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Tommy took his eyes off the man sleeping in the bed and stubbed out his cigarette in an almost full ashtray. It was his fourth one. He palmed his face in despair.
…
They were relaxing in front of the nice and cozy fireplace in Alfie’s living room. Tommy had settled in the left side of Alfie’s warm body and Alfie’s arm was losingly around his shoulder. The blue-eyed man was smoking a cigarette as usual. Alfie had been silent for a while, which was somehow odd, just kissing Tommy’s head randomly, and the only sound in the room was the crackles of the fire.
- Tommy, darling… I want to talk about something if you don’t mind.
Alfie said out of the blue, with an unsure voice. Immediately, Tommy’s mind started exploring the recent events. He cocked his head to look Alfie in the eyes. They were soft and kind. So, nothing to worry about, he thought.
- Did something happen that I missed?
- No no… it’s just I want to have a talk with my dearest boyfriend.
Alfie said, smiling. Tommy looked at the fire again and nodded.
- Go on then. What’s got to you?
Alfie remained silent for a moment. Then cleared his throat and took a deep breath, making Tommy anxious inside.
- You know how much I love you and care for you, right?
Tommy huffed and glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. Then smirked.
- Hmmm In fact I’m not completely sure… you know… I have an idea for sure but perhaps you should show me more.
He giggled and Alfie smiled genuinely, planted a kiss on his cheek. He was so gentle tonight. Tommy still couldn’t catch the point of the whole situation. The Jewish guy turned his boyfriend’s face towards himself and stared at those breathtaking oceans.
- Oh, come on! I’m hundred percent sure you know. You cheeky bastard! However, I was wondering whether you have the same feeling for me…
Tommy put out his cigarette, then with his now free hand, scratched Alfie’s ear tenderly.
- Alfie, we were having a very nice evening and now you’re making trouble here.
- Asking whether you love me means making trouble? Nah, mate… I don’t think so. Just give me a simple answer.
Tommy rolled his eyes with the most effort he could put through.
- God! Yes, Alfie. I am fucking deeply in love with you too. Otherwise, what the hell am I doing in your arms while my fucking guards are dropped like this??
- Easy boy. I got it. Well, now that’s clear to both of us that we care about each other, I want to ask you to do something in my favour and I need you to listen to my words first before reacting briskly.
He paused to examine Tommy’s expression. He seemed a bit confused but calm, so he went on.
- I know that you really like smoking and I must admit heartfully you look fuckin sexy doin’ it. You little devil make my dick twitch with those burning hot gestures of yours…
- God! Stop being horny for a moment…
- Thanks, babe but Alfie is fine.
- Oh fuck off!
- Anyway, know you are somehow addicted to nicotine inside of that bulshit. I know why you need it. I understand that there is a lot of pressure in this fuckin job of ours and you need to get it out of your body in one way or another. But being a chain-smoker like this is gonna kill you and I…
Tommy interrupted him furiously and pulled himself out of Alfie's arms.
- What the fuck, Alfie?! Now you are admonishing me? You just can’t tell me what should I do or not. I’m definitely not a fucking child and who are you…?
- Thomas, watch out and don’t say things you may regret later.
The tone of his voice was dead serious so Tommy stopped fussing.
- I would really appreciate it if you let me finish my little speech here. Is that alright?
Tommy frowned but nodded curtly.
- Thank you. Now, what was I saying? Hmm…? Aha smoking. Yes. Look treacle, although it is an integral part of your life which you really enjoy, I am either. ain’t I?
Alfie’s eyes searched for Tommy’s nervously. Like suddenly he wasn’t completely sure about his place in Tommy’s life and it made him insecure. Although Tommy was angry with him because of all this fucking nonsense he had raised, he couldn’t stand watching his love being insecure about his affections towards him. So, he reached out and took Alfie’s hand in his, and sighed:
- Of course, you are an integral part of my life, you idiot!
Alfie let out a breath he didn’t know he had held. He squeezed Tommy’s hand in return and continued.
- Love, I’m not asking you to cut it off totally. All I’m demanding here is you limiting it. Just this. I’m really worried about you. You are the one among two of us who’s gonna live his life forever and I’m the one who’s supposed to leave you first.
Alfie was grinning but his words hurt Tommy. He snapped:
- Don’t say things like that. I don’t like to hear them. You’re not going anywhere soon. We’re gonna get fucking old together.
And leaned toward his man, put his head on his shoulder and said:
- I know you say this for my own good Alfie, but I have no limitation. You remember that? That’s the reason why I fuck you and don’t care about what people may think or say. Also, you have been with me long enough to know that I hate to be controlled by anyone. Just leave it, yeah?
Right then, they both thought of a specific situation in which Tommy certainly liked to be controlled and laughed. Alfie caressed the back of his head and murmured playfully:
- With all due respect, I can’t totally agree with you on that Mr. Shelby.
Tommy blushed and groaned sulkily.
- You’re right baby. I’ve dealt with you enough to know you won’t listen to anyone. I just thought maybe you can give me some credits and… and I don’ know really Tom! Maybe you can use me… I mean kiss me whenever you crave nicotine or something like that. Of course, it doesn’t have the same calming effect but it’s better than nothing and I will be truly honored to be chosen as your nicotine replacement. Won’t I? I know you want to say that it’s a shitty idea. But I’m not with you all the time, so you can smoke whenever you are on your own. Just smoke less baby. I love you so much and I don’t want your lungs to be fucked up in the future.
- Alfie, I can kiss you whenever I want already. You must bribe me with something more tempting.
Tommy said stubbornly, though they both knew he was acting like a spoiled brat, because who was Tommy trying to fool? He actually loved being spoiled by his boyfriend. Alfie loved to pamper him too, so he licked Tommy’s ear and said seductively:
- I may make it up to you in other ways too. It depends on how good you be for me, baby boy.
This went straight to Tommy’s prick and made him hot and bothered. He hoisted himself a bit and struggled to sit on Alfie’s lap. As Alfie was helping him, his fingers buried to Tommy’s sides and elicited a loud moan out of him. Tommy eagerly went for a kiss but Alfie stopped him midway.
- Ah… what’s going on now? I’ve been sitting here suffering from lectures on health AND not being kissed at least for half an hour!
Tommy pouted while pressing his groin down to Alfie’s to exhort him to do something. Anything actually! Just something to help Tommy with blowing off some tension.
- Nah sweetheart... We have a deal here, don’ we? So what do they say? Seal the deal with a kiss. Right? First, make a promise, then you’ll have your snog.
- God helps me with you Alfie cause I’m sure you’re gonna be the death of me!
Tommy glared at Alfie and Alfie rolled his eyes.
- Do you want that kiss of yours or not? If you have planned to sulk all night, it’s better to get off me because you’ll give both of us blue balls, you arrogant prick!
- Fuck you.
- I think the other way around actually…
- Okayyyy! That’s enough.
Tommy leaned forward:
- I promise. To try. My best. To limit. Smoking!
He accented every word with a kiss. Alfie took the opportunity to enter his tongue in Tommy’s mouth to make out properly. When they got out of breath, separated. Alfie tapped his nose to Tommy’s kindly.
- I Love you! <3
Tommy was cursing himself internally as he knew this plan would not work out actually. He couldn’t bear Alfie’s sadness though. This man…
Tommy was a fucking boss out there. He had hundreds of men working for him. Scared of him. Workers, fighters, even policemen! But this man, Alfie, was an exception. He had mesmerized Tommy with his undeniable charisma. At the very beginning of their relationship, Tommy was so fucking scared because he hadn’t experienced such an intense feeling for anyone, let alone any bloke! However, as time passed, he realised that Alfie is on the same page as him. Now, about a year after meeting him for the first time, this fucking independent ambitious man, knew it would be impossible for him to live without his Alfie. Tommy had become a passionate lover who would easily meet Alfie's requests. He had fucked many things in his life but Alfie was something else. He wouldn’t let anything ruin their relationship. Although he rarely verbalized it, he was definitely madly in love with the guy too.
The salty taste in his mouth pulled him out of his bitter-sweet memory. According to his totally wet face, he had been crying for a while. He whipped his tears and lighted another cigarette.
“Well Alfie, if you wanted me safe and sound, you mustn’t have left me alone in this fuckin world. Don’t ya? You just made me want to do it more often so it may get me an imminent reunion with you, fucker!”