Work Text:
There is a super-hot merman on the beach nearby Childe’s new house.
Apparently, according to this cult-ish site he consulted, you shouldn’t call merman hot. It’s objectifying and whatever but what difference does beautiful makes? Hot is just an urban, modern term, and it fits better.
Anyway, what does those losers know? The only merman they've seen is from Disney channel, they don’t compare to him. If anything, Childe kinda the voice of humanity on merpeople, what’s with his obvious experience and expertise.
“You are hot,” he declares one day because this important matter shouldn’t be kept to one self.
“Thank you?” The merman, Zhongli, says. He is so hot, a certain body part on Childe is hurting. Blood rushing down. What a torture.
“When you sing, are you trying to kill me? I read this article.”
Zhongli circles the lone stone Childe is perch on. His long black hair flows beautifully around him. Now, this is where hot is not suitable. Childe is smart. He emerges close to Childe’s feet. The water reflecting nicely on his skin, creating an ethereal effect.
“No,” he shakes his head. “I love you, I will not kill you.”
“That would make you hotter tho. Ah, we will work on that later,” he muses and chooses not to dignify Zhongli’s I love you. That’s a known merpeople tactic to lure men to their demise and while Childe doesn’t mind meeting his end, he’d prefer not to be dead by the power of I love you, thank you very much. That’s lame.
Zhongli hasn’t killed him by now, so he believes Zhongli is a master tactician and is going to shock him with the most elaborate murder attempt ever. He’ll see. Not that Zhongli will succeed, but he’d like to see him try. They could end up having sex after that. That’d be hot.
But first he needs to learn how to have sex with a merman.
“Aren’t you cold out here?” Zhongli whispers. “The season is changing.”
Oh, that’s right.
“Don’t worry about me. I got a house and a fucking great heater. What about you?” Seriously It will be freezing out here in no time. “The water is cold, the wave is getting higher, what are you doing out here? Aren’t you supposed to— I don’t know, migrate or something?”
Zhongli submerges up to his nose. Only his eyes are visible and it peers up at him like two precious gemstones floating on the water. That’s against physics. Density, mass, volume, something something, he is not a high school teacher, but stone isn’t supposed to float. Or maybe some does float. He is not a nerd.
They are beautiful tho.
Zhongli is beautiful.
Woah, he is getting sappy.
“I will be fine out here,” Zhongli makes another round. “I am stronger than most mer. Can you— ah, maybe not everyday because of the temperature, but can you still see me sometimes?”
Childe frowns. “You can’t be fine. It will be freezing out here. Are you even a winter fish? Wait— Was that racist?” The water bubble indicates a laugh. Childe huffs. “I am serious.”
He climbs up higher on Childe’s stone. Tail still comfortably under water, while his upper body mostly lean on Chide’s leg. He reaches out a hand to card through Zhongli’s long tresses and the merman lean his head on Childe’s knee.
He is so, so pretty. Unbelievably so.
“Most mer migrate according to the season, yes. My people move to the south.”
“So why don’t you?”
The only response he gets is an undecipherable smile.
That won’t do.
Childe wasn’t kidding when he said it will be freezing. The temperature will be painfully cold. Most of the beach will be covered in ice. Maybe Zhongli is telling the truth that he is stronger than most mer and can handle it, but there is also another chance that he is overestimating himself.
Childe prefers to be wrong and be called a worrywart, or a charlatan, or a smartass than to find out months later Zhongli under those freezing ice and—
He doesn’t know, okay? It’s not that he cares care. He just cares as a fellow living thing and that’s how you should treat your— okay, whatever. It’s not like he spends his night thinking about holding Zhongli’s hand and his smiles and his everything. Zhongli is a fellow living being and he is hot. There is all to it. That’s it. Nothing else. No feelings.
“If this comes off as offensive to your kind, just tell me but you need to know that I am not coming from that place,” Childe begins. Zhongli’s right hand comes up to grab at his shirt. “I am kind of a marine enthusiast. I have a big tank in my house. Like aquarium, I guess? Ceiling high, room wide. It’s big for many. For you it’d be small obviously, but maybe you’d like to spend some time there? Until winter passes?”
Since Zhongli doesn’t show any sign to migrate, he could come up and see it. If he likes, he could stay. If he doesn’t, then Childe will have to find some way to convince him to move. Maybe he’d have to kidnap him to transport the mer to warm water. Kidnapping a merman would be hard, but Childe is nothing but adaptable, especially when it comes to crimes.
“Will you be there, too?” Zhongli asks. There is something unnatural about his eyes. It must be enchanted. Or magic, for every time Childe looks at him, he is drowning deeper and deeper. He needs to do research. This stuff is dangerous.
“Of course. Just because I don’t want you to die in the winter, doesn’t mean I want to die myself. We are not switching places. I’d be there, too. We are huddling together to converse the energy.”
“Hm,” Zhongli rises higher. His face is close to him and for a second Childe thinks he is going for a kiss but Zhongli goes down just as fast, body fully under water. Can merman kiss kill? Scarily enough, as lame as a death it would be, Childe doesn’t mind even if it did.
“Let’s move in today,” Zhongli says. His cheeks a bright red under the sun.
Childe’s heart skipped.
No, not like that. Like, normal physical skip. The one that you go to a cardiologist for. Not fluttering, butterfly type of skip.
Not at all.
Yep.