Work Text:
Tyler angrily scrawls messy letters across the lined paper. He's filled three different lined papers (front and back) with the same sloppy handwriting. Most of the words just formed loose, incomplete sentences. The words being written are angsty and more aggressive than passive.
After about an hour of furious writing, he takes in a deep breath and reads over what he's wrote. He smiles slyly to himself and picks up the white shoe box placed by his side on the bed. Inside, there are hundreds of other pieces of lined papers with messy, angry words scribbled across them, similar to the one he just composed. Tyler adds the new paper to the collection and return the box underneath the bed.
"He'll never find these letters," Tyler think to himself as he brings himself to his feet, still smiling. "They've been there for a year and a half and he hasn't found them yet. He can be such an idiot sometimes."
-
The apartment door slams shut, making, what seems to be, the loudest, most earth shattering noise Josh has ever heard. Tyler left Josh alone on the couch in a puddle of his own tears after a fight about something so stupid that josh didn't even bother to remember.
Josh rests his head in the palms of his hands and tries to calm himself down. When they first started officially dating, three years ago, they decided to keep it from the fans because they didn't want anything to change. Which is exactly what happened when they decided to come out.
The media started buzzing with "The Punk-Rock Duo Twenty One Pilots are Dating" headlines within hours of being out. After a few weeks of this, Tyler started getting stressed from all the people asking questions and fans from across the world nonstop tweeting them about their relationship.
Josh always tried to be understanding of Tyler when he would get stressed about everything. But Tyler started taking his anger out on Josh, and Josh didn't want to fight. He'd rather try to talk about what was going on or why Tyler was angry; Tyler wanted none of it. Tyler would rather yell and scream for hours and hours until his lungs eventually started burning or a neighbor would come to the door and ask if everything was okay.
"Yeah, everything is fine. We're just trying to settle some differences right now." Tyler would lie, faking a smile. After the door was shut, he'd turn to Josh and glare at him for a second before he'd storm off to their bedroom and lock the door.
At this point, Josh was too exhausted to go after him and try to talk to him again; he would just let him go and be alone for a few hours. When Tyler would come out, he would return to the normal Tyler; his head resting in Josh's lap, Josh mindlessly playing with Tyler's hair or shirt while Tyler made endless puns about anything; or having a small little jam session with any song that Josh wanted to play.
Little things like that would make Josh remember that Tyler doesn't hate his guts completely; only when it's convenient for him. Josh knows that Tyler doesn't really mean what he says when he's angry, it just slips out sometimes. Sure, Josh doesn't really like being the punching bag in the relationship, but if that's what it takes to keep this going, he'll keep taking Tyler's punches with a smile.
Josh sighs for the umpteenth time and rubs his tear streaked face. he looks over to the digital clock hung on the wall, 11:47pm. He stands to his feet, and makes his way over to the bedroom. Inside, Josh starts taking his shirt off and going through the draw that is reserved for clothes that they share with each other. Towards the bottom, Josh finds an old pair of Tyler's sweatpants. The bottoms are a fading red color and the cuffs are a little torn and worn since Josh has to walk on them because they're a little bit long for his legs. Josh smiles and slips off his jeans and gets into the pants.
Josh turns towards the bed and notices the blanket on Tyler's side is sticking out a little bit. He walks closer to the bed and lifts the blanket up, revealing a white shoe box.
Confused, Josh lifts the box and plants himself on the floor with the box in his lap. He lifts the lid off and sees hundreds of white lined papers, some are folded but most of them are unfolded with messy scrawl across them. Josh instantly recognizes Tyler's handwriting.
At first, Josh assumes that it is just some song lyrics he's been writing since he can sometimes be a little shy when he first writes a song. But when he reads the first line of the letter that is on top, he knows it is not a song in progress.
"Josh, you've changed. You just let me walk all over you. You're like a welcome mat, welcoming me to take advantage of you and tear you to pieces. You might be able to lift 155 lbs but you're weaker than you seem. You look like you're about to cry even when I look at you wrong sometimes. When did you become like this? Why did I let this happen?"
Josh bites his lip and flips through the letters quickly. He can't believe what he is looking at right now. How could Tyler ever do this to him? Why would Tyler write these things about him?
The bedroom door squeaks open. Josh freezes and shoots his head up and makes eye contact with a drained looking Tyler. Tyler's eyes float down to Josh's lap where letters are spilling over the sides of the secret white shoebox.
His eyes soften and his lips slightly part. Josh quickly starts shoving the papers into the box and puts the cover on. Tyler goes over to him and kneels besides Josh. He gently puts his hands on Josh's shaking hands struggling to get cover on.
"I-I got it..." Josh mumbles trying to break his hands away from Tyler's soft grip.
"Josh." Tyler speaks softly, holding on to Josh's hands a little tighter.
"No, really it's fine." Josh continues trying to contain himself and not burst into tears.
"Please listen to me,"
"It's fine, i-it's fine, everything is oka-"
"Josh!" Tyler snaps, clutching Josh's hands as tight as he can. Josh stops trying to pull from Tyler. Tyler sighs and bites his lip. "Can you look at me?" Tyler whispers, pressing light kisses along Josh's neck and exposed collarbone.
Josh doesn't respond, he just stares blankly at their hands. Tyler frowns and presses his lips to Josh's cheek and let's his lips stay there for a few seconds, before Josh finally shakes Tyler off of him and gets to his feet, leaving Tyler on the floor. "Josh, please talk to me." Tyler begs, holding the leg of the sweatpants.
"Why? There's nothing to say." Josh squats down and slides the box under the bed where he found it and steps over Tyler. He watches josh walk to the other side of the bed.
"I... I was angry, Josh." Tyler says, crawling into bed beside him.
Josh shrugs and wipes his eyes quickly and rolls onto his side facing away from Tyler. Frowning, Tyler stands back up and undresses to his boxers. He grabs a pair of sweatpants from his draw and slips them on before shutting the lights off and getting back into bed with josh.
After a few minutes of silence, Josh mumbles, "Tyler,"
"Yeah?" Tyler whispers quietly, picking his head up a little bit.
"Can you... could you sleep on the couch..."
Tyler feels his heart quickly drop into his stomach. "Josh..." His voice trails off.
"Please..." Josh barely whispers before burying his face into his pillow.
Tyler hesitates before sighing and standing up with the pillow in his hands. Before he walks away, Tyler watches Josh. His shallow, quick breaths making it obvious he's crying, the familiar curve of his spine, his hair a mess. All Tyler wanted was to climb back into bed and to lay on top of Josh and make it all better.
Instead, Tyler sighs again and heads out of the bedroom.
-
Days have passed since Josh found the box of letters. The couple have said probably less than seven words to each other and Tyler is still not sleeping with Josh. Tyler has barely slept, and when he does sleep, he has nightmares.
It's night four of Tyler not sleeping in his bed with Josh, and he's just awoken from probably the worst nightmare he has had in the four day span.
He propped himself up with his elbow and his opposite hands cradling his face as he takes deep breaths. He stays like that for minutes until he decides to stand up from the lumpy couch. He looks towards the clock, 1:58am. Tyler makes his way towards the bedroom quietly.
Tyler pushes the door open slowly, trying to make as little noise as possible so he won't wake Josh. Once he's in, he shuts the door gently behind him and looks towards Josh.
Josh is asleep on his side facing away from the door. The blanket is wrapped around him and he seems to be fast asleep. Tyler smiles a little bit and slowly walks to the bedside until he is stood in front of his side of the bed. Tyler gently slides under the blankets, keeping an eye on Josh to make sure he doesn't stir or wake.
Once Tyler is in and Josh is still asleep, Tyler rolls onto his side to face Josh's back and brings the blankets over his head. He stares at Josh's back for several minutes before he brings his index finger to his back and draws small circles in different spots on his back.
Josh soon starts to roll over. Tyler pulls his finger away quickly and bites his lip nervously. Josh pulls the blankets back revealing Tyler with his legs curled a little bit and his arms crossing in front of his chest. Tyler looks up at Josh, who looks like he's actually been awake the entire time.
"I-I'm sorry... I'll leave..." Tyler whispers and begins to stand up.
Josh frowns and wraps his arms around Tyler's midsection when he is sat up. Tyler pauses and his abs tighten a little bit. Josh tugs a little bit on Tyler's body, trying to make him lay back down.
Tyler soon crawls back under the blankets with Josh and exhales a shaky breath. Josh runs his fingertips up and down Tyler's sides slowly.
Tyler keeps his eyes focused on Josh's chest. "Tyler." Josh mumbles.
Tyler continues to avoid Josh's gaze. Josh's hands stop moving and gently grasp Tyler's waist. "Ty, please talk to me."
Tyler's breath hitches at the nickname. His eyes finally move from his chest to Josh's gaze. Josh notices that Tyler's cheeks are wet from tears. Josh frowns and pulls him closer. "What happened?" Josh whispers, wiping Tyler's cheeks dry.
Tyler sighs and wipes his cheeks, too. "I just had a nightmare. I'm fine."
Josh frowns and squeezes his sides. "It's alright,"
Tyler shakes his head and moves closer to Josh until his body is pressed into Josh's. The two boys mold into one another like puzzle pieces. Josh smiles a little at the familiar feeling of Tyler's body up against his. Josh wraps his arms around Tyler's shoulders and rubs his back slowly, trying to calm him down, at least a little.
Tyler hiccups and mumbles into Josh's chest, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."
Josh doesn't say anything, he lays there and continues rubbing Tyler's back. Tyler pulls his head up from Josh's chest and looks at him. "A-aren't you supposed to say 'It's okay, Ty. I forgive you?'"
Josh frowns. "Tyler," Josh sighs. "it's not as easy as that. You were writing pretty nasty things about me for the past year."
"Year and a half." Tyler confesses.
"Okay, year and a half. You can't just fix it with an 'I'm sorry' and move on like it never happened."
Tyler sighs and looks down again. "I wish it did."
"Me too," Josh says. Josh sighs and continues to rub Tyler's back. "why did you write those?"
Tyler hesitates, taking a fistful of Josh's sweatpants and holding tightly. "I don't know, I was just angry."
"So you took it out on me?"
Tyler pauses. "When you say it like that it sounds kind of shitty." Josh giggles and kisses the top of Tyler's head.
Tyler smiles a little and rests his forehead on Josh's chest. "I really am sorry, Josh. I don't really know what I was thinking when I first started those. I just did and I realized that if I took my anger out in that way I'd feel better faster; so I started that every time I got angry and it became a habit."
"You're gonna stop it now, right?"
Tyler nodded and looks up at Josh. "yeah, I am. I'll burn each letter individually and then I'll burn the whole box, too. And maybe I'll get rid of every pen in the apartment so I don't tempt myself to start doing it again."
Josh laughs and presses a soft kiss to Tyler's lips. "Okay, my little pyromaniac." Tyler smiles and kisses the tip of Josh's nose.
Blushing, Josh smiles and says "Now go to bed; I know you haven't slept properly in a while. you need to rest." Josh kissed Tyler's forehead and lets him go.
Tyler whines, wrapping Josh's arms around his waist again. Josh smiles and pulls Tyler into his body and rests his head on the top of Tyler's head, while Tyler's head fits perfectly into the crook of Josh's neck.