Chapter Text
There he was again tonight.
Like he most always was. It is not the first time that Wei Wuxian has appeared in Lan Wangji's dreams, and it certainly won't be the last. Ever since his youth, the Second Young Master Lan has always dreamed of sweet things regarding the loud mouthed head disciple of Yunmeng.
He recalls his favorite one— wherein he and Wei Wuxian sat side by side flying lanterns into the sky. They would walk along a different path than the other guest disciples, all of what Wei Ying typically ranted on about back then was all but a blur. What Lan Wangji felt in that particular moment, he suddenly decided it to be something worth telling. After all, Wei Wuxian would be leaving two days from then— half a year at Gusu, barely surviving from the boredom and the urge to punch Jin Zixuan in the face; it was the end of the guest disciple lectures.
Lan Wangji doesn't know when he would see Wei Ying again. And so, in a moment like a blur, he spits it out of his throat. The last thing he recalls is the look of astonishment on Wei Ying's rosy face before he woke up.
That was only one out of the very many collection of dreams featuring his very beloved. Funnily enough, he didn't even consider Wei Wuxian to be any importance of him at the time, much too bewildered at the confusing whirlwind of his emotions to really pinpoint it down.
But the dreams never ceased.
It kept on for five years. Dreams ranging from a wide variety of genres. Lan Wangji once dreamed of another sweet encounter, including his beloved bunnies at the back of Cloud Recesses. And in another, he dreamed of Wei Ying slipping away from his grasp, married off to another pretty maiden he'd set his eyes on. A heartbreaking dream that left him entirely upset for that day.
Scandalously, the Second Young Master Lan would also dream indecent things about Wei Wuxian! It had only been two nights that he dreamt of such shameless acts, but he still finds himself fidgety whenever he would walk by the library pavillon and the woods behind the mountain of the Cloud Recesses. He silently punished himself for it, much to brother's bewildered confusion.
Much more often, he would dream of their memories— like the time they fought on the wall, how he first laid his eyes on Wei Ying and the unexplainable acceleration of his heartbeat at the boisterous man's every banter.
He dreams of the hunt they did on the lake. Wherein instead of clutching Wei Wuxian's collar to hoisten him up, he would gently cradle him in his arms. In retrospect, he wouldn't mind the wetness anyways as long as he feels the warmth of his beloved in his arms. He wishes that that was what he did.
Unfortunately, the dreams would only get worse from there. Wei Ying showed up less often, replaced with the burning trauma of the Cloud Recesses on fire. A constant nightmare. Lan Wangji couldn't escape it. It was fire after fire after fire. Horrifyingly enough, he once dreamt of witnessing Wei Ying's burnt up corpse within the chambers of the Jingshi. It haunted him for days, even knowing that it wasn't (and will never) be true.
After all, he was with Wei Ying in the cave of Xuanwu. He finally had the chance to be right next to him, intimately in their most vulnerable states. Lan Wangji doesn't remember at which part of the night did Wei Ying snuggle up to him close, shivering. He woke up with him in his lap, and Wei Wuxian awoke with Lan Wangji's hand cupping his cheek.
Lan Wangji froze then, having been caught red handed. He glanced away, feeling his ears burn. Just as he was about to quickly retreat his hand, Wei Wuxian clasps it with his own and guides his hand back to his face, smiling ever so softly. His eyes were like an ocean of different emotions, with one outstanding the rest— adoration.
"Lan Zhan," Wei Ying whispered. "Please don't let me go." He said it with a teasing glint, similar to a pout. But Lan Wangji, he wasn't going to brush it aside because it's a joke. No, he's no longer a fifteen year old who's unsure of what he felt. He's nineteen and he knows what he felt and what he feels.
This person, Lan Wangji would do anything to protect.
"Mn," He hummed, "Would always be here for Wei Ying."
He wishes he could say more. He wants to say everything about how he feels. But no, he couldn't, shouldn't. Not when Wei Ying is so close. Not with a single word, Wei Ying could be more distant from him. It's fine. He's content with that they already have. Everything was doomed for Lan Wangji the moment he fell in love for Wei Wuxian; a love never to be reciprocated. But it's fine. As long as he's with him, he's content. Or so he says.
Before Wei Wuxian fell back to sleep, once again, he weakly opened his eyes. "Lan Zhan," he said it so softly, "sing a song for me."
The Lans love only once. When they do, people would say they love in the most artistic and virtuous ways. Lan Wangji was no poet. Though he wanted to, he could not write a poem of his love for Wei Wuxian. He could not write line after line depicting the way he fell, the way he felt, and the way he feels with his beloved. The only poetry he could write are the very characters for "Wei Ying Wuxian" as these words are already enough to express the valley of emotions he felt buried within his heart that he may start to dig up soon.
Lan Wangji sings the song. He composed it for him. Every note of the humming melody, Wei Wuxian relaxed further on his lap, softly smiling althroughout.
"What is that song called, Lan Zhan?" His beloved's eyes were drooping down, almost on the verge of passing out.
Lan Wangji cradles him closer as he shut his own eyes.
"Wangxian."
Lan Wangji did not see the way Wei Wuxian's eyes watered and flush spread across his cheeks. He only felt the way Wei Wuxian's heartbeat sped against his own, beating in rhythm together against the silence of the cave. Wei Wuxian falls asleep. He remains asleep as he and Lan Wangji parted.
It gets worse.
When word from Jiang Wanyin came to him that Wei Wuxian was missing, his blood ran ice cold. Dread overcome his senses. He immediately partnered with the Jiang sect heir to search for the missing head disciple. A week turned into a month, and a month turned into three. It was after three months of unsuccessful attempts in searching that Wen Chao revealed Wei Wuxian's last moments.
"I threw him off of the Burial Mounds!"
Those words. Those words hit the most sore spot in Lan Wangji's heart. Almost as if he's been stabbed a hundred times with the revelation. Anger and grief overcame his senses, he strummed his guqin venomously against the Wens. He didn't stop even when the strings broke nor when his fingers bled.
Once their allies recovered their swords, Wangji wielded Bichen and stuck on blade first into the crowd of Wens. Resentment must've been a powerful emotion as in a blur, Lan Wangji defeated majority of Wen Chao's dogshit army. The second master of Wen ran away from the scene. It had Lan Wangji gripping his sword with such tremor. Not even the butterflies of victory around the field could aspire hope in his senses. He quickly fled from the scene. Returning home to wherever he could find, he's been travelling, searching for Wei Ying everywhere and going to different places. For now, he returned to a quaint inn. He washed himself clean before sitting down silently on the white sheets of the bed.
He's always been quiet. But the silence here doesn't suit him. He's alone with his thoughts and feelings. His fists clenched around the sheets. A tear falls, unexpectedly. Lan Wangji makes no effort to wipe it off. A tear turns to two. He thinks of Wei Wuxian, imagines him being thrown into the hell hole of Burial Mounds; a place of no return and certain death. His tears never ceased. It's only when the time reaches nine that he fell soundly asleep. The last words he mumbled during the night was a prayer of his beloved's name.
His prayer seems to be heard by the Gods. That night, finally after a long long long time if searching and yearning.
He's there.
They stood amongst a field of flowers. Wei Wuxian had his back turned against Lan Wangji. The latter swallowed up every urge he has in his in his heart to run up to him and embrace him with all his might. Lan Wangji wanted to remain as composed as he could possibly can.
"Lan Zhan!" But that voice... That voice was from the man he desperately loves.
He walked a step, then two, and raced for him. Even the flowers on the grass swayed oppositely from him, as if carving him a pathway. Ultimately, he stood face to face with Wei Wuxian's back. He was finally right there.
"Wei Ying," he should've hated how pathetic his voice cracked. But at the moment, all he felt was relief. Even in his dreams, at least Wei Wuxian could live here. But no, he wasn't dead. When he wakes, Lan Wangji will search every single corner and nook of the cursed Burial Mounds. He's willing to turn it upside down to find him again. He yearns to hold him close, possibly a little closer than before. And when that happens, he'll never let him go again.
Never.
The figure in front of Lan Wangji almost flickered like a light. Soon later it seemed to turn around. A hushed gasp left Lan Wangji's lips as Wei Wuxian's flickering figure stood in front of him. Could it even he described as standing? He's barely there. Almost like a shadow. His face was almost transparent like a... like a...
"Wei Ying." Lan Wangji reached out. The figure didn't waver, but Wangji's hand passed through it like air.
"Lan Zhan," he could still see the figure smile as it glitched between its form. "I'm sorry you have to see me this way."
The figure drifted closer. "I've heard that Wen Chao told you. About how I've been thrown to...hm, yes, there. He wasn't lying."
"Wei Ying," Lan Wangji searched for his face to get a sense of clarity on the matter.
"I— I was thrown. And what people said about the place was not wrong. I didn't..." The figure flicked aggressively and Lan Wangji panicked. But somehow it returned barely as the silhouette of a human person.
"I didn't survive." The form flickered again, almost like a flame. "Ugh, this form is absolutely useless. But it's all I have at the moment. I don't have a lot of energy yet. Lan Zhan, listen to me. I need to know this, please... please speak of it truthfully."
Lan Wangji frowned in concern but he nodded. "Mn."
In a moment, it seems as though the figure crouched to be smaller, as if meek. "Was ‘Wangxian’ written for me, Lan Zhan?"
"That song..." Wei Ying continued, "helped me regain this form. When I was close to dying, all I could do was hum that song. Thinking if I could ever have a chance to have you sing it to me once again. I wanted to hear it from you again like when we were in that cave. After I died, I became a ghost. Though I've died I still have my reasons to continue going on. One of them was for my family. One of them is for revenge. And one of them will be you, Lan Zhan." Wei Ying extended out his ghostly hand, before remembering himself and dropping it down uselessly.
"Please tell me. If I somehow misread the situation, I would never bother you again. But if I didn't... Tell me honestly Lan er-gege. Do you, perhaps, have feelings for me?"
Lan Wangji was stricken dumb with the question. He didn't expect Wei Wuxian to be so direct. In truth, Lan Wangji never planned to tell him how he felt. But the way Wei Wuxian is asking... He's pleading, almost afraid but demands an answer. Wangxian was a song he thought was to be only kept for himself.
But perhaps it may be time to share it with the one it was meant for.
Lan Wangji stared at Wei Ying's flickering form once more. His heartbeat pumped excitedly with wrecking feelings as he felt his ears burn with the upcoming confession.
"Mn." He muttered unmistakably.
"Huh?!" Wei Ying cried. "What was that, Lan Zhan?! Is that a ‘yes, mn’ or a ‘no, mn’?! So mean, er-gege, not giving this one a direct answer."
"That was..." oh god, this was it. Lan Wangji shut his eyes. "Yes, mn."
Lan Wangji was met with silence.
Once he opened his eyes, Lan Wangji was met with Wei Wuxian's form, not it wasn't flickering any more.
"You.." Wei Ying said. "You... love me?"
Lan Wangji looked away, feeling his ears burn redder.
"Your ears say it all! Oh, er-gege! If only my form was solid I would've thrown myself to you! This one feels the same! I like you so much! Or in other words, love you, fancy you, adore you! Can't bear to leave you! I want to night hunt with you for the rest of my life, I want to live for you!"
Wei Wuxian laughs as he hovers close to Lan Wangji.
"I really want to hug you right now, er-gege."
Lan Wangji's eyes shone brighter than a thousand fireflies. "Like you. Love you. Fancy you. Adore you." He repeats Wei Ying's words, like they were unreal. Suddenly he wishes Wei Ying was solid as well. He wishes to hug him close.
He felt the same! He felt the same as well!
Despite the impossibility of it, Lan Wangji extended out his arms and Wei Wuxian flies into his embrace. Chill air met Lan Wangji's frame. Wei Wuxian remained close to him despite the fact that he could not touch him directly.
"Wei Ying," Lan Wangji called. "Mn, I'm here Lan Zhan. I'm here." "Wei Ying," He'll never grow tired of repeating his name. He was here, with him. Despite not being alive, he's still here....in his dreams.
"Are you... even real?"
Lan Wangji saw Wei Wuxian shudder in his arms. He threw his head back, laughing. "Of course I'm real, Lan Zhan. Don't say that you only think you're dreaming, Lan er-gege. It's a blessing that I helped that kid down in that hell hole, now he's helped me talk to you through your dreams." He chuckled as he flew a bit farther from Lan Wangji.
"I happened to know a master manipulator of dreams. It's with his help that I managed to be here. Though, it sucks a lot of my energy since I'm technically dead, haha!"
"Master manipulator of dreams," Lan Wangji frowned. "The demon, Meng Mo?" Wei Wuxian seemingly shook his shadowy head. "No, his pupil, Bingmei. That sweet kid. He has a heart more fragile than a maiden's. It's a pity he's in such heartbreak when I met him in the Abyss. If you're wondering, I accidentally fell down the abyss while wandering in a wooded area. It opened all of a sudden! That was careless of me; I'd just been forming a solid form then. A-die wasn't pleased when he learned of it..."
Just as he's about to ask him again, suddenly, the entire dreamscape shook like an earthquake. "Oh no, I don't have much time..." Wei Wuxian said miserably. "Lan Zhan, this may be too much to ask of you. But if you could, find me in the future! I-I'm in the Ghost City! No mortals could enter and there's no set entrance."
He was cut off with a flicker of the whole dreamscape. Wei Wuxian hurried on. "B-but Bingmei told me to tell you to find his shizun! He's from the Cang Xiong— or was it Cang Qiong? Anyways it's in the north! In a mountain range! He's the brother of the Peak Lord. He knows the entrance to the Abyss, Bingmei said. The Ghost City is far away from the Abyss but it's the only entrance into the other realm. You have to travel far!"
The ground broke and soon enough Lan Wangji was falling, he could feel something cold around his neck and knew that Wei Wuxian was clinging on to him.
"Lastly! There are a lot of monsters down in the Abyss! Though my Lan Zhan is a strong cultivator as well as Bingmei's shizun, go to Puqi shrine and ask for Daozhang Xie Lian, a-die said he would protect you! Promise me you'll allow yourself to be escorted by them, baobei!
"Find me, Lan Wangji!"