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"Hey, Aniki, you remember this thing you told me not to do ? Well..." was the second thing Madara really didn't want to hear from Izuna, the first thing being "Also, it might be contagious". And it was exactly what his - adorable, yet annoying as hell - little brother had said in the span of five minutes.
How all of that had led to Madara staring at the bananas that were now... somehow replacing his brother's, his cousin's, a few of his clansmen's and his Hokage/best friend's dicks, the Uchiha Head had no fucking idea. And honestly, he really, really didn't want to know.
"Just... put your pants up, all of you," he sighed, "and give me a list of all the people you might have come into contact before you noticed..."
He gestured at their crotchs, looking at the ceiling.
"I'm gonna make sure you stay quarantined somewhere until Tobirama comes back from his mission," he added. Because of course, all of that nonsense had started because his dumbass of a brother had sneaked into Tobirama's labs (apparently to prove it was filled with zombies and Eldritch horrors) while the Senju Heir was away on a diplomatic mission in the capital, and had touched a seal he wasn't supposed to touch. A seal that had changed his dick into a banana. And that was apparently contagious.
(What the hell was the Senju thinking when he had created that seal ?!)
So, as soon as the band of contaminated dumbasses had been quarantined in the Forest of the Death, Madara had sent a letter to Tobirama, explaining the situation and asking him to come back asap, because Izuna was starting to become yellow. Like a banana.
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Tobirama sighed and dragged his hand down his face.
"You're lucky I know how to undo it," he groaned, glaring at Izuna, whose skin was now yellow with black spots.
"What was even that seal for ?!" Izuna screeched as Tobirama worked on his case.
"It was an attempt to spare Hashirama's sensibilities," he grumbled, "stop moving."
Hashirama became green, and Tobirama mentally started praying the heavens for patience, because he knew what was coming. And indeed, an inhuman wail almost rendered him deaf there and then.
"TOBI !! YOU HAD PROMISED !!"
"I promised to stop eating people," he groaned, rolling his eyes, "if I change them into fruit, they're not people anymore. You can't canibalize fruit, Anija."
After that, Hashirama started a lecture on how canibalism was wrong and Tobirama tuned him out, concentrated on his work. Maybe that incident would convince Izuna to stop trying to sneak into his labs.
At least, the Uchiha hadn't discovered the second secret lab underneath the first. It would have been more difficult to explain the pet zombies and the Frankenstein monster attempt.