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Kieran,
I have long debated writing this letter. I have, for a while now, attempted to sever any sort of emotional connection to your mother. I suppose that extends to you as well. I have never seen you. Your mother did not allow it. She did not give me a chance to pursue her through… to go with her where she was raising you.
It has been two years since then. For two years, I have attempted to keep my attention diverted. My work is important and it keeps me busy but sometimes, in idle moments, my thoughts turn to your mother. I recall how she denied me the chance of being with you, and it burns me with such a rage that if I could harness it, I might end a Blight all on my own. Whatever I feel for your mother does not extend to you. I wanted to write that out because seeing the words gives them a sense of finality. I accept them. I do not hate you, though I only know your name and nothing else. Believe me, I love you. Had I been given the opportunity to be with you, had it been a choice between my work and you, you'd best believe that I would spend my life with you every time. There is nothing I would have liked better than that. Alas… your mother decided it was not to be.
I don't know when or even if I'll be able to see you. I don't know if this letter will ever fall into your hands. In the event that it does, in the event that this is the only thing of mine you ever interact with, please know that at the end of the day, all that really matters is that I love you with all my heart.
Your father,
Aedan Cousland