from your nap. Girls apologize to Hollyleaf,” Whitewing mewed gently pushing her kits forward with her paw.
“Sorry.” The kits said in unison. Hollyleaf nodded, her heart slowly sinking as she looked at Dovekit.
It’s all my fault that Starclan has need of you little one. Because of me and my mistake, you will lose out on being a normal warrior with your clanmates. I am so sorry.
“Dovekit, Ivykit, why don’t you go and see the elders. I’m sure they would love to tell you some stories. Go on now, I have to speak with Hollyleaf for a moment.” Whitewing mewed gently nudging her kits towards the elders' den. The kits squeaked and took off running excitedly. Hollyleaf bristled, excepting Whitewing to begin berating her for Briarkit’s sickness. However, Whitewing’s eyes remained soft, her face filled with concern.
“Hollyleaf, are you alright? I haven’t seen you in what feels like moons. You look sickly, you’re far too thin. You should go see Jayfeather.” Whitewing mewed, her voice gentle with concern. She took a step forward, trying to close the space between them. Hollyleaf quickly strided back a few paces, widening the gap.
“I’m fine.” she said quickly.
“You don’t look fine, dear. Please let me take you to Jayfeather.”
“I said I’m fine! Jayfeather needs to focus on Briarkit! She can’t die!” Hollyleaf snapped before rushing away back to the safety of her cave.
Jayfeather has better things to do! He doesn’t need me to be bothering him!
“Hollyleaf.” A familiar voice called. Hollyleaf lifted her head to see her blind brother entering her cave. She bristled.
“Jayfeather, what are you doing here? You should be taking care of Briarkit.” she mewed sharply. Jayfeather narrowed his eyes, his face gloomy with concern.
“Briarkit is sleeping currently, Millie is with her. Whitewing and a few other cats have told me that they’re worried about you. They said you looked sick,” Jayfeather mewed, his voice filled with concern. He walked over to her, placing a paw on her side. Hollyleaf rolled away from him quickly.
“I’m fine. Whitewing and other cats need to mind their business.” she hissed. Jayfeather’s ears fell flat against his head.
“Hollyleaf, you feel really thin.”
“Every cat in Thunderclan is thin right now if you haven’t forgotten! We’re starving…and it’s my fault.” Hollyleaf tried to deflect her brother.
“Not as thin as you. When’s the last time you ate?” Jayfeather asked.
“Doesn’t matter.”
“Yes it does!” Jayfeather cried, his voice going high pitched. Jayfeather’s sightless eyes were rimmed with pain.
Hollyleaf looked at her brother shocked.
“It does matter! Hollyleaf, you aren’t ok!”
“I-m fi-” Jayfeather cut her off.
“No you’re not! You barely leave this cave anymore! None of our clanmates has seen you for what feels like moons! You’ve stopped grooming, and you’re thinner than a new sapling! You can’t keep torturing yourself like this!” Jayfeather wailed. “Lionblaze and I have left you alone up until now because we thought that you just needed some time and space, but I can see we were wrong! Please let me-” Jayfeather continued to cry, only for the sound of Millie’s voice to interrupt him.
“Jayfeather, Briarkit has woken up from her nap. Her fever is back.” Millie called from outside the cave. Jayfeather’s shoulders sagged. He sighed.
“I’ll be there in a second, Millie!” He called before turning his attention back to Hollyleaf.
Hollyleaf looked away, unable to meet her brother’s gaze.
“You should go, Briarkit needs you. You don’t have to worry about me.” Hollyleaf sharply.
“You’re my sister. I’ll always worry about you.” Jayfeather mewed gently, before walking away.
Hollyleaf laid back in her nest, pushing her face between her paws.
Why do you keep making things worse for your family?
The sound of paw steps and the sudden plop sound of something dropping woke Hollyleaf from her slumber. She opened her eyes to find Cinderheart, standing in front of her with a large squirrel at her paws. Cinderheart’s face was stern. She pushed the squirrel towards her.
“Eat.” she mewed.
Hollyleaf pushed the squirrel back towards her, rolling over in her nest.
“Not hungry, give it to somebody else. Elders and kits eat first. They need it more.” Hollyleaf grumbled tiredly.
“They’ve already eaten.”
“Give it to another warrior then.”
Cinderheart let out a growl. Hollyleaf gasped in surprise as the gray she-cat threw herself on top of her.
“Stop it! Stop hurting my best friend!” Cinderheart cried, burying her nose into Hollyleaf’s fur. Hollyleaf blinked at her friend in surprise, her mouth agape.
“Cinderheart…” she mewed softly, unsure of what to say.
“Why? Why are you doing this to yourself Hollyleaf?” Cinderheart cried, her eyes misted over. “I haven’t seen you in so long! Do you know how much I’ve missed you?”
“I’m sorry.” Hollyleaf mewed, licking her friend between the ears. “I’ve missed you too.”
“Hollyleaf, why are you acting like this? What’s wrong?”
Hollyleaf broke. She lowered her head, her throat tightening.
“Because it’s all my fault! It’s my fault that the clan is starving! It’s my fault that Lionblaze and every other cat had to leave! It’s my fault that Ferncloud is depressed! Everything bad that has happened these last few moons is my fault! If I had just kept my mouth shut about the secret none of this would have happened!” Hollyleaf finally wailed, her voice cracking. Cinderheart stared at her, her blue eyes soft. She laid down next to Hollyleaf, placing her paw ontop of hers.
“Hollyleaf. Did you set the forest on fire?” she asked. Hollyleaf blinked at her confused.
“What?”
“Did you send the lighting down from the sky that caught our territory on fire?”
“No?”
“Then you’re not the reason we’re starving. We’re starving because a fire ravaged our territory. It’s not your fault,” Cinderheart mewed gently. Hollyleaf swished her tail in anguish.
“But it is! If I have just kept my mou-” Cinderheart cut her off.
“Hollyleaf, our relationship with Windclan was already strained. Even if they had allowed us to hunt on their territory, it probably wouldn’t have lasted that long. One way or another both of the clans would have ended up fighting over territory and the deal would have been broken,” Cinderheart mewed sternly. “Hollyleaf, none of this is your fault. Briarkit got sick, because that's what kits do. Ferncloud is mourning her brother because he got himself exiled for his actions. Lionblaze and the others left, because that's what Firestar and the clan needed them to do. What you did at the gathering…You can’t keep beating yourself up over it. What good is it doing to do that hm? I won’t lie to you, some cats are angry and there is and will be fallout from what happened. But that prey is eaten, you can’t go back and fix it. However, you can change how things are in the future, but you can’t do it by just staying here in this cave and torturing yourself. Please, don’t give up on yourself. You’re my best friend, I care about you so much and it hurts to see you like this. Jayfeather, Lionblaze and quite a few other cats feel the same way.” Cinderheart mewed.
Hollyleaf’s eyes widened as she listened to her best friend. She found her heartaching. Her eyes became misty with emotion. Hollyleaf pressed her head under Cinderheart’s chin, burying her face in her neck fur.
“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!” She cried. Cinderheart purred softly, licking her between the ears.
“Shhh. You have nothing to be sorry for. I just want to see you get better.” She purred. Hollyleaf lifted her head and nodded.
The two she-cats spent the rest of the day outside the cave. Basking in the weak Leaf-bare sun, on top of a dry rock. Hollyleaf slowly, but surely ate the squirrel. Her belly ached as it struggled to readjust to eating, but she ate nevertheless. As Hollyleaf worked on the squirrel, Cinderheart spent her time grooming her. She worked out the knots and mats in her fur, leaving it sleek and shiny as it once had been.
“Did you catch this squirrel?” Hollyleaf asked. “It was a lucky catch.” Cinderheart shook her head.
“No, Foxfang did. He had just come back from a hunting patrol, and overhead Jayfeather asking me to speak to you. He gave the squirrel to me and told me to give it to you.”
Hollyleaf blinked in surprise.
“He did? Why?”
Cinderheart purred, blinking warmly at her friend.
“He’s worried about you.”
Hollyleaf flicked an ear in surprise.
“Is he? I thought he hated me because of..everything.”
“No, I don’t think he does. I think he’s just too scared to talk to you, because of what happened. Give him some time, he'll come around.” Cinderheart purred, her whiskers twitching with amusement.
Hollyleaf began to purr as well. She settled closer to Cinderheart, the two of them sharing body heat in the sharp winter air.
For the first time in a long time, Hollyleaf felt hopeful.
Before too long, Lionblaze and the expedition patrol returned. Their jaws full of prey. For the first time in a long time, Thunderclan was well fed. Hollyleaf sat next to her brothers, in camp. All three of them were feasting on a large pheasant the patrol had managed to bring back. Hollyleaf licked her lips, gazing out across the camp. The sun had finally managed to break free from behind the gray winter clouds, sending warming rays onto the forest. The snow that had deeply blanketed the camp was beginning to melt revealing the stoney ground underneath. The snow had melted just enough that Jayfeather had returned with a bundle of herbs that he needed to cure Briarkit. Hollyleaf watched as the spry bounced across the clearing with her parents on her way back to the nursery. Hollyleaf suddenly found herself purring.
Thunderclan will survive.
Hollyleaf found herself pacing around camp. Ever since her talk with Cinderheart, she found the cave to be claustrophobic. She had moved her nest back into the warriors den, and now was struggling to find things to keep her occupied. She was still not allowed to return to any warrior duties. Without having anything to do, her mind swirled with racing thoughts. It was like a flea in her pelt that she couldn’t quite scratch out.
“Hollyleaf.” Jayfeather called to his sister walking over. Hollyleaf happily bounded over to him.
“Hi Jayfeather, what do you need?” she asked her brother. Jayfeather’s whiskers twitched with amusement, mischief in his eyes.
“Come with me, I need your help.” He told her. Hollyleaf flicked an ear in curiosity.
“Uh sure? Where are we going exactly? I’m not allowed to leave the camp.” she asked, following him.
“Don’t worry we’re not going far. Just to the medicine den.” Jayfeather mewed. Hollyleaf arched her eye.
What could he possibly need my help with in the medicine den?
The two littermates pushed their way past the bramble screen and into the den.
“You’re going to help me sort these herbs.” Jayfeather mewed motioning to piles laying out on some rocks drying. “I also thought I might teach you a few things, while I’m at it. Who knows it might save your life.” he purred. Hollyleaf shuffled her paws uncomfortably.
“I’m not supposed to be doing any duties. Also I tried to learn medicine cat stuff, but I wasn't good at it!” she mewed apprehensively.
Jayfeather purred looking in her direction.
“You’re not supposed to do Warrior duties, but this is medicine cat duties. Also I am your brother so you’re helping me. I’m also not trying to make you my apprentice, I just want to teach you some things. Besides, sorting and counting the herb storage will be easier with the two of us. Now come on, help me.” Jayfeather mewed, his voice insistent.
Hollyleaf flicked her tail nervously.
“Alright, if you insist.”
The two littermates got to work. Jayfeather shuffled through the piles, before passing them to his sister. He would explain what the herbs were, while Hollyleaf counted and wrapped them into bundles. Hollyleaf found herself purring. The sorting started to become like a game, between the two of them, both of them operating in a very rhythmic pattern. Hollyleaf also began to find herself remembering different herbs and learning their uses.
“Here, poppy seeds.” Jayfeather mewed, pushing a leaf covered in little black seeds towards her. Hollyleaf suddenly froze. She stared at the leaf, her stomach tightening into knots as memories of her confrontation with Leafpool flooded her mind.
“Poppy seeds are-”
“I know what poppy seeds are used for!” Hollyleaf snapped, without thinking. Jayfeather fell silent, his sightless eyes looking at her.
“Jayfeather…I have to tell you something.” Hollyleaf mewed hesitantly, her ears flattening as her body went ridgid. Guilt from what she had done made her blood run cold. Jayfeather blinked at her, one ear flattening in worry.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
Hollyleaf drew in a deep breath, collecting her thoughts and words.
“The night of the gathering…I was so angry about everything. I-I blamed Leafpool. I confronted her. I hated her so much I just-I was going to make her eat poppy seeds. A lot of them. I wanted her to die. I was going to use my power to do it.” Hollyleaf confessed. Jayfeather’s eyes widened to the size of the moon, but he did not say a word. Neither of them did, for a long time. The air hung thick with tension as the only sound that passed between them was the sound of the water trickling into the pool in the back of the den.
“Hollyleaf-” Jayfeather began seeming to be struggling to find the words as well. “You were-” Hollyleaf cut him off.
“Don’t try and ration away what I did or tried to do. I knew what I was doing and I knew that it was wrong. I regret it now, but in the moment…”Hollyleaf cried, her voice becoming raspy as the guilt made her throat tighten. Jayfeather didn’t say another word. He padded over to her and pressed his head against her shoulder. She returned the gesture and laid her head on his. The two sat there for a long time.
There was no alleviation of guilt. Nothing either of them could say to make the situation right or make it better. There was no forgiveness either.
Just a quiet acceptance and the silent promise to move forward.
Hollyleaf stirred in her nest in the Warrior’s den. She sat up listening to the soft snoring of the warriors around her. She sighed heavily as her mind began to race with thoughts. Her legs tingled with restless energy. She needed to move.
Slowly, she unfurled herself from her nest and padded past the sleeping warriors out into the camp. The leaf-bare night air stung her lungs with its chill. She walked a good distance away into the middle of camp, before sitting down. Hollyleaf gazed up at the stars.
Starclan are you still there? Are you still angry with me? Why did you give me this power when you knew I would misuse it?
She wondered.
“Can’t sleep?” A familiar voice yawned behind her. Hollyleaf jumped, spinning around to find herself face to face with Foxfang. The fox-colored warrior was rubbing his paw over his eyes sleepily.
“Oh Foxfang, I’m sorry did I wake you up?” Hollyleaf asked nervously.
“Don’t worry you didn’t. I was up making dirt.” Foxfang yawned, stretching his paws forward arching his back. “So why are you up? Can’t sleep?”
Hollyleaf nodded.
“Yes. I’m having too many thoughts. I thought maybe Starclan would give some answers, but they’re silent. You should go back to bed.” she mewed with a sigh. Foxfang blinked at her, his eyes suddenly warming. His tail swished, and his whiskers twitched as a glimmer of mischief filled his eyes.
“Come on, we’re going for a walk.” he mewed, flicking his tail towards the camp entrance.
“Wh-what? No! I can't, I'm not allowed to leave camp! Firestar will find out!” Hollyleaf protested.
“Firestar has kept you cooped up in camp almost all of Leaf-bare. You need to get out. Besides, Icecloud is on duty tonight. She won’t tell a soul I promise! Also if we get caught I’ll say it was all my idea and take the fall!”
“It is your idea!”
“Exactly you have nothing to lose so come on!”
Hollyleaf paced for a moment conflicted. She knew it would be wrong to break the rules of her punishment, but the forest was calling. Her legs ached to run.
“Alright fine, but we stay close to camp! And we come back before anybody knows we’re missing!” Hollyleaf mewed. Foxfang’s eyes gleamed.
“Alright! Come on!” He mewed trotting happily towards the thorn tunnel. Hollyleaf let out a worried sigh
What did I get myself into?
Hollyleaf padded behind Foxfang nervously, as they approached Icecloud.
“What in the name of Starclan are you two doing up and where are you going?” the white she-cat asked suspiciously.
“We both can’t sleep so I thought we would go for a walk. Hollyleaf needs to get out of camp for a while,” Foxfang mewed cheerfully. Icecloud narrowed her eyes looking between the two cats. Hollyleaf felt her heart quicken as she was sure that Icecloud would tattle. Finally she sighed.
“Alright, stay near camp and be back before moonfall. I never saw you.” the white cat purred, her whiskers twitching with amusement. Foxfang purred.
“Thank you.” he meowed, pushing his way through the tunnel.
“Keep an eye on him for me would you. Don’t let him drag you into any trouble. Stay safe.” Icecloud purred to Hollyleaf. A soft purr rumbled in her throat.
“I will. Thank you.” she mewed before following after her clanmate.
The two clanmates walked in silence for a long time. The leftover snow crunch underneath their pawsteps. Hollyleaf drew in a deep breath breathing in the sharp crisp winter air. She stared at the forest in amazement. While things were still either dead or heavily damaged by the fire, there were signs of life beginning to peek out through the ground. Bushes were beginning to green, ferns were slowly coming back and there were tiny saplings pushing through the soil.
The forest is coming back to life. We’re going to be alright. We’re going to endure.
Hollyleaf suddenly felt a burst of energy rising within her. She looked at her companion mischievously.
“I’ll race you to that tree! 1 2 3 go!” She mewed playfully, shoving Foxfang with her shoulder.
“Hey!” Foxfang cried startled as she took off running. Hollyleaf howled with laughter as he began to run after her. Hollyleaf skidded to a stop at the finish line, with Foxfang right behind her.
“No fair you cheated!” Foxfang growled playfully.
“You should have been faster!” Hollyleaf mewed, panting. “But even without the head start I still would have won!”
“No way I’m faster than you!” Foxfang mewed, batting at her ear playfully.
“Oh yeah? Prove it!” Hollyleaf growled playfully. She took off running. “Bet you can’t catch me!”
“Hey!” Foxfang howled with laughter taking off after her.
The two clanmates dodged between the trees chasing after one another in their game. Hollyleaf looked behind her to see Foxfang gaining distance on her. She laughed happily, before jumping down a ridge. As Foxfang jumped above her head, she reached up grabbing her clanmate with her paws, pulling him down. The two fell beginning to roll down the slight slope, in a play fight. They landed at the bottom with a small thud, both of them howling with laughter.
“Told ya! You can’t catch me!” Hollyleaf panted as she had Foxfang pinned down.
“Alright fine you win! You’re faster!” Foxfang purred. Hollyleaf blinked warmly at him, before letting Foxfang stand up. The two cats began to groom and smooth down their ruffled fur.
Hollyleaf’s heart sang. She realized that she had been hurt and angry for so long she had forgotten what it felt like to play!
“Hey come with me I have something to show you!” Foxfang mewed, flicking his tail.
“Alright!” Hollyleaf mewed following after him.
Foxfang led her to a large rocky cliff on the territory.
“You wanted to show me a cliff that I’ve passed a million times during patrols?” Hollyleaf asked questioningly. Foxfang looked at her, his green eyes warm and mischievous.
“Ah, but you’ve only seen it from below. Follow me.” He said before slinking into a small opening at its base. Hollyleaf’s eyes widened in alarm.
“Foxfang becareful! You could get stuck!” She cried into the hole.
“Come on! Or are you too mouse-hearted?” Foxfang called to her teasingly. Hollyleaf narrowed her eyes.
I’ll show you mouse-heart!
She squeezed her way into the narrow gap. She blinked her eyes adjusting to the low light. Ahead of her she could see Foxfang’s rust colored tail.
“Good follow me and stay close!” Foxfang mewed before beginning to walk forward. Hollyleaf followed after her companion, through the zigzagging rocky tunnel for what seemed like an eternity, until a large hole opened up above their heads. Foxfang didn’t hesitate, to push his way through the hole climbing out.
“Hey! Wait for me!” Hollyleaf called. Carefully she grabbed the edge of the hole with her paws and began pulling herself out. She felt Foxfang’s teeth grip her scruff, helping to pull her out. Once out of the hole Hollyleaf sat down with a huff. She licked her paw, running it over her whiskers.
“Starclan, how on earth did you find such a path?” She mewed wearily.
“Chasing a squirrel. It got away, but I found something even better. Look!” Foxfang mewed coming to stand next to her. Hollyleaf lifted her head and found her breath taken away. They were high above the tree, able to see across the entire territory. The lake glistened in the distance, its rippling surface looking like a thousand diamonds shimmering in moonlight.
“Wow…you can see the entire territory!” Hollyleaf gasped. “It’s-it’s beautiful.” She looked at Foxfang. “This is amazing!”
Foxfang purred.
“Isn’t it? Now look up you can see all of Silverpelt, without trees in the way!” He mewed. Hollyleaf lifted her head. She stared up in amazement at the thousands of stars above her head, her breath taken away by the sheer amount of her warrior ancestors. The stars gleaned and glittered against the dark purple and blue sky stretching off into the horizon for infinity.
“I didn’t realize there were so many stars.” Hollyleaf mewed breathlessly. “We really do have countless warrior ancestors looking over us.”
“Hollyleaf.” Foxfang mewed, his voice suddenly changing in tone. Hollyleaf flicked an ear looking over in surprise. Foxfang’s ears were flattened against his head, his shoulders sagging as his eyes seemed to be furrowed in seriousness.
“Foxfang what’s wrong?”
“I-I’m sorry. For what Ashf-for what Ash did to you. I-I should have known that something wasn’t right with him!” Foxfang cried. Hollyleaf’s ears fell against her head.
“Foxfang you didn’t know-” She began but he cut her off.
“But I should have! He was my kin! I looked up to him, I spent time with him! I wanted to be like him when I grew up, but he turned out to be such a monster! How could I have missed it?”
Hollyleaf laid her tail on his flank. She gazed at him, steadily.
“Foxfang, you couldn’t have known. He fooled everyone. Don’t blame yourself.” she mewed, as guilt began to eat away at her stomach once more. “I-I’m sorry too. What I did at the gathering…I humiliated you and your kin. I’ve caused Ferncloud to suffer greatly. I’m so sorry.” she mewed her voice cracking. Foxfang touched his nose to her ear.
“You…I can’t imagine the stress you were under. You weren’t thinking straight. Also you didn’t cause my kin pain. Ash did with his action. Ferncloud has been mourning the brother she thought she had. I’m not sad Ash is gone, Thunderclan is better off with him gone. I’m just sad he wasn’t the cat I thought he was. I’m also sorry I’ve been ignoring you for the last few moons. I was worried that you hated me, because I’m his kin.” Foxfang explained. Hollyleaf blinked in surprise.
“Of course I don’t hate you! You said it yourself Ash’s actions were his own! Foxfang you are a far better and kinder warrior than Ash could have ever hoped to be. Don’t you forget that.” Hollyleaf mewed, touching her nose to his ear. Foxfang let out a weary purr.
“Thank you.” he whispered.
“You’re welcome and thank you for bringing me out here. I really needed this.” Hollyleaf purred back.
“I’ll be happy to break you out of camp anytime.” Foxfang chuckled.
“I’ll be sure to remember that.” Hollyleaf purred.
The two friends sat on their cliff for a long time, gazing up at their ancestors in the sky; enjoying each other's company.
Hollyleaf sat underneath highledge watching as Rosekit, Toadkit, Briarkit, Bumblekit and Blossomkit were made apprentices. She held her breath hoping that Firestar would make her a mentor, only to be disappointed.
A battle for another day. I’m still young and I’m still not allowed to leave camp. My time will come.
Warmth began to return to the forest as Leaf-bare began to leave. Hollyleaf laid on a rock in camp, basking in the sun’s warmth.
“Hollyleaf,” Firestar called bounding over. Hollyleaf lifted her head, nodded respectfully to her leader.
“Yes, Firestar?”
“Your punishment is over. You will return to your warrior duties starting tomorrow.” Firestar instructed. Hollyleaf felt her heart sing.
“Ok! Thank you Firestar!”
And that's that.