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"I asked you a question, Jack."
Spoke a voice through the phone, one filled with annoyance to the point the man could taste it through the screen.
"I want to know why."
"Why'd you have to make a record about me?"
..
One must first look into the past to understand the situation at hand. Our current protagonist had gotten himself in a tight situation with a person he shouldn't have — now his career wasn't looking as bright as it used to.
Perhaps writing a song about how your relationship fell apart wasn't the best on his part? He thought too little and moved too fast, barely allowing the producers to get a word out compared to his own train of thoughts.
"I heard he knows what you're doing."
Hastur, his manager, spoke to him. Perhaps he wasn't over the breakup as much as he hoped he was, perhaps he took it overboard.
And yet there was still no regret lingering in his head, he followed only his heart to this point.
"And? He wouldn't mind the exposure."
A simple, cunning response.
"Are you sure?"
"Of course! Do you really think he's going to say anything about it? Last time I put him in my song without any words, the world flocked for him! He'll enjoy this."
He spoke without his heart, he knew this. What insanity would he have to go through to truly mean those words?
One thing he'd never admit however, was that he still wanted Ithaqua back, no matter how far the younger moved — he would always let his heart wander and chase after him. Even when he was the one who broke it off, "for the greater good", he said, he still continued to chase.
"Whatever you say, Jack. Just watch yourself."
And with that, the man was left alone once more.. Maybe that wasn't the best option right now.
..
A song couldn't describe their love, anyway. Because the love was all in his mind, or so he thought.
..
During the breakup, Ithaqua left many things behind in Jack's apartment. Jack remembered them all clearly, simply said it's because he kept them all in the once shared bedroom they had.
He remembered the clear smell of Ithaqua’s rose-like scent on their pillow, or the way his friends made fun of him for smelling like flowers when he was always so against them. Jack never told them it was because of his then lover, yet everyone already knew the culprit of the old-fashioned roses the moment he walked into the production studio.
Now, the smell was slowly fading, and Jack couldn't remember the name of the expensive perfume his former partner spoke so highly about.
He would laugh to himself on these types of days, days that seemed so slow in his mind yet pass like bullet trains in a haze.
Why does he care so much about the damn smell? Why does his heart ache, when only a small fraction of his love remains present.
And however much he wished for a few more seconds, the smell continued to linger out of his life — perhaps the same way Ithaqua did.. and the same way he always will.
Yet there was one smell that never left his mouth. Of course you could guess why.. Ithaqua had grown a smoking habit thanks to Jack at the time and in turn, both smoked the same cigarettes and shared the same lighter.
Now, both the lighter and the smell stayed to linger in his kitchen. He was guilty, albeit would never admit it, of carrying the once bright red lighter around with him.. even when its life came to an end the same month Ithaqua moved out.
So.. whenever Jack picks out a cigarette nowadays, his heart recalls those nights they spent together.. The smoke alarm blaring whilst their lips connected, their shared kiss sloppy and wet because neither could stop laughing.
“We need to turn that off..”
Spoke Ithaqua, oh the voice of heaven’s angels above would never compare to his — in Jack’s mind the only heaven to exist was a life spent together.
“Are you going to turn me off as well?”
A laugh, light as a feather and as divine as God’s choir.
“Shut up.. The fire department will arrive if this goes on any longer..”
“Ah. You’re right.”
..
And perhaps the department did arrive, perhaps they had to explain themselves in a way that wouldn’t put them both to shame — that they weren’t too busy mangling their bodies together in a way to satisfy their hunger of lust and passion to notice the fire alarm blaring into their ears.
And perhaps one went — “Ah.. you see, we were too busy watching a movie to notice the popcorn had started to burn..”
With no smell of popcorn lingering in the air.
“Oh, did he say popcorn? He meant the chocolate we were preparing.”
The other went, yet there seemed to be no trace of melted, burnt chocolate.
Additionally, Jack remembered it clearly in his mind as if it was yesterday night — the way Ithaqua tossed and turned trying to fall asleep to the point it woke Jack out of his deep slumber.
The way he felt Ithaqua’s hand gently brush over his face, a light kiss landing upon his forehead before the bed lost some weight — the male's footsteps being heard echoing out of the room.
And when he came back after an hour and a half, the smell of smoke was prominent upon his shirt, the way his cold arms came to wrap around Jack's torso and gave away a shiver to the touch.
"I thought you were asleep."
A soft whisper.
"And I thought you were quitting."
A response that held no hate, only a light tone of amusement.
"I did say that, didn't I.."
Jack knew time and time again that Ithaqua’s praise of quitting was always a farce.
And he'd get up once again, to brush his teeth and get rid of the smell.. but it never worked. Jack could taste it on his lips when they kissed, mixing with the taste of strawberries and pancakes in the morning.
And now, the smell of cigarettes only brings back the memories of their dry and worthless monument of love.
But who's he kidding? If God came to spite him down for all the awful things he chose to say, Jack wouldn't stand a chance — a man so pitiful like him should never think of himself as a higher being than God's favorite angel.
..
"We'll find Moonlit nights strangely empty because.. when you call my name through them, there would be no answer."
A last conversation atop the balcony in the dead of night, sharing their final moment by smoking the same cigarette.
"Rather melodramatic, aren't you?"
A voice soft like woolen fabric, yet it held unbearable pain in it's last moments.
..
Another thing the younger forgot when he moved out was a book, recommended by Jack himself. A copy of Gravity's Rainbow he probably didn't read. Along with a few other trinkets of memories, displayed in a Polaroid picture forever to burn his mind.
It didn't matter either way, it's not like he was the only one of the two who left things behind. On the contrary, Ithaqua took some of Jack's things while packing up — even when he was unaware of it.
Now the jewelry Jack once wore to his late night concerts laid shining bright around Ithaqua’s neck, hanging off his ears and wrapped around his wrists — the same way Jack once was.
Now, Jack sees him on magazine covers, taking compliments not meant for him as be wore Jack's jewelry with pride — a human who takes the fur of a lion and wears it like a coat, unaware of the damage he was causing.. And albeit not to an animal, it still hurts Jack's pride, getting comments about his exes strikingly similar jewelry, having to play it off like some piece of metal didn't bother him.
And truth be told in the correct context it didn’t, for it was the wearer who was so blissfully unaware of the bond he still held with his 'asshole-of-a-person' ex, by wearing the jewels not meant for his body.
When he finally got over himself, did he realize that this was still a sign of his existence lingering on his former partner, a sign of love that leaves no room to falter — perhaps once the metal crumbles and turns back to dust.. will Jack's love finally come undone.
Then when his eyes stayed upon the Polaroid picture of the both of them along with Jack's beloved Laura Nyro record in the background, did he remember that it laid somewhere in the trash.. or so he thought. Because all he assumed was that Ithaqua took it to spite him, packing it during the last days of his stay and throwing it away god knows where.
And he assumed the record was just a wrong pick, that he meant to grab something else that shared the same shape.. but as he watched, quiet as the dead of night, did he realize that it wasn't a mistake — as the moss green record sank into his suitcase and got piled over and buried underneath their once shared belongings that now held no love at all.
..
"I'm just going to stay until you tell me to go."
Ithaqua was stubborn, he knew that himself. Yet in this situation how could you blame him? When the 'love of his life' decided to cut their eternity short, without a second to spare.. as if the relationship was always on a timer, running it's last course.
At the time, his mind was plagued with anger, unable to understand where Jack was coming from — perhaps he never would.
He sat on the bed they once slept in, shifting himself between the pillows as if he belonged there forever.
It only took a moment before Jack looked him in the eyes, told him the word he was dreading the most.
"Go."
"I'm staying til you give me a reason."
He was too stubborn, even when his heart was breaking.
"I'm not letting you let me down easily. Just say you don't want me around."
A duel of the eyes til one broke away, too hurt to look into his saddened eyes.
"I'm not taking any hints, tell me the truth or tell me I'm wrong."
..
"What good are words?"
A voice once filled with warmth and love now stands aside to a tone of forced anger and hidden sadness.
"I tried to tell you, you said you already knew."
At the time of the argument, he behaved as if he was a whole other person — someone who was never part of the relationship to begin with.
"Your time is up! I said none of the sorts.I was as honest as I knew how to be."
If it wasn't for the way the taller stared at him as if they had never met, would he try to fight him knowing full well he'd stand no chance from the beginning.
"Your heart is breaking.."
A sigh, laced with words of pain covered up by arrogance.
Dark eyes met blue, much like the oceans of its origin did they look watery and lost of purpose.
"You tricked me into loving you!"
Defeated to a point of regret, his words came small and fragile — as if a glass sculpture was falling right in front of Jack, showing its inevitable demise as he does nothing to try and save it from the fate he has brought to it.
"I'm telling you that very frankly and honestly.. If I did fall in love with you, it would still have to end in the same way."
A ping drops and the curtain of tears falls.
..
So we're back at the present, memories far passed.
Was it worth it?
Maybe in a different universe.
Now, he's getting a call from his producer, telling him what a shit idea that whole song was. His fans couldn't even fight to support his actions, how could they?
As crazy as some people were for Jack, majorities loved the dynamic Ithaqua brought — yet the vote was split.
Some called it a messy breakup, he was only speaking on his feelings.
Others sided against it, speaking on how long it took him to say those feelings in the first place.
— He took months to even put that out! You're telling me he couldn't think twice about it at all?
— Perhaps he's still hurt by it, at least give him time to explain.
— So, just because he's hurt means he can hurt others too? Bullshit excuse.
— No one said it's an excuse, calm down.
And so on.
..
It wasn't until a few days later did Jack hear news of Ithaqua’s reaction.
Y'know, he should've figured it was coming. Since he made something public about Ithaqua, so too would the younger do in return.
A thread of words, published on his official account.
It read:
< When I heard your song, I wasn't impressed. Sure you got your feelings hurt and NOW you're feeling depressed? Just because we had sex and it didn't last (no thanks to you). Now you want revenge? You want to put me on blast? Don't make me laugh. >
And then another,
< Remember all those girls you played? And all the lies you told back in the day to get laid? An excuse for Naib, you got a story for Joseph.. and all those other girls you only called when you were horny. >
So he knew what type of person Jack was, yet still gave him a chance.. he shouldn't be pitying himself yet there he was, looking down at his phone with an expression that only read of disdain, disdain only aimed against himself.
< So yeah, it's nothing that you didn't do first. The only real difference is you probably did it worse. >
< So look at the big bad soldier, declaring war on every girl who didn't mean to fuck him over. >
< But y'know, karma's a bitch for hypocrites who kiss and tell ! And talk shit about all the girls who only wished him well >
< So if you want to chat then stick to the facts, Jack, and get at me. >
< From Australia with love, Ithaqua ♡ >