Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“I invited Rick Doyle in for lunch today,” Emily informed everyone.

Victoria, Frank, and Patel hadn’t seen Rick since the mink attack. The three of them took turns giving Emily detailed descriptions of how they remember Rick’s face looking after the accident, and Shred shared an unrelated story about his buddy’s gnarly knee injury. Concerned about Rick seeing her as a less competent boss than he was, Emily urged them all to avoid asking Rick inappropriate questions about his injuries.

After sitting back down at their desks, Shred leaned toward Frank and quietly asked him what kind of bag Frank used to bring Rick’s ear to the hospital.

“You mean the ear that the mink ate?” Frank asked incredulously.

“Yeah, where’d you put his ear? I just used whatever bag I had with me, so I put my buddy’s knee in a trail mix bag. I also had an empty chip bag, but that was too small. It was one of those little bags of chips that you get out of vending machines. And I had a wag bag with me because it was an overnight trip, but that seemed too gross. Did you know they make you carry out your poop when you’re camping in the mountains? So what did you use?”

Frank stared at Shred for several seconds, then he just sighed and went back to typing on his computer without responding. After a few seconds, Frank stopped typing suddenly and looked at Shred with an expression that looked simultaneously confused and disgusted.

“You were camping when your friend got hurt? I thought it was a snowboarding accident. You know what? You don’t need to explain it,” and then he trailed off, muttering something about Shred’s stories never making any sense.

“You’ll learn to love my stories, Frank.”

Frank didn’t hear Shred’s last comment because he started noticing something was off when he thought about seeing Rick again. He was initially excited to see him—Rick was a great boss and the most tolerable partner he’d ever had, but there was something else there, some kind of uncomfortable feeling that he couldn’t pinpoint. Frank told himself he’d revisit it later and try to figure out what was going on with his dumb feelings, which were a constant mystery to him.

             -----------------------------------------

Later that day in the truck, Frank and Shred started discussing Frank’s hook-up with Dolores the previous night. Frank was becoming increasingly upset at the idea that Dolores might not have enjoyed their night together as much as he had. Shred was also the first to suggest that she might not be into Frank like he assumed she would be, so just the idea of Shred understanding the situation better than Frank did was starting to piss him off. Frank recognized the feeling: anger. He was pretty familiar with that one.

Once he was back in the office and had some time to himself, memories started coming back to him that he thought were probably important and could possibly explain the uncomfortable feelings that were coming up about Rick’s return to the office. There were two memories in particular that kept popping up: the mink incident when Rick got attacked, and the night before the mink attack when they’d all gone out drinking together. He wasn’t sure why he kept thinking about the bar—it was a fun night. He always had a good time hanging out with Rick, and the rest of his coworkers were alright, too. That couldn’t have been what the problem was.

It might have been the mink incident. Frank had bailed on Rick when the mink started attacking him, and he'd felt pretty bad about that for a few weeks. He knew there was nothing he could do to change it, though, so he just did his best not to think about it, and the thought eventually stopped coming up. Frank was starting to get annoyed that he couldn't figure out why he was feeling off about Rick coming back, and he welcomed the interruption from Shred.

“Hey Frank, meeting in the break room.”

Their meeting was almost immediately interrupted by Rick walking into the office. As soon as Frank saw Rick, he forgot about any negative feelings he might have been having. Rick looked great. His hair had grown back, he was in amazing shape, and he was wearing clothes that Frank could never afford.

             -----------------------------------------                                 

The whole team was sharing a meal together in the kitchen and asking Rick a million questions about what he’d been up to since he stopped working and started living off the settlement from his injury.

At one point during the meal, Frank felt Dolores kick his leg and assumed she was trying to get his attention. The kick was actually meant for Emily, though, and Frank was starting to get the impression that Shred was right about Dolores not being into him.

The awkward interaction with Dolores triggered a memory for Frank and he was suddenly transported back to that night at the bar.

           ------------------------------------------     

Rick and Frank were having such an intense conversation that they barely noticed when everyone else decided it was time to call it a night. Frank liked drinking, but he was generally pretty good about drinking in moderation. This night was an exception. He didn’t really know why, but there was something about Rick that made him do things he wouldn’t normally do. In this case, Frank wanted to keep up with Rick and ended up drinking more than he usually would.

The two of them were being admittedly obnoxious and loudly talking about a group of hot women drinking nearby. Frank never had any good pick-up lines or anything. His go-to move was just to sit back in his chair and position himself in a way that put his pecs and biceps on display, which he was pretty sure women appreciated. The chest press was his favorite exercise and he didn’t see any reason he should cut back on doing what he enjoyed during his workouts. Rick leaned toward Frank from across the table and gestured for Frank to come closer so he could drunkenly and loudly whisper to him.

“You know what we should totally do, Frank? We should kiss each other. Women love gay guys and it would be so fucking hilarious. Don’t you think it would be funny, Frank?”

Frank opened his mouth to respond, but he had no idea what to say. He couldn’t even tell if Rick was being serious. Something about Rick’s suggestion and the smell of beer on his breath mixed with the subtle hint of whatever soap he used gave Frank a familiar feeling in his stomach. It was that same feeling he used to get when he first started dating his ex-girlfriend. He didn’t know why he was getting that feeling now and he didn’t know what to say to Rick.

“Uh, are you serious? Do women really like that?” Frank asked sincerely.

Rick moved his mouth away from Frank’s ear so that he was looking directly into Frank’s eyes and their noses were almost touching. Frank glanced at Rick’s eyes and then awkwardly shifted his eyes away. Frank heard the women at the table next to them laugh and he started getting self-conscious. Rick looked at the women, nodded and smiled, and then turned back to Frank.

“We don’t have to if you don’t want to, Frank. I just thought it would be really funny, and then they’ll see how great we are at kissing each other, and maybe they’ll want to kiss us, too. I used to do it all the time in college; it’s not a big deal. But really, you don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

Frank got that same feeling in his stomach again and let out a small laugh. He’d never kissed a guy before. He didn’t go to college and cops were about as open-minded as you’d expect them to be. He’d definitely thought about kissing guys, like he assumed all men did, but he was pretty sure he was straight.

After a few seconds, Frank exhaled and responded, “Okay, sure, if you think they’ll be into it. Male lions fuck each other all the time, and we’re not any better than--”

Rick interrupted Frank’s thought by aggressively smashing his lips onto Frank’s, which made the feeling in Frank’s stomach intensify. Frank heard some applause coming from the table next to them, which strangely helped him relax a bit. Frank saw that Rick’s eyes were closed, so he closed his too. Rick’s lips were surprisingly soft and they had a sweetness to them, even though he'd been drinking beer all night, which Frank could also definitely taste. Seemingly out of nowhere, Frank felt Rick’s hand on the back of his head and at the same time, Rick parted his lips slightly and Frank felt the tip of Rick’s tongue in his mouth. Frank gasped and pulled his head back, and at that same moment, he heard a squeal from the table next to them. He looked over at the women and saw that they were all watching the two of them with the most ridiculous wide-eyed expressions on their faces.

“Frank,” Rick started, putting up his hand apologetically.
“No, it’s fine,” Frank said, sounding a little bit unsure. “You’re definitely right about them enjoying it.”

Rick turned to the women and asked them, “Do you ladies wanna see more?”
The group of women cheered tentatively, like they couldn’t believe it was happening.
Rick looked at Frank and shrugged as if to say, “I’ll keep going if you’re willing.”

Frank just stared at Rick, unsure of what to do next. After a few seconds of uncomfortable staring, Frank slammed his hands down on the table in front of him and lifted himself up as he leaned forward and softly kissed Rick on the lips. He heard an “aww” from the table this time, which Frank found annoying and kind of patronizing, like they thought his kiss was too delicate and feminine. Then he just froze there right in front of Rick’s face trying to figure out if daintily kissing a man was manlier than aggressively kissing a man. He finally sighed, lifted one hand off the table, grabbed the back of Rick’s neck and kissed him firmly. Frank moved his head to kiss Rick more deeply, which he expected to be awkward as hell, but it actually felt surprisingly natural. Making out with his work partner wasn’t bad at all, which Frank attributed to all the beer he’d had. Frank felt Rick trying to end the kiss, so Frank pulled away and leaned back into his chair.

He saw that their audience was smiling and clapping quietly, which Frank assumed meant they were satisfied with the show, but it was a little bit less of a reward than he was expecting. Rick yelled “Yeah, Frank!” and held up his hand for Frank to high-five, which he did.

“That was great, Partner, just like in college.”

Rick told Frank he’d be right back, and then he got up and walked toward the bathroom, smiling at one of the women as he walked away. The woman got up and followed Rick, which Frank found completely baffling. Frank was too embarrassed to even look at anyone, let alone try to figure out how flirting worked. He waited at the table, just looking down and slowly sipping his beer until Rick came back with the woman he'd just met following a few feet behind him.

“Did you just…” Frank asked Rick, gesturing toward the bathrooms.

“What? No, of course not. We were just talking. I am going home with her though, so I’ll see you at work tomorrow.”

Frank managed a wave and watched as Rick left the bar, talking excitedly to a woman who, just a few minutes earlier, had watched Rick make out with his coworker. Frank didn’t see any reason to stay there by himself, and he wasn’t sure he even wanted a chance with anyone in the bar, so he requested an Uber and left. The whole ride home, Frank thought about the feeling in his stomach that he kept getting when he was kissing Rick, and what it might have meant. He didn’t come to a single conclusion, though, and decided to just let it go.

               ------------------------------------------     

“Hey Frank, are you okay?” Shred was trying to get Frank’s attention. Shred was pretty used to Frank’s intense zone-outs, and he knew how to snap him back to reality. Shred assumed Frank was thinking about his night with Dolores, and Frank let him assume that, since he didn’t want to get into it with Shred. Shred wasn’t his friend or even really his partner, and he didn’t need him knowing about this embarrassing thing that happened with Rick. Frank did start to realize that the uncomfortable feelings he got when he thought about Rick might be more than just guilt about the mauling.

               ------------------------------------------     

Frank reluctantly admitted to himself that Shred was probably right about the Dolores situation, and he figured it might be helpful to talk about what was going on with him and Rick. The next day while they were riding in the truck together, Frank tried to figure out the best way to bring it up.

“Rick was an amazing boss. You really missed out on that,” Frank started.

“Yeah, he seems pretty great.”

“He really was. Just a phenomenal boss.”

Frank stopped talking and just drove silently for a few minutes.

“It seems like you have something you want to say, Frank.”

“About Rick? No, just wanted to let you know what you missed out on.”

“Frank, remember what a good confidant I was with the whole Dolores thing? You can talk to me about Rick too.”

“You’re not my confidant.”

“Okay, not your confidant. Just a person who enjoys helping you work through your shit. I can give you advice if you want it, or I can just listen. Just let me know what you need, Frank.”

“I don’t need advice. I just keep thinking about this thing that happened a while ago with Rick. The night before the mink attack.”

“I’m listening, Frank.”

“Great.”

“Go ahead, Frank.”

Frank sighed and tried again. “You seem like you’re pretty close to your snowboarding buddies, right?”

“Super close. They’re like brothers. We tell each other everything and we have complete trust in each other. And they never call me an idiot or roll their eyes at me.”

“Noted. So did you guys ever… do stuff?”

“Do stuff? You’re going to have to explain what you mean, Frank. We did lots of stuff. We snowboarded together of course, we went to parties, got drunk on occasion.”

“You got drunk together?”

“Yeah, sometimes. I feel like we’re getting close, Frank. Did you get drunk with Rick? Did you two get in a fight or something?”

“Something like that, yeah.”

“Well, he definitely didn’t seem like he was still upset about the fight. He only had good things to say about you as his partner. I’m sure he’s forgiven you. What did you fight about? Let me guess. You were both trying to hook up with the same person.”

Frank closed his eyes and sighed, but this time it was frustration at himself. “Let me start over. We didn’t get in a fight.”

“Okay, Frank. What happened when you got drunk?”

“So when you would go drinking with your snowboarding buddies, did you guys ever, you know…”

“I definitely don’t know, Frank.”

“Damnit, Shred. Have you ever made out with your buddies when you were drunk?”

Shred’s eyes got wider than Frank thought a person’s eyes could get, then he cleared his throat and responded, “We weren’t really that kind of friends, Frank. But yes, a few times. You know, before I started dating Camila.”

“Really? You’ve kissed guys before?”

“It’s 2023, Frank. I’ve kissed lots of guys.”

“Oh. Okay.” Frank slowly turned back to look at the road.

“So, what happened with Rick?” Shred asked, trying to contain himself.

“So, there were these women sitting at a table nearby. We were pretty drunk, and Rick had this idea. He wanted to…” Frank trailed off, hoping Shred would just finish the rest of the story for him.

“Uh huh… go on, Frank.”

“You know what I’m going to say, Shred.”

“You want me to say it, Frank?”

“Yes, obviously.”

“So, you made out with Rick? That’s cool, man. I didn’t know you guys were bi.”

“What? I’m not, it was just a drunken thing. We were trying to impress some hot women and I didn’t want to let Rick down. Just like what you did with your friends.”

“I wasn’t trying to impress anyone, Frank. I’m bi.”

Frank turned to Shred and just stared at him for an uncomfortable amount of time before saying, “Oh, that’s cool." Then he turned back to look at the road, still looking shocked.

“Are you going to be okay, Frank? Do you not know any other bisexual men?”

“I don’t know. Maybe?”

“So are you telling me this because you think you might have feelings for Rick?”

“No! Of course not. I just wanted to talk to someone about this weird... thing in my stomach that I keep getting when I think about Rick and what happened between us.”

“What kind of weird thing?” Shred asked, trying to play along.

“Just this feeling in my stomach. I can’t describe it. I get it when something really bad or something really good is about to happen.”

“So, like, butterflies? Like you get when you’re nervous?” Shred asked, unable to hide the pity he felt for Frank. He couldn’t believe someone Frank’s age was unfamiliar with the concept of nervous butterflies.

“Why would I be nervous about seeing Rick? And what does that have to do with what happened when I got drunk with him?”

Shred was actually starting to get a little bit annoyed with Frank. He knew if he said too much, the conversation would be over, so he took a breath and just kept at it.

“So did you like kissing Rick?”

Frank was silent for a while before responding, “Of course. Kissing is fun. Didn’t you like kissing your guy friends?”

“Yes, but…”

“But what?”

“I’m bi, Frank. I like kissing guys. I kiss guys because I enjoy kissing them.”

After another uncomfortable silence, Frank finally said, “Thanks for listening, Shred.”

Shred thought it was unlikely that Frank was being sincere, so he wasn't sure how to respond.

Frank clarified, “Really. I know everything I say sounds sarcastic, but I appreciate you letting me talk about this.”

“No problem, Frank.” Shred was a little bit concerned about Frank being so uncharacteristically sincere, but he decided he’d quit while he was ahead and just let the conversation end there.

               ------------------------------------------     

A few days went by and Frank hadn’t brought up Rick again. Shred was still thinking about it, though, and he’d been trying to come up with a way to help Frank acknowledge his crush. He finally thought of something, and it seemed like a good time to suggest it to Frank. Shred felt like the two of them had really become closer the other day at the frat house when Frank told Shred about the ex-girlfriend who ghosted him.

They were both sitting at their desks doing paperwork when Shred quietly said Frank’s name.

Frank looked up, waiting to hear what Shred had to say.

“I think I have an idea that might help you figure out what that feeling in your stomach means.”

“You’re still thinking about that? I haven’t even thought about it in days,” Frank lied. “So what is it?”

“We’ll talk about it in the truck,” Shred whispered.

               ------------------------------------------    

When they got in the truck, Frank almost immediately asked Shred, “So what was it that you were going to suggest?”

“Oh, okay. So, here’s my idea. I was thinking, maybe that feeling you get in your stomach is just something that happens when you kiss guys.”

“That’s not an idea.”

“I’m not done. Let me finish, Frank. I was thinking, maybe you could try kissing another guy and see if it happens then too.”

Frank blinked several times. “Like who? I don’t want to kiss Templeton. And Patel’s married. Jack?” Frank started imagining it and looked pretty pleased with what he was picturing.

Shred laughed. “Well, I’m not sure if Jack would be into it, but I could ask him if you want.”

“Please don’t ask him about it. Who were you going to suggest I try kissing? I’ve listed every guy I can think of.”

Shred squinted his eyes and tilted his head as he stared at Frank.

Frank finally said, “You?” and then gave Shred his cockiest, most obnoxious smile. “I knew you were into me, Shred. As soon as you said you were bisexual, I knew it.”

“I’m not into you, Frank. I’m trying to help. If we kiss and you get the feeling in your stomach, then it’s probably just something that happens when you kiss guys. If it doesn’t happen with me, then maybe it’s something else.” Shred secretly hoped Frank’s crush on Rick would be reciprocated. He sensed something going on between Rick and Emily, and he was hoping for anything that might put a stop to it. Especially now that Camila had broken up with him.

“What do you mean something else? What do you think it might be?”

Shred sighed. “Let’s just try it and see what happens. Pull over here.”

“Right here? We can’t just kiss right here in the truck, Shred. What if someone sees?”

“Who cares if they see, Frank? It’s Seattle. Everyone is gay here.”

“No, that’s not what I mean. It’s just kind of unprofessional for us to kiss in uniform. Why don’t we try it later? I know where we can go.”

                ------------------------------------------    

Later that day when things were winding down, Frank nodded to Shred, and gestured for him to follow. Frank brought Shred into the exam room and locked the door behind him. “I love that the exam room has a lock,” Frank said, nodding at Shred as if he knew what he was talking about.

Shred had no idea what he meant, but his mind went to all kinds of disgusting places. “Why? What do you do in here?”

“Nothing,” Frank said quickly.

Shred tried to shake the thoughts from his mind, and he stepped closer to Frank and put his hand on his shoulder.

Frank hesitated and pointed to the chairs in front of Collette’s desk. “Why don’t we try sitting down? I’ll hurt my back if I try to lean that far down.”

Shred shook his head at the unnecessary jab at his height and went to sit down.

Frank sat in the chair next to Shred, but they were still a few feet away from each other.

Shred moved his chair closer to Frank and said, “This isn’t going to work if you’re that far away from me.” Shred adjusted himself so that his knees were pressed together in between Frank’s legs.

Frank looked at Shred and put a hand on his cheek. He glanced down at Shred’s mouth, but didn’t go in for the kiss. “This is really stupid, Shred. Why are we doing this?”

“I just thought it might help you learn more about yourself. We don’t have to.”

“No, we definitely don’t, but we’re already here.” Frank looked around just to make sure no one was hiding in the room and secretly watching them. Frank slowly moved his face closer to Shred until their lips met. Shred put one hand on Frank’s back and exhaled slowly through his nose as he took in the sensation of Frank’s beard on his face. Frank pulled back after a few seconds and looked at Shred.

“So, did you get the feeling?” Shred asked hopefully.

“No. I’m not sure what that means. Maybe it’s the type of kiss,” Frank decided. “Rick and I really went at it. Tongues and everything.”

Shred laughed, trying to hide his excitement. “You want to try again, Frank? This time with tongue.”

Frank brought his hand to Shred’s face again. He gave Shred another soft kiss, and then moved his hand to the back of Shred’s neck and gently laced his fingers through Shred’s hair. Shred tilted his head, deepening the kiss. Frank tasted like the donuts he’d eaten earlier in the day. Shred was surprised by how gentle Frank was. He expected him to be more aggressive, like a lion or something.

Frank followed Shred’s lead and opened his mouth to match Shred’s. Shred tasted like blueberries, which Frank found completely unsurprising.

Shred pulled back so that his lips were just barely touching Frank’s and whispered with his eyes still closed, “You don’t have to be so gentle.”

Frank took that as a challenge. He kissed Shred more vigorously, running his hands through Shred’s hair and down his back.

Shred savored the sensations, trying to take a mental snapshot of everything that was happening: the sweet taste of Frank’s mouth, the feel of Frank’s tongue on his, and the way he smelled. Shred knew Frank never used any scented products, and even being stuck in a truck with Frank for hours at a time, he never really noticed a scent. But being this close to him, he could smell something that could only be described as manly as hell. Shred moved one hand to the back of Frank’s arm as he kissed him, squeezing his impressive tricep.

Frank brought his head upright, separating his mouth from Shred’s. With his hand still on the back of Shred's neck, Frank looked at Shred and gave him one last quick kiss. Shred’s eyes were still closed, and he took a slow breath before opening them again.

“I didn’t feel anything, Shred.”

“You’re a really good kisser, Frank.” Shred quickly grabbed a folder from Collette’s desk and put it over his lap.

Frank’s eyes widened as he figured out what that meant. He stood up and mumbled, “Let’s talk about it more later,” and then left Shred sitting in the room by himself.

Shred looked around the exam room to distract himself from what had just happened, and a few minutes later he was able to leave the room. On the way out, he passed by Emily, who looked confused, glancing back and forth between Shred and Frank.

Shred left work without saying anything to Frank, telling himself he’d just be straightforward about his feelings when they got a chance to talk again.

                  ------------------------------------------    

Back in the truck the next day, Frank and Shred drove silently for a few minutes before Shred started speaking first.

“I want to be upfront with you about what happened yesterday, Frank.”

“Okay,” Frank said slowly, grimacing.

“I really liked kissing you and I can’t stop thinking about it, Frank. I just wanted to get that out in the open, since we’re partners, and I don’t want to make a weird situation even weirder. I know you don’t feel that way about me, but I just thought you should know.”

That wasn't at all what Frank was expecting Shred to say, but he turned toward Shred, smiling smugly and said, “I knew it. I knew you’d be into me."

“I’m glad I could give you a much-needed ego boost, Frank.”

Frank still had that arrogant smile plastered on his face as he continued driving them to their next job.

Shred looked at Frank, trying to figure out how to start the conversation about Rick.

“So, Frank. Did you... want to talk about Rick?”

Frank frowned. “What about him?”

“Well, since you didn’t get any butterflies—or, you know, that weird feeling in your stomach when we kissed, what do you think that means?”

Frank sighed. “I know what it means, Shred. I don’t want to talk about it yet.”

                ------------------------------------------    

A few weeks later, Rick stopped by the precinct during adoption day, and Frank was excited to see him, as usual. Just like the last time he saw Rick, it wasn’t awkward at all when they were together, even after Frank’s revelation about his feelings for him.

Frank spent most of the day talking to Victoria on the phone, trying to figure out how to replace the tranquilizer dart that Victoria and Frank had used to save C-38.

At the end of the day, after Frank had deleted the evidence of Victoria taking the dart and Victoria had gotten the replacement dart from Templeton, Emily came up to Frank to let him know she’d found something else in the exam room hidden camera.

The realization hit Frank as he was following Emily to the exam room. Frank had been so focused on deleting the video of Victoria taking the dart that he'd completely forgotten about kissing Shred in the exam room, and there was definitely video of the whole thing happening. There was no way Emily was talking about him and Shred kissing, right? It couldn’t be that. Emily was concerned about losing her job and this didn't seem like the way she'd react to seeing a video of two of her employees kissing. Frank knew about Emily’s crush on Shred, though, and he didn’t want her to think he was trying to get in the way of that. Frank was really not looking forward to having to explain to his boss why he was kissing his work partner, who she had a crush on, at work.

When it turned out that Emily had found a video of Patel covering the camera in the exam room, Frank breathed a sigh of relief. After Emily left the exam room, Frank sneaked back in so he could quickly go back through the camera footage to find the video of him and Shred kissing. Once he found it, his finger hovered over the delete button for a few seconds. He had a strange urge to watch it back instead of deleting it. He hesitated for a few seconds more, knowing he had to hurry up so he could catch Patel and let him know about the footage that Emily had found. For whatever reason, he just couldn’t delete it. Instead, he emailed a copy of the video to himself, and then deleted it from the exam room computer.

Chapter Text

Shred loudly announced his arrival at the hospital and started searching for something that he could help Frank with. Shred was excited to be in a situation where Frank needed him (even though Frank would never admit it). Frank insisted that he just needed a ride home and invited Shred to watch the rest of the hockey game with him.

Shred lay down next to Frank on his hospital bed and turned his head to look at Frank.

"Why are you looking at me like that, Shred? I don't think Camila would approve of you kissing me right now."

"I wasn't going to kiss you. I was just thinking about Emily."

Frank hoped this wasn't going where he knew it was. "What about Emily?"
"I think I have a thing for her."
Frank sighed and sarcastically responded, "That's great."

Frank had just gotten done encouraging Emily to date Rick because he was under the impression that Shred wanted to stay with Camila. Frank was just trying to be a good friend to Emily and Rick, but he'd fucked that up as usual, and ended up just meddling in their weird love triangle and inadvertently screwing over Shred.

After the hockey game was over, Frank asked Shred to grab his things for him so he would be ready to leave as soon as he was discharged. When Shred picked up Frank's phone, he accidentally turned it on and briefly saw what Frank had been looking at. It was a website with a bisexual pride flag, but Shred wasn't able to read anything on the page quickly enough without making Frank suspicious. He just closed the browser so that Frank wouldn't know that he saw it, and handed it to him.

“Shred, do you see a marble over there?”

Shred looked around and spotted a marble on the floor under the table. As he bent down to pick up the marble, Shred asked, “Why do you always have a marble with you, Frank?”

“I just like having it with me. It’s a good luck charm. You’ve heard of good luck charms, right, Shred?” Frank asked condescendingly.

“Of course. But that’s it? There’s nothing more to it?”

“No, it’s not some weird sentimental thing; I just like having it in my pocket. I like having something to hold in my hand and I like how it feels on my fingers. That’s it," Frank said impatiently.

“Oh, so it’s like a fidget.” Shred replied, nodding.

“A fidget?” Frank asked like he’d never heard the word before.

“Like when I was in school, they used to let me have a little toy with me at my desk to help me sit still, so I wouldn't cause so many disruptions. You didn't ever have anything like that, Frank?”

“No, I didn’t need anything to help me sit still, but I did get in trouble a lot. My teachers hated me because I was always correcting them. And they’d get upset that I only wanted to read non-fiction.”

Shred looked up at the ceiling and mumbled, “Which one is non-fiction again? Are those the books with made-up stories?”

Frank rolled his eyes, then looked right at Shred with a genuine half-smile.
“I need to get dressed, Shred.”

Shred got the hint and stepped outside Frank’s room.

While Shred was out of the room, Frank started trying to think up something he could do to fix what he’d messed up with Shred and Emily. He wanted to undo the damage, but he really wasn’t sure if there was anything he could do. He wanted Rick to be happy too, and he could tell from Rick’s extravagant plan for his date with Emily that he was really into her. Frank worried that his real motivation for helping Shred was to selfishly break up Emily and Rick so he could have Rick to himself, that he wasn’t actually trying to be a good friend to Shred. Thinking about Rick made his mind wander back to that night at the bar again.

Frank started thinking about how the night might have been different if there hadn’t been a table full of hot women, and Frank and Rick hadn’t kissed each other just to impress them. What if instead of Rick going home with someone he’d just met, he’d gone home with Frank? What if instead of just sitting there with the TV on in front of him thinking about Rick, Frank would have had Rick there in the flesh? What if instead of drunkenly making out at the bar to put on a show, Rick had drunkenly grabbed Frank by the shirt and pulled him in to sloppily kiss him, letting his hands explore Frank’s body? What if Rick had pulled his own shirt off, then yanked off Frank’s shirt before pressing his body against Frank's while kissing him forcefully? What if Rick had stood up, grabbed Frank’s hand and pulled him off the couch so he was standing in front of him, and then hooked his fingers through Frank’s belt loops and--

Shred walked back into the hospital room and looked at Frank, confused. “You still haven’t gotten dressed?”

Frank looked at Shred, breathing heavily. “No, I… got distracted.”

Frank stood up and steadied himself by holding onto the hospital bed, still feeling the effects of the muscle relaxers. He gingerly pulled his pants on and then slowly started taking his hospital gown off, wincing a bit as he was still in some pain, even with the drugs. Shred offered to help, but Frank insisted on doing it himself. Shred watched Frank uncertainly, forcing himself to let Frank continue to struggle with it on his own. Frank eventually got the gown off and started looking around for his shirt.

Shred intended to help Frank find his shirt but ended up just looking at Frank standing there shirtless. Even in this state, looking fragile and a little wobbly, Frank still had one of the most impressive bodies Shred had ever seen. Shred knew a lot of 20-something professional athletes, and even compared to guys much younger than him, Frank was in incredible shape.

Shred shook himself out of his Frank-induced trance and started looking around for his shirt, but Frank spotted it first and started slowly putting it over his head. The shirt got stuck over his face, however, and he was clearly working hard to lift his arms and get his shirt over his head. Shred decided to ignore Frank’s insistence on doing everything himself and ran over to help him. Shred stretched Frank’s t-shirt over his head and pulled it down until it was hugging his torso tightly, like all of Frank’s shirts did. Shred looked up at Frank and their eyes briefly met. Shred paused for a second looking at Frank, then awkwardly patted Frank on the shoulders and told him, “You look good.”

“Thanks,” Frank muttered and finished gathering the rest of his things.

                -----------------------------------

Frank and Shred rode silently for the first few minutes of the car ride home from the hospital, other than Shred checking several times to make sure Frank was okay.

“I’m still fine, Shred, just a little out of it," Frank kept telling him.

Frank was the one to break the silence, catching Shred off guard with an unexpected question. “Have you ever had sex with a man, Shred?” Frank asked quickly, not really sure he wanted to hear the answer.

“That came out of nowhere,” Shred responded with a small laugh. “I had a thing with a guy in college for a few months, so yeah.”

After a long pause, Frank asked, “What was it like?”

“You want me to describe having sex with a man for you? You know I don’t share sex details, Frank.”

“Oh, right.” Frank looked around the car for a few seconds and then continued, “So did you like it?”

“You can’t just keep asking me these questions and not expect me to have questions for you. Am I supposed to guess why you’re asking? Oh shit, did you have sex with Rick?” Shred asked, holding his hand out like he was bracing himself for the answer.

“What? No, definitely not. I was just… curious. Because you said you were bisexual. I thought that’s what it meant.”

“You can be bisexual without having sex with men,” Shred said, looking at Frank. “It’s nice that I get to teach you about something for a change, isn’t it, Frank?”

“Not really.” Frank looked out the window groggily.

“It’s not that different from sex with a woman, Frank. You just need to be a good communicator and figure out what they like and don’t like, and then it’ll probably end up being pretty good.”

“Well that explains the low grade…” Frank said quietly to himself.

“Low grade? Someone graded you?” Shred asked, curious and slightly horrified.

“No. Maybe. I don’t want to talk about it," Frank said, still looking out the window.

“Classic Frank.” Shred smiled.

“I’ve thought about it,” Frank said flatly, turning to face forward.

“Thought about it.” Shred repeated, nodding. “Oh, you mean sex with men? That’s cool.”

“Not with you, Shred.”

“Well, you’re welcome to tell me about your fantasies, if you want. That’s different from sex details, so…”

“Not fantasies,” Frank interrupted. “Thinking about it is different from having fantasies. I don’t fantasize about men.”

“You don’t have to do that around me, Frank. I’m not judging you. You know I’m bi and you know I’ve had sex with a man. Also, we’ve kissed,” Shred said, as if he were just remembering. Then he grinned and continued in a high-pitched voice, “And it was… kind of fucking hot.”

“Ugh, don’t remind me,” Frank disagreed.

Shred looked at Frank, surprised. “You didn’t like it? It seemed like you did.”

“Yeah,” Frank answered indifferently.

“That hurts, man. I can’t tell if you’re just doing your Frank-doesn’t-have-feelings thing or you really weren’t into it, but I thought it was pretty damn enjoyable and it seemed like you did too. It’s okay to admit you like people, Frank. You don’t have to worry about putting yourself out there and not having it reciprocated, with me at least.”

“That’s not what this is, Shred. I’m just tired, let’s talk about it tomorrow.”

                     -----------------------------------

Frank was still thinking about the Shred-Emily-Rick love triangle the next day, and decided the only thing he could do to help the situation would be to talk to Emily again. He didn’t want to discourage her from dating Rick, he just wanted to get an idea of where she stood. He found her in the break room absentmindedly pouring sugar into her coffee and staring into the distance, just like the last time they talked about Rick.

“What happened with Rick?”

Emily looked up, slightly startled. “Oh! Hey, Frank. I didn't go to Canada with him. We agreed to just get pizza on Tuesday night, so we’ll be doing that instead.”

“Sounds perfect,” Frank said, trying to sound sincere. “He was okay with it?”

“Oh, yeah. He wasn’t upset or anything. He ended up bringing Patel on his fancy Canadian date, so that worked out for everyone,” Emily said with a smile that wasn’t very convincing.

“He brought Patel on the date?” Frank asked, trying to hide his jealousy. He looked away and mumbled, “Lucky Patel.”

“Hm?” Emily looked at Frank, positive she didn’t actually hear what she thought she’d heard.

“Nothing. So, you and Shred then…” Frank squinted as he said it, not fully sure it was a good idea to bring up Shred at this point.

“Shred? You told me he was with Camila and that I should move on,” Emily snapped, annoyed to be hearing Shred’s name again when she’d tried so hard to just forget about her crush on him.

Frank held his hands up defensively. “You should definitely go on the date with Rick. I just wanted to make sure you weren’t regretting it or anything.”

“Regretting it? Now you’re making me think I should be regretting it. Did Shred say something?”

“No!” Frank yelled a little too forcefully. “No,” he tried again more calmly. “You should go out with Rick. Shred and Camila are still together.”

Emily cocked her head slightly at Frank’s use of “still,” but she decided to just let it go.

“Thanks for encouraging me to go for it with Rick. I would’ve just been thinking about Shred forever otherwise, and he has a girlfriend, so that would have been really sad for me.” Emily laughed at how silly she sounded.

“Of course. I’m glad it worked out.”

Frank smiled at Emily and then turned around before starting to internally beat himself up for not being able to do anything to help the situation for Shred without messing things up for Rick and Emily.

                -----------------------------------

The first thing Shred said to Frank when they got in the truck was that he wanted to break up with Camila. He kept insisting that he had to tell Camila in person because it wouldn’t be honorable to do it over the phone. Frank broke the news to Shred that Emily and Rick had planned a date together and that Frank had encouraged Emily to go for it because he didn't realize Shred was thinking of breaking up with Camila. Frank didn’t mention that he’d gone back to talk to Emily again after Shred admitted to having a thing for her.

As they were walking back from the truck into the office, Shred spotted Rick and hung back to talk to him.

“Hey, you know June is fast approaching.” Shred pointed at Rick and paused as if Rick would know where he was going with this.

“That’s true. What’s happening in June?” Rick looked up like he was looking through a mental calendar.

“You know. Seattle Pride.” Shred nodded at Rick as if they’d talked about it before.

“Oh! That’s right. I’ve actually never been. Are you… going?” Rick asked, hoping he wasn’t prying too much.

“I’ll probably go. It’s always a good time,” Shred told Rick vaguely, not really interested in coming out to him.

“Cool, maybe I’ll check it out too.” Rick responded insincerely.

Shred gave a wave and walked into the office. He started looking around for Frank, but they didn’t get a chance to have a private conversation before hearing the news about C-38’s death. Frank spent the next few hours with Victoria, and Shred spent most of the day competing with Rick for Emily’s attention.

Everyone attended the funeral that Victoria had arranged for C-38 and they ended the night by celebrating the cougar’s life at a local bar. Shred was finally able to get in touch with Camila and break up with her just before catching Emily and Rick kissing outside. Shred went inside and updated Frank on everything that had happened. Frank bought Shred a drink and they sat together at the bar as they drank.

Shred thought the time felt right to tell Frank about his conversation with Rick. “I don’t think Rick’s into dudes, Frank. I talked to him earlier and I got very strong straight guy vibes. I think we’re both screwed.”

“Yeah, you're probably right about him not being into me. And we’ve been friends for so long, it would be weird anyway…” Frank trailed off. He looked around and spotted Victoria taking care of a drunken Patel.

Frank continued. “I talked to Emily again.” Frank looked at Shred to see his reaction. “They’re obviously going on that date and I know you saw them kiss and everything.” Frank looked at his drink as he finished everything he wanted to say to Shred. “I don’t want to give you false hope or anything, but she definitely still seemed into you. I just didn’t want to say anything to her about it because you hadn’t broken up with Camila yet, and…” Frank tried to explain while looking down and gesturing at his beer.

“Thanks for doing that, Frank. I think I’m ready to go home.”

“I can take you if you want. They made those drinks pretty strong.” Frank regretted ordering two drinks for Shred.

“No, I’m fine,” Shred insisted. “I’m not gonna stop you from taking me home, though.” Shred gave Frank a mischievous smile and raised his eyebrows suggestively.

                      -----------------------------------

Once they were at Shred’s apartment, Frank checked to make sure Shred was okay before taking off.

“I’m good. I can handle my liquor. Those blueberry mojitos were a bit stronger than I was expecting, though,” Shred said, stretching his arms.

“Okay, so I’ll see you—” Frank started, but Shred cut him off.

“You can come hang out if you want, Frank.” Shred offered.

Frank shrugged and followed Shred into his apartment. Shred fell onto his couch while Frank just stood in the doorway, looking around the room. After a few minutes, Frank walked over and sat down next to Shred, suddenly realizing that he’d had more beer than he should have. Shred scooted himself closer to Frank and immediately went in for a kiss. Frank placed his hand on Shred’s chest to stop him.

“You know I’m not Emily, right?”

“I know who you are, Frank. I’m not drunk,” Shred repeated.
Frank paused before wrapping his arms around Shred and kissing him gently. Shred kissed Frank back, putting one hand in Frank’s hair and running the other hand down Frank's arm.

Frank moved his hands to Shred’s face and went in for a deeper kiss. Shred wrapped his arms around Frank and kissed him back, enjoying the scratchiness of Frank’s beard and his manly scent. Frank shifted his hands to play with Shred’s hair briefly, then started kissing him more intensely as his hands made their way to Shred’s chest. Shred grabbed onto the back of Frank’s uniform, matching his intensity. Frank started fiddling with the buttons on Shred’s uniform for a few seconds before giving up and beginning to lift Shred’s shirt. Shred pulled back, ending the kiss abruptly. Frank jerked back, quickly taking his hands off of Shred and looking embarrassed.

“You know I want to, Frank, but it’s probably not a good idea. I know you're thinking about someone else and that’s kind of weird for me.”

“I’m not thinking about Rick. I’m pretty sure I’m over that,” Frank started to explain.

“I saw you outside with Victoria, Frank. It looked like you were about to propose to each other.” Shred let out a sad laugh.

Frank looked at Shred for a moment and then stared off into the distance. He shook himself out of the daydream and looked at Shred again.

“I’m sorry about Emily. I can tell she’s still into you, but it didn’t seem right to try to stop her from dating Rick.”

“You're a good friend, Frank.” Shred moved himself closer to Frank and hugged him, putting his head on Frank’s chest.

Frank placed a hand on Shred’s back as they hugged. “I should go. Sorry for, you know…” Frank gestured at Shred’s body as he stood up.

“It’s okay, Frank. It’ll give me something exciting to think about tonight instead of just being sad about Emily.”

Frank bent down to give Shred a platonic kiss on the mouth before turning around to leave.

“Hey, Frank.”

Frank turned around to look at Shred.

“Patel was wrong about you,” Shred started. “There is a soft chewy center inside that crusty exterior.”

“What?” Frank looked confused but started to smile.

“You are that kind of cookie, Frank.”

Frank laughed. “Okay, Shred. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Shred smiled. “See you tomorrow, Partner.”