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Jaime can say a lot of things are weird about his life: one of his best friends is from an obsolete future, he has a snarky sentient piece of alien technology fused to his spine for life, and his partner always seems to flinch when he reaches out to touch them.
He almost doesn’t notice it at first – the way that you seem to flinch when someone touches you, muscles tense. But you always seem quick enough to hide it with a smile that seems painfully faked to him and an assurance that you really are fine, just spaced out a bit. But after each time, you seem to curl in on yourself a bit tighter and put some more distance between yourself and anybody within the immediate vicinity.
Jaime just thinks it has more to do with you spacing out than it does anything else, or maybe you’re just not as keen on touch. That much was fine, while a lot of the people he knew could be touch driven, that did not mean that everyone was. So, Jaime avoided touching you as much as he could, at least while you were friends.
Things began to shift a bit more when he finally asked you out, overjoyed when you agreed to a date. And then even more elated when at the end of the night when you ask him for a second one. Not wanting to push his luck, he had not asked for a kiss, instead reaching out for a hug, which you had returned – but not before he swore that he saw a flicker of fear across your face.
You never said anything about it though, and so he brushed it off.
Things continued on this way for a while.
Jaime does not just jump in to touching you, choosing instead to keep it more reserved, at least in public. Major PDA certainly doesn't seem like the sort of thing that you would be on board with, and he cannot fault you for that much. But the little touches do pick up more in private – taps on the shoulder, a quick hug, etc. Things seemingly so innocent that Jaime never pays their acts a second mind.
The fact that you never initiate them seems to go over his head. After all, you show your affections for him in other ways – ones that have become obvious to him as the relationship had progressed, so it never comes down to a question of your feelings.
And still he chalks up the jumping to you being lost within your own head. You wouldn’t be the first person he knows to be like that, and you never tell him otherwise. Any discomfort on your part is quickly hidden.
Khaji Da has been, for the most part, instructed to leave it be – when the sentient tech had expressed a desire to scan you earlier on. Feeling too much like an invasion of privacy, while also throwing the agreement that only teammates could be scanned and only in battle. As far as people that Jaime trusted went, that was. So reluctantly Khaji Da had backed off the topic. After all, the scarab had been assured, if something was wrong, they had to trust that their partner would be upfront about it.
That was likely why it surprises Jaime so much when Khaji Da pipes up one day, directly after he has hugged you.
“Scans indicate that your partner is afraid, Jaime Reyes.”
It was a weird enough sentence to hear, and Jaime was too confused to be annoyed that Khaji Da had scanned you. But afraid? There was nothing that should be causing that – the area was clear, it was a quiet and calm day, you had been fine for most of it, and you had yet to tell Jaime something was wrong.
Scared couldn’t be right, could it?
So, he ignores it, instead enjoying the rest of the day with you. He can talk to Khaji Da about it later.
But later comes sooner than expected when the date is at an end and Jaime goes to hug you once again.
It's that same voice echoing in his head: “Scans indicate a spike in your partner’s cortisol and adrenaline levels, indicating stress of fear, Jaime Reyes.”
This has his attention. The only thing that had changed was him touching you, but still, you make no mention of it, pulling away and wishing him a goodnight before moving off in the direction of your home.
Jaime calls after you, telling you to stay safe, but the gears in his head are turning to the point of smoke and it is Khaji Da who has to prompt him back into moving finally.
“Khaji Da.”
The scarab responds to that, a little whirr that tells Jaime the spotlight is his.
“Are you sure that they were afraid both times I touched them?”
“Affirmative, Jaime Reyes, your partner showed signs of distress.”
It’s silent for a moment before Jaime asks his next question, quiet as he can, almost as though he is trying to avoid the answer. “Do you think they’re scared of me?”
“Unlikely. Your partner actively seems relieved to be with you unless physical contact is initiated.”
“But if they’re scared of touching me-”
Before Jaime can finish his sentence Khaji Da has already interrupted him. “Your partner shows signs of distress at all physical contact, including that initiated by other individuals. This is not isolated to you.”
“How long have you been scanning them?” This was too much information for the scarab to have from one day alone, and Jaime knew that much.
In almost an embarrassed fashion, Khaji Da could be felt almost receding from the edges of Jaime’s mind before answering. “Two weeks.”
“We talked about this, ese.”
There’s an indignant clicking in protest before it seems to calm. “Your partner has not confided in you about their fear and steps had to be taken to find the cause. Best course of action: speak with them directly.”
Jaime can’t argue with that. Whatever the cause of your fear was, you had certainly tried your best to hide it. And it had been a success. But Jaime had to speak with you about it eventually if things were going to get better – it admittedly hurt to know you were scared to touch him, and despite Khaji Da’s words, part of his concern was that you feared what he was capable of.
A call or text message was not going to cut it, so Jaime would wait until Wednesday when he could speak with you in person again. No heads-up, he didn’t need to leave you a nervous wreck if he told you there was something the two of you needed to talk about. It wouldn’t be good to have that stewing under the surface for a few days.
So, to say you seem a bit surprised when you show up Wednesday and Jaime has his hands in his pockets is an understatement. You expect a hug or for him to reach out to you – even if it terrifies you – but instead you’re met with no attempt. Paired with the serious look on his face, it begins to leave a feeling of unease prickling along your spine.
“Did I do something?”
That catches him off guard for a moment and Jaime is quick to assure you that no, you had not, but he does need to speak with you – and he needs honesty.
It does nothing to settle the worry you feel, and already this conversation is headed in a direction you really do not like, already having a vague idea of what the issue is.
Jaime struggles for a moment, trying to find the words that he needs without sounding as rude out loud as it seems in his head: “when people touch you do you...” He trails off, sighing before waving his arms outwards. Finally, he relents. “Khaji Da scanned you – I didn’t know about it!” he clarifies quickly, seeing your raised brow. “But scans show that when people touch you that you get.... scared?”
His words seem to have an effect, and Jaime watches as your shoulders slump, your eyes focused anywhere other than on him. And then he sees it, a weak nod. So, he was correct.
“ Haphephobia - it’s the fear of being touched.” You have to stop for a moment, pulling in on yourself. “It isn’t just by strangers though, it’s by anyone, even family and friends.”
Things are beginning to make sense for Jaime – little actions he had not stopped to consider before, things said by family or friends of yours that he had met. “You know you could have told any of us; we wouldn’t push you about it.”
“I was told to just get over it – and a lot of our friends have a touchy love language. Besides, aren’t you supposed to be able to touch your own partner?”
Jaime frowns at that, the tone he picks up on too depreciative for his liking. “There are other ways to show you care.”
He doesn’t get a response from you, seeing you backed up into your own invisible corner, like you could make yourself vanish if you tried hard enough. “Hey,” he starts, soft as he can, “you show me you care in all kinds of ways – we can figure out how to handle this, and so can our friends. But we can’t start fixing things if we don’t know there’s an issue.”
“I know, I guess I just didn’t want you guys to be disappointed.”
“If we knew and ignored it that would be a different thing, but we can work with this,” Jaime assured. It was almost instinct to reach out, but he managed to catch himself in time, offering his partner a smile that seemed to finally have them relaxing.
“I’d like that.”