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You didn’t mean to- you didn’t mean to do alot of what had already passed.
You had grown up around JJ and the pogues, you were neighbors, went to the same school and had most of the same classes. It was inevitable that you and JJ would become close. So close in fact, your parents had set restrictions to how much time you could spend with the boy. They insisted that you could do better, be better, have a better life when you graduated.
They even saved up enough money and coerced you into doing an essay that will grant you a scholarship to the Kook school that Sarah Cameron and the rest go to. The school you have being going to for a couple of months now.
Not much has changed, you still hung out with your usual friends, JJ was still attached to your hip but you did spare a little bit of your time for the friends you’ve made on the other side of the island.
Your best friend had not been too thrilled about this new development. Admitedly, you had lied to him about it, JJ had always been a bit dramatic when it came to Kooks. Rightfully so, they’d done him wrong too many times in the past that it was understandable where his anger came from but his anger surpassed your patience.
The moment you stepped into his house, he had a glare and a frown that you didn’t know
“So what now Y/n?” You’ve been having this conversation for almost an hour now, Luke was out on another bender, JJ was home by the sound of raging music coming from his window. “You’re one of them just like that?”
You scoff, “No, J. I’m not one of them, I’m just doing what’s best for my future. I wasn’t doing any better in public school.”
He wasn’t in a good mood when you came through the unlocked front door, the door hinges were a little loose, he must have gotten into it with his dad. You can imagine the way Luke must’ve slammed it on the way out for the millionth time. You stood in the middle of his messy room that JJ didn’t bother to clean as he was never here.
“You’re better now that you're in a fancy private school full of those dickheads, really?,” He tongue pokes through his cheek. He let out a bitter laugh, “That’s rich, Y/n. Pretending to be someone you’re not.”
“The hell is that supposed to mean?”
“It means that you are no better than me and the pogues and you playing dress up every week, going to their school- isn’t going to change that.”
“You’re trying to insult me by saying that i’m not one of them and it isn’t working JJ, I don’t want to be one of them.”
His eyes took you in from head-to-toe, “Have you looked in the mirror lately, Princess.”
“I’m trying JJ,” I exhale. “I’m trying my best not to fucking drown while i’m there, I can dress up all I want while i’m there and they still look at me the same but i’m also not gonna lie and say that part of me doesn’t enjoy it. And so what if I do? Fucking sue me.”
“Then fucking leave!” He shouted in your face, “Leave and enjoy you’re new life cause i’m not gonna be in it.”
You stared at him wide-eyed, he never spoke to you like this, ever. JJ was always cheery and joked whenever things got too tense, he never acted out of turn.
“You know what JJ, you’re really starting to sound like your dad,” Your voice was slightly above a whisper. You were teary eyed and hurt, you regretted the words the moment they left your lips but you were angry and in shock at the way he spoke to you.
He looked as if he had been slapped, he flinched as you made the comparison. You stuttered in your steps as you gave him one last glance before leaving.
~~~
You didn’t see him for days after the argument, whenever you were at the Chateau he was somewhere else and when he was around, he didn’t utter a single word in your direction. You felt guilty, you didn’t truly think he was like Luke at all, but in that moment your mouth ran faster than your brain.
Days turned into weeks, Weeks turned into months, and soon you were graduating. You hung around the Pogues often still, but without JJ you had more time to spend with your private school friends, you divided your time equally between both groups despite the on going beef.
You missed JJ, he had been an integral part of your life, you never went a day without talking to him before the argument. Now you’d become strangers, strangers and yet you knew everything that went on in his life. You lived right next to him, you heard him and his dad, you shared the same friends so you were never left out of anything. Everything you knew now just didn’t come from him, which stung.
You were both in the wrong, you knew and accepted that but JJ was set on avoiding you. You weren’t going to corner him, if he wanted to talk to you, he would come to you as he had many times before.
Summer just started, that meant another annual boneyard party.
Kie had ran up to you and gave you a hug, “You’re here!”
“Of course, did you doubt i’d come?” You giggled at her excitement.
“Well, no but your public enemy number 1 is here,” She motioned over to where JJ was shotgunning a beer.
You rolled your eyes shaking your head, “When has he ever stopped me from being around you guys?”
She walked with you to grab a drink and from there everything was a blur of dancing, talking, and drinking. You had become so inebriated to the point where John B had pointed out your slurred speech, you insisted that you were fine and took several steps back to prove that you had not taken the effects of the several cups of alcohol you consumed. On the last step you back had bumped into someone, that someone had held you by your waist to steady you.
You turned around to apologize but shut your mouth before anything could come out. It was the blond boy you had missed, at the sight of him you felt a familiar sting come from the back of your eyes.
“Can we talk?” He didn’t remove his hand from your side, you didn’t want him to.
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” You murmured. You didn’t trust yourself to talk to him, seeing him made you realize you weren’t as sober as you thought. Your head spun as you looked into his blue eyes, who knew what would spill out of you, you could confess to a murder you didn’t commit if you were alone with him in this state.
“Please?” His tone was soft, it made your knees weak. You tore your gaze away from his and you nodded.
Your heart pounded rapidly, you felt like you were about to throw up, you weren’t sure if it was how much you had drank or a sign of how nervous you were. You trusted JJ to be this vulnerable- in this state- with him even after all this time. There was no doubt about it, you just didn’t trust yourself. You had been around him drunk too many times to count but there was so much time between you now and you had shed yourself of any care you might have in sharing your feelings for him.
He brought you over to the middle of where the cars were parked and the beach, trees surrounding you both.
He swallowed before he spoke, “I wanted to say that I’m sorry. You transferred out of school, we never went to separate schools and you were always around during the day, then you weren’t and you got new friends- their all still dickheads by the way- but you’re my best friend and I didn’t want that to end.”
That brought you out of your thoughts, your gaze met his and he continued. “I didn’t want us to stop being friends after that fight- I just- I was scared,” He cleared his throat. It wasn’t easy for him to share his feelings. “I missed you Y/n, more than missed you actually. I can’t even explain how weird it was not having you around me and that’s completely my fault for being such an asshole, ignoring you and shit. I was pissed at the moment, I needed time and space but not that much time and space-”
He was rambling now, hearing how much he missed you felt like a weight being lifted off your chest, you weren’t the only one that felt the absence of your friendship. Now that he started talking, he wouldn’t stop overexplaing how much he missed you.
He looked so cute when he was talking you couldn’t stop yourself, “I love you.”
“I love you too, Y/n,” His eyes furrowed as he stopped his rant.
“No, JJ,” You grabbed his shoulders, taking a step into his space. “I love you. I’m sorry too, I didn’t mean to compare you to him, you could never be like him , ever . I was just as scared of losing and I did for a time but that doesn’t matter now because you’re here- talking to me finally. I’ll probably regret this as much as I did when I said what I said to you that day, I love you .”
His face spread into a bright grin, he let out a laugh and you almost questioned whether he thought you were joking or if he was laughing at you. You released your hold on him and took a step back only to be pulled into his chest, one of his hands on your waist, the other on your cheek as he pulled you into a kiss.
For a moment you couldn’t process what was happening, the next, your hands had tugged him closer by tangling in his hair and neck making the kiss go deeper.
You heard cheers coming from the crowded side of the party, you had pulled away from JJ with a smile and looked to where John B, Kiara, and Pope were howling at the two of you.
“The great war is over!” John B had called out. He and the others had taken to calling the fight you and JJ had ‘The Great War’ over time when he and the rest of them realized that this wasn’t just some petty fight you guys had and would eventually get over. They hated it almost as much as you two did.
JJ wrapped his arm around your shoulders looking over at your friends and gave you sweet kisses on your forehead.
“I love you.”