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Jungeun didn’t like the idea that she needed a guy to make her life fulfilling. The idea was everywhere, in movies and books, sometimes it seemed like all her friends could talk about. When are you going to meet the person who gives you purpose? When are you going to start the rest of your life?
She hated it. Why couldn’t she be enough on her own? Why couldn’t she be happy doing what she wanted to do, finding her happiness without someone else to tie her down? Jungeun wanted to be more than someone else’s other half, the woman behind some man. Everyone else seemed to treat the idea as romantic, but Jungeun couldn’t help but think the idea of soulmates was more of a prison than a blessing.
“Don’t you want someone to love you?” Jiwoo, one of her best friends and hopeless romantic, had asked her once. They had been sitting on the couch in their shared apartment, stuffing themselves with ice cream and rewatching a soapy 2000s rom-com. “Someone who stays with you regardless of your flaws, appreciates everything that you are? I remember feeling the first spark with Chanyeol, how my soulmate marking lit up-”
“If I have to hear the story of you and your boyfriend meeting one more time, I might be sick,” Heejin, their third roommate, said from the other side of the couch. “Besides, it’s got nothing on me and Hansol, it was straight out of a fairy tale-”
“Both of you are awful,” Jungeun concurred.
“Well soon you’ll have a story to tell of your own,” Jiwoo tugged on her arm, smiling as if she knew something Jungeun didn’t.
“Or not, Jungeun never goes out and meets guys,” Heejin teased her.
“I have my degree to focus on,” Jungeun insisted, crossing her arms. “I’m not losing my scholarship because I was out partying with you guys all the time,”
“We literally go to the same college, Jungie. You’re not going to fail if you just indulge us a couple of times,” Jiwoo pouted. “Please? Then we’ll stop pestering you about it,”
Jungeun sighed. “Promise?”
“Promise!”
That was what made Jungeun cringe the most. The first touch story.
Everyone she knew had a marking somewhere on their body, pitch black but otherwise unnoticeable on the skin. Some people had handprints on their arms, on their backs, and some had large patches on their shoulders, Jungeun had even seen a girl with a handprint on her face once. It was where your soulmate would touch you first, and according to Heejin and Jiwoo, the markings would start to bloom with color and everything would seem more vibrant. You’d feel an inexplicable pull to your soulmate, and everywhere he touched you there would be faint markings of that same bloom of color. Heejin’s was bright pink, she’d seen the faintest traces of it on Heejin’s hands when she and Hansol had taken a stroll by the Han River. Jiwoo’s was a mellow peach, and sometimes she’d come home to the apartment with her face lightly dappled with peach kisses all over her face.
Their first touch markings also disappeared after they’d met their soulmates, which had been a huge relief to Heejin since hers was huge. Crashing into Hansol was one of the most embarrassing Heejin moments Jungeun had ever witnessed, but post-Hansol Heejin was also a constant embarrassment Jungeun was forced to live with.
She loved them, even if they were super annoying about the soulmate thing. Her definition of a fun night out did not include any guys, minus the ones in her friends' lives. They were a little grating when they were with their other halves, but Jungeun liked to talk to guys who she knew weren’t trying to get in her pants.
Jungeun wasn’t so old that it was weird for her to not have found a soulmate, it was just that most people searched so hard for theirs that they found them early. However, not having a soulmate was a blessing and a curse because guys approached her almost every time she went out, not so subtly wanting to be the one to brush her marking and see if anything changed.
She supposed it was flattering, people thinking she was attractive enough for them to wish to be her soulmate. It also made her grateful that her first touch marking was somewhere normal to touch, not like some of the neck or abdomen markings she’d seen.
Her knuckles and the tips of her fingers on her right hand were jet black, they had been since the day Jungeun turned 18.
“I’m just saying, there will be some guys there,” Heejin met her eyes through the mirror as she applied mascara. She wiggled the fingers on her right hand. “You know, if you wanted to brush up on your conversation skills,”
“I don’t, thanks,” Jungeun said dryly. “And what’s this about guys? I thought karaoke night was just for friends,”
“Oh hush Jungeun, you need to make more friends, guys or otherwise,” Jiwoo came out of her room in a cute yellow dress that matched her personality. It contrasted the black turtleneck and jean shorts Jungeun wore. “It’s no boyfriends. Just us and my friend Yerim invited some people. There a couple of guys in the mix too,”
To the untrained ear, Jiwoo’s words would sound perfectly innocent. Jungeun knew better than to think Heejin and Jiwoo weren’t going to be pushing her at the “couple of guys” all night.
But Jungeun hadn’t gone out in a while, so whatever. She’d do this nice thing for Jiwoo and Heejin, but she’d be keeping her hands in her pockets all night.
Reluctantly Jungeun did admit that Jiwoo and Heejin are fun to party with. Their personalities could fill up a room but they never left Jungeun behind. Jiwoo clung to Jungeun’s arm as Heejin checked them in at the karaoke place, and once the staff informed them their friends were already there they made their way to the room.
When Heejin pushed open the door Jungeun felt like she was being bombarded with noise. She’d met Yerim a couple of times but this was the first time she’d ever seen the younger on stage, belting her heart out to a classic Girl’s Generation song. It brought a smile to her face and while she didn’t recognize most of the people, she still felt a bit more comfortable.
“Jiwoo!” Called one of Jiwoo’s friends, a guy more specifically, and Jungeun tried not to scrunch up her nose.
Ew.
“Hi!” She hugged him. “Have you met Jungeun?”
His eyes turned to her and Jungeun wished could shrink away, hiding her right hand behind her back. “Hi,”
“It’s a pleasure,” His eyes scanned her up and down, looking for a first touch-mark, notably deflating when he didn’t see one. Jungeun tried not to make her sigh of relief too obvious.
The room they’d rented wasn’t big considering the number of people in the room, but it was still nicer than most of the karaoke places Jungeun had been. There was a stage at the front with the words to the different songs projected onscreen, and a table with some food in the corner. Most of the room was taken up by the booth and the mini dance floor. It was kind of tacky despite looking pretty expensive, and Jungeun had a feeling she’d be sticking to the edges of the group tonight.
It wasn’t that Jungeun didn’t like hanging out with her friends, or karaoke, she just didn’t like it like this, when everything felt like a game of cat and mouse between her and the guys without soulmates. She always wished she could just make this mark disappear, stop worrying about some faceless man who would change the rest of her life.
“Jungie, come meet some more people,” Heejin moved her forward by her shoulders. “Don’t worry, they’re girls,”
Jungeun relaxed a little and shot Heejin a grateful smile.
The heavy bass went away for a little while Jiwoo and Yerim picked a song, and Heejin approached a small group of girls with Jungeun in toe.
“Hey guys!” She gave one of them a quick hug. “This is Jungeun, she’s my hermit/roommate,” Heejin made a kissy face at her when Jungeun shot her a glare. “Jungie, this is Chaewon, Haseul, Hyunjin, and Jinsoul,”
Jungeun exchanged pleasantries with them shyly, taking each one of them in. Chaewon looked like a doll and her light brown hair complimented her features. She was dressed pretty modestly, and Jungeun guessed why when she saw a bit of black peaking out from underneath her sleeve. Haseul was shorter, hair a soft gray, and giving Jungeun a quick hug. Hyunjin looked kind of bored but she gave Jungeun a quick nod and Jinsoul-
Jinsoul was pretty.
She was pretty in a way that could catch people by surprise, her face so captivating that Jungeun almost did a double take. Her jawline was sharp, eyes cat-like like Hyunjin’s but softer, less cynical. Her cheekbones were high and her lips full, Jungeun thought this was the kind of people write poetry about.
She smiled. Jungeun’s breath hitched only slightly.
“Hi,” Jinsoul greeted her, running a hand through her hair which was such a dark brown it almost looked black and was curled so effortlessly Jungeun could’ve sworn she was out of a painting. Jungeun opened and closed her mouth, trying to figure out what she could possibly say to not embarrass herself.
“Oh! That’s my song,” Heejin hurried off, dragging Chaewon and Haseul with her. Hyunjin retreated to the food table, and suddenly, Jungeun and Jinsoul were alone.
“Are you alright?” Jinsoul asked her softly, and Jungeun’s stomach felt weird hearing her voice. She was more than alright.
“I’m fine,” Jungeun smiled at her nervously. “Overwhelmed, I think, I’m not used to so many people in such a small space,”
“I understand,” Jinsoul laughed - confirming Jungeun’s suspicion that even her laugh would be gorgeous - and took a step towards the wall. Jungeun followed without thinking. “I’m sure I’ll be nursing Yerim’s sick throat for the next few days,”
Yerim was still up on stage, and Jungeun worried Shinee was going to do irreversible damage to her windpipe.
“Oh, are you her roommate?” Jungeun asked curiously.
“Yep, I rent an apartment with her and Haseul,” The taller girl leaned against the wall. She was wearing a leather jacket, which normally Jungeun would find cringey but somehow, Jinsoul made it look good. “What about you? You’re in college with Jiwoo aren’t you?”
Jungeun nodded sheepishly. “I’m studying to be a writer,”
“That’s so cool!” Jungeun was taken aback by the genuine curiosity in Jinsoul’s eyes. They seemed to almost sparkle in contrast to her thick black eyeliner. “What kind of things do you want to write?”
“Um,” She self-consciously tucked her hair behind her ears. In the back of her mind, she thought of the black markings on her fingers. “I’m not sure yet. I love mystery and action-”
“Not romance?” Jinsoul seemed surprised.
“No, not romance,” Jungeun tugged absent-mindedly at one of the loose strands of thread on her jeans. “I’ve never really been interested in that kind of stuff, falling in love and everything,” She shrugged, watching her friends dance in the middle of the room. “If it’s gonna distract me from what I want to do with my life, I don’t pay it much mind,”
“Well, I think it’s admirable that you’re so focused,” Jinsoul hummed, shooting her a questioning look with a cocked head. “I was going to grab a drink, want me to get you something?”
That was not how Jungeun was expecting her to react, but she nodded dumbly.
“Cool. What kind of things do you like?”
“Anything sweet,” Jungeun replied in a small voice, and then Jinsoul headed over to the drink table. Jungeun admired the way her hair swished side to side as she walked, and noticed the warm feeling in her cheeks.
Huh.
“Hey cutie,” Jungeun looked up to see a guy much taller than her approaching, two drinks in hand. “You looked lonely over here by yourself,”
Jungeun buried her right hand in her pocket. “Actually, my friend was just-”
“Here,” A glass of something clear was forced into her left hand and the guy smiled. “Drink with me,”
“I’m really okay-”
“Aw come on,” He got closer. “We’re all friends here, right?”
“Please stop, I’m not interested-” Jungeun panicked as she felt him push the drink to her lips and his hand was moving her chin, tilting it up-
The glass shattered and Jungeun gasped, backing up against the wall as her vision was filled with leather and she saw Jinsoul with an angry look on her face. The girl is clutching her fist and the guy is rubbing his face, his pride not the only thing wounded. A few people had looked over but nothing serious.
“She told you to stop,” Jinsoul’s voice was low, not wishing to draw attention to them but enough to send the message. “You get the fuck off her if she tells you to stop,”
“Jesus, okay,” The guy scoffed. “No need to be so uptight,”
“The next time you try and drug one of my friends, you’re going to find out what I do to perverts like you,” Jinsoul held him up by the collar of his shirt. “Now get the fuck out of here,”
The man scrambled away, and Jinsoul took a deep breath to calm herself. She turned back to Jungeun with an apologetic smile and motioned for Jungeun to step away from the glass.
“Here,” She touched Jungeun’s elbow gently. “I brought our drinks,”
Jungeun’s eyes followed her hand, and before it even registered she could feel herself looking for first-touch markings. She was acutely aware that while Jinsoul hadn’t touched her skin, she could still feel the warmth of the older’s fingers.
She hadn’t seen any first-touch markings on Jinsoul yet.
She’d put that guy on the ground like it was nothing, and based on the way her muscles rippled underneath her skin - Jungeun wasn’t looking, but it was hard to miss - Jungeun had to assume she was some kind of gymnast.
Jungeun couldn’t really picture Jinsoul with a boyfriend. She was dressed rather boyishly, if Jungeun was going to stereotype, with a black leather jacket, white shirt, and black jeans underneath. She didn’t seem to be with anyone else here tonight, but Jungeun didn’t have anything else to go on besides that. She lived with roommates and not a boyfriend, but so did Jiwoo and Heejin.
“Thank you,” Jungeun told her earnestly when Jinsoul handed some fruity-looking drink that was a frothy mixture of orange and white cream. “What is this?”
“Orange Creamsicle,” Jinsoul replied. “You said sweet,”
“Did you get me a kid’s drink?” Jungeun laughed.
Jinsoul blinked. “Uh, it has vodka in it, but if you wanted something without alcohol-”
“Hey,” Jungeun nudged her. “I’m kidding, this is great,”
Jinsoul nodded faintly. The silence wasn’t awkward because it was anything but silent. Chaewon was up on stage now and Jungeun had no idea that that seemingly doll-like girl could spit bars like that. She was rapping along to an old Nicki Minaj song that was starting to make Jungeun’s brain hurt while Jiwoo twerked - although Jungeun seriously doubted it could be called that.
“Thank you,” Jungeun turned to Jinsoul again. “For this and for that creepy guy,”
“Oh,” Jinsoul laughed in what seemed like embarrassment, not meeting her eyes. “Yeah, of course. I can’t believe that happened in plain sight of everybody, I don’t even think anyone knew that guy,”
“Yeah,” Jungeun said quietly. “It was pretty weird,”
“Guys never know how to take no for an answer,” Jinsoul huffed, glaring over her mojito.
“Yeah, when you don’t have a soulmate they can get pretty relentless,” Jungeun agreed.
Jinsoul’s eyebrows flew up her forehead and she choked on her drink. “Wait you’re not-” She covered her mouth and coughed to get the liquid down. “You’re single?”
“Well yeah,” Jungeun felt put on the spot. “Remember what I said about writing? I don’t want to bother with guys at the moment,”
“No yeah, I just thought,” Jinsoul wouldn’t look at her again. “You’re just…you’re freaking stunning, I figured you’d already found yours,”
Jungeun blushed. “You think I’m pretty?”
“Pretty?” Jinsoul repeated with a huff. “Pretty doesn’t even begin to- um yeah, I do,”
“I can’t imagine you’re calling me that,” Jungeun shook her head, her words quiet. “Do you have a soulmate?”
Jinsoul barked out a laugh and shook her head. “Nope. I’ve tried, I haven’t met them yet,”
“Oh,” Jungeun said thoughtfully, taking a sip of her drink. Jinsoul had chosen well, she loved this. Jinsoul already seemed familiar to her, like someone she’d known for a long time.
Or maybe she just desperately wanted to know her.
“So what are you studying?” Jungeun sensed that maybe Jinsoul wanted to change the topic of conversation, especially when Jinsoul’s shoulder relaxed.
“I’m working to be a biologist, I’ve loved the sea since I was little,” The way Jinsoul’s eyes lit up was pretty cute. “Can I tell you a secret though?”
“I’m all ears,”
“I can’t swim,” Jinsoul pretended to sigh, as if ashamed. “I know, the irony,”
“Wow, Jinsoul,” Jungeun tsked in mock disappointment. “What will the sea animals think?”
“I can’t exactly sign myself up for swimming classes now can I?” Jinsoul pouted at her.
“Well for the record, they do have adult swimming classes. But you should know I’m an amazing swimmer. I could teach you,”
“Really?” Jinsoul asked in surprise. “I’ll have to buy myself a swimsuit,”
“I bet you’d look great in one,”
“What?”
Did I say that out loud? Jungeun froze. “N-nothing,”
Jinsoul smiled at her, a pink tint to her cheeks. The silence stretched on again, with Jinsoul shooting her hesitant glances now and then.
“Can I ask,” Jungeun began. “If you’re studying marine biology, how are you so strong?”
Jinsoul laughed. “How am I so strong?”
“Well,” Jungeun stared down at her drink in embarrassment. She’d almost finished it. “Most people can’t knock a guy to the ground like that,”
“Ah,” Jinsoul sipped her mojito. “Well, in addition to college, I kind of work at a boxing place,”
“You box?” Jungeun couldn’t hide her surprise.
“Is that so shocking?” Jinsoul laughed again. “Yeah. I used to go there a lot and relieve stress. I guess I still do, but now I’m teaching other people,”
“Wow,” Jungeun was impressed. “That’s actually really cool,”
“It’s nice to be able to defend myself,” Jinsoul agreed. “Muscles are an added benefit,”
Jungeun did not turn to look and did not want to think about why she wanted to.
“Maybe that’s how you’ll meet your soulmate,” Jungeun said. “A fist mark,”
Jinsoul laughed differently than before. She got a little closer to Jungeun. “That’s not my first touch-mark,” She said softly, and Jungeun felt a shiver go down her spine. Her heart was stuck in her throat, or she would’ve asked exactly what it was.
Jungeun and Jinsoul seemed to be soberer than everyone else, but part of Jungeun wished she was a bit drunker so she didn’t have to feel so nervous around this girl. What was it about Jinsoul that made her feel so small inside? Why did it feel so easy to talk to her when they couldn’t have known each other for more than a couple of hours?
In a stunning change of events, someone who wasn’t trying to damage their vocal cords took the mic and Haseul’s sweet voice filled the room. Jungeun recognized this song, one of Taeyeon’s newer ballads, and Haseul was really doing it justice. She watched the older girl with a smile, genuinely impressed until she realized Jinsoul was close enough that she could feel her warmth.
Jungeun took her right hand out of her pocket without looking down. Jinsoul audibly released a strained breath, and Jungeun wondered if she was as nervous as Jungeun felt. She looked wouldn’t look in Jungeun’s direction, but they were so close that it’d only take a fraction of a second for them to touch.
It felt like hours passed by in the time that Jinsoul’s hand tentatively reached out and brushed hers, her fingers curling around Jungeun’s. Jungeun looked down to where they touched and-
The very tips of Jinsoul’s fingers were a perfect black.
Jungeun tried to speak, tried to ask Jinsoul what was going on, but then she felt it. The room seemed to spin and suddenly everything was technicolor, the world seemed to burst with light and noise and-
And her fingertips were so red that they gleamed, catching the low light and practically glowing under it. Her whole body shivered at the sensation she gasped for air, feeling on top of the world.
Jinsoul’s skin was a deep, vibrant blue that seemed to morph and change as she watched, Jinsoul’s eyes followed hers and her jaw clenched, she looked terrified.
Jungeun supposed she was right to be terrified.
Jinsoul pulled away after only a few seconds and Jungeun stepped back, confused and still blinking from all the bright lights and sounds.
“This can’t be possible,” Jinsoul muttered. “How is this possible?”
“I don’t know,” Jungeun whispered. “I didn’t know your mark was there, I-”
“Jungeun,” Jinsoul was breathing heavily, standing in front of her and blocking her from view of their friends. “Do you know what this means?”
“I…I don’t…” She felt at a loss.
“We’re soulmates.”
｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡
supposed to be mine
ﾟ･｡･
Jungeun sat at her kitchen counter, her head still reeling and filled with a million questions. A pot of coffee sat in front of her but Jungeun just stared out at the window. She’d been trying to take her mind off the night before but nothing could get Jinsoul’s smile out of her mind.
“Jungeunieeeeee,” Jiwoo came out of her room with bags under her eyes but a grin nonetheless. “Have fun last night?”
“Mhm,” Jungeun said stiffly, sipping her coffee.
“I heard about that guy from Hyunjin,” Jiwoo sat next to her. “The one who was bothering you. I’m glad Jinsoul was there,”
Jungeun shifted uneasily. “Yeah. Me too,”
“Jungeun,”
“Yeah?”
“Is there anything you want to tell me?”
“Uh, no?”
“No?” Jiwoo leaned forward. “Not even the fact that your first touch-mark is gone?”
“IT IS?” Heejin shouted from the couch. She’d passed out there, deciding her room was too far. “LEMME SEE,”
Jiwoo held up Jungeun’s hand before the older could snatch it away, grinning proudly. “Look at my little baby, all grown up,”
“I’m older than you,” Jungeun grumbled.
“Who’s the guy?” Heejin came into the kitchen, sitting down with them. “Is he cute? Did you get his number?”
Jungeun, in fact, did get her soulmate’s number. Jinsoul had frantically handed her a piece of paper and then bolted. Not exactly the most romantic meet-cute ever.
However, she was very cute.
“He was cute,” Jungeun mumbled.
“Oh my god,” Jiwoo clutched her chest. “Oh my god, words I never thought I’d hear Kim Jungeun say,”
“Shut up,” Jungeun covered her face.
“We’re so happy for you!” Heejin hugged her. “So, are you guys going on a date? When do we get to meet him?”
“I’m not sure, I haven’t gotten a text back-”
NEW MESSAGE: From Blue: hey, i think we should talk
“That’s not very sexy,” Jiwoo sighed, looking over Jungeun’s shoulder at her phone.
From Blue: can i take you up on that swimming lesson?
“ That is sexy!” Heejin shrieked. “A swimming lesson? You might get to see him shirtless, Jungeun!”
Jungeun flushed a deep shade of pink because that idea was much more scandalous when Jinsoul was a very cute girl. Not like she’s opposed to the idea-
“I’ve never seen her like this,” Jiwoo sounded shocked.
“Respond!” Heejin urged. “Come on!”
To Blue: tomorrow work for you?
From Blue: i’ll make time whenever you’re available
“Aw, he’s a gentleman,” Heejin hung off Jungeun’s arm. “Take him to that one lake we used to go to as kids,” She nudged her friend. “It’s super secluded,”
Jungeun agreed that it was good because they needed some privacy, not for the reasons Heejin was thinking of. She nodded and typed a reply.
To Blue: I know a spot. Meet me here at 3?
From Blue: I’ll see you then
“I’m so happy for youuuuuuuuuuuu,” Heejin squeezed her so tight she couldn’t breathe. “Ugh, now we all have hot boyfriends,”
“Do we get to meet him?” Jiwoo asked. “You haven’t even told us his name,”
Jungeun shifted uncomfortably. “I wanted to keep him to myself for a bit if that’s okay,”
“At least tell us his name!” Heejin begged.
“Then you’ll go look him up on the internet,” Jungeun replied flatly. Heejin couldn’t deny it.
“Why’s he called Blue then?” Jiwoo asked.
“Oh, uh, that was the color of her-his hands,”
“Romantic,” Jiwoo smiled. “You gotta pick out something nice to wear Jungeun, come on!”
“It’s tomorrow?-”
“Which means we’re already behind! We’re trying on everything in your closet,”
Jungeun would be lying if she wasn’t just a tiny bit excited.
｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡
supposed to be mine
ﾟ･｡･
The thing was, she had just about no idea to approach her whole soulmate thing. Terrifying enough on its own, the fact that was a girl was just about making it too much for her to handle. She’d never heard of two boys being soulmates, let alone girls. Everyone she knew had a nice boyfriend that would take care of them for the rest of their happily or soon-to-be happily married lives.
But despite all there she was, standing on the sidewalk next to the bus stop she’d just gotten dropped off at, dressed in a dress Jiwoo called cute, Jungeun called skimpy, and her mom would’ve called slutty, waiting for Jinsoul’s arrival.
She tugged at the bottom of her dress, trying to cover more of her legs, unhappy with herself that she was coerced into this. She carried a bag on her arm full of towels, food, and water, and she wore a light blue swimsuit cover-up that Jiwoo had argued had constituted a dress that Jungeun seriously didn’t remember buying. It barely covered her shoulders and her bikini was visible, but Heejin had reminded her of who she’d be meeting and something in her felt different.
What if Jinsoul saw her and thought she was beautiful?
Jungeun played with her hair out of nervousness as she waited, rocking on the balls of her feet. She checked the time, 3:05. Maybe Jinsoul had been scared off, maybe she hadn’t gotten the address right, maybe she thought Jungeun was too forward-
“Hey,”
“Ah!” Jungeun yelped, clutching her bag. “God, Jinsoul, you scared me,”
A laugh. “I’m sorry,” Jungeun looked up and-
Oh good god.
Jinsoul looked like a swimsuit model. Hair in a ponytail with beachy waves and a black one-piece suit with shorts, something more boyish than Jungeun was used to seeing on a girl but still very very attractive.
Yeah, she realized. She found Jinsoul attractive.
“You look,” Jungeun swallowed thickly. “Good,”
“I tried,” Jinsoul agreed with a smile. “Had to go out and buy a swimsuit. You…” Jungeun saw her eyes go down and then straight back up. “Yeah, you look good too,”
She finds me attractive too. Jungeun could scream out of happiness if she wasn’t slightly terrified at her realizations in the past few minutes and standing in front of the prettiest girl she’d ever seen.
“Are we…” Jinsoul cocked her head towards the path they were standing by.
“Oh! Yes, sorry, this way,” Jungeun veered off down the gravel path ahead of them, listening to the sound of Jinsoul following behind. “I wanted to pick somewhere private, you know, 'cause…”
Jinsoul nodded, her eyes unreadable. “I know,”
Jungeun and Jinsoul continued on in silence. The path got a little steep around this part, so Jungeun turned around to tell Jinsoul to watch her footing.
And then she slipped and fell on her butt right in front of her.
Jinsoul laughed at her for a moment and then was instantly beside her, helping Jungeun up with a caring hand and a hand on the small of her back. Jungeun muttered a thank you, too shy to look Jinsoul in the eyes, and instead looked down at their hands. Jungeun’s hand was lightly dusted with a red color while Jinsoul’s fingers were a soft blue.
Jinsoul pulled away and cleared her throat. Jungeun watched the color slowly fade.
When they made it down to the beach, Jungeun set down her towel on the sand and pulled food out of her bag. Almost no one came down here due to the trail and the fact no one knew it existed. It was one of Jungeun’s favorite spots from her childhood, she’d go swimming with Jiwoo and Heejin all the time when they were younger. The water was clear and there were even some rocks to jump off of. It was beautiful, especially with the sun high in the sky on a cloudless day.
“How’d you know I like chicken feet?” Jinsoul asked in wonder, sitting down beside her. Jungeun looked up in surprise.
“I didn’t. My roommates made me pack this, they saw that my first touch-mark is gone and…”
“And they think you’re on a date with a hot guy right now?” Jinsoul finished with a sad smile.
Jungeun nodded shamefully.
Jinsoul sighed, looking out at the water. “Look, I’m sorry that all this has happened to you, you don’t deserve it. I’m sure it’s some sort of mistake-”
“This happened to both of us,” Jungeun cut her off. “It’s not any more your fault than it is mine,”
“But I know that you don’t-” Jinsoul shrugged lamely. “ Want to be with me,”
“I didn’t say anything about what I want,” Jungeun blinked. “Hold on, do you want to be with me?”
Jinsoul froze, and then got to her feet. “I think this was a mistake-”
“Jinsoul stop,” Jungeun grabbed her arm. “Please, I wanted to see you today, I haven’t-” She swallowed thickly. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you,”
Jinsoul looked down to her arm, where her skin was blooming with darker shades of blue. Jungeun’s breath hitched as she watched the color swirl around her fingertips. Jinsoul took a deep breath as well. “I don’t understand how we do this to each other,”
Sensing Jinsoul wasn’t going to make a getaway, Jungeun let go. “Do what?”
“How you do this,” Jinsoul pointed at her arm, the blue beginning to fade. “I’ve seen soulmate marks on Haseul, but they were always faint, why are ours so…bright?”
Ours. Jungeun had never liked that word as much as when Jinsoul said it.
“Jungeun?”
“Sorry,” Jungeun blushed. “I don’t know. I don’t know about any of this stuff cause I’ve always avoided it, I always thought I’d have to end up with some boring man. Obviously, that’s off the table now,”
“I am so sorry-”
“Jinsoul,” Jungeun shook her head. “Why are you apologizing? You haven’t done anything wrong,”
“I feel like I’ve taken this from you,” Jinsoul admitted. “If you wanted something normal, or easy-”
“Jinsoul,” One of Jungeun’s hands went up to her face. “Normal isn’t something I’ll ever need,”
Jungeun almost pulled away when she saw how Jinsoul’s cheek turned blue under her touch, but it was too fascinating to look away from. Jinsoul was looking at her too, but her eyes were a little lower.
No, the bikini wasn’t working its magic yet. Jinsoul’s eyes were on her lips.
“Jungeun,”
“Hmm?”
Jinsoul cleared her throat two times before speaking. “You were going to teach me to swim,”
“Oh,” Jungeun pulled away quickly, avoiding Jinsoul’s gaze. “Sorry,”
“You shouldn’t apologize either,” Jinsoul smiled. Jungeun felt warm under her attention.
Jungeun stood up, gesturing for Jinsoul to follow her and heading towards the water. Without thinking she slipped off her swimsuit cover and heard Jinsoul stifle a cough behind her. Jungeun stepped into the water, thankful it wasn’t too cold, and listened to the sound of Jinsoul splashing behind her.
“My toes feel gross,” Jinsoul complained. “The rocks are slimy,”
“Your toes will be okay,” Jungeun assured her with a smile. She waded in until the water was up to her waist. “You coming?”
Jinsoul visibly gulped, keeping her eyes off Jungeun as she approached. Jungeun’s brow furrowed.
“Jinsoul, are you afraid of the water?”
“No! It’s not that,” Jinsoul assured her with a shy laugh. “Just…you’re not wearing much, I feel like I shouldn’t stare-”
“Do you want to stare?” Jungeun couldn’t help her curiosity.
“You ask a lot of questions,” Jinsoul murmured. “Anyone with eyes would stare,”
“You’re allowed to look at me,” Jungeun replied softly. She wondered if that was true.
Are we allowed to look at each other like this? Are we really allowed to want each other?
“I don’t want to make you feel-” Jinsoul’s breath stuttered and she ran a hand through her hair. “I want to be better than some random guy who just wants to ogle you, okay?”
“But you’re not just anyone. I’m not worried,” Jungeun took her hand, smiling at the way their skin bloomed. “Come on, I got you,”
Jinsoul held her hand tightly and smiled in her most charming and nervous way. Jungeun could feel something beginning to grow in her heart.
｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡
supposed to be mine
ﾟ･｡･
Jungeun was not accustomed to the hole in her heart she was met with in Jinsoul’s absence.
To Blue: I’m still thinking about yesterday
The reply was almost immediate.
From Blue: woah, I’m that good of a student??
To Blue: definitely not. Charming enough, but i think you’ll pose a legitimate threat whenever you get in the water past your waist.
From Blue: you think I’m charming?
To Blue: Is that all you heard?
From Blue: also that you’re definitely looking to offer me more swim lessons
Jungeun felt her stomach flip. Yes, the swimming date had been great. Jungeun had convinced Jinsoul to get fully submerged in the lake but quickly learned that Jinsoul genuinely had no knowledge of self-preservation when it came to water. Jinsoul was funny, she learned, when she wasn’t hacking up water from her lungs.
She was hot as well - Jungeun could feel her face warm up when Jinsoul got out and her tan skin glistened from the water - but Jungeun was trying to keep her thoughts in order.
There was a moment, too, when Jungeun could’ve sworn Jinsoul was looking at her lips. She could've sworn Jinsoul was planning to lean down and steal a kiss, but then another group of people joined their spot and Jinsoul and Jungeun quickly pulled away.
“I want to see you again,” Jinsoul had murmured. “I want to know you,” Her hands brushed Jungeun’s waist as they said their goodbyes on the beach. Jungeun had tried not to let her cheeks burn under Jinsoul’s gaze. “Not just because of our marks. Just… as friends,”
“You think we can be just friends?” Jungeun asked in a quiet voice.
Jinsoul met her stare head-on. “No,” She admitted under her breath. “I think I knew from the moment I met you - that you’d drive me crazy,” She laughed almost mirthlessly. “But the truth of it is-”
“That we can’t be lovers either,” Usually Jungeun would’ve never been that straightforward, but something about the thought sends dread through her instead of shyness. Jinsoul dropped her gaze and muttered under her breath, brushing her hair out of her face as she picked up the bags.
“Jinsoul?”
“Yeah?”
“That doesn’t mean that I don’t want…this,” Jungeun told her, ignoring the rapid speed of her heart. “I want to see you again too, know you. Even if we have to hide,”
The light in Jinsoul’s smile made Jungeun’s chest ease, and Jungeun chased away the bad thoughts as she lay in her own bed at night with the memory of Jinsoul’s laugh.
From Blue: you still alive?
To Blue: sorry yeah
From Blue: ignoring me???
Jungeun rolled her eyes at her screen.
To Blue: I said I was sorry didn’t i?
From Blue: I don’t accept your apology, you’ll need to make it in person
Jungeun squinted as she watched the three little dots on her phone and barely heard Heejin walk into the kitchen.
“Hey Kim. Texting your mysterious boyfriend?” She teased.
“I am, actually,” Jungeun ignored the “boy” part and stared intently at her phone.
From Blue: if you let me take you to the movies, maybe I’ll think about it
“He’s so…” Heejin sighed dreamily. “It’s nice to see you with someone who treats you well, I can’t wait till the six of us can go out together,”
Jungeun nodded, an empty feeling in her stomach.
To Blue: is that your way of asking me out?
From Blue: maybe
From Blue: …did it work? Are you charmed?
To Blue: props for trying?
From Blue: mean :(
To Blue: that’s me
From Blue: I don’t believe that
From Blue: you don’t want people to get close to you, i know
From Blue: but i’m going to know you, Kim Jungeun. Just you wait
To Blue: I’ll go out with you, as long as we see the Little Mermaid
From Blue: …the kids movie?
To Blue: I can still change my answer
From Blue: buying tickets now :D
“Sickening,” Jiwoo groaned behind her. “She’s so in love,”
Jungeun pocketed her phone and tried to smile.
What would you say, Jiwoo, if you knew? Jungeun thought. That I’m falling for someone I shouldn’t?
｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡
supposed to be mine
ﾟ･｡･
“No. Wrong. Burn it,”
“Heejin, I think it’s cute,” Jungeun tried to reason, hugging the sweater closer to her.
“Jungeun show some skin !” Heejin pleaded. “He’ll think you’re boring!”
“He can think whatever he wants!” Jungeun retorted. “I’m not gonna be cold,”
“Jungeunnnnnnnn,” Jiwoo hugged her. “Come on,”
“We’re not even going to be looking at each other, I don’t want to wear a dress if I don’t need to,”
“When I go to the movies, I always end up making out with Hansol,”
“That’s on the list of things I DID NOT NEED TO KNOW,” Jungeun pushed her friend out of her room, and Jiwoo trailed behind. “Now let me get dressed,”
The ride to the theater was filled with Heejin’s so-called “advice” which Jungeun chose to block out to preserve some sort of mental stability and Jiwoo’s high-pitched squeals every few seconds. She was about ready to go to bed by the time she stepped out of the car onto the sidewalk in front of the theater.
“Okay, shoo,” She waved at her friends.
“I wanna see him!” Jiwoo pouted.
From Blue: Found you
Jungeun started to type furiously, warning Jinsoul that her friends were still here, and then-
From Blue: don’t worry, I’ll meet you inside
To Blue: thank you. I’m sorry we have to do this
From Blue: it’s not your fault
From Blue: you look cute tonight
To Blue: you’re bold over text
From Blue: im sure you’ll have me tongue-tied soon enough. Now go inside so i can stop standing here like a creep
“She thinks I’m cute,” Jungeun smiled bashfully at her phone, big enough to be caught by Jiwoo.
“What was that?”
“You were wrong. Blue thinks I look cute,”
Jiwoo went “awwwww!” right as Heejin gagged and then a car honked, so the two of them waved goodbye as Jungeun hurried inside. It was then that she realized she needed a ticket to get in and laughed awkwardly when she was denied by security. They were kind of scary and Jungeun felt small.
Then there was a hand brushing her arm and Jinsoul’s smile. “She’s with me,” Jinsoul handed the employee the two tickets and he let them inside with a bored look. Jungeun didn’t look up at the older girl until Jinsoul ushered them to the popcorn line.
She was always pretty, but Jungeun had had no idea she wore glasses until right now. Her lenses were round and they should’ve made her look dorky but no - she still looked good. Jungeun noted her jacket and suede pants. She looked professional, almost - handsome if Jungeun was being direct.
“You’re staring,” Jinsoul murmured.
“You look good,” Jungeun replied, delighted when Jinsoul made a small noise of surprise.
“You look better,” Jinsoul leaned over to whisper in her ear. “Can I hold your hand?”
Jungeun felt a little confused as to why she asked, but then remember how their hands changed color. She nodded, and Jinsoul intertwined their fingers and stuck their hands in her pocket.
“My friends made me dress up,” Jungeun told her, looking down at her skirt and sweater. “I meant to be more…casual,”
“That’s a shame,” Jinsoul pursed her lips. “I was letting this get to my head, thinking you’d gotten all pretty for me yourself,”
Jungeun clutched Jinsoul’s hand tighter, blushing like mad. “You sound delusional,” She retorted in a weak voice.
“Mhm,” Jinsoul was smiling now. “I like your lipgloss,”
Jungeun looked away and rocked on the balls of her feet. “When does the movie start?” She asked, hoping to avoid letting Jinsoul fluster her even more.
“In a couple of minutes,” Jinsoul held out her card and took a moment to buy them popcorn. “Let’s go find a seat,”
“When I go to the movies, I always end up making out with Hansol,”
Jungeun shot Jinsoul a look as they sat down at the back of the theater. Was that really true? Did most couples come here only to make out at the back?
“Oh,” Said Jinsoul, scrunching up her nose when she saw two people making out on the far side of the aisle. “Hope we don’t disturb them,”
Jungeun gave her a sidelong glance. But we aren’t most couples. Then she mentally slapped herself. We aren’t a couple at all! Yet?
Jinsoul popped a handful of popcorn into her mouth and turned to look at her. “You okay?”
Jungeun nodded mutely, playing with the fabric of her dress. Jinsoul’s frown deepened and she sat up in her seat, placing the popcorn on the seat next to them.
“Hey,” Jinsoul left a red imprint on her arm. “I know this seems like a lot, and trust me, I’m nervous too. I wanna do what you wanna do,”
“Did you bring me here to make out with me?” Jungeun blurted maybe a little too loud, feeling vulnerable. “Because Heejin said that when couples go sit at the back of theaters-”
“What? No, no,” Jinsoul rubbed her knee and gulped. “Do you want to?”
Jungeun stood up, panic filling her chest. “I have to go. I should go,”
“Jungeun wait-”
Jinsoul hurried after her when Jungeun made her way out of the theater, her chest tight for a reason she couldn’t explain. People barely noticed her pushing past them, and she was desperate enough for fresh air that reaching the outside took only a few moments.
“Jungeun!” Jinsoul chased after her, her voice strained and breathless. It was dark outside, and Jungeun wrapped her arms around herself to try and ward off the cold.
“I don’t know how to do this, Jinsoul,” Jungeun turned around, nearly in tears now. “I don’t know how to act with you, and I… I don’t know what I want,”
Jinsoul closed her mouth, bowing her head. “I’m sorry,”
“I’m terrified. The one thing I was looking forward to was finally feeling like I had a place when I had a soulmate. Someone to talk about with my friends, for my parents to love, to make me feel like I knew whatever the hell I was doing,” Jungeun’s voice was hoarse. “You are fucking that up so badly because I can’t get you out of my head, Jinsoul. What am I supposed to do with all that I feel?”
Jinsoul blinked, blushing a little. “I don’t mean to make things harder, you know. I want…” She groaned. “I want to give you something normal. A date to the movies where I make my move and put my arm around your shoulder. I want to kiss you and be able to drive you home,” She hung her head. “I’m sorry, Jungeun. For everything that I can’t give you. I wanted to spend time with you, even without a movie or dinner. I just want to listen to you talk, to learn the things about you no one else knows. Can I do that?”
Jungeun watched her shuffle with her fingers and longed for the safety of her arms. They’d never even hugged, and Jungeun had begun falling asleep by imagining Jinsoul’s body spooning hers. There was no one around, she realized. The streets were empty, it was just the two of them.
“Kiss me,” She muttered.
“Huh?” Jinsoul’s mouth hung open.
“Kiss me. Please,” Jungeun’s chin trembled and her eyes were full of unshed tears. “ Please -”
Jinsoul pushed herself into Jungeun’s arms and held her face in both hands, connecting their lips and kissing her timidly. Jungeun was filled with something that almost felt like relief, and she relaxed against the older girl. Jinsoul’s lips were impossibly soft, and Jungeun felt lightheaded as she felt her skin bloom with color. Jinsoul was blue, and Jungeun realized she’d wrapped her arms around Jinsoul’s neck. She inhaled sharply when one of Jinsoul’s hands drifted to her waist mid-kiss, pushing their bodies closer. Her hand was warm and comforting against Jungeun’s back, and all at one Jungeun needed more. She kissed Jinsoul fervently, standing on her tip-toes and shuddering as Jinsoul kissed her back.
“I’ve wanted to do that from the first time I met you,” Jinsoul murmured when they stopped for breath, foreheads still pressed together. “I’m so obsessed with you, Kim Jungeun,”
Jungeun smiled bashfully and chewed her lip. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” Jinsoul ran her thumb along Jungeun’s jawline. “Let me take you on another date. Let me take you on as many dates as it takes for us to fall in love,”
｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡
supposed to be mine
ﾟ･｡･
In the months that followed, Jungeun and Jinsoul must’ve met each other at least every week. When Jungeun wasn’t with her, her mind was still on Jinsoul. They’d kissed only a few more times, all relatively innocent and quick. Jinsoul had taken her on more private dates and they’d both managed to avoid questions from their friends. Jungeun could confidently say that no one made her as happy as Jinsoul did. She tried to learn every possible thing about the older girl, to know her better than anyone.
One thing that contrasted Jungeun was that Jinsoul loved love, she loved romance. But honestly she was starting to make Jungeun love it too.
“Jungie!” Jiwoo called from the entryway. “You have flowers for you!”
Sure enough, Jinsoul had left a bouquet of red roses - which just happened to be Jungeun’s favorite flower - on her doorstep. Jungeun knew she was smiling, she knew Jiwoo wanted to ask questions, but she was too happy to feel nervous about it.
“Thanks, Ji,”
“Here, let me put them in water,” Jiwoo took them off the ground and got a vase. “This guy, he really knows what you like,”
“Yeah,” Jungeun replied faintly. “He listens to me,”
“Do you think… maybe I could meet him soon?” Jiwoo sounded more shy than usual. “I get that you don’t want all this attention, but I’m your best friend,”
“Jiwoo,” Jungeun bit her lip, looking away. “He…he’s not like Chanyeol or Hansol. I don’t know if…once you meet him, that you’d be so happy about it anymore,”
“Hey,” Jiwoo wiped a tear off her cheek which was how Jungeun realized she was even crying. “If this person is the reason you’re happy all the time now, the one who makes you smile at your phone, the one who brings you home with a kiss mark on your temple, I think I’d love them no matter who they are,”
Jungeun almost told Jiwoo. He is really a she, and I think I love her. But she didn’t. She cried into Jiwoo’s arms for a little bit and Jiwoo stroked her hair until everything felt okay again.
It was inevitable that she’d have to see Jinsoul again, in a non-romantic and private setting that is.
And really Jungeun should be terrified, because with Jinsoul it only takes a harmless compliment to turn her face pink, only their fingers brushing to make their skin turn hues of red and blue. If Jinsoul so much as touched her everyone in the room would know who completed her, who she was beginning to love more than anyone else on earth.
In a different universe, she supposed, that wouldn’t be such a bad thing. In fact, it’d be a beautiful and amazing thing, but not here, not now.
Still, as Jungeun put on earrings and did her hair for the invitation to a get-together hosted at Haseul’s apartment - and subsequently also hosted by Yerim and Jinsoul - she couldn’t help but feel a little excited. It had been days since she’d seen Jinsoul and every time they parted she seemed to crave the older’s presence more.
From Blue: i know i should be happy to see you, but it’ll be unbearable not to be able to kiss you :(
To Blue: ah, maybe i should stay home then
From Blue: >:(
To Blue: i want to see your room and the fish you always talk about
From Blue: they want to see you too, i talk about you all the time
To Blue: i thought fish could only remember things for up to 30 seconds
From Blue: >:( scientists say it could be as much as twelve days
From Blue: and it’s not like I can tell anyone else about you
Jungeun frowned at her phone. She should’ve considered the way this was affecting Jinsoul too, it was just as hard on her.
From Blue: i can picture your frown, don’t be sad
From Blue: i’ll see you in a bit :D
“I’ve never seen a guy use that many emoticons,”
“JESUS- Heejin,” Jungeun smacked her friend’s arm. The younger had walked into her room while she was distracted. “Don’t read over my shoulder,”
“I didn’t! Just saw the last thing,” Heejin pouted. “Jiwoo called the cab, we’re ready when you are,”
And so in about half an hour, Jungeun and her two roommates were outside Haseul’s dorm and then engulfed in tight hugs from the grey-haired girl. Haseul rambled on about how much she’d missed them and then Jungeun was inside, and it was so loud .
There weren’t an incredible amount of people inside, Jungeun had counted around 20 so far. Slightly more girls than guys, and people talking in every room she entered. She spotted Yerim in the kitchen, mixing up some brightly colored drinks with Yeojin to her right and Chaewon to her left. Heejin had gone on with her boyfriend to hang out by the dining table while Jiwoo was still glued to her side, since Chanyeol hadn’t been able to make it. Jungeun didn’t know most of these people very well, since she’d been so focused on her studies and a certain black-haired girl she still hadn’t seen, but everyone was vaguely familiar. There were only a few girls she didn’t recognize.
“Who’s that?” She murmured to Jiwoo, pointing at a girl propped against the counter, engaged in a conversation with a guy she’d talked to herself a few times. She was as tall as Jinsoul, with a commanding air about her and a charming smile.
“That’s Sooyoung. A childhood friend of Haseul’s, I heard she recently came to Seoul from Beijing. Isn’t that cool?”
At that moment Sooyoung turned and looked at her. Something in her eyes made Jungeun feel small and she could do nothing but stare back.
“She’s so pretty. If I was a guy,” Jiwoo made a face. “I’d totally be into her,”
“Yeah,” Jungeun said faintly. “If I was a guy,”
Jiwoo eventually got caught up in some conversation with a group and Jungeun slipped away. She hadn’t seen Jinsoul yet but she had had two glasses of whatever Yerim had been making in the kitchen and it gave her a pleasant feeling. She found herself strolling down a darker hallway calling out “Soul?”
A door opened, and Jinsoul’s head peeked out. “Lippie?”
Jungeun smiled. Jinsoul had taken to the nickname after the second time they’d kissed and noticed the color of Jungeun’s lips. It made Jungeun feel tingly when she used it.
“Can I see your room?” She asked, fiddling with her cup. “I was looking for you but you weren’t with everyone else,”
“I was more tired than I realized,” Jinsoul held open her door with a soft grin. “Come on,”
Jungeun followed her inside and Jinsoul closed the door behind them. She took in the sight of Jinsoul’s room, a mix of blues and grey hues. She had a desk and some bookshelves that held a fish tank nestled in between the school supplies. Her room also had a bed in the corner and a nightstand by it that held a second, slightly smaller fish tank. Jungeun briefly noted the little lego characters on her desk - Jinsoul had mentioned her lego interest maybe more than a few times - and the stack of papers. Jinsoul had been studying while a party was hosted in her apartment. What a nerd.
“Now you get to meet my fish!” Jinsoul’s excitement was adorable. She moved over to the bookshelf and Jungeun followed. “This one is Luna,” She pointed to a little white betta fish, a girl evident from its smaller fins. “And that one is Yeri,” The second fish was a splotchy purple and Jinsoul smiled proudly at it.
“Of course you named your fish after Red Velvet,” Jungeun rolled her eyes teasingly. “What about this one?”
She sat down on Jinsoul’s bed and looked into the fish tank. This fish was male based on its size and elaborate fins. The little guy was red and black, his colors so vivid he almost seemed to shine in the light of Jinsoul’s salt lamp. Jungeun wondered how much she’d paid for him.
“Heh…” Jinsoul sat down beside her, rubbing her neck. “His name is Rose,”
Jungeun looked up at her with a shy smile. “Hm?”
“I got him after I met you,” Jinsoul admitted with a slight blush. “I just…I couldn’t tell Haseul or Yerim about you, and I like to look at him because he reminds me of you,”
“Jinsoul…”
“I know, you always pout when I say things like that,” Jinsoul smiled and stood up, standing between Jungeun’s legs. “But I can deal with it just fine. I’m okay, I promise,”
“I don’t want to have to hide,” Jungeun confessed quietly, watching Jinsoul’s eyes fill with sympathy. “And if I were stronger I’d tell you fuck it, I don’t care what people say, but I do. And I’m sorry,”
“Please stop apologizing,” Jinsoul’s hand caressed her jaw, and then she leaned down to rest her head on Jungeun’s shoulder. “It hurts to listen to,”
Jungeun kissed her cheek and then Jinsoul turned and kissed her properly. It was then that Jungeun realized they were alone in Jinsoul’s room, and Jinsoul was getting a little handsy as she moved them further onto the bed. Jungeun gasped into the kiss and Jinsoul came to her senses, breaking the kiss and catching her breath.
A knock on the door. “Jinsoul!!!”
Jinsou pushed herself off Jungeun and rubbed the blue on her face. “Ah, shit…What’s up Haseul?”
“We’re gonna play Never Have I Ever, come join!”
“Gimme a minute!” She called back. She glanced back at Jungeun. “You okay?” She whispered.
Jungeun nodded faintly. They watched each other as the colors faded and then Jungeun got up, joining the rest of their friends in the living room. Jinsoul went to join Haseul and Jungeun found a spot by Jiwoo, promptly being handed a drink that smelled potent.
The group had gathered around Haseul’s two couches, some people sitting on the floor but Jungeun and Jiwoo on the couch. Across from her sat Sooyoung, who looked relaxed and confident. Their eyes met, and Jungeun couldn’t help but feel like Sooyoung was judging her, trying to figure her out.
“Alright, everyone knows the rules of the game,” Haseul smiled. “If the sentence applies to you, you drink. Whoever finishes their drink first loses,” She wiggled her eyebrows. “Who wants to go first?”
The questions were tame for the most part. Jungeun found herself drinking a few, and apparently the drink was strong because she was already feeling warm and fuzzy.
It was Yeojin’s turn. “Never have I ever found my soulmate,”
A good half of the group groaned and took their losses. Yeojin was young, and hadn’t had the opportunity to find someone yet. The older girls and guys scowled at her. Jungeun swished the drink around in her mouth.
“Wait, Jungeun’s off the market?” One of Jiwoo’s guy friends gasped. Jungeun saw Jinsoul shoot him an unimpressed look. “Who’s the lucky guy?”
“She won’t let us meet him,” Heejin grumbled. “But she’s always texting him and going out with him,”
“You wouldn’t have expected it, but she’s a total romantic,” Jiwoo nudged her. “She’s always gushing about him,”
Jungeun’s face flushed, mostly because the supposed “he” was sitting across the room and smiling almost smugly.
“Is he a good kisser?” Yerim asked excitedly.
“Um, yeah,” Jungeun nodded shyly. “He is,”
Jinsoul watched her with a devious smirk and sipped her drink. Jungeun fidgeted in her seat.
“Wait, Sooyoung, you drank too. I didn’t realize you were in a relationship,” Haseul pointed out.
The taller girl looked up at the mention of her name and smiled. “Yep. Moved here with my soulmate from Beijing,”
“That’s cool,” Jinsoul piped up. “Did you two meet there?”
“I did a semester of college there, and Kahei was already planning on moving. It felt like fate,”
“How cute,” Jiwoo gushed. “So you’re living together here?”
“Yeah, we got a place together,” Sooyoung agreed with another smile.
Hansol, who was glued to Heejin’s side, nodded to her from across the room. “So are you gonna invite him to our next get-together?”
“Oh,” said Sooyoung. “Kahei is a woman,”
The air had positively been sucked out of the room. Hansol shut his mouth and was elbowed by Heejin. The rest of the people awkwardly looked at their hands or feet, unsure of what to say.
Jungeun could only stare at her in shock. Sooyoung was like her, her soulmate was female, and she was just…okay with it. She’d moved in with Kahei, and she clearly had no problem mentioning her.
But she couldn’t deal with what Sooyoung was facing now. The uncomfortableness of a lesbian, the silence it had brought on.
“Geez,” Sooyoung scoffed, a sliver of hurt in her eyes. “I thought Seoul would be better than Beijing, guess I was wrong,”
She got up, set her drink on the table, and retreated into the kitchen.
Jungeun watched the people around her whisper amongst themselves and refused to meet Jinsoul’s eyes. She heard a few that’s so weirds and she doesn’t seem like- and then one how unnatural- , and then she was standing up and following Sooyoing into the kitchen.
“Hey,”
Sooyoung looked up, her eyes a bit shiny and shoulders hunched. “Hey,” She replied.
“I know you don’t know me, I’m Jungeun,” Jungeun bowed a little, which felt awkward given the situation. “I’m sorry that… that happened,”
Sooyoung scoffed under her breath. “It’s fine. I’m glad I didn’t make Kahei come. I don’t care what people say about me, but if it involves her…” Sooyoung shook her head.
“People shouldn’t be so-” Jungeun shrugged. “Quick to judge what they don’t understand. I don’t think most of those people have ever even met a lesbian,”
Sooyoung looked her up and down. “Haven’t they though?” Her eyes sparkled with amusement.
Jungeun froze. “W-what?”
Sooyoung laughed, a bit of the tension leaving her shoulders. “Just a hunch,”
“I’m not…” Jungeun swallowed thickly.
“You’re not gay?” Sooyoung was straightforward.
The younger looked away. “Is it obvious?”
“You came out of Jinsoul’s room with significantly pinker lips than when you arrived,” Sooyoung smiled. “I doubt the others noticed. Guys don’t know to look at that, and the girls would hardly think you’d end up with another girl’s lipgloss on for that reason,”
Jungeun moved forward, instinctively shushing the older. “Keep your voice down,”
“They’re your friends, I guess I figured they already knew,” Sooyoung’s smile dimmed. “I suppose they aren’t the most gay-friendly then,”
“I don’t know,” Jungeun admitted.
“Hey guyssss,” Jiwoo popped her head in, more stiff than usual. “Sorry about the awkwardness a moment ago, none of us here are really exposed to…” She blinked a few times. “That lifestyle! I’m very happy for you. Gay pride!”
Sooyoung cringed and shot Jungeun a wince. Jiwoo didn’t seem to notice and in the background, Jungeun heard the conversation return to normal. Jiwoo began to talk Sooyoung’s ear off while Jungeun barely paid attention, still reeling from their conversation. She didn’t pay the people around her any mind until Jinsoul walked into the kitchen, and felt Sooyoung looking at her.
“Hey,” Jinsoul said quietly to her. “Are you okay?”
“Fine,” Jungeun agreed, crossing her arms. “Just..”
“I know,” Jinsoul’s hand twitched and Jungeun could feel her urge to touch.
“She knows, Jinsoul,” Jungeun whispered. “She figured it out. She knows what I am, she knows what we are. If it’s so obvious to her-”
“Jungeun, breathe,” Jinsoul leaned in closer.
“Did you hear what they said about her?” Jungeun uttered. “What would they say about us?”
Jinsoul took her hand and Jungeun could feel the color blooming between their fingers. Panic struck her and she pulled away, but it was too late. Jungeun looked around and briefly noted Sooyoung to be the only one still looking, her eyes trained on their hands. She blushed and Jinsoul followed her gaze.
“Do you have a problem?” Jinsoul asked her quietly, a poisonous look in her eyes. The corners of Sooyoung’s lips quirked.
“Stop it,” Jungeun shot her a look.
“I think I’ll head home,” Sooyoung nodded her head towards the two of them, her eyes twinkling. “You two have fun,”
Jungeun clenched her jaw and looked over at Jiwoo, who was watching them curiously. Jinsoul moved past her to get a drink, her shoulders hunched in frustration.
“Jungie!” Heejin grabbed her arm. “Come on, try this,”
A drink was thrust into her hands and Jungeun took a sip, wincing at the sharp and bitter flavor. She scrunched up her nose but then thought of the whispers, the looks the people had given Sooyoung. She thought of the hurt in Sooyoung’s eyes. She tilted the red solo cup back and downed the foul liquid.
The night was hazy. Jungeun felt herself stumbling along to the music next to Heejin, laughing beside Jiwoo, and then-
And then Jungeun was in a dark hallway, and then she was slipping into Jinsoul’s room, and-
“You’re drunk,”
“Mhmmmm,” Jungeun’s laughter bubbled out of her and made Jinsoul’s brown furrow. The older girl was sitting on her bed, reading a textbook. She made Jungeun want to do something bold.
Jungeun’s hands drifted to her own shirt and then she was pulling it over her head.
“ Jungeun .” Jinsoul hissed, eyes darting away. “You’re too drunk for this,”
“You’re not feeling it?” Jungeun asked, sauntering towards her.
“I didn’t drink hardly as much as you,” Jinsoul set her book aside and kept her eyes pointedly on Jungeun’s face.
“I didn’t mean the alcohol,” Jungeun threw a leg over Jinsoul’s waist and her fingers found Jinsoul’s jaw. “I meant me,”
She kissed Jinsoul’s cheek, and then made her way down to Jinsoul’s lips-
“Jungeun,” Jinsoul held her face in one hand, pulling her away. “You are drunk,”
Jungeun blinked. “And?”
“And you’re too drunk to be initiating something with me. I’m not going to sleep with you,” She pushed Jungeun onto the mattress, grabbing the younger’s shirt. “Not until we’re both sober,” She ran a hand through her hair. “Not until you can hold my hand in a crowd of people,”
Jungeun sat up, shame creeping onto her face and making her cross her arms.
“Jinsoul-”
“I’m taking you home,” Jinsoul put on a jacket, hesitated for a moment, and then grabbed a hoodie. “Now,”
Jungeun was almost ashamed of the way her chest briefly lit up with happiness at the prospect of getting some of Jinsoul’s clothes. Jinsoul was mad at her and Jungeun couldn’t argue with that, she was being stupid. She timidly took the hoodie from Jinsoul’s outstretched hand and slipped it over her head.
“I’m sorry,”
Jinsoul didn’t reply, focused on putting on socks and grabbing her wallet. Jungeun followed dumbly through the throngs of people and ended up outside at Jinsoul’s car, being helped into the backseat by the older girl. It was raining now, and Jungeun was thankful for Jinsoul’s hoodie. Jinsoul started the car and drove away without a word.
She fiddled with her fingers, watching Jinsoul’s face in the car mirror. She looked upset and…sad. The city lights flashed in the windows and she leaned her head against the glass, watching the little droplets of rain on the car.
“I was being stupid,” Jungeun admitted. “Please talk to me,”
“Nothing I’ve got to say will be helpful right now,” Jinsoul gripped the steering wheel as she turned. “You need to get to bed anyway,”
“I’m afraid,” Jungeun said softly. “People will think things about us, they’ll think we’re unnatural or sinful-”
“Jungeun don’t-”
“But I don’t think I care,”
“...What?”
“I don’t care as long as I’m with you,” She felt the tension in the air as the car came to a stop in front of her apartment. “I want to be like Sooyoung and Kahei,”
“I’m not listening to anything you say when you’ve been drinking,” Jinsoul shook her head and got out of the car, helping Jungeun out and inside her apartment. Jungeun clung to her arm and Jinsoul clenched her jaw, taking Jungeun’s keys and letting them inside.
She sat Jungeun down in the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water. “Drink, it’ll help your head in the morning,”
“Will you be here in the morning?” Jungeun asked timidly. “I want you to stay with me,”
“Jiwoo and Heejin will be back soon-”
“They aren’t you,” Jungeun pleaded with her. “Please stay,”
Jinsoul clenched her fists like she was restraining herself. “Did you mean what you said in the car? That you wouldn’t care who knew?”
Jungeun hesitated. Of course she was afraid of what they’d say about her, but it wasn’t worth hiding her love for all her life. She wanted to feel normal, like Heejin or Jiwoo, or Haseul. Or Sooyoung. She wanted to share an apartment with the girl she loved and be proud to have a girlfriend.
The silence seemed to be an answer for Jinsoul. “I should go,” She muttered, collecting herself and heading towards the door.
“J-Jinsoul,” Jungeun’s voice broke and Jinsoul froze, turning around and seeing the younger girl in tears. She instantly was back at Jungeun’s side, shushing her tears and wiping her cheeks.
“Jungie,” Jinsoul cooed softly. “Come on, you’re too drunk,”
“I love you,” Jungeun hiccuped. “I’m so sorry, please don’t leave, please, please-”
Jinsoul silenced her with a chaste kiss and then Jungeun yelped in surprise as she was hoisted up and carried towards her bedroom with ease. Jinsoul pushed open the door with her foot and then moved to set Jungeun down on the bed, closing the door behind them and looking around her room. It was only illuminated by the soft glow of her bedside lamp and felt homey with all the browns and beiges.
“It’s cute,” She offered softly.
“Sleep with me,” Jungeun looked up at her with pleading eyes. “I want you here,”
Jinsoul reluctantly took off her jacket and looked away when Jungeun removed her pants and climbed under the blankets, still wearing Jinsoul’s sweatshirt. Jinsoul carefully sat down on the bed beside her and watched Jungeun make herself comfortable and then look up at her.
“I’m sorry for it all,” Jungeun murmured. “For making us hide, and for being so hard to deal with, and… about drunkenly trying to-” She blushed. “You know,”
Jinsoul’s fingers began to comb through her hair and the older girl moved down and laid next to her. “I should apologize too. For what happened in the kitchen,”
“I don’t want to be afraid all the time anymore,” Jungeun murmured, tears having subsided.
“I understand,” Jinsoul replied. “And Jungeun I…I want it too, you know. To touch you,” She kissed Jungeun’s shoulder. “Sometimes I drive myself crazy imagining it, but I want to give you something nice, and our first time shouldn’t be hidden away in my dorm while there’s a party outside,”
Jungeun was feeling brave. “We’re alone now,”
Jinsoul’s eyes flitted up to hers, but she said nothing.
“I’m not drunk now,”
“That’s not how that works,” Jinsoul said gruffly.
“My head is clearer now. You know what they say about soulmates? They start to go a little crazy without physical touch,” Jungeun tugged on her shirt and pulled Jinsoul between her legs. “Haven’t you?”
Jinsoul had never been tenser in her life. “Jungeun,” She whispered harshly. “You don’t even know how badly I’ve wanted this, but I can’t-” She released a labored breath. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to stop,”
Jungeun reached over to her nightstand and turned off the lighting, turning the room pitch black. That was when Jungeun looked down and saw the marks on her body just barely glowing a soft red. Jinsoul’s face carried the memory of her touch in a soft blue handprint and it made Jungeun feel emotional all over again.
“I’m yours,” Jungeun whispered. “Completely,”
Then Jinsoul moved down, and her soft kisses became searing red and Jungeun’s hands painted Jinsoul blue as she clawed the older’s back. Time seemed endless, all Jungeun knew was her and the woman she loved.
Jinsoul looked up at her and oh , Jungeun knew this was something almost sinful. Jinsoul’s eyes were glazed and dark, her mouth cobalt, making Jungeun squirm.
“JUNGIEEE,” Heejin’s voice resounded throughout the apartment and Jinsoul lurched away like she’d been burned. Both of them sat up and Jungeun struggled for breath.
“You have to hide,” Jungeun urged her.
Jinsoul stilled “Do I?” She asked with a small voice.
“Is this how you think I want them to find out? Walking in on your head between my legs?” Jungeun tossed a blanket on top of Jinsoul and tried to stand, heading towards the door.
“JUNGIEE-”
“I’m home Heej. I’m exhausted though, I’m going to bed,”
“Alright, sleep well. Tell Jinsoul we’re sorry for trashing her house,”
Jungeun froze. “Wha- why would I?-”
“Her shoes are in the entryway, didn’t she crash with you?” Heejin was confused now.
“Oh! Right. Of course. I’ll tell her. Goodnight,”
Jungeun shut the door and breathed a sigh of relief. Jinsoul was still sitting in the same position on the bed, her eyes glazed over in thought.
“I don’t want to hide either,” Jinsoul told her. “I won’t be something you’re ashamed of. I love you, Jungeun. More than anyone. But I won’t play house with you if this isn’t something real,”
Jungeun sat down beside her on the bed, taking Jinsoul’s hand. “I swear to you. Give me a bit more time, and we’ll tell everyone,”
Jinsoul settled her head in the crook of Jungeun’s neck as they drifted off to sleep and Jungeun prayed she could keep her promise.
｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡
supposed to be mine
ﾟ･｡･
Jiwoo would be on her side.
Jungeun just had a feeling. Lately it had felt like there was some thoughtfulness about Jiwoo in regards to the mysterious Blue , and telling her seemed a bit less scary.
“Jiwoo?” She asked timidly one day when they were out for brunch. “You remember when I said Blue might not be like your boyfriend or Heejin’s boyfriend?”
“Mhm!” Jiwoo replied, mouth full of waffles.
“And that’s…okay with you?”
“Mmyeah!” Jiwoo nodded.
“So, you know, if he had like long hair or something…”
“Maybe you don’t remember what I told you,” Jiwoo swallowed and stared at her intensely. “As long as this person is making you happy, I don’t care who they are. I’m your best friend. I’ll love whoever you love,”
Jungeun fiddled with her fingers, trying not to lose her nerve. “So if this person…if it wasn’t a guy…”
“Blue’s not a guy, is he?” Jiwoo smiled a little. “Blue is a girl,”
Jungeun felt her throat tighten and her body tense. She waited for something bad to happen, for Jiwoo to turn her away and show her disgust, but Jiwoo smiled wider.
“You think I didn’t know?” Jiwoo reached across the table and grabbed her hand, speaking softly. “I admit, at first I was confused, but I should’ve realized sooner. You were so happy, and I knew you’d only keep this from me and Heejin if you were truly afraid. I was hurt at first that you really thought we’d scare away a guy, but you started to come home with different lipstick on your mouth, or kiss marks on your face. I wanted you to come to me first though, let you pick the moment you told me,”
Jungeun wiped a tear and her lip wobbled. “I love you, Ji. So much,”
Jiwoo grinned. “I love you too! Doesn’t it make you feel good that we can finally talk about her?”
It did, it was like Jungeun could finally breathe. “I think I’m in love. She’s so perfect, and gorgeous, and smart, and funny, and charming-”
“Good kisser too, right?”
Jungeun buried her face in her hands and laughed. “Yes, oh my god,”
Jiwoo smiled proudly. “And…it’s Jinsoul, isn’t it?”
Jungeun chewed her lip. “Is it that obvious?”
“No,” Jiwoo sat back. “For a second a while ago, I thought it was Sooyoung. But when you and Jinsoul were in the kitchen at Haseul’s party, she was watching you with such…protectiveness, it reminded me of Chanyeol. And then I thought back on how Jinsoul has always looked at you, and how I’ve never met her soulmate either,”
“You remember the reaction everyone had to Sooyoung’s soulmate?” Jungeun sighed. “I’m terrified of that, but she deserves better than to be hidden,”
“You should talk to Sooyoung, I think. Ask her how she deals with that,”
“You’re right,” Jungeun leaned on her hand. “You’re always right,”
Jiwoo nodded cheekily. “Now. Tell me about Jinsoul,”
And gradually, Jungeun’s heart started to feel a little lighter.
｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡
supposed to be mine
ﾟ･｡･
Jinsoul beat her to it.
“Jinsoul,” Sooyoung stood in the doorway, brow furrowed. Behind her, Jinsoul could see another woman in the apartment sitting on the couch.
“I need to talk to you,”
Sooyoung seemed to understand somehow, and she moved to let the younger inside. Jinsoul nodded a thank you and took in the apartment. There was food in the oven, based on the smell, and in the background, Jinsoul could hear a movie playing.
“Babe, this is Jinsoul,” Sooyoung called to the woman on the couch. “She was at Haseul’s party,”
The woman turned around at the introduction but looked displeased. “You were at Haseul’s party?”
Jinsoul flushed. “Ah, well, yes, but I’m here because…” She pursed her lips. “My soulmate is a girl too,”
The venom was gone from the woman’s eyes and she smiled. “Ah. I’m Kahei. It’s a pleasure to meet you. I rarely meet other girls-” She looked at Sooyoung. “-like us,”
Sooyoung watched them from afar. “That’s why you’re here, isn't it? Because we’re the only lesbians you know,”
Jinsoul nodded slowly. Sooyoung’s lips quirked.
“I need someone to talk to,” Jinsoul admitted. “That’s not my fish,”
Kahei patted the seat next to her on the couch, and something in Jinsoul’s heart hurt when Sooyoung casually kissed Kahei’s forehead and went back to the kitchen. It left a light pink mark on Kahei’s skin.
“Tell me about her,” Kahei requested, muting the tv.
“She’s…” Jinsoul’s chest got tight. “She’s funny,”
“That’s all?”
“Hardly. I’m just…I’m not used to this,” Jinsoul brought her legs to her chest. “She means a lot to me, but I don’t know how to be okay with that,”
“Tell me what you like about her,”
“I like her smile,” Jinsoul smiled herself at the memory. “I like her laugh, I like holding her hand. I like her eyes and how they light up, I like the way her hair falls, I like everything,” She chewed her lip. “I don’t feel like that’s allowed,”
Kahei smiled sadly. “I’m sorry, Jinsoul. I know what that feels like,”
“How do you get over it?” Jinsoul asked. “The fear, the hatred of yourself, how much you care about what other people think?”
“You hate yourself for loving her?” Sooyoung came back into the living room and frowned.
“I can’t help it,” Jinsoul shrugged, her heart feeling raw. “It doesn’t feel like she’s something I can want,”
“You can,” Kahei smiled. Sooyoung sat beside her and Jinsoul saw her skin glow a deep burgundy. “If you love each other, you’ll realize that’s all that matters. You can be proud of love, or can hide, and you’ll be afraid either way. At the end of the day, no matter what other people think, I still get to come home to the person I love,”
Jinsoul blinked at her slowly, processing the words. “Are you happy?” She asked.
“I’ve never been more happy,” Kahei kissed Sooyoung’s cheek. “And I know you can make her happy too,”
｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡
supposed to be mine
ﾟ･｡･
From Lippie: I told Jiwoo
Jinsoul looked up from her phone and saw Jungeun sitting with her best friend across the room. Jiwoo was smiling at her while Jungeun murmured something under her breath, looking grumpy but not unhappy.
To Lippie: You’re cute when you’re embarrassed
From Lippie: shut up
To Lippie: :(
From Lippie: i wish i could kiss you right now
To Lippie: :)
“So,” Haseul nudged Jinsoul’s side. “You ever gonna tell us who your special someone is?”
“Yeah, Soul, it’s been long enough,” Hyunjin agreed from across the room. “You’re keeping us all in suspense when it’s probably just some raggedy old man,”
Jinsoul smiled because she genuinely couldn’t contain her happiness. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Sooyoung and Kahei in the corner, Kahei shooting her a nod.
“Jungie,” She said with soft voice, and the younger girl stood up shyly.
“Uh, we have something we’ve been meaning to tell you guys for a while,” She announced. “Me and Jinsoul are-”
“We’re together,” Jinsoul took her hand and Jiwoo had the nerve to melodramatically gasp when their hands changed colors. “We’re soulmates,”
It was silent for about three seconds.
And then the room erupted into utter cacophony. Jiwoo couldn’t contain a “I was so good at keeping it a secret!” while Haseul was shaking her boyfriend and yelling “who called it?? I did!” and Yerim practically attacked Jinsoul with a hug.
And then Heejin was on top of Jungeun, sobbing and apologzing for her straightness all while congratulating Jungeun and kissing her face. Hyunjin commented she was “surprised Jinsoul could actually pull” which prompted Jinsoul to raise a threatening fist and then Jungeun fell over herself laughing, unable to contain her happiness that this moment could be shared with her friends.
She didn’t need a guy to complete her. And really, she wasn’t something that needed to be completed at all. She was whole with or without Jinsoul. Jinsoul was her partner, her ally, her lover, her favorite person in the entire world.
Sooyoung wolf whistled as Jinsoul made her way through the throng of friends Jungeun had amassed, pulled Jungeun closer, and kissed her. A soft, innocent, perfect kiss. Jungeun could swoon. Heejin did.
“Be my girlfriend?” Jinsoul asked against her lips.
“Absolutely,” Jungeun tugged her shirt closer and smiled into their kiss. Jinsoul and Jungeun, how it was always meant to be.